?Accept your own vulnerabilities to build healthy relationships

Weakness is what we feel inside when we resist weakness.

Women are born to be weak. Some of us just spend our lives pretending that we don’t need to be weak. So we will criticize sentimental women, we will criticize women who value love and family more than personal charm and appearance.

What about men? Men are also weak. They just lack expression, because men are not as emotionally rich and delicate as women by nature, and their social status and social status do not allow them to express their emotions too much.

Nothing is absolute. Weakness is not something most people have. But it might work for you. Because weak people are better able to see through people's hearts and are more likely to retain true friends instead of chasers.

The best thing is that weakness is a gift from God to us to control ourselves. We don’t have to be limited by the eyes of others and live our own wonderful life.

The "weak" scene

I was furious because I felt I had been humiliated by him. But I calmed down, as if someone somewhere told me not to be impulsive.

I hurried to the gym. Before I go out, I remind myself to take off the tags of the new T-shirt I'm wearing. But you've already guessed what's going to happen next, right? Yeah, I forgot about it and the label was still there when I got to the gym.

I think that's pretty cool, I like it.

I started to exercise, wearing headphones and listening to music. Ten minutes later, a man came over and patted me on the back. I turned around and he opened his mouth to say something, then pointed to his ears and hinted me to take off the headphones. At that moment, I was a little confused and a little scared.

This man is so anxious, what does he want to say to me?

I asked: "Earphones?" He pointed at my neck, and I instantly understood that he was referring to the tag on my clothes.

"Oh!" I pulled up the label on the back of my neck, looked at him, and said "Thank you!"

So I put down the water glass and prepared to peel off the label. The man was walking away...he laughed loudly and harshly. While laughing, he asked me, "Do you want my help?"

I said, "No, thank you, I can do it myself!"

While he was walking and laughing, I instinctively felt my adrenaline secrete rapidly... (He was laughing at me!!) This scene quickly emerged in my mind: I turned to him and retorted: "What's so funny?"

But "something" in my consciousness gave me away. I didn't say anything bad in response. Instead, I turned to him, forced myself to look at him, and said, "No, thank you, I can do it myself!"

The fitness lasted for another 10 minutes. During these 10 minutes, my head and body were not idle for a moment.

What I was thinking was "Go on, hold on, calm down...it's just a damn label. Nothing to be ashamed of."

However, when I didn't retort, When I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed, I found that even though I had thought so much, my body was still very relaxed, because the moment I looked at the man, I would subconsciously cater to him and maintain a harmonious state.

I'll tell you what that means in a moment.

My mind is occupied by a thought: relax, it's just a label. ——No big deal. This idea comes from my past experience.

It's not to hide my weakness; I just don't want to feel embarrassed. That's what I've done in the past. It leaves no trace, as human emotion leaves no trace in the intellect.

Reason prevents us from surrendering to our relationships, to our intuition, to our pelvis, to the sensations of our bodies.

My body was indeed prepared to withstand the embarrassment, but it was surprisingly relaxed; because when I chose to look at him and communicate with him instead of being afraid of exposing my vulnerable side and being embarrassed, The moment I chickened out, I realized...this is what I want to do.

Let weakness become confidence in interpersonal relationships. Let vulnerability become confidence in interpersonal relationships.

This is confidence.

Feeling free physically and mentally, and feeling radiant. This is the definition of success. Anyone can take anything from us. They can take away our money and our careers in an instant, we will lose our jobs and partners, our beautiful faces will be corroded, and our lives will collapse in an instant... But no one can take away our sense of our own lives. Only we have control.

Do you know what I mean by ability?

In our relationships, ability refers specifically to letting go.

There are two types of flexibility that are important to healthy relationships.

In the exchange with the man in the gym, if I had to choose, I would tend to choose the second type of flexibility. The second kind of flexibility is important to all of us:

1) Cater to him, not to my past experience.

2) Accept your true feelings during the communication process, any feeling is okay.

It’s normal to feel embarrassed. There’s nothing wrong with being embarrassed, so there’s no need to resist it. As long as I feel embarrassed, it's over and it won't bother me forever. Resistance is inhumane.

Wait, that matter is not finished yet.

Later, when I went to drink water, I met the man again. I took off one earbud and smiled at him, and he smiled back at me.

