Funny text messages for couples

1. Ask your husband: What should you do if you meet a female pervert?

Husband replied: How could there be such good luck...

2. Husband: "You are so disgusting! Why didn't you discuss with me and cut your hair short?" , What are you talking about!”

Wife: “Didn’t you just go bald without consulting me?

3. Wife: Please check if I have cut off my hand.

Husband: No need to read, you must have it!

Wife: What do you say?

Husband: Otherwise, why would my life be ruined in your hands? ? !

Wife: You used to give me a bouquet of roses every day, why don’t you give me even one now?

Husband: “Let me ask you, a fisherman caught it? After catching a fish, should you continue to feed it bait?

5. The wife asked her husband: Do you like my gentleness and cuteness, or my intelligence and beauty?

Husband replied: I just like your sense of humor!

6. Under the starry sky on Chinese Valentine's Day, I lovingly asked my husband: If you are Altair, then who am I?

My husband did not hesitate: morning glory.

7. You are my heart, you are my liver, you are my 34, you are my intestines, you are my stomach, you are the rose in my heart, the corners of your mouth are like bananas, Your smile is like bread.

8. Dear: On this special day, I can only think of you and love you silently with my heart. I just want to tell you: I will always love you deeply, and everything about you affects me.

9. Dear baby, Valentine’s Day is coming soon. On this warm and romantic holiday, I wish you eternal youth and sweet love. I love you!

10. I must make you the second happiest person in the world---because with you, I am already the happiest person!

11. The sky would not be blue without you! Without your flowers, they would not be beautiful! The food won’t taste good without you! Sleep without you is not sweet! My dear, why haven't you come back yet?

12. If you receive a text message from me, can you just call me? The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old together with you. When we are old and can’t go anywhere, I will still regard you as the treasure in my hand.

13. Husband, husband, always works for the husband. No matter how many glasses of wine you have, you still have to go home and relax! Anyway, just do whatever you want to do in socializing, my wife will miss you every minute! ! !

14. The rooster and the hen are husband and wife, and they are busy hatching chicks all day long. The chick has a mental problem and does not eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are anxious and hide aside to watch the chicks. They are stupid. The chick didn't pay attention and was secretly looking at the phone.

15. I think of your smile when I get up, smell your scent when I wash my face, and you are what I need before going to bed. I really can't leave you, my dear - Monkey Bucket!

16. The prospective son-in-law went to visit his parents-in-law. The prospective father-in-law said: After you get married, you must... The prospective son-in-law was excited: I will definitely take good care of her! The prospective father-in-law shook his head: I mean, you must take good care of yourself after marriage!

17. Do you know why we are destined? We met as early as a thousand years ago. It was autumn. You ran with me in the wind and left tooth marks on my body. This happened. A story for the ages. At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.

18. The husband fought with his wife. Later, the husband gave in, stretched out his arms and said righteously: If you don’t feel relieved, bite me! The wife said angrily: Bite you? I'm afraid of getting swine flu!

19. Once I asked my mother what her previous occupation was. My mother simply solved another problem. Where did I come from? Her answer: I used to sell children. You were so cute that I didn’t want to sell them, so I kept them for myself. . .

20. Two birds saw a hunter targeting them. One said, "You protect the scene and I'll call the police!"

21. There was a man who was selling popsicles at the market for the first time. He was embarrassed to sell popsicles. There was a man next to him who was shouting: "Selling popsicles." He had to shout: "Me too."

22. Due to poor trader skills, the fall did not fall in place in the first round, and the fall did not fall in place in the second round, and then fell in the third round, but still did not fall in place. At this time, the retail investors cried and hugged the securities regulator. The chairman's thigh said: Brother, please confiscate my money! I don’t want it anymore, it’s too damn scary...

23. One morning, the wife looked in the mirror and said to her husband: You said that if you come back from get off work every day to cook and wash, I won’t do anything. It would be great to use it for work. The husband walked to his wife, shook his wife's arm and said: Wife, wake up, wake up, it's getting late. Stop dreaming.

24. A woman wore a miniskirt with a strap on the heel. As soon as the woman stopped wearing the strap, she squatted down to tie her shoelaces. She repeated this several times and the woman became anxious: What the hell are you doing? *** Silk: Tie shoelaces. The woman asked: Where did you get your slippers?

25. A man called the doctor: Doctor, my wife has been having stomachaches lately, as if she has appendicitis. Doctor: I remember that I performed an appendectomy on your wife two years ago. I have never seen anyone with two appendixes on their body. The man said: Have you never heard that a man may have two wives?

