"At my age ..."

Chatting with friends on weekends, I accidentally said: at my age. ...

My friend laughed with a snow. You sound like an old pedant now. You are ready to teach others a lesson as soon as you open your mouth.

I paused and then smiled.

It seems to be true, but a few years ago, whenever I heard someone say "at my age …", I would put on an embarrassed and impolite smile and then roll my eyes in my mind.

People who used to sit patiently and listen to others' reasoning have now become reasonable people.

Everyone has a story, and stories are not necessarily the same thing. There are many people in the story, and everyone has his own story.

We are creators, participants and sharers.

Life stories, like infinitely extending lines, are intertwined, and like three-dimensional geometric figures on different planes, they seem to be misplaced, but they never fold.

Sometimes, I wonder where other people's ideas come from. Why does that person think so?

It is interesting when people in the world think about the same thing in different ways. Different planes have different structures and different structures have different points.

And we are a tiny point in the three-dimensional model of life.

And this dot is also wrapped in layers of cocoons, that is, age. You are more like a silent core, allowing time to erode, from the initial violent resistance to the final silence.

Sounds like a process of breaking a cocoon into a butterfly.

But you forget that not everyone is eager to be a dancing butterfly.

I interviewed some people and asked them to start with "at my age" and talk about their age.

Luo Xiao, 18 years old, a student.

At my age, if I affirm myself a hundred times a day, I will deny myself a hundred and one times.

After this Spring Festival, Luo Xiao will become a senior three student.

Luo Xiao said that he always thought senior three was particularly far away, but when it really came, it was like hail hitting him, and he felt particularly unreal.

For the first big exam in life, Luo Xiao's heart is full of worries. She said that she was always afraid that she could not bear the pressure, but she had to bite the bullet and do it.

Luo Xiao is a typical adolescent. Her biggest confusion is that she always feels that no one around her understands herself, including her parents and friends, and even sometimes she can't understand herself.

She said, sometimes I get angry. What makes me angry is why you miss me so much. I obviously didn't mean that, but I was also depressed, because in the end, I didn't know what I was thinking.

Luo Xiao described his youth in one sentence: his mind was in chaos and he was in a daze all day.

I comforted her, it's okay, adolescence is always like this, and we used to be like this. It will be fine after this time.

Luo Xiao's answer was as I expected: everyone around me said the same thing. I'm tired of hearing these words, but it's really useless.

In fact, I understand Luo Xiao's adolescent symptoms very well. He is always free, always suspicious, always busy affirming himself and everything around him, always denying it.

Luo Xiao agrees with my definition of "freedom". She said that she is in this state now. It seems that everything is logical for her life and study, but she doesn't think this kind of life should be like this.

She asked me what should I do?

I said, just do it. Finish the college entrance examination first, and then you will be clear and organized.

Luo Xiao said, I hope so.

Suddenly remind of one thing, ask her, then you have no girlish feeling. It's always time for poetry. What about your young and ignorant feelings?

The small waterfall leads to natural and graceful. You mean unrequited love? Who else has a secret crush these days? We all work hard together, or we break up.

I'm surprised that the juvenile consciousness is so advanced now?

Luo Xiao said, you are old.

Xiaoqing, 26, is a company employee.

At my age, I realized that nothing is better than being myself, and nothing is better than being rich.

Xiaoqing is not blindly named. She explained that for an old monster like Bai who has been practicing for thousands of years, the greater the ability, the greater the responsibility, which means that he will lose more, and Xiaoqing, a little green snake, is more suitable for himself.

Xiaoqing's ultimate dream is to have a good job, find a good man, get married and lead a plain life.

But Xiaoqing's feelings are not smooth, and she is hurt all over. Those men left her with a clear conscience and it took a long time to heal themselves.

Love has not landed, Xiaoqing put all her energy into her work, leaving early and returning late, and being diligent, but at work, Xiaoqing often feels unhappy.

She said that now she has a feeling of going with the flow.

Xiaoqing used to be a very caring person, caring about other people's ideas and comments, always wronged herself and always in a state of hesitation.

One of her doubts is, do people have to succeed to be happy? Do you just live a plain life without making progress and self-indulgence?

Sometimes, she will toss and turn, living alone in this city, for what? If you are just an ordinary person, is this effort worth it? Are you really qualified to live here?

At the end of the year, Xiaoqing took the year-end award and put her resignation letter on the boss's desk.

The reason for quitting is that if the surrounding environment can't make you happy, you have to please yourself.

She admits that she has come a long way to understand this.

Xiaoqing said that what I need most now is to find my former self, and I need a blank holiday to adjust.

She has no higher expectations for feelings. She said that if he comes late in the future, then take care of himself for him first. When he comes late, it should be the best state.

I asked her jokingly, doesn't your family rush you?

Xiaoqing smile, at this point, do you think I will care about their rush?

I don't know, 37 years old, entrepreneur.

At my age, everything will be better than me. I think of others first, then of myself, and even of myself.

When I first met him, he didn't use that name. Later, he changed his name to this name, so I made fun of him.

This chat, I don't know what to say to me for the first time. If I change this name, I really feel that I don't know anything.

I also went through the college entrance examination, being young and frivolous, getting married and having children, and jumping ship. Ten years later, he was surprised to find that he knew nothing.

I used to be a literary youth who didn't understand. At one time, he also liked reading books and writing poems, and all kinds of things that looked irrelevant but were fun to do.

