What are the jokes (more than 10)

1. When I was a child, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard for 60 years and there is no food. I never throw away the boogers I picked out

< p> 2. There was a rich man looking for a servant. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. .But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

3. A man saw a store There was a big sale, so I walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him and there was nothing he could do, so the man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food and said, "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but still couldn't get the result. I bought cat food without going home and bringing the cat with me. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" "Yeah, it's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." 4. A man went to visit his grandmother with his friends. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished all the peanuts. As they left, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Uh-huh!" Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the outer layer of chocolate.

5. Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot". One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again, but the waiter told him that this dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Sir, it is really sold out." You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed at the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he was halfway through the meal. Suddenly he found a very small but full-furred one lying at the bottom of the casserole. The little mouse felt disgusted and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was turning his stomach, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" It's the same..."

6. On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Can I give you a toothpick, boss?" "The boss sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself, why did the beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He also sent him away, not too old, and again A beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat. Now only the soup is left." Can you give me a straw?

7. The eldest and second child were on a plane. The second child got airsick and kept vomiting. One bag was full, so the boss had to go get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason and the second child said: "I saw that this bag was also full of vomit, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited."

If you haven't seen it yet If you vomit, then I have to admit that you are a master, then I will come up with a trick---

One day, the eldest brother and the second child went to the theater to watch a play again, and saw the two of them arguing about the development of the plot. Get up and bet on it.

The boss pointed to the row of spittoons in front and said, "The loser has to take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost, so he frowned and took a sip. The two continued to bet on the following plot. This time, the second child lost. The second child picked up a spittoon and drank fifteen gulps in a row. The boss was shocked and looked down in admiration. He said to the second brother, "You are so amazing. You can drink fifteen gulps in a row!" The second boss shook his head. "It's not that I want to drink. The phlegm in the spittoon is too thick. I really don't want it." Keep biting!"

An ant saw an elephant on the road. The ant burrowed into the soil and only one leg was exposed.

The little rabbit saw it and asked in confusion: "Why are your legs exposed?"

The ant said: "Shh! Don't make any noise, I will trip his turtle son!"

The next day, the rabbit saw the whole nest of ants lining up and hurried away, and asked why.

The ant replied: "Yesterday, an elephant tripped over one of our brothers and fell into pieces. She's seriously injured, let's donate blood to that girl."

Not long after, the rabbit saw a large number of ants coming back, and asked what was going on. One ant said: "Oh, there is only one with the elephant's blood type. Agreed, leave him alone to draw blood, that’s enough.”

On the third day, the rabbit came and asked the ant: Is he alive? The ant said helplessly: I carried it back. Damn it was so heavy that my waist was bent. It was so unbearable that it fell!

/p>

Judge: "The sentence for personal injury is 2 months, and for tripping an elephant is racial discrimination, an additional 4 months~~~"

So Ant filed a complaint with the High Court: We wait We are equal to elephants, so how can we be "discriminated"? Please ask the High Court to make a clear decision and clear our names. We can sue the judge for false accusations.

A few days later, Elephant Fa died suddenly, and everyone ran to see it. Found a female ant next to her. Just ask it how the elephant died. The female ant cried and said: I just told it that I was pregnant with its child and it...

The female ant laid a bunch of eggs, hatched and hatched, and finally hatched a bunch of eggs. Ostrich, damn! The death of the elephant was so unjust~~

One day, the rabbit suddenly saw an elephant hiding behind a tree and stretching one leg out. Just asked: "What are you doing?"

The elephant said: "Shh! Don't say anything, I'm waiting for the son of the ant turtle to come, so that I can mess with him and avenge my brother."< /p>

As soon as the rabbit left the elephant, he heard the elephant scream, so he ran back to see it. On the way, he met an ant panting on the roadside. Before the rabbit asked the ant, he heard the ant himself say: TMD wants to mess with me, but fortunately I found out early. He stepped on it and broke his foot! !

The elephant was sent back to the hospital again. Because the femoral artery was trampled, he lost more blood this time. A continuous transfusion of 80L was not enough. The blood bank was in emergency, and the only ant whose blood type matched the elephant’s was Already collapsed after the last blood transfusion

People chatted non-stop after they sat down, and only one person was ordering food. After ordering, everyone is asked for their opinions: "The dishes are ordered, is there anything you want to add?"

In this case, in Beijing we usually ask the lady to tell the names of the dishes that have been ordered. So a friend from Beijing said: "Sister

please report me."

