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Shen Xingyu - "Miracle"

When I received the call, I couldn't remember who Gao An was for a moment.

Opening the classmate list, it turned out to be him.

Why did you forget him too?

I looked in the mirror and began to recall what Gaoan looked like in high school. However, this person who had been stationed in my heart since I was fourteen years old could not even recall a vague silhouette.

Is he tall and thin? Maybe he wasn't too tall, and his eyes were small or big, but he was quite charming. At that time, there seemed to be many girls who admired him, and I was one of them.

Gao An asked me, how are you now?

I said, it’s still the same.

He asked again, will you come to the class reunion?

I said, it depends on the time. I am looking for a job recently and am very busy.

He smiled and said that you are a top student, but you are still worried about not being able to find a job.

I think he is laughing at me. He used to do this occasionally.

You know I don’t believe in miracles, I answered.

A miracle? He was a little surprised and didn't understand.

After hanging up the phone, I felt embarrassed for my incomprehensible words, but I do remember that when I was in high school, I had a conversation about miracles with a classmate in my class. If that person was not him, Then who could it be?

My eyes returned to the mirror, thinking that there was still an interview waiting for me in the afternoon. Although I was deeply tired of running around holding my resume, what could I do? If this mirror hadn't reminded me every day that I am who I am and no one can replace me, I might have become even more blind in my life.

Yes, I am who I am. If I were not me, the past might be worth recalling, the present might be worth working hard on, and the future might be a little brighter.

Unfortunately, until now, I am still me, so no miracles can happen to people like me.

The company I am interviewing for is in a development zone far away on the other side of the Huangpu River. I heard that there is a shuttle bus every day, but now I can only sneak into the underground of the city like an ant and climb from a subway. To the other car.

On the way, I gradually recalled some past events, fragmentary and intermittent, but when connected, they seemed to be concentrated in the last year before graduation. Maybe I remembered it wrong, because the only way I could What is certain is that my unrequited love, which is not worth mentioning, actually started in adolescence.

When did I start liking Gaoan? Now that I think about it, it even sounds like a bit of a joke, because there are too many female classmates who like him, and the main reason why I became friends with him is because of my good friend Maomao.

I’m not sure whether Mao Mao’s name is Mao Jingying or Mao Jingying, but I remember her appearance quite clearly. If I use a very fashionable vocabulary to describe it, “pure and beautiful girl” is more than enough. Or maybe it's not appropriate enough. I have been very unfamiliar with beautiful words since I was a child, and I am still like this today. This is related to my innate flaw.

I am a girl with harelips. The crack in my mouth extends all the way to the bottom of my nose. My mother told me that when I was born, the doctors almost thought I was an alien because of the blurred flesh and blood. At that time, my plastic surgery skills were poor. A few rough sutures lifted up my entire upper lip, exposing half of a tiger tooth. That ferocious look made my days in kindergarten feel like years. Later, my mother took me for another surgery, which finally hid the teeth. However, the ugly nature did not fade at all as I grew older.

No one has ever used beautiful words to describe me, so I don’t know how to describe others accurately.

I believe that Maomao has been the kind of cute girl who makes boys giggle in their dreams since kindergarten. At that time, I never imagined that she would be willing to stay with someone like me. Many classmates secretly discussed that she made friends with me just to get close to Gao An. Ever since we were promoted to the third grade of junior high school, Gao An and I have been taking turns sitting at the top of the grade. Gao An suddenly jumped up in the second half of the second semester of junior high school. As for me, I have never been proud of my superior IQ. It was obviously a favor from God, and it meant to make up for the mistakes he accidentally made when he created me. It had no real meaning for me personally.

I always thought that most people who are good at studying are like me, either with weird personalities or ugly. However, Gao An is so handsome that even the trainee teachers blush when they see him.

I don’t like him just because of this, the main reason is because of his mind.

Gao An is the only boy who is equal to me in intelligence. He subverts my aloofness and makes me feel overwhelmed by my inferiority. To me, he is not a person, but a god. .

