Funny sketch lines

A: Everyone has a pair of hands, and everyone has fingers.

B: Nonsense, who doesn't have fingers?

B: Yes, telling the truth with your eyes open.

A: But the more you look at it, the more you like it (thumbs up), and the more you look at it, the more you hate it (index finger).

B: It takes five fingers to make a fist. How can you say love and hate?

Well, you don't know. In my family, my thumb is my father and my forefinger is my mother.

B: Why am I getting confused?

A: For example, one day, I was praised by my teacher in kindergarten. I'm so happy!

I should be happy.

I skipped home and shouted happily, "Mom!" .

B: Then your mother must be very happy.

A: But as soon as the voice fell, the "forefinger" came.

B: Why? Do you still have guests at home?

A: (Holding out the index finger) The index finger is my mother. "What's the matter with you? Your clothes are too dirty. Where have you been? "

Well, your mother is really something.

I'm thirsty. I was just about to eat an apple when the "forefinger" came again.

B: What's the matter?

A: (holding out index finger) "How do you know how to eat? Write quickly. You can't eat until you finish writing! "

B: Not even allowed to eat?

A: I just sat down and wrote two words, and I wanted to pee.

B: well, this urine doesn't live up to expectations

A: Oh, I can't hold it any longer!

B: Then you should go.

A: No. The "index finger" is coming again. (Stretching out index finger) "You child, you are so lazy. Hurry up and do your homework! "

B: Alas!

A: In this way, the repeated appearance of "index finger" made me lose my spirit in doing my homework.

No one will be energetic.

A: The less energetic you are, the more mistakes you make. The more mistakes I make, the more my mother criticizes me.

B: It's called a vicious circle.

Do you think I can stop hating it? (Stretching out index finger)

B: Your forefinger is really boring. What about "thumb"

A: The thumb is different, OK! Very good! Very good! Great! Great! Great! You're amazing!

B: Look! It's refreshing to say it.

No, I just finished my homework when my father came back. Pushing the door open, he smiled and said appreciatively (thumbs up), "You are great, son! You will know how to study when you get home. " One sentence made me feel embarrassed.

Listen, praise is like a ray of sunshine.

A: In order to repay my father, I went to get his slippers, newspaper and turn on the TV-

Look, as long as there is sunshine, he will become very smart.

A: As a result, my father praised me again (thumbs up). "My son is so lovely, he just knows how to be considerate. I said, my son is the best! " I heard you, don't say how happy I am!

B: Look how beautiful he is!

Do you think I won't like it? (thumbs up)

I should. Even I envy your thumb.

A: "Thumb" means praise and "forefinger" means criticism.

B: Which child in the world doesn't like praise?

A: So, when I have a son in the future, I will use this more (thumbs up)!

Well, it's still early.

A: Do you think they can be the same?

B: It's different. Even the expression is different. The "thumb" is like this (smiling face) and the "index finger" is like this (losing face).

How I wish my mother did the same! (thumbs up)

Your mother will, so she's here!

A: Ah (scare away)?

Oh, look at him!

Fools draw lines at school, which is so funny.

The phone is ringing!

Student A: Start the class, start the class.

Student B: Eh, class is on, class is on, hurry up.

Student A: Hello, monitor.

Student B: Hello, er, I heard that there is a new head teacher in our class, who is still a woman.

Student A: Whether it's a man or a woman, send her away when she comes.

Student B: Mm-hmm.

Student C: Hey, hello, you two.

Student A Student B: Good morning!

Student C: You are here so early. Hey, have you heard that there is a new head teacher in our class?

Student A Student B: I know, I know, I have known for a long time.

Student C: Well, it's a woman.

Student A Student B: I know, I know.

Student C: Well, why don't we teach her a lesson later? Give her a nickname.

Student A: Well, that's good. That's a good idea. What's that nickname?

Student C: Eh, it's called morning glory.

Student A: Morning glory, too vulgar, too vulgar.

Student B: How about this? Let's call her old hen.

Student A: Ah, old hen.

Student B: Mm-hmm.