The lady glanced at him but made no move.

"Miss, please report me!" The brother was a little anxious.

The lady’s face turned red, but she still didn’t move.

"What's the matter? I want you to report that you didn't hear me?" My brother was really anxious.

A female colleague hurriedly smoothed things over: "Miss, please report everyone one by one, ah."

The lady mumbled and asked: "Then, then... just hug the girl Yes, can you not hug a man? ”

“Poof! "A female colleague next to me just drank a big sip of tea and sprayed it all over the people in front of me. More than a dozen people laughed together, and the lady was even more at a loss.

When the dishes are served, the mixed one will be served first. Lapier. A large plate of Lapier was brought up, followed by several plates of ingredients, sauces, etc. When the lady was serving the dishes, she didn't pay attention and a drop of sauce spilled on one of the guys. pants on.

The guy also deliberately teased Menzi and pretended to be gloomy.

He asked the lady: "What should I do?"

The lady said calmly: "Anything can be done."

"Then what do you say we should do?"

"You can do whatever you want?"

"Then what do you usually do here?"

"How about I do it for you?"

"Okay."

I saw the lady quickly putting together several plates of ingredients and sauces. Pour it on the dough, hold a chopstick in one hand and a spoon in the other, brush it a few times and mix it. Then he said to the guy: "Sir, it's mixed and ready to eat."

The guy stared at the plate and didn't say anything for a long time. Another colleague spoke to the lady for him. Said "thank you".

The main course is served - roasted lamb leg, a large plate of meat bones, and a plate of salt and pepper. A fellow from Beijing loved this dish very much.

He grabbed a leg of lamb without any ceremony, took a bite, and started eating it. When the lady saw it, she said:

"Sir, this should be eaten with dipping."

The buddy looked at the lady suspiciously, and then at his local colleagues. A local colleague said: "It tastes better when dipped in it."

The buddy then stood up with the leg of lamb and took another bite.

The lady hurried over and asked: "Sir, do you need anything?"

"Ah? No."

"Then please sit down and eat. "

The buddy muttered and sat down, looking at everyone in a daze. Carefully, he brought the leg of lamb to his mouth and carefully took a bite.

The lady said again: "Sir, you have to eat this with dipping."

The man stood up suddenly, waved the leg of lamb and shouted angrily: "Stand up again." How can we eat while sitting down?"

The table was full of food and wine, and the leader staggered over.

The whole audience stood up to greet him, and there was a roar of greetings.

The lady serving the banquet next to me was very beautiful. She was new, inexperienced and a little nervous.

Everyone sat down, and someone called out: "Miss, tea!"

The lady hurriedly approached and pointed with her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, ** *Seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader added: "Pour the tea!"

The lady checked again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or seven."

Someone asked: "What are you counting?"

The lady hesitated and replied softly: "I am a dog." < /p>

Everyone was angry and shouted: "Call your manager!" The manager came in, lowered his hands and sneered, asking: "Everyone, what do you want to tell me?"

The leader said: "Don't ask too many questions. , go and find out the age and zodiac sign of this young lady."

The manager was puzzled, and he followed the order and replied: "18 years old, she is a dog!"

The leader laughed, and everyone laughed. laugh. The leaders are too generous to hold people accountable, but the general public is too generous to hold them accountable.

The lady and manager seemed to be in a cloud.

After thirty years of drinking, a dish was served: "Stewed Bastard!"

Everyone was happy, but they did not forget the rules. Someone poked Bastard's head with chopsticks and said, "Brother, move!" Leader, move!"

The leader looked at the trembling turtle's head and felt displeased. He didn't want to harmonize with the end of his words and didn't want to violate everyone's wishes, so he continued

He took a spoonful of soup and said: "Okay, okay! Please feel free to do whatever you want."

Someone else said: "Yes - the bastard should drink the soup!" The leader was so angry that he almost spit out his rice. .

Not long after, when the soup was almost gone, something round appeared and asked: "Miss, what is this?"

The lady hurriedly replied: "It's a bastard.

Everyone was surprised again: "The leader eats first, the leader eats first!" "

This leader did not hear the "unlucky" words and was very happy. He called the lady: "Give everyone a share! "

For a long time, the lady did not move. The leader asked angrily: "Why, can't you tell the difference? "

The young lady said in embarrassment: "Seven people, six bastards, how do you want me to divide them? "

After everyone heard this, they all stretched their necks and stared. Their mouths were full of delicious food and it was difficult to swallow.`