Because of the provincial and municipal mathematics competitions in consecutive years, Gao An and I often trained together and had more opportunities to interact. Gao An didn’t know that I had always liked him, and he was even less likely to like me, so we got along instead. We were quite harmonious. Because of his relationship, I suffered twice as much sarcasm and ridicule as before, until Maomao appeared.

After Maomao and I became good friends, everyone's attention naturally focused on her, especially when she and Gao An were in love. Frankly speaking, I have never been jealous of Maomao. What really makes me jealous is Gao An. His unique unity of appearance and interior always forms a strong contrast with my internal and external disharmony. The contrast is shocking even to me. What about others?

In a sense, I should be grateful to Maomao. Although her appearance killed my long-standing wishful thinking about Gao An, she also helped me in time to relieve the invisible sense of oppression. Rescued.

They are golden boys and girls, and they should be the center of attention. I am just a broken green leaf. Even Maomao and Gao An would often laugh at me in a friendly way. It can be seen that when wisdom cannot be obtained by beauty, When protected, I will become insignificant and worthless. Until now, there has been no change at all - no matter how hard I try to show my best side in front of the interviewer, as long as the other person's eyes are shocked on my face After staying on the ground for thirty seconds, I knew clearly that the resume in his hand and the high degree deliberately enlarged on it were no different from a piece of waste paper.

Gao An and I only became real friends after he and Maomao formally established an ambiguous relationship.

This is a bit difficult for me, because I still have a girlish instinctive fantasy about Gaoan in my heart. However, I try to put this fantasy aside as much as possible, especially in the last year of high school. The close relationship between Maomao and Gao An, which was almost accepted by all teachers and students in the school, made me realize clearly that my obsession with Gao An would eventually become an eternal secret in my youth, and I would never have the chance to express my love to anyone.

So, I placed my wonderful fantasies on Maomao and Gao An. It’s really ridiculous to say that I even naively thought that a few years later, I would be with Gao An and Maomao with a big belly on the street. Meet by chance!

I think today’s teenagers will not have such stupid fantasies as mine. Nowadays, there are many boys and girls holding hands in the street, and the so-called most intimate relationship between men and women at that time was limited to We walk into the classroom together during morning self-study, or wait for each other in the carport after school, or go home together. Even when reading in the library, we must face each other to show openness.

In fact, in my opinion, this kind of behavior will only have the opposite effect of deceiving oneself and stealing the bell. However, Maomao and Gao An are different. Although their eager feelings caused Maomao's performance to decline slightly, they can still maintain it. They were in the top five, so the teachers couldn't easily interfere with them, for fear that meddling would disrupt the firm will of the two outstanding students. Among the classmates, those who have been dazzled by first love and are hesitating on the edge of their future, or the lonely people who have excellent grades but have never received even a small note saying "I like you", are envious and envious from the bottom of their hearts. Looking forward to their safe and delicate "love" relationship.

Maomao and Gao An are like a dream in our hearts. Everyone hopes that they can persist until they graduate from high school, and then come together openly, so that everyone who witnesses them along the way can share it. A little bit of happiness.

On the eve of high school graduation, during that stressful period, their love was the only thing full of hope and vitality that our chaotic eyes could see.

Unfortunately, the pure and beautiful faith that supports each of us has been shattered before the college entrance examination has begun.

On the way to Line 2, I was stepped on hard by a strange man. He looked back at me rudely, and then ran away in disgust.

My toes were so painful that they were numb, and I felt nothing in my heart. This kind of experience was as routine to me as eating. The only thing I had to do was to put the momentary unhappiness behind me and tell myself, then They are just strangers who have nothing to do with my life, so don’t pay too much attention to them.

However, I still glanced at the man indifferently, and his back quickly reminded me of another person.

Maybe it was him, the classmate who discussed miracles with me.

The moment the train restarted, I remembered him clearly. Apart from Gao An, he was the only male classmate I had ever interacted with in high school. Although the relationship was short, it was only a few months. , however, his appearance did add some interesting memories for us.

Because the time was too short, no one mentioned him again, but I believe that if someone suddenly mentioned his name, no one would not know it.

He is the only son of Teacher Deng, who teaches English, and his name is Deng Pumin.

