Collect classic jokes

Speak louder, it won’t waste electricity

2. It turns out he can talk, I thought he was blind.

3. A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

4. Anyone who doesn’t know him has never eaten pork.

5. Little girl, give me a smile. If you don’t smile, he will give you a smile.

6. Go your own way and let whoever wants to say it go!

7. I am a second-hand scientist

8. Don't leave when the show is over, I'll treat you all to dinner - whoever goes will pay.

9. "Uncle, how to get to the United States?" "Who knows...ask the village chief!"

10. Tieling is still several stops away from the United States!

11. That white guy in the White House - freshly painted.

12. This plane is also diesel powered.

13． When people do good things, they always want to let the ghosts and gods know. When we do bad things, they always let the ghosts and gods not know. We are too embarrassed for the ghosts

Spend two hundred yuan to buy a little pig, squeaking, drinking water, squeaking, squeaking, squeaking Eat the beans, throw them over the wall, and with a squeak, guess what—they’re dead!

14. The eyes of animals (people) are sharp

15. Give Ya some money (New Year's money)

16. His fart can turn his white underpants into chrysanthemums

17. If you don’t leave me here, I will leave you somewhere. If you don’t leave me everywhere, I will go to the railway!

18. Behind every successful man there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

19. If you want to be famous, publish a book first. If you want to publish a book, get into trouble first~!

20. The true love story between Ximen Daguan and Jin Lian~~

21. If I can’t serve my country and bring peace to the world, whose husband am I?

22. Too Poor Lyrics Version...Use the nunchucks quickly. Hum hum hayi~~~It's over~You two are dead~~

23. Hey~~This student is so rare. I, I will recognize you as my godfather. Come, foster father, sit down, foster father

24. The American goddess holds a torch in this hand and a book in this hand. This tells us that we must study even when the power is out.

25. My sister-in-law married me. She was my sister-in-law at first

26. Isn't it just cutting some meat? More than 1 kilogram was cut off from the thigh with one knife. If you eat well, come again. The old lady took the meat and looked at it with trembling hands. It was too fat.

27. Mr. Fan’s daughter was insulted by the gangster. She stood up and held the basket and said: I was scared to death. I thought I was going to grab the eggs

28. Bring half a bottle of beer... Let's get drunk and then rest...

29. You haven’t been beaten by scientists, right?

30. When I get rich, I will also buy a dress with a collar.

31． He is very traditional and likes to read books instead of going out to play. There are various versions of Jin Ping Mei in the house

32. The old man only had one tooth left, but he ended up stuffing it when he ate!——Eating lotus root caused a hole in his eye

33. If their family members don’t pick up things when they go out, they will throw them away

34. Your shameless look has the charm of my youth.

35. This young man looks like an actor if he hides his face...

36. Animals in the mountains, swallows in the clouds, cattle and sheep on land, fresh food from the sea, monkey heads, bird's nests, shark fins, bear paws, scallops and deer tail tips! Open your cheeks and lift your back molars. The food is like the water from the Yangtze River, like the wind and the remaining clouds, just like the earth in the box...

37. Pancake rolls and steamed buns are eaten with rice.

38. Last time I drank too much, I used chopsticks as chicken claws and ate one and a half.

39. Lobster, sea crab, haha! I just love eating them in the shell! Waiter, bring him a plate of melon seeds

40. From now on, I will never stop eating lobster.

41. There are four dishes on the table. Open the first one and look at it, ha! It’s so good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one is Look, a plate of vinegar!

42. You know how much I eat, and I don’t like roast duck, so after eating four, I couldn’t eat any more. I said, “I really can’t eat it. I have to eat when I get home later.”

43． After all, I couldn't overtake that BMW and could only watch it fly away in the sunset. It wasn't that my engine was bad, but that my pedals were broken!

44.901 The flight is from Daxizhimen to Zhongguancun. The fare is 5 yuan. Please board the flight. You said how interesting this is. The flight attendant stood there and shouted, "Come on, get on, get on, there's a big seat, there's a big seat."

45． A couple does not necessarily have a good relationship, and a good relationship does not necessarily mean a couple; a cross talk master may not necessarily be able to speak cross talk, and a singer may not necessarily know music.

46． The lock can be opened with a poke of noodles, and a pack of instant noodles can open a small area.

47. When we are tired from walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, with one side high, and everyone who comes over wonders: Whose twins are these?

48. I buy 50 good cars - Alto, Alto, Alto...! Use wire darts to rise and drive like a train!

49． I have been in elementary school for ten years and middle school for twelve years. I was rated as the most familiar face in the school. When new teachers come, they always ask me about the inside story of the school...

50. I took a job and could earn 300,000 yuan... I took a look at the drawings and saw that I was going to build a 40-meter chimney. When it was completed, they came to take a look and beat me up. I was confused by the drawings and they let me go. Dig a well.

51. What did you get? Eggs brought by my mother. Give it to me. No...guess, guess how many. I guess you give me one. You have to guess and I'll give you both. 5?