Student A: Bird flu is very serious now. Also, dare to call an old hen.

Student C: That's right.

Student B: That's called, er, just call her an old maid.

Student A Student C: OK, OK ~ ~ ~

Student A: This is good, this is good, this is good.

Student B: That's a good idea. Will you cheer later? (pointing to student c)

Student C: I can't.

Student B: Then you call (pointing to student A)

Student A: Me neither.

Student B: Then if you don't scream, neither will she. Who knows.

Student C: Er, yes, the fool will come in a minute. Let him call.

Student B: Well, good idea, good idea.

Student A: That's a good idea.

Student B: Fool, class, class, class.

Stupid student: Here we go. (dancing lap dance) ~ ~ What are you laughing at? Never seen a handsome guy.

Student A: Yes, yes, silly.

Stupid student: Yes.

Student A: There is a new head teacher in our class. We nicknamed her an old maid. She will come later. You can scream.

Idiot student: I won't fight.

Student A: Why?

Idiot student: You always lie to me. Every time I open my mouth, you shut up.

Student A: No, I won't lie to you this time.

Student B Student C: Yes.

Student A: Let's scream together.

Student B Student C: Mm-hmm.

Stupid student: Don't lie to me this time?

Student A, Student B and Student C: Well, yes, I won't lie to you this time. Call together.

Idiot student: OK, let's shout together.

Teacher: Hello, I'm the new head teacher. I heard that the students in this class are particularly difficult to teach, but I am very caring, and I will put my.

Love, to influence them. Hello, classmates!

Student a, student b, student c, fool student: old.

Fool student: virgins are good.

Teacher: Who called the teacher an old maid? Please step forward. (student a, student b and student c stand back together) ~ ~ Please stand, young students.

Get up.

Stupid student: Yes.

Teacher: Little classmate, you stand firm.

Fool student: Teacher: The ground is uneven.

Teacher: Little classmate, you know what an old maid is.

Idiot student: My dad says that people who haven't been treated are called spinsters.

Teacher: I am confident and patient. Students, please go to the office with the teacher.

Idiot student: What for?

Teacher: The teacher invites you to eat chocolate.

Idiot student: Really?

Teacher: Really, come on.

Idiot student: Yes, let's eat chocolate.

Student B: Well, it's called an old maid. Does she still eat chocolate?

Student C: That's right. I know where we were called, too.

Student A: That's right.

Teacher: I'll treat you to chocolate, Dove chocolate and Di Chin chocolate. Eat and eat. You are full. (Come out) I never punish students. Children

You can come out now.

Stupid student: Here we go (dancing).

Student B: Hey, what's wrong with you? Fool.

Student C: Fool, are you all right?

Fool student: The teacher hits people.

Sketch kung fu lines

Zhao Benshan: I heard that he stopped being a chef and became an anti-fraud hotline. How dare he threaten not to be cheated again? The cruel reality has reached my psychological defense. If I don't sell him something this year, I can't pass on the topic I promised for three years to the audience.

Disciple 1: Master, go in!

Zhao: Don't worry, make a harassing call first. (On the phone) Yes. Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello. I'm here to lend you a pair of anti-fraud hotlines. I am Lao Fan's senior. With years of experience, I can make a clear judgment on whether you are fooled: someone is selling, please press1; Someone sells a car, please press 2; Someone has a brain teaser, please press 3; Someone sells stretchers. Call 1 10 directly.

Zhao: Hello!

Fan: Hello!

Zhao: Excuse me, are you Master Fan?

Fan: Who are you?

Zhao: I'm ... I have a question to ask you directly.

Fan: Well, you say.

Zhao: I have an old sow with white flowers in the dark. In the morning, she opened the door together and ran at a speed of 80 pulses per hour. She hit a tree and died!

Fan: killed? Is there anything wrong with the pig's eyesight?

Zhao: Both eyes are 1.5.

Fan: Will there be any mental illness?

Zhao: I am mentally healthy!

Fan: Then how could he be killed?

Zhao: That pig can't turn sharply!

