A classic funny quotation every day

1, full of love, all beautiful women in the world have lovers.

God gave us worldly desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.

3. Q: "Is my avatar Niu B?" A: "I like it!"

4. They said I was BT and asked me to do CT, but I turned out to be ET.

5. Be a person hovering between cow A and cow C. ..

6, also because of loneliness, talked about several times in love. Who knows that it is easy to be kicked after repeated battles and defeats!

7. I don't know whose wife is in my bed, and neither does my wife!

8. Don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

9. Everyone says I'm an actor, because my eyes roll when I see a beautiful MM. ...

10, men pretend to understand if they don't understand, but women are just the opposite.

1 1, you can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

12. During my four years in college, I always thought I was a talented person, but I was wrong, I am not! I'm a fucking genius!

13. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

14, wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

15. When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Yan as my husband. If I want to be lucky, I will be. If I don't want to play, I will eat him.

16, I won't go to work until the sun comes out; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep!

17, you can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

18, as long as you dare to die, I dare to bury it.

19, buttress in buttress out-the highest level of eating buffet.

20, people are not smart, but also learn from others baldness! !

2 1, I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

22. What can I do to kill your lover? ...

23, the first program, the only son flute.

24. Do you think scrambled eggs with tomato and water are tomato and egg soup? This is a big difference.

25. Men can rely on it, and sows can climb trees.

A toad who doesn't want to eat swan meat is not a good toad.

27. A toad that ate swan meat or a toad?

28. What is more troublesome than meeting a shrew is ... meeting two shrews at the same time.

29. I once liked her broad mind, but it was just an airport!

The teacher told us not to litter, or I would lose you! ! ! !

3 1, there was a time when my Lp always said I was hungry at night, so I always ran out to eat supper. One day I told her that you should go to bed early at night, so that you won't.

32. Hungry.

33. wearing this dress, animals will become people. You will become an animal as soon as you put it on.

I can't give you happiness, but I can make you comfortable ...

35. After eating for three days, I want to go to the West-my basic skills are still shallow.

36. Time is like a woman's cleavage. There's always squeezing.

37. Go find your aunt! Big class? -I went out on business and met my aunt downstairs.

Even if I kiss someone one day, I should kiss you.

39, not afraid of opponents like God, but afraid of teammates like shit.

40. Fenqing is only one step away from patriotism and not one step away from SB.

Daily funny quotations

1, I never believe that I can make a wish when I see a meteor. I just want to collect dragon balls in a down-to-earth way. 2. Looking back 500 times in the past life, I got a rogue in this life!

Never argue with a brain-dead person, because he will bring your IQ to the same level as him and then beat you with rich experience.

The earth is moving, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever.

My friend said that single dog was hurt by the second half-price advertisement. I said single dog, that's your business, and we single pigs said it's just right to eat two.

6. Unconsciously, our love has gone through a whole year, and we have all experienced a lot in this year.

The saddest thing in the world is that the homework is written late and the teacher won't check it tomorrow!

8. Life is like a news broadcast. You can't escape by changing the channel.

9. Sleeping for seven hours at school is not enough, but sleeping for five hours during holidays is twice as energetic.

10, the right shoes, only the feet know, the right person, only the heart knows, there is only one suitable way to walk a thousand roads, and one person is enough to meet all kinds of people.

1 1. If cutting my hair means cutting my memory, will I lose my memory if I cut my hair?

12. If your ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend fall into the sea at the same time, would you like to stay with me?

13, I don't like sleeping with only one woman many times, but I like sleeping with many women only once.

14, wearing shoes without socks, generous and honest. Hair is like juice grass, don't go to the hair salon.

15, there are no women who can't marry men, only men who can't marry women.

16, your mother took you shopping, and others asked: Elder sister, how much did you buy this monkey?

17, my boyfriend held my face in his hands and looked at it affectionately. I looked forward to it silently, closed my eyes shyly and heard a sentence: this big face can't be kissed for a day.

18, your lethality is too great. Last time you operated on me, I was ill for several days.

19, a person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard and all you can get out is a fart.

20. You never know how ugly you are if you don't confess, or how bad your character is if you don't borrow money.

2 1, m: Every time I miss you, the star drops a tear. That's how the ocean was formed. Woman: Every time I think about you, I fart. This is how the ozone layer is formed.