52. The crosstalk is great! Promote truth, goodness, beauty, and uprightness.

53. Listening to more cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child in our neighborhood who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, including English, Japanese, Korean, South Slavic, North Slavic, West Slavic... Anyway, he is not the same as sitting with the Eight-Power Allied Forces and yelling at each other! Tell him that you listen. Go listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I can't understand!" I would have beaten him to death if he didn't care about the law! He speaks seven or eight foreign languages ??but can't understand cross talk!

54. There was once an opportunity to make money in front of me, but I didn't take it seriously. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I hope to tell the village chief: I am willing to go. If I had to add a limit in front of the salary, I hope it would be: 400 yuan

55. This matter was not far away from now. If you have elderly people at home, you can go back and ask - it was during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period.

56. If there are difficulties, we should help. If there are no difficulties, we should help.

If I couldn’t beat you, I would have fallen out with you long ago~

57. The house we lived in was riddled with holes, and one day it rained and it would kill me: it rained moderately in the house where it rained lightly outside, and it rained heavily in the house where it rained heavily outside. Sometimes the rain was so heavy that the whole family went to the street to take shelter.

58. Do you care? Have I ever done this with you? I can't help you with this!

59. Don't tell me what your name is. If you say it, it's just a curse.

60． If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

61. Thank you all for your encouragement!

62． A lot of people came, and I was very happy.

63． I am a scientist, an ethical scientist.

64. Crosstalk pays attention to four skills: Pit. Mongolian. Turn. cheat!

65. Are you willing to listen, are you willing to listen, are you willing to listen? You make your own choice, I will never force you.

66． I am used to sleeping on the kang at home.

67. Friends on the third floor...Hello!!! (Peng: There is a third floor here)

68. If you have a cold or cough in the past two days, you will not be charged for the fee~

69. Many crosstalks are made up, but this one is true.

70. Come on, let's go out and I'll show you my tattoo. Which B-society person have you seen with a Crayon Shin-chan tattoo?

71. If the law didn’t care, I would have beaten him to death long ago

72. Don’t even like fried noodles? You forgot your roots! ! !

73. I have been an artist for more than a week~~~~~

74. One dollar and six grenades, I'll throw you a hundred dollars first!

75． Can you still fire me? This deal is mine

76. Look, your face is green.. You only eat spinach. Your father, Popeye, is...

77. I want to get married, and I don’t have any requirements... I just want to be fair~' The next day, one really came. That hair, it’s so white

78. Those of us born in the 1980s... those born in the 1880s

79. Jin Yong calls and uses PHS to feed? Hey! Damn it!

80. Picture of visiting graves during the Qingming Festival. When the Qingming Festival comes, those widows will be there. . . . . .

81. While watching the symphony, Qian's father stood up: This grandson hasn't sawed yet...

82. I never do outside work. I am synonymous with chastity and virtuousness. Wherever I go, the Chastity Arch will follow me there

83. This shabby restaurant doesn't even have two-foot-long lobsters. Go and give me some braised pancakes.

84． Gorky taught us: "You don't want to be like this."

85. He doesn’t even know his neighbors, and he even thinks about whether there are aliens in the world!

86. I bought a bottle of mineral water, took a sip and cursed - it’s fake!” “Why is it fake? It’s watered down!

87. They are all here to see you. Really? Just take it seriously

88． It rained twice this week, the first for three days and the second for four days

89. As soon as the door opened, two little nurses came down. Hehe, they are very beautiful. They are 1.7 meters tall, with big eyes, a small cherry mouth, and a narrow waist. They look like retired stewardesses. Look. Come on!!!

90. A girl from a family is asking for help, how can she make her own decision, that is, don’t post photos online, (referring to Yu Qian) Yu Guanxi!

91. It looks like a car accident scene!

92． I have an army, I call them little brothers, they call me big brother, and my chief of staff is called Pheasant!

93. Are you willing to be my next ex-girlfriend?

94. I've already driven 3mph, it's so exciting

95. At most you are the naked substitute of male number nine...

96. My watch is very expensive, the original price is 350,000, and the discount is 420....

97. At that time, I was only 400 points away from going to Peking University

98. Whether you like to listen or not, you will die if you don’t listen!

99． What dish would you like sir? Don’t ask, I’ll cook this one!

100. If you have a move, you'll want to cut it, but if you don't, you'll cut it.

101. Just like this, even if you are educated, you are still a hooligan!!!

102. Thank you all for your silent encouragement.

103． If I don’t harm others, I just contribute to society

104. You are enough to be shot for 5 minutes

105． Do you believe that I will kill you? You haven't been beaten by gangsters, have you?

106. A face of heart-protecting hair

107. Master, just follow me

108. I was very stupid and naive at that time! It's all his fault...

109. Having friends from far away is not enough for you~

110. After all, the dancers are looking for poles.

111. Just when I was feeling uncomfortable, I saw my girlfriend with her boyfriend

112． Where are the fathers of xx...