Fan: I said you don't follow the routine! Press 3 for a brain teaser! In that case, let me ask you a question.

Zhao: You say.

Fan: It's the Spring Festival. Our family didn't buy new year's goods, only a pig and a donkey were left. Do you think I should kill the pig or the donkey first?

Zhao: Then you kill ... (to the apprentice) I'll give you two more chances.

Disciple 1: Kill the donkey first.

Zhao: Kill the donkey first.

Fan: Congratulations, you got it right. So do pigs.

Zhao: samples! Sad! Really makes me feel sorry for you! How can I rest assured that I am about to wander the rivers and lakes alone?

Disciple 2: Master, let's kill the pig first.

Zhao: That donkey thinks so, too! I'm telling you, it's not good for you to kill someone first on this issue. Why don't I answer? Just because I think there's something wrong. Did you get a look at him? He developed from one track-minded in those days to two blocked ends now!

Disciple 1: Master, he is amazing. Let's go home!

Zhao: You can't go back! Selling abduction to make it limp; Selling cars made him lose his head; If I don't get rid of him in ten minutes, I can't be a teacher with you two anymore.

Disciple Qi said: Master leads the door, fooling people!

Zhang: OK. Look me in the eye. Get in the car! Beautiful him!

Disciple: Is Master Fan there?

Fan: Who are you? Excuse me, do you consult ... (looking at Zhao) ouch! Oh, dear! Ah! Ah! Ah! ..... What's that look? Quite chic! Very 6+7? ! How did this all-powerful fool get into this situation? Oh, my God, my God, did that angel sister give me that tone? The pig hit the tree. Did you hit a pig? Did you rear-end the car? Why did you change three more?

Zhao: I have missed you for three years.

Fan: Fool!

Zhao: I've come to confess to you.

Fan: Keep fooling!

Zhao: My apprentice testified.

Fan: The group tricked me into coming. It's no use, you idiot. As long as we kind people are alert to you, what will you do? There will be some brain teasers soon. There is a monkey on the ground and seven monkeys on the tree. These are two monkeys, or eight monkeys.

Zhao: Maybe three monkeys, maybe nine monkeys.

Fan: Why has it changed again?

Zhao: pregnant with a monkey.

Fan: Is it interesting?

Zhao: It's boring. It's not the initial stage of giving you a brain teaser. I came to apologize for being with you. For three years, the most sorry person in the world is Chef Fan. What a nice person. I always tell you why you think I lied to him. More honest and more honest, you say me, you hit me twice, you can't do it. You can't talk if you scold me. That's it. You forgive me anyway, and I won't forgive you here. Forgive me sincerely.

Fan: Ah-ah! Still blowing. Listen, fool, hey, keep fooling.

Zhao: Help me up.

Fan: Can you stand up? Ah, ah, ah, go, take two steps. Take two steps. Come on, let's go. Well, this is wrong, isn't it? Everyone is watching. If anything happens, it's none of my business. Why do you always hang lanterns? Do you always stand up? what can I do for you? Let's get this straight, okay?

Zhao: Do you want to hear it?

Fan: I want to hear it.

Zhao: Have you received your letter?

Fan: I will believe you as long as you stand up.

Zhao: Then you can go. I can stand up.

Fan: Hum, go ahead.

Zhao: It's a long story. I remember it was the first snow in 2003, a little later than the snow in 2002.

Fan: What did you do with the lyrics? If you have something, just say it.

Zhao: I won't play with you. I will apologize to you today.

Zhao: load the goods quickly! Look familiar?

Fan: Is this the hundreds of dollars you cheated me of?

Fan: Nothing has moved.

Fan: Which watch is this?

Zhao: If you wear it on your hand, you won't read.

Fan: Well, brother-

Zhao: Is this the end of our feud? And it, in recent years, is this wheelchair that has delayed our feelings. I must smash it in front of you today.

Disciple: Master, you can't smash it. Master, this wheelchair is a witness to your brother's reunion.

Zhao: Don't talk nonsense. Can't pull me.

Disciple: Master, alas, Master!

