What kind of experience is it to be beautiful and ugly?

I feel very uncomfortable and always misunderstood by others.

people are not beautiful, but they are passable. As far as I'm concerned, my appearance is ok, a little dark, and I'm still slim.

I didn't like writing since I was a child. When I grew up, people became better-looking, but the more I wrote, the uglier I became. I didn't feel like I wrote my own words at all.

once, one of my colleagues asked me, who wrote this word? Why is it so ugly? I felt particularly embarrassed at that time. I said I wrote this, and he said at that time: You wrote it, how is it possible? He didn't believe it.