22. Prove in one sentence that you have read four classical novels: Brother Save Me, Strategist Save Me, Sister Save Me and Wukong Save Me.

23. I recorded a sentence "I am handsome, I am handsome" on my mobile phone and set it as an alarm clock. I feel awakened by myself every day.

24. There must be something wrong with my eyes, because my eyes are always helplessly removed from you.

25. Everyone has a dark side. If you say you are simple, I can only say that you are not human!

26. My hobbies can be divided into two types: dynamic and static. Quietly sleeping, moving over.

27. What am I to you? You are a lot of fish, how can you be a snack, because you are really redundant.

28, Yuanyang playing in the water, all fucking drowned; Fly with me, you fucking fell dead!

29. I fell in love with my bed. We are both made for each other. But the alarm clock doesn't think so, the jealous bitch.

30. Don't let others call me funny, it's only yours.

3 1. You pushed me to refuel and held me so that I could do it without hard support.

32. If one day, you choose to give up on me, I won't cry, but a stronger smile.

33. Baidu checked how to get the first place in the next meal. The best answer is that his girlfriend was finally molested.

I want to be your heart. If you annoy me, I won't jump.

35. If one day you suddenly disappear, do you think someone will look for you crazily? If I still owe the bank mortgage and car loan.

36. If one day you get old and your teeth fall out, I will still kiss your toothless gums.

37. If a woman is a book, then many women only have pages: one has a car, one has a house and one has a ticket.

38. Someone has a crush on you. Will you be tempted to know? I think I'll change my mind.

39. There is always someone who just smiles at you and hits you, such as the class teacher outside the window.

40. Woman, don't take your enchanting appearance as a cheap token. Men, don't regard their unruly character as narcissistic capital.

4 1, everyone is king, domineering in the world of self, you don't listen to me, but you don't let me listen to you.

42. Fat people are all eaten in one bite. See who can reach the sky in one step.

43. Unexpectedly, the time when we had a secret crush turned out to be the topic we talked about later.

44. Be a troll with temperament, a pervert with hierarchy, and an illiterate with knowledge!

45. look at you Look at your back. You are in a hurry, and you scare away millions of lions as soon as you turn your head.

46. Don't feel that you don't love Russia enough. As long as you suddenly think of Russia, Russia is very satisfied.

47. Make it clear that the script of your life is not a sequel to your parents, a prequel to your children, or a foreign story of your friends.

Teacher, if you ignore the bell again, we will ignore it.

49. It is better to find someone who loves you than to find someone who loves you. Being loved is happy.

50. Do you have a teacher who has friends all over the country and is rich, but she is poor?

5 1, how long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or squatting outside.

52, indifferent people, thank you for looking down on me, let me not bow, a more wonderful life.

53. I set my mobile phone to flight mode. Why is it broken when you throw it downstairs from home?

54. When money stood up and spoke, all truths fell asleep.

55. Watching time in bed every morning is not to get up, but to see how long you can sleep.

56. The greatest happiness in life is to find that the person you love just loves you.

Turning girls into women is the most basic responsibility and obligation of men.

58. When someone asks me what happiness is, I tell them that happiness means that the person I love smiles at me.

I met you in this beautiful Phoenix. This will be a wonderful memory in my life. Beautiful encounter.

60. My love for you is as vigorous as a tractor climbing a hill.

6 1. If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I will resign. Before I resign, I will give him two Chinese and kill him.

62. Someone asked me what is the first beauty in my hometown? I replied: it's me.

63. If I can control myself, I will definitely resist eating.

64. If you are the one, if a female guest turns off another man's light, the aunt in the dormitory can turn off the whole building.

65. Have you been thrown three times at birth and only been caught twice?

66. There are only two things I can't do in my life: neither can this; That won't happen either.

67. We have no intention of sleeping for a long night. What can we pursue besides creating human beings?

68. You are the author of your life, why do you want to write a tragic script?

69. What is love? It turns out that no matter whether you are good or bad, you just want to treat it gently, even if you are deeply hurt, you can't bear to hate it.

70. I want to pick up girls wholeheartedly. If everyone pulls out a pubic hair as a souvenir, I guess I can knit a sweater!

7 1. Time is really annoying. It can change everything at will without anyone's consent.