Fan: Brother, fight if you want. Brother, you are so sincere! The children are right. It is not only a testimony to our reconciliation, but also a reminder to me to avoid being fooled again in the future. I collected it.

Zhao: No, how can you accept the money that students give me?

Fan: OK, I'll pay more.

Zhao: How much did it cost?

Disciple: Two thousand.

Fan: Me, two thousand.

Zhao: I'll give it to 2.5 thousand.

Fan: Me, three thousand.

Zhao: Me, 3,500.

Fan: I'm four thousand.

Zhao: I'm five thousand.

Fan: Deal.

Zhao: You are a chef. Hey hey.

Fan: You called 5000, and I stayed. Deal!

Zhao: That's not true. You remember wrong. How did you shout it out?

Health: I heard it was Chef Fan.

Fan: What, what?

Health: No, the master shouted.

Zhao: It's a mess. Well, it doesn't matter who shouts. Look, let's see. It's a little messy Who shouted first?

Fan: I called first.

Zhao: How much did you shout?

Fan: Me, two thousand.

Zhao: Me, 2,500.

Fan: Three thousand.

Zhao: 3.5 thousand.

Fan: Four thousand.

Zhao: 4,500.

Fan: Five thousand.

Zhao: You see, it is very clear.

Fan: Hey, it's a little messy, a little messy.

Zhao: You can calculate again.

Fan: Don't talk to anyone. I'll do the math myself and touch it myself.

Zhao: You will be confused by yourself.

Fan: Stop it. Two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand, three thousand five hundred, four thousand, four thousand five hundred, five thousand, hey.

Zhao: You did it backwards. You ordered two thousand.

Fan: Two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand.

Zhao: No.

Fan: Two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand, three thousand five hundred, four thousand, four thousand five hundred, five thousand.

Zhao: That's right.

Fan: Oh dear.

Health: I remember wrong, you shouted.

Fan: No, no, big brother, after I shout 4 thousand, you just shout 5 thousand, right?

Audience: Yes!

Zhao: Well, it's a mess. Since my brother and I agreed to accept it, shall we shout it again? Let's find out who is calling this 5 thousand. What is the starting price?

Health: Two thousand.

Fan: Me, two thousand.

Zhao: (falling vertebra) Deal! It's not messy this time.

Fan: You're not calling?

Zhao: I'm afraid I'm confused again.

Health: You shouted this time.

Fan: Well, all right. Do not move. Do not move. This wheelchair is mine. Do not move. I'll pay you two thousand.

Zhao: Brother, you shouldn't ask for money, but you have to save face if you want to save face, don't you? You shouldn't want it, but, but it's not your character not to give it.

Fan: I'm fooled if I give it to you.

Zhao: cheated? I tell you, at all, I don't want to. ...

Fan: I robbed it instead.

Zhao: You misunderstood. I want to ask you. ...

Fan: Stop pretending. From the moment you entered the room, you used bitter medicine, playing hard to get, and the master and apprentice cooperated with the plan to smash the car and fell into the vertebral trap. I only used one.

Z: Cooperate.

Fan: I'll give you a plan.

Zhao: Walking is the best policy.

Fan: No!

Zhao: I failed. Do you know why I failed? The chef didn't look at the menu, but he took a fancy to Sun Tzu's Art of War. Leave!

Disciple: (Xiang Fan) Master!

Fan: Hey, hey, master, master.

Zhao: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I am here. What are you two doing? What are you doing?

Disciple: Master, I'm so sorry. Your IQ is too low to learn from you. What should you do? Let's go. We will miss the no.2 bus.

Zhao: Oh dear!

Disciple: Master is in the class, and disciples worship me!

Zhao: God, the world is really crazy. The mouse is the cat's maid of honor. Oh, my God!

Disciple: Master! Please accept us!

Fan: Hey, kid, there are no cliffs in the sea of misery. Just turn around and study hard. Give you a red envelope during the Spring Festival.

Zhao: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Can you two take this money? Didn't I pay you both last month? Sad!