26. A man and a woman were having an affair. The husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away without putting on his clothes. He walked on the street and watched onlookers. The man pretended to be nonchalant and looked at the sky: ah, this is the earth. . Passersby said: Cao, pretending to be an alien.

27. A college student was captured by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and then asked him: Where are you from? If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! A college student replied to his enemy and was electrocuted to death. He said: I am from TV University!

28. A foreigner who has learned some Mandarin. Would you like to say hello to the female secretary this morning? The lady glared at him, he was stunned, and immediately said to her: Mom, hello!

29. During the blind date, Xiao Wang said: I am a very clean person! Unexpectedly, when the woman heard this, Jing became furious and cursed: Then you go find her, why are you going to have a date with me? Neuropathy.

30. I have a lot of worries, and I talk to the moon in the sky. I am full of worries, and I only release them to the sea. I have a message to send to a pig: The moon understands it, why don’t you I know, Dahai knows it, why are you so numb? Your phone is almost out of arrears, please help me recharge it!

31. I took my husband for a walk at night and saw many people walking their dogs. My husband said: I have been thinking, what is the difference between me and people walking dogs?

32. Colleagues had a dinner together and ordered braised fish. One side had been finished and they were about to eat the other side. A male colleague asked the girl to turn over the fish together: Come on, let’s turn over. The girl seemed shy and said, "No, I just like this posture." . .

33. When I heard the news that my wife was pregnant, my wife immediately put on her apron and said: Great, tell me, what do you want to eat? When my wife was moved, her husband said again: In the past, I cooperated with you to lose weight and ate vegetables every day. But from now on, you will starve my children, and I am worried about you.

34. I really liked a girl, and one day I finally made an appointment with her for dinner. I was so nervous that I had no appetite, but the girl had a great appetite and wolfed down her food. At this time, Bendiao wanted to seize the opportunity, so he pretended to be calm and asked her: Are you alone? The girl raised her head and glanced at me: You are not alone! Then he left, leaving me hanging messy in the wind. . .

35. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a whole day and itch my feet; C: I don’t feel safe on the street only a few times a day; D. : It’s getting late, go home and hug the cat!

36. When sleeping, both of us are willing to sleep on the outside of the bed because it has a better angle for watching TV. So every day my husband will ask if we should sleep inside or outside. One day, I blurt out that I want to sleep on the bottom. My husband slept inside obediently.

37. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, chief! Chief: Comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is even darker! The commander patted a soldier on the chest and said: How well these muscles have been trained! Soldier: Report to the leader, I am a female soldier.

38. Half-heartedness is sinful, single-mindedness is too tiring, sincerity is hard to find, hypocrisy is disgusting, heartlessness makes people annoying, heart-wrenching people reject it, wolf-hearted people hate it, heartbreaking people hate it, Life is full of helplessness, it is best to let nature take its course. I wish you happiness!

39. If one drop of water falls from the sky, it is the tears I shed because I miss you; if two drops of water fall from the sky, it is the tears I shed because I love you; if there are countless drops of water falling from the sky, it is... Stop thinking nonsense, it’s raining!

40. If there are no flowers, spring will be lonely. If there is no ***, the four seasons will be mediocre. Without me, you will lose the one who cares about you the most. People! Without you, Little Rabbit will ask: Who should I race with? To make girls happy

41. Life is like a box of mixed instant noodles: the taste of jealousy is hot and sour shredded pork noodles , the sweet taste is tomato beef brisket noodles, the angry taste is pepper beef noodles, what other flavors are in your box?

42. The wife thinks the meat bought by her husband is expensive. Husband: No matter how expensive it is, it’s not as expensive as your meat! The wife was puzzled. Husband: You went to the gym again and bought weight loss pills. You spent more than 2,000 yuan to lose less than three pounds! How much does a pound cost on average?

43. Wife: You stay at home reading books and surfing the Internet all day long, so you can’t go out and socialize? Husband: You used to like me for being honest and honest. Didn’t you say it’s good to be a homebody? Wife: I’m talking about the mansion man, are you?

44. When my boyfriend drove to a gas station to refuel, his hat was blown away by the wind, so he said to his girlfriend: You help me refuel while I pick up the hat. As soon as the boyfriend ran away, he heard his girlfriend shouting from behind: Come on! come on!

45. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: *** I have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where *** got the money from!

46. The leader praised the chef: You bastard cooks well. The chef replied: Where, where, all bastards like to eat it.

47. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: "I hate it. You won't recognize me when I take off my clothes!"

Organized by: zhl201612