Deng Pumin suddenly transferred in during the last semester. I can’t remember his student number, or maybe he doesn’t have one at all.

That guy is famous, not because of his special status, but because his grades have broken the historical record set by the worst student in our school. This is why after he came, Teacher Deng’s There was no more smile on his face.

It is said that Teacher Deng placed his son by his side regardless of face, so that he could personally discipline him strictly and maybe create a miracle at the last moment. Unfortunately, it was to no avail. He disappeared as soon as the HKCEE was over. I estimate that he didn't even take the college entrance examination, which at least avoided the embarrassment of failing, although that had already been a default fact.

Originally, I would never get involved with such a bad boy, but on the eve of the general examination, Teacher Deng asked me to tutor Deng Pumin in mathematics twice a week. I was not willing at the time, but I had no choice. , had no choice but to bite the bullet and waste precious time on him.

In retrospect, it was a complete waste. Every time that guy sat in front of me, he was either in a daze or doodling. At first, I kept explaining the exercises to him. Later, I found that he was just playing the piano to a cow. So, I told him, you can do whatever you want, I won't tell your father. In the next few months, tutoring became self-study - I did my exam papers, and he read his Jin Yong.

One day, he suddenly asked me, you really like Gao An, right?

I was frightened and wondered if his eyes had weird penetrating power?

He knew that he had penetrated my mind, so he smiled proudly. From then on, I hated him even more.

In fact, at that time, many female classmates in the class were secretly talking about Deng Pumin, thinking that his mind was not as stupid as the teacher thought, and some even compared him with Gao An, until Now, I still think that was an insult to Gao An.

Compared with Gao An, Deng Pumin is indeed a little different.

Gao An is the kind of boy with clean features, while Deng Pumin is characterized by a head of brown, messy curly hair. Although I don’t want to admit it, strictly speaking, his facial features are better than Gao An is more majestic and handsome, with a sense of maturity beyond our age.

Gao An has a gentle and casual personality. He smiles to everyone and is very lovable. However, Deng Pumin is taciturn and reserved. I originally thought that his withdrawn character was caused by low self-esteem, but later I found out that he was not aware of his current situation at that time. , not only quite satisfied but also with a certain degree of pride.

He seems to think that he is the real genius and we are all idiots.

In between boring make-up classes, he would suddenly discuss some weird topics with me, ranging from astronomy to geography, and some were even as profound as philosophy. I couldn’t understand how his brain grew. , a person who knew nothing about basic knowledge, but had unique insights into many things that we would not have touched at that time. That kind of malicious showoff made me feel ashamed in front of this poor student again and again.

I think he did it on purpose. It made me feel tired from taking extra classes twice a week. I don’t know why I let him play with me like an idiot? I hate him from the bottom of my heart, because in front of Gao An, I at least have a feeling of intellectual equality, but in front of him, I turned into an ignorant clown and lost all my self-confidence.

My life is destined to be shrouded in an ugly shadow, why should he take away my remaining sense of superiority?

I really hope that everyone hates him, isolates him, and treats him as a shameless monster.

Unfortunately, things went against expectations. He had only been in our class for just one month, and the girls unknowingly divided into two groups. One group was still like me, loyally defending their love for Gao An, while the other group But he became hopelessly obsessed with Deng Pumin. The strange thing is that among all the boys, Gao An is the only one who has a special regard for Deng Pumin and appreciates him. They don't care about the infighting between girls, but have become good friends. This means that Maomao and I will become friends because of Gao An. I often have close contact with him, and he knows my secrets, which is simply unbearable for me.

Just when I was trying my best to get rid of him, Gao An suddenly became estranged from Deng Pumin.

I had expected this for a long time. They were two completely incompatible people. However, when I knew the reason for this, I couldn't help but sigh for their fragile friendship.

Later, many people asked me what the reason was for Maomao and Gao An to break up, as if I should know the inside story. I do know, but I can’t tell because it is related to the relationship between girls. I didn’t want to cause an uproar due to the factional struggle during my graduation, so I could only remain silent and silent again.

