I need a lot of jokes! ! ! ! !

1, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair: "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

2. Once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know, just arrived!

I dreamed of God yesterday. He said I could have a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. He pondered and said, take the globe and let me have a look.

5. Once upon a time, there was a steamed stuffed bun walking on the road ... Suddenly, he felt hungry. Help yourself. ...

6. There is a match that tickles his head. After catching it, his head caught fire. Then he went to the hospital. After the nurse bandaged him, he became a cotton swab.

7. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

8. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals.

So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "

I saw a light in the sky and a voice came: "Not necessarily, you picked up a big stone on the ground and killed the chief who took the lead."

So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him.

People stayed for a while, then glared at each other, when a voice came from the sky:

"Now you are really dead."

9. I had a nightmare, dreaming that I was taking an exam, and when I woke up, I found myself really taking an exam.

10, Jane Doe's body was caught by the cannibal tribe, and she was going to give it to the chief for dinner. The village sighed: freshness is freshness, but today is Lent Day!

Anonymous exultation: Then let me go!

Chief: Beautiful you! Give me a vegetable before eating!

1 1. Three policemen are patrolling the street. They found three bombs, so they took them carefully and prepared to send them back to the police station. One of the policemen asked, "What if one of the bombs exploded while we were walking?" The two policemen thought for a moment and said, "Then we only found two."

12. Two hunters from New Jersey are hunting in the forest. A man suddenly fell to the ground, rolled his eyes and stopped breathing. Seeing this situation, the companion picked up his mobile phone and called the emergency center. He shouted to the waiter in panic, "My friend is dead! What should I do? " The waiter said gently, "Don't be nervous, don't worry, I'll help you." But you have to convince us that he is really dead. "

There was silence ... and then there was a gunshot. The hunter picked up the phone again and said, "Well, what's next?"

13, a doctor and a critically ill patient said, "I have bad news and worse news. Which do you want to listen to first? " The patient was very depressed and said, "Listen to the bad news first." "You have three days left in your life." The doctor replied. The patient was very disappointed after hearing this. "Which news is worse?" The patient asked again. "In fact, I should have told you the news yesterday." The patient fainted on the spot.

14 nurse: wake up! Wake up!

Patient: Why?

Nurse: It's time to take sleeping pills!