Humorous speech opening remarks

Lead: Of all the speeches I have heard, only humorous opening remarks can attract my attention most, so I want to share these classic opening remarks with you, hoping you will like them.

Humorous opening remarks 1

As a speaker, I get only two complaints from the audience: one is that I speak too loudly and they can't sleep; The second is that I talk too long, and they can't stay awake all the time.

Innovative sentence: Either you sleep or you don't sleep. As long as you don't snore, I'll go on talking.

As a speaker, his speech is always compared with Lincoln's Goldberg speech. When his speech ended, there were also sadness, tears and grief? Specially designed.

Humor note: The speaker spoke so badly that the organizer burst into tears.

At the end of the speech, the host thanked you for taking time out of your busy schedule? You are poised, nodding and smiling gracefully, knowing that the only thing on your calendar is to have some coffee after breakfast.

Humor note: Some retired veteran cadres have nothing to do after retirement, and they are invited to participate in some activities. He still pretends to be very busy, as if he had pushed off a lot of things before rushing there.

I used to be nervous when I gave a speech, but then I saw a message saying that it would help if you imagined all the audience were naked. At this moment, I stand here and imagine that the audience are all naked, which really works. I'm not nervous anymore, but my eyes are a little tired.

Humor note: imagining the audience as naked means that I am not afraid of you, so I am not nervous.

Innovative sentence: Most people are a little nervous when standing on the podium. I'm in the minority and I'm nervous. I'm not conceited myself? It's hard for me to tell you how much I admire this.

Humorous sentence: He became very proud because he was not conceited.

Innovative sentence: I am not conceited at all. I hope others can see me, too.

I will give a speech in simple English first, and then translate it for the lawyer.

Humor note: lawyers always like to use complicated language, and they can't understand simple words.

Innovative sentence: My speech has three versions, primary school version, middle school version and college student version. Are you listening to the first-year edition or the second-year edition?

If you have heard this story, please don't interrupt me, I will know it.

Humor note: Even if you know two stories, you can say the same thing before telling them.

Innovative sentence: I tell a joke. If you have, and you want to pretend you haven't, I will take care of you in the same way. Speaking is like watering the lawn. If a quarter of the water seeps down, you will be satisfied.

Humor note: Some people snore, others talk, which is normal, and a quarter of the audience will listen well. At the beginning of the speech, we had some similarities. You don't know what I'm going to say? I don't know, either.

Humorous sentences: the opening remarks of an impromptu speech.

Innovative sentence: I don't know if you will like my speech or what I will say.

Before we begin, I want to tell you that the following speech has been edited into a TV program. I'll talk less for 20 minutes now so that we can go home in time to watch Channel 2.

Humor note: Stay at the scene and watch it on TV.

Maybe some of you know that I'm here tonight for two reasons. The first reason is that your planning committee has been trying to find a smart, interesting and experienced speaker. They found it. The second reason is that the man was ill, so he called me.

Humor note: at first, it seems that I am awesome, but it is actually a temporary substitute.

Innovative sentence: I thought my speech was funny, but why didn't anyone laugh?

Some people have stage phobia, but I don't; The stage won't be like me, but the audience scared me to death!

Humor note: Stage fright is stage phobia, not stage scaring me.

Each of us wishes to go back in time. If I can put the clock back 45 minutes, I will be the happiest person in this room. I left my speech on the kitchen table.

Humor note: I was still practicing hard before going on stage, and I left my speech at home. I hope the audience will forgive my mistake.

I don't want to brag, but the last time I spoke, all the audience stood up. They never sat down again until they walked to their car.

Humor note: the audience stood up and left after listening to his speech, and he was still bragging.

Innovative sentence: I speak at a gentle speed and the audience sleeps soundly.

