I want a lot of cold jokes. Thank you, God help me.

A patient came to see a psychiatrist. Patient: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that's serious. Since when? Patient: Since I was a bird ... (2) A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied, then I can't hear you. The doctor listened: mm-hmm, it's normal. The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again? The patient replied, then I won't see it. The doctor is getting nervous. How can he not see it? The patient replied: Because glasses will fall off. (3) Two mental patients escaped from the hospital. They ran and climbed up a tree. One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey, why don't you come down? The man above answered him: No-OK-Ah-I'm not familiar with it yet ... (4) There is an old lady in a mental hospital, who wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella every day and squats at the gate of the mental hospital. The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start with understanding her. So the doctor also wore black clothes and took a black umbrella and squatted there with her. They spent a month in silence, and the old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me, are you also a fragrant mushroom? (5) A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called the patient to a meeting. At the meeting, the dean said, "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will go to the door to welcome them. When welcoming, all patients should stand on both sides of the hospital gate and stand neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the warmer the better; When I stamp my feet, I must stop completely, and I can't make a mistake. If everyone is ready, we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person screws up, no one will eat buns, remember? " The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!" This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the welcoming patient had stood at the door. At this time, as the dean coughed, all the patients applauded together and the atmosphere was very warm. The leaders who came to visit were infected by the warm atmosphere, smiling and applauding with everyone to enter the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and all the applause stopped, which was very neat. Only this leader is still smiling and applauding, and the dean is very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed buns?" Beijingers, French and Americans were walking together in the desert, and they were dying of thirst. Suddenly, three people found a magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can satisfy each of you with three wishes." The Americans said first, "I want a box of dollars", "There are two more", "Well, one more box of dollars", "The last one", "Well, the last one is to send me back to America" Whew, the Americans disappeared, and the French were also anxious. "I want a beautiful woman" came with "Well, I want another beautiful woman" and "There is another one" "Give me a bottle of Erguotou", "Two more wishes", "Another bottle of Erguotou" and "There's another one". When Beijingers saw that it was boring to drink two bottles of wine alone, they said, "Bring them back again and drink with me". Whew, Americans and French are back. So the three of them continued to walk, but fortunately, they found a magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. "Haha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now, and my magic is not that high. I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you." The French and Americans thought about it this time, and it was useless to say anything. If they let him get it back again, they would die. Let him speak first, so they pushed Beijing to the front. The Beijingers said, "First." Beijing touched his head with wine and thought for a while, but didn't speak for a long time. The French and Americans were anxious and urged him to say, "Speak quickly." So the Beijingers suddenly said, "Well, I have nothing else to do, so go home." Whew, the ghost went back to a man to see God after committing suicide. God asked, "My child, why did you kill yourself?" The man said, "I pursued a woman, but she said I didn't have a tall and handsome figure and appearance, so I was rejected." God nodded thoughtfully and said, "This is true. Visual effects are very important in love. Well, I'll give you a beautiful shell that is unparalleled in the world. Now go back and pursue your happiness. " As he spoke, God read a spell, and there was a whoosh, and the man left. A week later, the man committed suicide for the second time and came back to see God again. God asked, "My child, why did you kill yourself again?" The man said painfully, "After I went back, the woman said that although I was handsome, I didn't know her at all. I was rejected again. " God nodded understandingly: "of course, if you don't know someone, how can you know how to give her happiness?" Well, I'll give you superhuman insight and intuition, and you can go back and pursue your happiness. " As he spoke, God read a spell, and there was only a whoosh, and the man left again. A week later, the man came back, which was the third suicide. God was surprised and asked, "My child, why did you commit suicide again?" The man said in extreme pain: after I went back, although I was handsome and knew her very well, she said that she had already given her body to another man. God looked at the unfortunate man sympathetically and finally said, "Well, since you like that woman so much, I'll let the man die, so that the woman is yours. Go back!" Then God read the spell, and just in the middle of the spell, he heard "Crash!" With a cry, God fell to the ground and died hard. The man said happily, "Now I can finally go back to pursue that beautiful nun!" " A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I am very abnormal recently. How can I get back to normal if I eat and pull what I eat, eat cucumbers and pull watermelons? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit. The blind man stuttered when riding a bike, stuttering to see the road, and suddenly saw a deep ditch, stuttering and exclaiming: ditch ditch! ! ! The blind man sang back: "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" "So they fell into the ditch. A swimming coach was shopping in the mall. A beautiful lady greeted him. He looked intently and saw that it was one of his students. He then said loudly, "You really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes!" A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What happened? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived! It is said that on a dark night, on the longest and most terrible road, a taxi driver drove there and a woman waved to get on the bus by the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "The apple is delicious for you ..." The driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said, "Delicious!" The woman replied, "I remember I liked apples before my death ..." Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... When the driver heard this, he was frightened into an emergency car, and his face turned white ... I saw the woman slowly tilting her head to the front and saying to the driver, "But I don't like eating it after giving birth! ..... "Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke? Boy a: no. Teacher: No? Well, have a French fries. Boy A naturally held out two fingers and took it ... Teacher: No smoking? ! Call parents ... [Scene 2] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy b: no. Teacher: No? Well, have a French fries. B carefully took the French fries with her palm because she heard about A. Teacher: Won't you dip in some ketchup? B accidentally dipped too much, so he immediately played it with his fingers ... Teacher: The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Call parents ... [Scene 3] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy c: no. Teacher: No, ok, have a French fries. Because of the first two examples, C finished the French fries with sweat carefully. Teacher: Don't you take a root home for your classmates? C took the French fries and put them on his ear ... Teacher: No? Call parents ... [Scene 4] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy d: no. Teacher: Good. Have a French fries. D ate the French fries in fear. Teacher: Don't you take a root home for your classmates? D carefully put the chips in his upper pocket again. The teacher suddenly shouted: The headmaster is coming! D quickly took the chips out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stomping on them with his feet ... Teacher: No? ! Call parents ... [Scene 5] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy E: No, Teacher: Good. Have a French fries. E just took the French fries, and the teacher said, Won't you invite me to eat? E quickly handed the French fries with both hands, and then took out a lighter ... Teacher: No? ! Call parents ... [Scene 6] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy f: no. Teacher: Good. Have a French fries. F ate it in fear. Teacher: Suddenly shouted: The headmaster is coming! F sweaty palms, but still calmly bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster! Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth. F takes out the French fries: No, it's still here. The fire hasn't been lit yet ... [Scene 7] Teacher: Do you smoke or not? Boy g: swear to god, I will never smoke. Teacher: Really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries. G naturally took the French fries and ate them clean. Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like? G (smugly): Greater China ... [Scene 8] Teacher: Have a French fries. Boy n: thank you, no. Teacher: ...