But all this, after he passed the age of 35, had a major turning point.

There are two turning points: one is the birth of one's own child and the other is the failure of starting a business for the first time.

He said, I used to be a person who hated children. My wife entered the delivery room, and I was wondering if it was right or wrong. I even want to run away.

But when he held the baby in his arms trembling, he couldn't help crying.

He said that it was the first time that I had a feeling of life extension, which could not be replaced by writing a few poems. This is a unique experience.

For the sake of my family and children, I don't know how to quit my job and start a business, but after all, I was reckless and failed in my first venture.

He is afraid to go home and face his family. He felt ashamed that he had accomplished nothing. He had the idea of divorce for the first time, but when he told his wife this idea, she said calmly, you should be beautiful.

I don't know what to say. Trembling for so many years, finding yourself is a very unreliable thing. This is a youth meal. If everything is just me, then life is definitely impossible to move forward.

I don't agree with him, he explained. I used to think that a person was full and the whole family was not hungry, but now I think too many things. For his wife and children, for his family and for a better life, he must always be sober and rational.

In his idea, ego equals selfishness, and he puts everything on the opposite side of himself. But now, he has learned to accept and solve.

Although this feeling is sometimes very torturous, I don't understand but enjoy this "torture" calmly.

He said that at my age, nothing is more reassuring than being needed.

Recently, my wife gave a lovely golden retriever for her birthday, and the whole family was very happy.

He said with a smile, now his position in the family has dropped again.

I asked, is it the same as what is said on the Internet? Children, wives, dogs, and then husbands?

I don't know how to smile and nod, yes, exactly the same.

Although he is reluctant, I can see that he is happy.

Parents are 60 years old and retired workers.

At my age, I listen to my ears. Nothing lives for yourself. That depends on what life is like for your younger generation. If you live well, we will be happy.

My parents will be sixty years old after this Spring Festival.

At that time, according to the call of the state, they married late and gave birth late, which led to my parents being the oldest among people my age, and made many people mistakenly think that I should be in my thirties.

My father has a famous saying: I want to be a father before the age of 30, and I want to be a son after the age of 30.

My mother retired a long time ago, and my father will soon retire this year. They often ridicule themselves as retired people, and they have no value to society.

I joked with them the other day that when my grandmother was sixty, I went to junior high school. As a result, you are sixty now, and I am still single.

My mother gave me a look and said simply that times have changed. Everyone got married early at that time.

As soon as I saw my mother's expression, I quickly shut up. I don't know whether she is comforting me or herself.

It took me nearly a year or two to realize that they seem to pay special attention to "getting old".

I once joked with my dad that you can't help me now, just take care of yourself and don't give me any trouble. I'm far away in Beijing. You're ill, so I won't be able to come back for a while.

My dad nodded. In fact, we especially want to help you, but we really can't help you. It's a little sad.

As soon as I saw my dad's expression, I quickly shut up again. I know he is telling the truth, but I can only listen to it as a joke.

Sometimes at the dinner table, my family will give me something delicious. I said you should eat, too. I don't want these.

My dad would say, we are old, what we eat is just a continuation of life, and you are still growing. Eating more is good for your health.

I also joked that I am thirty years old and have no figure.

My dad said that even if you are 60 years old, you are still a child in our eyes.

My mother will sigh, yes, you are thirty years old, can we not be old?

Today, at dinner, I asked my dad, what is sixty obedient?

My dad said, in my understanding, maybe at the age of 60, I took advice at the worst time and knew I couldn't ask my children according to my own ideas. It's time to listen to the children's thoughts and know that they can't make decisions.

I nodded and pretended to be happy to say that you have really grown up.

My father tried to hit me. ...

At my age. ...

You may use this sentence as an opening statement, but the content behind it is not the same.

Each age group has its own position, and each story is actually a spread and summary of the past engraved in life.

Sometimes I wonder, is this difference the so-called generation gap?

But then I felt that this difference is actually the difference in how we look at life at different ages.

This difference does not mean that we can't agree with each other, but that we have to face different things at different ages.

It is because of this difference that we have all kinds of different writings about life.

I once wrote that every generation has different anxiety, and every generation has different anxiety.

But in fact, even the same person has different anxiety points at different ages. Perhaps, we will go on with this confusion and doubt until the final outcome.

I still remember this little detail in the movie Farewell My Concubine.

At the beginning of the film, Xiaoshi disliked practicing too hard and sneaked into the theater to watch the play. He watched his idol sing on the stage in one go. There was a sea of people under the stage, cheering and jumping, and Xiaoshi suddenly cried.

Small stone cried and said, how did they get to the corner? How many times have they been beaten?

Sometimes I wonder when I can become an angel.

But now, you see, behind everyone, there are actually unknown stories, and behind every glamorous appearance, there is more bitterness.

Everyone has experienced a long night and felt the loneliness at this moment alone in the silence of no one.

Someone once said that time is a river, continuous and rushing forward. We live in it day after day, and it drags our lives and rolls away in an unknown direction.

Every sunrise and sunset is a lonely lamp for a long voyage.

Everything in the world, the god of heaven and earth, will eventually become a rapidly decaying past.

It's just that when you stop at a certain moment and look back, there will always be a sigh.

At my age, I should understand something.

Those stories should be eulogies of our growth, either sad or happy, or moving or static, mixed with joy and sorrow.