The difference between leaving the child to grandma and raising the child yourself

When winter and summer vacations come, taking care of children becomes the most troublesome thing for both working parents. Bring it for yourself, because you have to go to work and don’t have time; give it to an elderly person, but you don’t trust it, and you’re afraid it will cause a lot of problems. However, due to the pressure of life and worries, many parents still leave their children to the elderly.

Xia Xia’s mother is one of them. Let’s first take a look at the changes in her daughter in Xia Xia’s mother’s eyes:

After I took my daughter to kindergarten at the age of three, I thought about what my husband would do. As a salesperson, I had free working hours and could take my children to and from school, so I found a job to relieve financial pressure.

Last year, when Xia Xia was on summer vacation, her mother-in-law said she had something to do at home and could not go to Shanghai to help take care of the children, and asked if she could take the children back to her hometown. I thought it would be good to let my daughter go out to broaden her horizons. Besides, my mother-in-law did a good job of helping her during the winter vacation, so I would let her go back to her hometown to play.

When the summer vacation was about to end, I went back to my hometown to pick up my children. Thinking that I was about to meet the daughter I thought about day and night, I was very excited along the way. Trendy children become "left-behind children"

When I saw Xia Xia being held by her mother-in-law at the gate of the community, I was stunned for a few seconds, hugged the child and started crying. Xia Xia's skin was tanned, her face and body were dirty, and a lot of her hair was falling down. As soon as I saw Xia Xia, the image of left-behind children online appeared in my mind. Instantly, my heart felt like being pricked by needles, and I felt extremely guilty.

After I got home, I bathed the child, put on the clothes I bought, and combed my hair so that the child looked better. She can even say bad words

Since we often talk on the phone, Xia Xia is not very repulsive to me and even invited me to paint with her.

As she was drawing, Xia Xia accidentally made a mistake and a curse word came out of her mouth. I didn't hear it clearly at first, so I asked Xia Xia what she had just said, and Xia Xia repeated it before I heard it clearly. She found this curse word very funny and repeated it many times, laughing and dancing while saying it.

I pulled Xia Xia and said seriously: "Xia Xia, what you just said is a very uncivilized word. Mom hopes you will never say it again in the future. Didn't you mean to Be a good and civilized child?"

Xia Xia asked me, "Then why can grandma say it?"

I tried my best to suppress my anger and explain to Xia Xia. Said: "Adults also make mistakes sometimes. Xia Xia will tell grandma later that this is uncivilized, and everyone will stop saying it in the future, okay? I believe grandma will know her mistakes and change them." A bunch of bad habits

In the few days I stayed in my hometown, I discovered that Xia Xia had a lot of problems: she didn’t care about hygiene anymore, she didn’t wash her hands before eating, she didn’t wash her hands after using the bathroom, and she always pooped her butt when playing in the yard of the community. Sitting on the floor; being more self-centered, not sharing food with others, relying on oneself and being self-centered in everything; not liking to eat, mainly eating snacks; liking to watch TV, playing mobile games, and sleeping very late at night. I woke up very late in the morning...

After last year's summer vacation, I never dared to let Xia Xia leave my side and be taken care of by my mother-in-law alone. This summer, I enrolled Xia Xia in a hobby class, and the time was almost the same as kindergarten. Although it is very hard for me to work and take care of my children at the same time, I still insist on taking care of my children by myself.

The problems caused by old people raising children that Xia Xia’s mother talked about are not isolated cases, but a very common phenomenon. The joke "Grandma is the killer of trendy kids" is very popular on the Internet, and netizens have posted before and after photos of their mother-in-law raising children.

"My son was a trendy boy when I brought it to him. After my mother-in-law took it,...look at the little floral flowers, how down-to-earth they are." A handsome military green jacket, jeans, or a bright yellow coat and sweater, All fashions are gone, her hair is shaved into a crew cut, she wears a pink floral blouse with white "long johns", she is still dusty and dirty, and her smile has become full of country style.

The difference between mom’s belt and grandma’s belt is so big! ! !

The difference in appearance can still be changed, so the problem is not big, but the difference in parenting concepts may bring serious consequences.