Humorous speech prologue II

Sorry, everyone, you have come to the wrong place, and today's speech has been cancelled; I don't think we need any speeches. What we need is sincere communication. Then, our sincere communication begins today. As soon as you come on stage, tell the audience that today's speech has been cancelled, and everyone will be surprised, and then think about what happened? At this time, the audience's attention was completely attracted by the speaker, and then the speaker began to say: Our sincere communication begins today. ? The biggest advantage of this method is that it can quickly catch the attention of the audience.

? My friends, some people are really good at business and speculation! There is a poem "knowledgeable person" that tells us: the status is not high, but there is a spirit above the head; The official is not big, but the hand is long; Si is a unique skill, only I can gain a foothold; Hold thick legs above and use them for private use below; Bragging is luck, flattery does not touch the needle, you can open the back door and talk about friendship. Without the cells of justice, without the principles and norms, alcohol and tobacco can clear the way, and money can communicate with God. Confucius said:? What is this?

My last name is Hu, so what I said next is nonsense. Please don't take it seriously. My surname is Gu. Today is night, and there is a little moonlight in the sky. If you stay with me, you will become Hu, so what I said may be nonsense. Please don't mind!

Ladies and gentlemen, please let me shine on the stage. Please applaud those who like me very much. Don't applaud people who like me too much. Thank you for your cooperation?

This opening remark left a good impression of frankness and humor. Soon, at? Golden microphone night? At the literary evening, I saw him smile and say to the audience: I'm glad to see you again, but I'm sorry to see you again?

Humorous prologue 3

For a semester, my work has been generally dull. As a vice-league book, I think I am still very committed to my work this semester. Although I had some running-in with some class committees, I finally reached an agreement after work. Through unity, cooperation and mutual trust, I believe I really learned a lot this semester as a class committee.

As a new class committee, I think this is a job that everyone can do. When I became a class committee, I found that things were not that simple. Every plant has its own possibilities, in other words, every job has its own inevitability. When I was a Communist Youth League secretary, I heard from my classmates that he actually had no work to do. I think it might be. But this sentence did not happen in this semester when I was the deputy secretary of the Youth League Committee. I don't know if this is a blessing. I think as long as you think you are important in this class, no matter what you have done, or what you haven't actually done, or you just thought about it but didn't prove it with practical actions. Whether the process is worthy of your satisfaction or not, the quality of the result cannot be evaluated by practice. Only the heart can feel whether it is worth it.

During my semester as a class committee, I had failures, successes, self-confidence, hesitation, disagreement with other class committees and even psychological contradictions. Now think about getting along with people is really a university question! After listening to many successful people's introduction of how to get along with others, in general, they are: modesty, openness, self-confidence, and positive work attitude, and they will certainly win the respect and support of others in their work or life. These experiences really benefited a lot through a semester of heart-to-heart communication with other students! I think only by doing it can I feel the joy of this achievement.

The main task of my work is to record meetings and assist other class committees to organize activities. This semester is special, so homework is not as difficult as expected. Organize students to participate in some quality development activities with class characteristics and so on. Every activity is the result of the cooperation of all class committees. Finally, what impressed me was that the quality development activities were exciting and happy. Many times, when we feel great pressure in our study, but we are confused, everything feels helpless. I think the depression hidden in my heart at this moment will gradually fade away. Our class is a class that lacks touch but is touched everywhere. My classmate is ill and someone says hello. Some students are willing to provide free help when they feel difficult in their studies, and some students are willing to listen to his or her troubles when they are under great pressure. In such a loving class, can you not be moved by it? I think this may be another gain for me. This semester, I was moved by the harvest, and the harvest was mature.

I have always been the kind of person who is confident and lacks endurance cells. I always thought that if I did it, I would get it. And when something happens suddenly, I still feel a little depressed. I will argue, I will object, and I will even feel disgusted. I think this may be my immature performance! Shortcomings are sometimes inevitable, just get used to it. Let you get used to others or let others get used to you? This is still difficult. I find that you don't have to adapt to others, or let others adapt to you. You are a difficult problem to solve. My friend told me.

I think no matter what I did this semester, I tasted happiness. Happy is happy.

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