Maomao told me that she couldn’t help but fall in love with Deng Pumin at the lunch of the last spring outing in high school. At that time, I was sitting under a big tree in the suburbs eating bread. After a while, Maomao quietly sat down When she got to me, I broke the bread in my hand into two halves and gave it to her. She bit it, and her tears dripped onto her jeans.

I asked her, what’s wrong with you? She told me melancholy that she no longer wanted to maintain that kind of relationship with Gao An. I was extremely surprised and asked why. She said, I am only telling you, I have another boy in my heart. I don't know how, but I immediately guessed that the person was Deng Pumin. As expected, Maomao acquiesced and told me with certainty that it wasn't because he was often with Gao An and that we suddenly developed feelings after getting along for a long time. She has liked him since the first day he entered our class, which was completely beyond my expectation.

After the spring outing, Maomao broke up with Gao An, and she did not confess her love to Deng Pumin until she graduated from high school.

I don’t know exactly when they broke up. I just remember that Gao An handed in a blank paper in a chemistry simulation exam. That day, the class teacher called him to the office and talked for a long time. After that, everything seemed to be fine. It calmed down as if it had never happened. Only fools like us who always have hope for them are still sad about this love that died young.

Gao An and Deng Pumin were also estranged during that period, so I am sure that Gao An already knew why Maomao insisted on separating from him.

In fact, during those days, I was in a bad mood because strange things happened around me.

Someone in the class started stealing my things.

Every three to five days I lose some stationery, such as erasers, set squares and mechanical pencils. I know it is purely a prank to bully others.

I don’t have time to care about these shameless trivial matters, but I feel uncomfortable unconsciously.

Maomao and Gao An broke up, and my illusion of a princess and prince was shattered. I couldn’t find any other sustenance except studying hard. In this depressing situation, I had to always beware of thieves. The attack was really unlucky. So, I asked Teacher Deng not to give Deng Pumin any more tutoring on the grounds of lack of time. Teacher Deng also knew that the college entrance examination was about to start, so he promised me to finish the last two sections. However, because of Maomao and Gao An, I The relationship, as well as my own emotional instability, kept putting off the relationship and never fulfilled the final promise.

Until Gao An and Deng Pumin broke off their relationship.

I walked into the lobby, faced the elevator, forced myself to clear my mind, and returned to the serious business of applying for a job, only to find that it was not an easy task.

On the way, I seemed to have been completely immersed in this memory, and my thinking seemed to be active and excited. When I received the call from Gao An in the morning, I was still very calm.

Thankfully the queue for the interview was long and I had enough time to continue my review.

How did Gao An and Deng Pumin break up their relationship?

I meditated carefully and suddenly smiled.

It was Deng Pumin. He punched Gao An. The reason is still a mystery.

It’s still a bit painful to think about that evening, but it was precisely because of this evening that I completely escaped from the emotional whirlpool of Gao’an.

In the days when we were preparing for the National College Entrance Examination, everyone was very busy. In addition to reviewing classes, we also hurriedly exchanged message booklets and graduation gifts, because everyone knew that the College Entrance Examination meant parting ways. If you are still in the mood to do this, why not take it as a souvenir as soon as possible. Apart from Gao An and Maomao, I don’t have many friends, and I knew that Gao An still had feelings for Maomao, so I made two keychains and asked Maomao to hand them over to Gao An for me. In fact, I wanted to create an opportunity for them to graduate. Let’s have a heart-to-heart talk beforehand to resolve the original misunderstanding.

After school that day, I deliberately waited until everyone had left before going to the car shed. I thought I was the only car left there. Unexpectedly, the conversation between Gao An and Maomao hadn’t ended yet, and the two of them were leaning against each other blankly. In front of their respective bicycles, there was a lonely one parked in the corner not far from them. They didn't know whose it belonged to.

I had no choice but to hide and wait patiently. At this moment, I heard Gao An say to Maomao: Since you like him, why don't you tell him?

Maomao replied, because he doesn’t like me.

How do you know? Gao An was surprised.

He already has someone he likes, maybe a girl from another class, otherwise he wouldn’t still be ignoring me until now.

Gao An remained silent, but I could vaguely feel that his heart was hurting.