Nursing issues

The elderly always think that fat children are the best. If the children don’t eat, they chase them to feed them. When eating snacks, the children play while the elderly feed them.

The old man wants his children to eat more and grow in good health. The starting point is not wrong, but the method is wrong.

The result of chasing children to feed them for a long time is that children do not take eating as a serious matter and think that eating is an unpleasant thing. While the children are playing and the elderly are feeding them, it is easy to disturb the children and cause them to lose concentration.

In addition, the most common thing old people tell their children is: run slowly and don’t fall; you can’t do this, it’s dangerous. In order to prevent the child from being injured, the elderly often hold or hold the child to restrict the child's behavior. By doing this, on the one hand, the child becomes unwilling to walk; on the other hand, the child's courage becomes smaller and his desire to explore is suppressed.

Also, if the elderly are afraid of the cold, they will habitually put more clothes on their children. The child is pure yang and is not afraid of the cold, unless his constitution is weak since he was born. As a result, children tend to sweat easily when they exercise, and when the sweat is cold, children are more likely to get sick when they are hot or cold.

Educational Conflict

A mother said that when she came home at night, she found that her daughter had a sweet taste in her mouth, so she asked: Have you ever eaten candy? The daughter nodded and said: Eat. After hearing this, grandma rushed out and said: You traitor! I didn’t do what I promised grandma.

The mother suppressed her emotions and told her child: You must be honest with your mother. What you eat is what you eat. You can’t lie or deceive, you know?

The next day, the child ate candy again. When the mother asked again, the daughter hesitated for a long time and said: Did I eat it or not? She didn't know how to answer.

On the one hand, the child is afraid that grandma will call her a traitor, but on the other hand, he does not want to lie to his mother. The difference in parenting concepts allows children to learn to watch their actions, and if their mother disagrees with something, they go to their grandma.

Old people generally lack energy and do not interact with their children, which can easily cause children to become autistic

There is a child who is particularly introverted. He never talks to others and does not know how to communicate with others. Communication floats here and there like a soul.

The reason is that this child has been brought up by his grandma. She is old and rarely communicates with the child and has no physical contact. She just leaves the child alone to watch TV or play games every day. .

The doting of the elderly can easily lead to the lack of rules in children

The old doting on their grandchildren does not set any rules and can break anything. The grandson can do anything as long as he wants, and this is the worst thing.

There is a child who is four or five years old. He is rude to everyone he sees and grabs interesting things when he sees them. He has no rules at all and is a complete "devil".

If the child doesn’t eat well, the old man will buy him various snacks; if the child needs milk three times a night, grandma will give it to him; if the child sleeps with a nipple in his mouth, if the mother doesn’t give it to him, grandma will give it to him. Give it to the child; the child is often frightened by the grandma, "I will beat you if you don't obey", but she only talks about it, so the child will hit someone if it doesn't go his way. When the grandma is beaten, she still has a smile on her face; Grandma is very protective of her children. If anyone makes her grandson unhappy, grandma will step in.

The elderly do everything for their children, which reduces their learning opportunities

The elderly especially like to help their children with things, such as dressing, tying shoelaces, bathing, serving meals, serving polite children, etc., which leads to Many children do not know how to dress, tie their shoes, etc. when they are four or five years old.

There are also many old people who like to speak for their children.

A mother asked her child: Where did they go to play today? Grandma was nearby and said: Let’s go to the park to play. Mom asked again: Which children did you play with? Grandma hurriedly told who she was playing with. Mom signaled grandma to stop talking, and then asked: What did you play? The child only spoke slowly at this time.

How does children’s language development come about? If he doesn't speak, he can never develop. The more opportunities you give your child to talk, the faster your child will develop language.

Many parents leave their children to the elderly for various reasons. However, taking care of children from other generations can easily cause the children to be overly pampered, resulting in abnormal growth of the children, and even affecting future personality development. The adverse effects can even affect the entire life. Therefore, if you can take care of your children by yourself, you should take care of them by yourself. At least try to keep your children by your side. If you cannot take care of the child yourself, you must communicate with the elderly and maintain consistent parenting concepts.