Fan: Come on, one for each person. Take it. Take it.

Zhao: Sad.

Disciple: Master Xie

Fan: Oh, no, no. You're welcome.

Disciple: Master, Master, take it off!

Zhao: Anti-treachery.

Fan: Oh, it's impossible to prevent! But this is a big scam. I won't accept you. You fool around, fool around. Am I still in a wheelchair?

Zhao: What do you want?

Fan: What about your promise to the audience?

Zhao: What promise?

Fan: Where's your stretcher?

Zhao: Develop it yourself!

Fan: Hey!

Zhao: This is for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened.

Fan: Oh, you took great pains for me. Thanks to my superior plan, I opened the red envelope. Chinese New Year, send you a pair of couplets:

Turn around for a year and shake your destiny for a year.

Thank you for learning from your mistakes.

Zhao: I'll give you another batch.

Become a useful person by self-study

Zhao Benshan's sketch lines

Zhao Benshan's sketch line "Kidnapping"

Gao Xiumin: Ah-big scam! Big fool!

Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about? Why don't you call me a stage name when you come out to sell this job today

Gao Xiumin: The father,

Zhao Benshan: Well,

Gao Xiumin: If you ask me, don't sell this turn!

Zhao Benshan: Because of what?

Gao Xiumin: The streets are full of good legs and feet. Who will buy your perfect response?

Zhao Benshan: You are talking nonsense. If you don't sell it, this transfer will cost labor and materials. You haven't slept all day and all night, so if you don't do it, you won't lose money?

Gao Xiumin: Gee, this street is full of legs and feet. Can you sell it?

Zhao Benshan: Don't you know me? You still call me a liar. I can tilt the positive fool, tease the faded fool, fool the sharp person and let the young couple live a good life. I'll lie to him and say goodbye. Today I am a kidnapper, and I can trick him into limping with a pair of good legs!

Gao Xiumin: Haha, you can forget it.

Zhao Benshan: Believe it or not?

Gao Xiumin: I don't believe you can fool a man with good legs?

Zhao Benshan: You see, this is my strong point.

Gao Xiumin: I don't know what your strengths are yet. My child's father is very interesting. I heard that some people buy riders to sell car covers, some people buy motorcycles to sell helmets, some people sell sleeping pills for insomnia, and others-

Zhao Benshan: Stop it. This is called the market. Pay attention to the advance!

Gao Xiumin: Sometimes you make mistakes in advance!

Zhao Benshan: This turn was a mistake.

Gao Xiumin: I heard that I hit a four-wheeled vehicle with a lock post and broke my leg. I got up early in the morning and turned this corner. As a result, people smashed it hard, and I was directly in a wheelchair after I was discharged from the hospital. This turn is not sold, hahaha-hehehe-oops-

Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, I'll smuggle this pair out today.

Gao Xiumin: Then the streets are full of legs and feet. Who sells them?

Zhao Benshan: Honey, let's find a good one and sell it to him today to see my bluff.

Gao Xiumin: Then why don't you lie?

Zhao Benshan: Where there is a will, there is a way, understand? Give me a shout.

Gao Xiumin: I won't lie to you. You can do it yourself-

Zhao Benshan: Look at me and blink, will you? Hey, someone's coming, shouting-

Gao Xiumin: Ah, a turn. Oh, turn, turn! Turn, turn! Turn around!

Fan Wei: I said, what are you directing? You knew where I was going, so you made me turn.

Zhao Benshan: Shout for sale.

Gao Xiumin: Oh! Sell,

Zhao Benshan: What do you sell?

Gao Xiumin: Turn around.

Zhao Benshan: Connect.

Gao Xiumin: Kidnapped! Kidnapped!

Fan Wei: Huh? What's going on here? Who wants to kidnap you?

Gao Xiumin: No, he sells-

Fan Wei: Are you selling people?

Zhao Benshan: What's your expression? Kidnapping, kidnapping. I can kidnap this. Do you buy it?

Fan Wei: What's wrong with you? This is,

Zhao Benshan: What's the matter, mind your own business-

Gao Xiumin: We are lovers, and we are playing here!