How about we start over?

He indeed took the initiative to seize the opportunity, but Maomao never answered. Later I realized that although she didn't speak, she kept shaking her head like a rattle.

After a moment of stalemate, Maomao finally took out my gift. However, I never expected that she would accidentally reveal my secret.

She said to Gao An, Well, this is the graduation gift that Yun Lan asked me to give you. In fact, she is the one who really likes you the most. We have been together for so long, why have you never realized it? Woolen cloth?

Gao An took my keychain, stared at it blankly for a while, and then suddenly threw it to the ground.

What I like is you, not her. What do you mean by giving her things to me? It’s so ugly that I don’t want it.

I couldn’t see Maomao’s face, I just felt that she was very angry.

At this moment, a tall figure suddenly appeared from behind me, jumped in front of Gao An like an angry tiger, and punched him on the bridge of his handsome nose.

I suddenly understood that the remaining bicycle belonged to Deng Pumin.

When boys fight, we girls can only watch. In just a few rounds, Gao An's nosebleeds started to flow, and a dark purple bruise swelled up at the corner of Deng Pumin's mouth.

That fight was obviously not for me. Although Deng Pumin jumped out at the moment Gao An stabbed me, I was not so pretentious as to be so sentimental. Who could see that situation? Everyone understands that it is a battle between two boys for a girl. The outcome is not important, the key is who has the initiative.

Gao An's hatred is justified, and Deng Pumin still has some interest in Maomao after all.

In order to end this endless battle, I bravely stepped forward and grabbed Deng Pumin’s arm. I told him that he had to make up classes today. If it was later, it would be too late, and I just kidnapped him back to the classroom. .

It wasn’t until I sat down that my nose burst into tears and I burst into tears.

Deng Pumin ignored me and continued to open his martial arts book with relish. After a long time, he cursed angrily: Can you shut up? It was so noisy.

I wiped away my tears, threw the thick exercise manual on the desk, marked a piece with a red pen, and threw it in front of him.

All these must be done, start now, and you are not allowed to go home until you finish!

He stared at me in disbelief for a long time and asked: Are you sick?

I wanted to stare back at him, but suddenly I was at a loss.

I don’t know when his eyes became extremely gentle, and he stared blankly as if he wanted to comfort me.

No one has ever looked at my face for such a long time, causing my cheeks to immediately turn into hot cakes fresh out of the oven, red and hot.

If you look again, I will dig out your eyeballs!

I hate him so much and feel that he is mentally abusing me without restraint.

Do you believe in miracles? He started talking nonsense again.

I don’t believe it, I replied angrily.

Just like no one will believe that a guy like you can get into college, a guy like me can win love.

Oh, so that’s it, he murmured to himself thoughtfully, and then asked, how do you think we can make you believe that there are miracles in this world?

I had never considered this issue, but after he inadvertently reminded me, I suddenly remembered another thing, so I told him that when I became an adult at the age of eighteen, I had expected someone to Can you give me a gift that I have always wanted since I was a child but didn’t have the courage to say it out loud? However, my birthday that year was quite ordinary. Even my parents couldn’t figure out what I wanted. If anyone can guess The thing I wanted at that time was to believe that there were real miracles in this world.

Deng Pumin frowned and thought hard. He was a little discouraged when he couldn't find the answer, so he had to take out the paper and answer the questions obediently.

We stopped talking and sat like this until dark.

That night, he was very unusual. He finished all the exercises in front of me for the first time, and he actually got two answers correct! When we were breaking up at the school gate, he suddenly remembered and asked me if I still owed him a lesson. I said yes, and he offered to make it up at the same time on Friday.

You must come, so that we don’t owe anyone anything? he reminded me in a pretentious manner.

What a joke, he thought I would believe that the punch was for me?

I rolled my eyes at him and reluctantly nodded, thinking that the things I promised should have a beginning and an end. After spending so long with him, this time is not bad.

As a result, I had a fever on Friday and didn’t go to class at all. Of course, I couldn’t fulfill my agreement with him.

That night, I unexpectedly received a call from Deng Pumin.

He still asked in a sinister tone, are you still alive?