He told me: "I'm a personal trainer here, I wasn't kidding you just now."

I looked at him, and past experience told me that most decent men don't want to I met a vulgar and vulgar nuisance... So I smiled and explained: "I didn't think you were laughing at me, I was just a little embarrassed." He walked away again, laughing heartily, but this time it wasn't harsh. Very gentle.

He said: "I just saw the label and thought I should tell you!"

When facing others and facing one's own emotions, be willing to put down your dignity. To accommodate and accept is to be weak.

When I was getting the water, I was thinking that if I had not been willing to stand with him and open my heart just now, I might have withdrawn and avoided him (this is the opposite of weakness) . Or I might ignore him, thinking he's laughing at me because he's a complete loser himself, and laugh at my embarrassment.

However, because of this frank exchange, I suddenly realized that I might have been a nasty person who misunderstood others in the past... This relaxed exchange helped me learn to truly know a person.

I feel it, I understand it.

I know he is a really good person and he really wants to help me.

Do you know what I was thinking at that moment?

At that moment, a big change took place in my heart. This incident taught me that it was weakness that made me strong; it gave me the ability to start a relationship with the man I like, rather than reluctantly accepting some feelings that are better than nothing... because I had an epiphany, opened up my heart, showed weakness, and No shame.

People say: "Pain means weakness is leaving your body."

Do you know when I really felt weak?

Just when I talked to that man for the first time. That time, the words "Keep calm...it's just a label" kept buzzing in my head. That was my weakness.

I was weak because I didn’t want to embarrass myself in that moment. But after that, I felt relieved.

I faced my embarrassment calmly, and the embarrassment disappeared, because I became energetic afterwards; because my senses returned to normal, I even felt grateful to this man and realized His humor and joy when helping me. The most important thing is that these feelings arise after I have a real understanding of him at the moment, instead of giving him a random name of a nuisance based on my past experience.

I know that when exercising, people say, "Pain is weakness leaving your body." I think this applies to emotions as well.

Why does resisting weakness make us weak?

Because resisting weakness will cause us to close ourselves off, unwilling to make eye contact with others, unwilling to be in tune with others, unwilling to cater to others, animals, babies, children, etc.

If we are concentric, we will prosper, if we are not centered, we will be weak. If we are concentric, we will prosper, and if we are not centered, we will decline.

If we forget that we are just a part of the world, we will fail. I am in you, you are in me, we are each other.

If we close ourselves off, if we are unwilling to perceive, we are weak because others will not contact us, let alone build strong, loyal, trusting relationships.

Interestingly, in an article in "Scientific American", the author tells us how humans have successfully become the dominant species on this planet: One of the keys to our success so far is that We are uniquely capable of cohesively cooperating in large, organized groups—better than any other animal.

We are forced to live together, we isolate ourselves.

Who do we need when life is a mess?

We need a man, a friend, a family, a pet, a child. They are what we need.

Who wouldn’t be there when we try to hide from our true emotions?

Most people weren’t there because people couldn’t intervene.

Sometimes it's because they hate being around you because your weakness reminds them of their own lack of control.

Many times it’s because of the way we communicate—for example, we don’t communicate gently. We expect others to read us, understand us, and just be there.

Imagine yourself as an 80-year-old woman whose life has almost come to an end...you feel the smell of death strongly and are prepared for it. You have looked down upon the outcome of the candle being extinguished and the lamp remaining. This is power. One day, we will all be like this, you and me.

No one can guarantee our existence. An open-minded and cheerful state of mind is precious. It will allow us to improve our taste and stay away from pornography.

Your weakness is your strength. In some cases, it's all you have.

Weakness makes you real, pure, sensitive, gregarious, and capable, makes you popular, gets you love, and allows you to have anything you want, including people and things.

Vulnerability also gives you the ability to recognize malice if someone is intentionally trying to hurt you. Being weak will help you find out who really cares about you. Because your feelings tell you how you really feel about someone else's behavior...how your body actually feels tells you the truth.

If you are concentric, you will prosper; if you are separated, you will be weak.

But without the power of vulnerability, we cannot unite and build unbreakable bonds.

Who will be the last person who deeply hurts you because he doesn’t understand weakness?

Who will be the last person closely related to you? ?