72. Do you think you look good in person or in photos? Turn off the lights and look good.

I vaguely remember the question that the teacher said, but I clearly remember that I didn't listen.

74, the school is not a funeral home, check what remains! What are you still wearing?

75. What you left me today is happiness, and so will the day after tomorrow. Our tomorrow is full of happiness.

Honey, don't play with your bones. Aren't you afraid that the Monkey King will see you and give you three sticks?

77. Heart, if you don't find a place to live, you will wander around. We all have a past that we want to go back to but can't.

Don't look at me innocently like a puppy, it will make me want to eat dog meat.

79. What is April Fool's Day confession? Tomb-Sweeping Day's confession is king, because if he fails, he says he is possessed by a ghost!

If you blindly pursue novelty, I'm sorry, it's hard for you to survive in this world.

8 1, I just want you to take me with you. Don't tell me to let you go. I can't. I just want you, believe it or not.

82. Sorry, sister in front, you are a little huge, blocking my cell phone signal.

83. There is no fire in simulated fire, and there is no earthquake in simulated earthquake. Then why is there a test in the mock exam? This is not scientific.

84. True love needs to wait. Anyone can say that they love you, but not everyone can wait for you.

85. Time tells me that the era of irrationality is over and it's time to pretend.

86. I am fat to make you look thin; Before I lose weight and make you look bad.

Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

88. This idiom is actually used to describe ancient and modern female artists!

89. If you are willing to tear my heart off layer by layer, you will go to jail, I'll tell you.

According to my analysis of Mid-Autumn homework, I can't look directly at National Day.

9 1, my only deviation is that I have more money, and I lost my only deviation at that time. I am almost happy.

92. Recently, a shop called Drum and Gun was opened, and money was rolling in. Every time someone buys a drum set, his neighbor will come to buy a gun the next day.

93. It takes two people to make a decision when we are together, and only one person is needed when we break up.

A classic and funny sentence every day

1, phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent. ...

I have not only a car, but also my own. ...

4. Women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man. Men often use a QQ number to fill in all kinds of women. ...

5. I accidentally read the so-called contemporary female mate selection standard in the book: "If you have a car and a house, your parents will die." Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: "The family property is over 100 million, the beauty is the best in the world, the virtuous and gentle, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer ..."

6. Most people only do three things in their life: deceive themselves and be bullied.

7. Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art!

In order to avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married!

9. You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

10, as fast as lightning, we will never change our religion, and it is not worth mentioning. In The Tempest, a symbol of our love, how can we sweep the world without sweeping a house? It has been raining in the east and west. When it rains, I looked up and found it was moonlight. It was stupefied. How can we kill a chicken with a knife? It's finally spring. Wei Wei rescues Zhao Baokui, Very Good, Eight Teeth.

1 1, a blog diary of Anonymous: One day, I was drunk and reached out and touched it-my mobile phone and chastity are here, so go to sleep quickly!

12, a beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy and lovely virgin, just like a ghost, men are talking about it, but no one has seen it with their own eyes. ...

13, I remember the primary school teacher scolded me: "I will kick you out with a slap!" I wanted to laugh at that time, but I was afraid to laugh. Now, I dare to laugh, but I can't. ...

14, if happiness is a cloud, if pain is a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

15, the effect of contraception: if you don't succeed, you will become a "person".

16, loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.

17, the most tiring thing in this world is to see your heart broken and have to stick it on yourself.

18, the tragedy of life lies in: I worked so hard to have a sweet dream all night, but I woke up the next morning and I couldn't remember it at all!

19. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

20. Men are lewd. A stronger one is called a pervert, a stronger one is called a pervert, and a stronger one is called a pervert. Especially strong, they become perverted perverts and are called human aesthetic artists.

2 1, I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This can be very sad. ...

22. It is forbidden to urinate here, and the tools will be confiscated.

23. Looking at beautiful women in the street is appreciation if you look up, and hooligans if you look down.

Son of a bitch, we still have a lot to do in this life. Stop wasting your time playing hide-and-seek with me and jump out.

25. Women like two kinds of flowers all their lives: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

26, a hit-is to describe a female artist. ...

27. The unfairness of this world lies in: God said, "I want light!" " So there was this day. The beauty said, "I want a diamond ring!" " "So she got a diamond ring. The rich man said, "I want a woman!" " "So he has a woman. I said, "I want to take a shower!" " "I can't believe the water has stopped!

