I'm quite unstable recently. I hope you can provide me with some jokes.

The classic humorous language didn't know until Switzerland that opening a bank account without100000 would be laughed at; I didn't know until I arrived in Denmark that writing a fairy tale can actually be done without a draft; I didn't know until I arrived in Vienna that beggars can also play minor tunes; I didn't know until I arrived in Greece that the charming place was actually a dilapidated temple; I didn't know until Panama that a river also represents the importance of sovereignty; I didn't know until I got to Chile that it was difficult for a train to turn a corner in China. I didn't know until I arrived in South Africa that I would be kissed by AIDS at any time. I didn't know the importance of saving water until I arrived in Sahara. I have traveled all over Africa and know that cannibalism is sometimes a necessity; I didn't know until I arrived in Korea that Asian football almost drove God crazy. I didn't know until Japan that people who refuse to pay their debts are sometimes very polite; I didn't know until I got to China that it was best to have only one child. I didn't know until after graduation that it was really hard for my classmates to forget! I didn't know until I got to the group that many people didn't have a hobby of talking. 1, phlegm An old landlord who is famous for being stingy, in order to change his impression of being stingy in the eyes of the people, one day, he put a big jar in front of his house and called the whole village to say, "Whoever spits in this jar today, I will give it to him 10 yuan." Who would believe it? What bad idea does the old landlord have? Everyone stood there motionless. At this moment, a stranger passed by, thinking that there was nothing to lose anyway, and poof, he spat a big mouthful of sticky phlegm into the jar. Without saying anything, the old landlord immediately gave it to 10 yuan. The stranger left happily. The villagers woke up like a dream and spat in the jar. Soon the Kung Fu jar was full and everyone got their due reward. The old landlord said, "Don't go. If anyone takes a sip, I will give him 100 yuan. " Just as the villagers were hesitating, a young man flew over, slurped at the jar, drank until there was only one ass left, and then slowly got up and looked at everyone. Everyone was anxious and asked, "Why don't you leave us more?" The young man replied, "I think! But I have never bitten. " A well-dressed man went to a bar and ordered a martini. He found a drunk sitting next to him, with a sloppy appearance, muttering to himself and studying what he was holding. When the drunk took what he was holding under the lamp, the man couldn't help but look around. The drunk muttered, "Well, it looks like plastic." Then he rubbed it with his fingers and said, "But it feels like rubber." A curious man sitting next to him asked, "What do you have?" The drunk replied, "Damn, I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The man then said, "May I have a look?" The drunk showed him something. The man turned this thing over with his thumb and forefinger and studied it carefully: "Yes, it does look like plastic but feels like rubber, but I don't know what it is." Where did you get this thing? " The drunk replied, "It's in my nostrils!" " 3. Two vampires Two vampires went to the bar. One asked for a glass of arterial blood and the other asked for a glass of boiled water. The boss asked him why he didn't drink blood. He took out a used sanitary towel and said, Dude, have tea tonight! 4. First Kiss When my girlfriend and I hid in the cinema for the first time, we almost threw up because we were not used to the taste of her saliva. I said to her, "Shall we stop kissing?" She said, "Good!" Because she threw up before I wanted to throw up! This is my first kiss, a romantic event. 5, life shit theory Life is like shit, once washed away, it will never come back. Life is like shit, it always looks like that, but it's different every time ... Life is like shit, sometimes it's cool, sometimes it's tangled with five senses! Life is like shit, you never know what you will pull out ... Life is like shit, how to plant the results first. Life is like shit, anytime, anywhere, you may suddenly feel mm-hmm. Life is like shit, you often work hard for a long time, but only a few farts come out ... > _ So, as everyone often says-"You went to eat shit! In fact, his original intention is "you should seriously integrate into your own life." "As it turns out, a man walked into a shop when he saw a big sale." What do you want? " "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale. "This man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this shop to buy cat food. " Give me two boxes of cat food. ""We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat. "It's the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. " What do you want? ""Just put your hand in. The salesman put his hand in: "What is this?" Very sticky. "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper. Poor monkey Nini went to the zoo to feed the monkeys one day ... and threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Nini felt sick and ran to ask the administrator ... why did the monkey behave so strangely? ... the administrator explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly ... and he was killed. Measure it in your ass before you dare to eat it. 7. urinating a lifeguard protested to the tourists: Mr. Wang, I have been paying attention to you for three days. You can't urinate in the swimming pool. Mr. Wang: Everyone urinates in the swimming pool. Lifeguard: That's right! Sir, but only you stand on the springboard to urinate ... 8. Pig blood cake Xiaomei especially likes pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them. One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling on the road and went to buy food. After eating, she found that the pig blood cake was extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother. (Answering in Taiwanese) Mei: "Grandma, why is your pig blood cake so fragrant? "Grandma:" The materials are precious and can only be sold for a few days a month. " Beauty: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? Grandma: "alas, mine has been used for decades, but now it's old and gone." It's up to my daughter now. " Beauty: "*&%@" 9. An ingenious method A middle school principal faced a problem. Older female students in the school began to wear lipstick. When they apply lipstick in the bathroom, they will print their lips on the mirror and leave lip prints. He thought of a way to stop the problem before it got out of control. So he called all the girls wearing lipstick and asked them to meet in the bathroom at 2 pm. When the girls arrived at the bathroom at 2 o'clock, they found the headmaster and supervisor already waiting there. The headmaster explained the problem to them and asked the supervisor to clean the bathroom mirror every night. He thinks the girls don't understand the seriousness of the problem, so he wants them to see for themselves how difficult it is to clean the mirror. Then the supervisor began to demonstrate. The warden took out a long-handled brush from the box, dipped it in some water in the nearest toilet, and then went to the mirror to start scrubbing. After that, no one left lip prints on the mirror. 10, chocolate A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . . . 1 1. On the day of begging, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" "The boss cut him some slack. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I gave him one and sent it away. Not too old, here comes another beggar. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "A man vomited, and I came late. The two beggars in front ate everything I could, and now there is only soup left.". Can you give me a straw? " 12, some people in Fan Wei like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot". Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I'm like this ... "