I am not a beauty with a bad fate, so the curse will not work on me.

I responded unceremoniously to him.

He chuckled secretly on the phone. I don’t know why, it was the first time I had that close and comfortable feeling with a classmate who was almost a complete stranger. Maybe it was because no one had ever been there before. He was the only one who called me when I was sick.

Then, the college entrance examination began. Maomao, Deng Pumin and Gao An, although they belonged to two different examination rooms, were actually very close to each other. The last time I saw them was at the edge of the examination room. In a snack bar, the weather was already very hot at that time, but they ordered two bowls of spicy pork noodles, chatting and laughing while sweating profusely, as if they had returned to their previous harmony. Maomao was afraid that she would cause another dispute when she appeared, so she refused to go in and say hello to them, so we bypassed the small shop and went directly to McDonald's.

As I passed the store door, I remember that I seemed to have looked back. Deng Pumin seemed to have noticed me and wanted to say something, but he swallowed it down after all.

His mouth full of spicy oil looks funny, like a prairie dog who forgot to wipe his mouth after eating.

I don’t know why I didn’t remember until now that there was a person like him in my memory, and his face was so clear and vivid, as if everything happened yesterday.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen him since then.

The interview ended successfully, but I still don’t have much hope for myself. As the saying goes, the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. Anyway, I am destined to be the kind of person who has to bear the humiliation and struggle hard on the edge of society. People, so-called miracles, only belong to God's favored ones, and I will never have to wait needlessly for this.

However, one sunny afternoon three days later, I met Gao An by chance on the street. We sat in a cafe along the street for twenty minutes. However, that short moment Twenty minutes actually changed my entire life.

Gao An asked me, why didn’t you come?

I had an interview that day and couldn’t leave.

What I said is the truth.

I have something to give you, but you didn’t show up. I originally wanted to call you and ask for your address so I could send it to you, but luckily I did, saving me another trip.

What?

I’m very surprised that I can’t think of what kind of medicine he sells in his gourd.

Do you still remember the curly-haired Deng Pumin? he asked me.

Remember, how is he now? What are you doing?

Don’t you know?

What do you know? I'm even stranger.

Deng Pumin almost became your university alumnus!

You mean, he was admitted to Jiaotong University back then? My eyes are about to pop out.

Gao An laughed and said, when he received the admission notice, Teacher Deng’s expression was exactly the same as yours.

However, he soon became quiet again.

What happened next? I asked him excitedly, you said it was almost, why was it almost? Did the teacher get the grade wrong?

Gao An suddenly stared at me, with something deep and mysterious that I was unfamiliar with flowing in his eyes.

He was an unlucky guy. He was hit by a car before school started.

I felt my chest tightening and I couldn't breathe.

You mean, he...

Teacher Deng cried to death, and Gao An sighed leisurely.

Finally he was promising, but suddenly he was gone. No one could bear the change.

I felt very sad and didn’t know what to say, thinking that I had just recalled his appearance two days ago, but he had passed away several years ago.

At this time, Gao An took out a bulging cowhide envelope from his bag and handed it to me.

I found this among his belongings. Teacher Deng asked me to hand it over to you.

It was a very ordinary envelope, the seal was tightly sealed with glass glue, and the cover said:

Personally opened by classmate Zhu Yunlan

I think maybe It's his graduation gift to you, Gao An couldn't help but said.

I opened the envelope in front of Gao An, and a lot of shabby stationery, including erasers, set squares and mechanical pencils, popped out.

I couldn’t laugh or cry, it turned out that the nasty little thief was him!

There was a card, and Gao An picked it out from the pile of rubber at a glance.

I opened it and saw four words written on it: Confidence = Miracle

I didn’t understand why he wanted to send me a card? The sentence on this card obviously has nothing to do with the stolen stationery.

I thought for a moment and suddenly realized something. I took the envelope over and touched it again. Sure enough, there was a small protrusion hidden in the corner, so I reached in and took it out.

Just when I saw clearly what it was, tears suddenly burst into my eyes.

That was my belated eighteenth-year-old gift.

A beautiful, pink lipstick...