Zhao Benshan: Hehehe, nothing to play!

Fan Wei: This couple, on New Year's Day, are selling their wives for fun-oops.

Gao Xiumin: Not for sale-

Zhao Benshan: Get off-it's serious.

Gao Xiumin: What?

Zhao Benshan: It's too serious.

Fan Wei: What are you talking about?

Zhao Benshan: Hehe, it's none of your business-

Gao Xiumin: What is serious?

Zhao Benshan: I should tell him-don't tell him about the disease, it's dangerous-it's okay. I think there is something wrong here, and my wife won't let me talk about it, so you can't believe it. You go, it's okay.-Hehe-it's okay.-Go-

Fan Wei: You are so talkative-you really are-

Zhao Benshan: It's too late to find the disease!

Fan Wei: What's wrong with you? Say something nice during the Chinese New Year! What's going on

Zhao Benshan: Don't get excited. You don't believe me when you see something wrong.

Fan Wei: You must tell me whether I believe it or not. What happened?

Zhao Benshan: Regardless of your illness, I know what you do!

Fan Wei: Ahem, I know what I'm doing. What should I do?

Zhao Benshan: You are the big boss in business-

Fan Wei: What?

Zhao Benshan: That's impossible.

Fan Wei: Nonsense. Did Big Boss pull through safely?

Zhao Benshan: Working in a hotel.

Gao Xiumin: How did you know he was in the hotel?

Zhao Benshan: I smell chopped green onion-is it from the hotel?

Fan Wei: So-what do you think I'm doing in a restaurant?

Zhao Benshan: master chef!

Fan Wei: Huh?

Zhao Benshan: Really?

Gao Xiumin: Gee, how do you know he is a chef?

Zhao Benshan: Big head, thick neck, either rich or a cook! -Isn't it? Is it a chef?

Fan Wei: Wow, well, you guessed it.

Zhao Benshan: Not really?

Fan Wei: Ah, ah, yes, yes. So what did you just say about me, saying it was serious and late? What is that?

Zhao Benshan: Can you believe it?

Fan Wei: I, I, I-I believe,

Zhao Benshan: I haven't felt a part of you recently, which is different from before. You think, you try to think-really,

Fan Wei: I don't think so. I just feel my face is getting bigger and bigger.

Zhao Benshan: By the way, this is not the main symptom! Do you know why your face is big?

Fan Wei: Why?

Zhao Benshan: It's the necrosis of your peripheral nerve that makes it bigger.

Fan Wei: Where are you holding back?

Zhao Benshan: Below the waist-feet up-

Fan Wei: Legs?

Zhao Benshan, yes!

Fan Wei: No, there is nothing wrong with my leg!

Zhao Benshan: Take two steps! Take two steps! Take two steps without illness! Let's go

Fan Wei: OK-two steps, two steps, two steps-

Zhao Benshan: Stop! What's wrong with your shoes?

Fan Wei: Is there a problem?

Zhao Benshan: One high and one low?

Fan Wei: This is the heel of a sports shoe!

Zhao Benshan: Yes, your leg is sick and one leg is short!

Fan Wei: There is no such thing! If I want a long leg and a short leg, the pants seller will tell me!

Zhao Benshan: Did the pants seller tell you that you still sell pants? Who is so kind as me? Guess what? I'll adjust it for you. Believe it or not, raise your legs as high as my hands, as high as possible, and throw them hard, okay? Believe it or not? The leg is specified to be sick and the right leg is short! Come on, get up! (Fan Wei cooperates)

Zhao Benshan: Stop! Are you numb?

Fan Wei: I'm numb

Gao Xiumin: Hey, why is he numb?

Zhao Benshan: Stamping will numb you!

Zhao Benshan: Are you numb? Are you numb?

Fan Wei: I'm numb-

Zhao Benshan: Get up, get up! Leave it alone, the leg is 100% sick, leave it alone and relax! Let's go Go, go, go. Forget it, forget it. Would you like to go with me? Go up, just a little, go-