113． If I were a girl, she would have fallen in love with me long ago

114. There is no road in the world. There are too many people walking, so it is useless to have a road

115. The only difference between me and Superman is that I wear my underpants inside

116. It won't work if you squeeze the right people. Please explain this to me and shut up.

117． Listening to cross talk 20, booing for 13,000 yuan, laughing again and adding money

118. Don’t you earn more by raising banners than by raising banners?

119. Do you have chicken here? Waiter: "Shh! I am"

120. You have to look down on everything, and you will be very happy. If you are unemployed, others will lose their virginity. Your wife doesn't want you, and she doesn't want me either.

121. I envy you! What are you envious of? You know me at such a young age?!

122. There is a child who has been very close to his master since he was a child. This master is full of bad ideas. One day I was teaching my children and said: Boy, when you go home and see people’s families, don’t say anything else, just say to them, “I know the truth of the matter!” I’m sure it will benefit you. The kid learned. As soon as I saw his mother when I got home, I stepped forward and said: I know the truth of the matter. His mother's face turned pale when she heard this, and she quickly took out fifty yuan and gave it to the child, telling him: Baby, don't tell your dad, mom, just give her fifty yuan and take the flowers." After a while, she saw him again. He said again: I know the truth of the matter! His father didn't say anything and took out two hundred and put it in the child's hand. He also told the child: Don't tell your mother! This child wants to get rich now. I've found a way to get rich. Everyone told me that I knew the truth. But one day when I saw the mail delivery person in front of their house, the boy came up and said, "I know the truth of the matter." When I heard this, I cried and said: My good son, daddy gives me a hug!

123. "What is the secret of your success?" "It's nothing more than drinking beer while others drink coffee."

124． I was so angry that I scolded him severely: "I'm going to get out of here." (It’s hard to speak in a hurry)

125. Hello, my name is Guo Degang, guess what my name is

126. Confucius once said: All the good cabbage is given to pigs

127. My fence is big, 20 miles on one side, the same length on all four sides, a big rectangle.

128. I stopped the woman walking on the road and was about to rob her. When I asked, I found out that she was a laid-off female worker. The more she talked about it, the more pitiful she became. Finally, I gave her five yuan

129. Wherever you fall, lie down

130. I am not afraid of difficulties. There is no word difficulty in my dictionary. . . . . I don't have a dictionary. . . There are no words in my dictionary

131. I don’t have a pot. If I had a pot, I would stew you long ago

132. I’m so happy that my teeth almost broke!

133． How to break the lock of the prison? Wotou

134. There is an English name, Erbaldy

135. Bush has a secretary named Wang Fuguier

136. I don’t bully others, but you can’t bully me. People who scold me turn off the lights at night, put on their blankets, close the curtains, sit in front of the computer, and type two lines of words to get quick results three times. I’m not an artist, I can’t revive cross talk, then It is the most common cause of cross talk in the world. The best I can do is vibrate, like putting my cell phone on the table.

137. When the sky falls, Wu Dalang will hold it up. People live just to make money!

138. Go to the streets to recruit gangsters

139. When eating steak, it should be half-cooked. Cut it with one knife~poof~blood splattered on your face~it cut blood vessels

140. Sir, please respect yourself! We only sell ourselves, not our arts!

141. It was once difficult to get a ticket for Deyun Club, and the audience queued up to buy tickets in an orderly manner under the guidance of the ticket seller

142. A gangster knows martial arts and no one can stop him. Even if scientists are good at martial arts, gangsters can't stop them.

143. Thank God for giving me braised pork. When I opened my eyes, who took it away from me?

144. One more thing, what should I say? Tell me something real

145. I don’t often watch the system online (I don’t know who I am hurting)

146. When a dung truck passes in front of their house, they have to go out to taste the saltiness

147. Two pieces of news, one good news and one bad news. Which one do you want to listen to first? 'Bad'.

The bad news is: we are lost! You can only eat cow dung! 'What's the good news? 'The good news is: there's plenty of cow dung!

148． Anyone who doesn’t know Yu Qian has never eaten pork

149. You have to work hard to talk about cross talk. I'm sweating now. You see, people don't sweat. They are all good.

150. Kara is a dog, I wrote it, and I plan to write another one where Yu Qian is a pig.

151． Even if you say something bad, applaud. Look at how good today is, not a single person applauds.

152. We all drove back to Beijing. Teacher Yu had a higher status than us. He saw us driving and looked down on us, so he rode his bicycle back.

153． Okay! This plane is the same as Daihatsu, and it also has a glass shaker! ... Dafa and Xiali don’t give you reimbursement... There is no Dafa in Tianjin, so they all went to the United States... ...I flew to the United States for half a year and refueled for more than 40,000 yuan.

154． I want to commit suicide and plan to jump off a building. I have done some research on jumping off a building. The 2nd floor is different from the 20th floor. The 2nd floor is "pop" and "ah", while the 20th floor is "ah~~~" and "pop"

< p>155． That day, I came to the train station with Zi Zi, and all the tickets were sold out. Zi Zi went to a police officer and asked: "Do you know where the ticket seller is?" The police was very happy to hear this: "I'm still looking for it!" ”