28. I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract the attention of boys, but what boys want to see is girls who don't wear clothes.

29. Occasionally, if you live in silence, you will feel great, but if you live in silence, you will be miserable. ...

Occasionally, if you live in silence, you will feel great, but if you live in silence, you will feel miserable. ...

3 1, you are really a beauty. In other words, you are beautiful only in the tunnel, because there are no lights in the tunnel.

32. If I had known that I had looked back 500 times in my last life, I would have met you in my life. I should break my head in exchange for meeting you in my life.

Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...

34. I drown my sorrows in wine, but I learned to swim in this damn pain.

35. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

36. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then I should at least eat a pair of whales. ...

37. Summer is coming, and the weather is very hot. A group of SB flew north, forming an S and a B. ...

38. Do you think I will watch you die? I close my eyes.

39. I am like a fly lying on the glass. I have a bright future, but I can't find a way out

40, crowded in Beijing, causing trouble to the capital. ...

Funny quotations in 2020

Please breathe bravely. Let's use our lungs to purify the polluted air.

Last night, I missed countless friends. I thought about it, but you are the coolest. I looked for you in my dream, and I looked back indifferently. You are tied to the depths of someone else's donkey shed, which is cruel and cruel.

3. With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

Standing on the balcony that day, you enjoyed the drizzle and thought about the rough life. Your face is wet and tastes sour, bitter and salty. Is it rain or tears? You look up at the sky and see whose mop it is.

The most romantic thing I can think of is that you pretend to be lovers to rob. During our successful robbery and absconding with money, you were unfortunately arrested. You would rather die than confess and go to jail, leaving me sad and spending money like water for the rest of my life.

6. I wish you a pleasant journey and disappear halfway; I wish you laugh often, you have to laugh anyway; I wish you a happy day, leg cramps; I wish you all the best and hit a wall everywhere.

7, vital capacity self-test tips: bow your head and suck after farting, and then observe whether people around you smell the smell. If so, you must strengthen your exercise according to this method; If not, then prove that you are superman!

8. Notice: There will be a leader's inspection tomorrow morning. Dear colleagues, please dress as required. Man: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; Lady: swimsuit, pants, shoes!

9. Maitreya said: "Laugh when you open your mouth, laugh at the past and laugh at the present, and laugh at everything; The stomach can accommodate, and the sky can accommodate. " A big belly can hold things that are hard to hold in the world. Why are we not pregnant?

10, I have worked silently in the film circle for many years, and the bitterness is only clear to you. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have won the Golden Bird Award: the nomination of the best animal star.

1 1. On this full moon night, Chang 'e said to me: She will go down to find you, give you a beauty treatment and restore your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop texting and ask you a question!

12, Wukong, you clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show it-after reading this message, clean the girls' toilet as soon as possible.

13, looking at the atmosphere from a distance, grinning at a close look.

14, whenever I encounter difficulties, I will take out my wallet and look at my wife's photo, and then say to myself: What is there to be afraid of? Don't lose heart. Is there anything more difficult than her?

15. Computers can really save time and improve work efficiency. For example, playing card games does not require shuffling.

16, don't wash it, but for the mud, this broken car would have fallen apart.

17, there is no rehearsal in life, every day is live broadcast!

18, I explained to my son what the exchange rate is on a whim. As a result, he only accepts gold as lucky money now.

19, comrade policeman, if I drive too fast, what about you?

20. Some people don't even know their neighbors, but they are extremely concerned about whether there are aliens in the world.

2 1, when making paper documents, each document shall not exceed ten pages; If it can't be compressed within ten pages, each book can be bound into one, two, three volumes, and so on. Please strictly observe it. If there is a document that the general manager can't tear off next time, the responsibility of the department manager will be severely investigated. ...

22. Get up if you don't want to sit.

I only fly first class unless they kick me out.

24, your happiness, I will create; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

25. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life brought me a fleeting moment in this life. I used 10000 times to look back at my past life in exchange for meeting you in this life, just to ask you: Why do you compete with my dog for bones?

26. To know a person, you should look at it from many angles, just like you. From below, you look like a psycho, from the side, you look like an idiot, and from 30 degrees, you look like a pig. Look, I know you better.