According to Xiao Ming looking at the bag at night, he sighed.

The landlord wants to speak ill of Xiao Ming. Let's watch Xiao Ming's cold jokes.

1, Chinese class, teacher: Xiao Ming, please do a sentence imitation exercise "If every drop of water can represent a blessing, then I will send you an ocean"!

Xiaoming: If each flower represents a blessing, I will send you a wreath!

In an instant, the whole class is sensational! ! !

Teacher: Go, go, go now! ! !

The teacher calls Xiao Ming outside the classroom.

Teacher: "Your homework is getting worse and worse. What's wrong? "

Xiao Ming: "Teacher, when I find out the reason, can I tell you this afternoon?"

Teacher: "All right!"

In the afternoon, the teacher called Xiao Ming outside the classroom again. Teacher: "Did you find the reason?"

Xiao Ming: "Yes, my grandfather said that homework is getting harder and harder, and he can't help it."

3. After the exam, the teacher gave a lecture. The teacher said, "They are all students. How come some of them did well and some did poorly? "

Xiao Ming: "It's because the invigilator is different."

Teacher: "Get out!"

Today, the political teacher spent an hour on the platform, talking about the relationship between money and life. Finally, after class, we were given a question to think about: "If you have money, can you change anything?" .

Xiaoming snorted in the corner: "If I had money, I wouldn't have to listen to your nonsense here."

5. Teacher: Please prove in one sentence that you can't find anyone angry.

Xiaoming: Bastard, where the hell are you?

Teacher: Quality.

Xiaoming: Tortoise, where are you?

Teacher: Get out. ...

6. Teacher: Please explain the environmental factors and genetic factors!

Xiaoming: Being like dad is a genetic factor, and being like a neighbor is an environmental factor!

Teacher: As usual. ...

Xiaoming stood up silently. ...

7. The teacher asked Xiaoming, Shuang Shuang and Li Hua who were standing outside the classroom, "What are you three doing in class? Tell me honestly. "

Xiao Ming: "Pointing to the mountains and inspiring words, dung gets Wan Huhou."

Teacher: "Speak human words."

Xiao Ming: "Fight the landlord."

Teacher: "Stand outside for a day."

Xiaoming: I like you, teacher.

Teacher: I don't like children.

Xiaoming: I don't like children either. We cannot have children.

Teacher: Get out!

9. In math class, the teacher asked a question: There are eleven students in our class. Now the teacher has brought ten apples. How can we distribute them equally among the students?

Xiaohong: Xiao Ming, get out!

10, Teacher: Hello, students!

Student: Happy Teacher's Day, teacher!

Teacher: Thank you, students. Where's Xiaoming?

Yaoyao: Xiaoming said that you have a holiday today. He won't be angry with you. Go out first.

Teacher: Xiaoming is a sensible child. Go and invite him in.

Yao Yao: I guess he is at home now.

1 1. In the classroom, Xiaoming leans his head against the chair and doesn't listen to the class.

The teacher asked with concern, "Are you sick again?"

Xiao Ming said without looking up, "Yes, I have a headache."

The teacher said, "Do you have a doctor's certificate? Take it out and go home to rest! "

Xiao Ming said, "It is because the doctor doesn't open the certificate that I have a headache."

Teacher: "Get out ..."

12, physical education class wants to do leapfrog. The teacher asked: Who has been injured before? You don't have to do it.

Classmate A said: My foot is broken.

Classmate B said: I went to wrist fracture.

Xiaoming: My umbilical cord is broken.

Xiaoming skipped a class because he didn't roll this time.

13, teacher: Xiao Ming, what should you do when you grow up and fall in love?

Xiaoming: I went back to my daughter-in-law honestly when I was lovelorn.

Teacher: Get out. ...

14, Teacher: Please tell us your wish.

Xiaoming: Go to Lan Xiang to learn excavators.

Teacher: Give me a reason.

Xiaoming: Dig your ancestral grave.

Teacher: Get out. ...

15. In class, the teacher is talking about Chapter 7. Xiao Ming casually opened the book and bowed his head to play with his mobile phone. The teacher found out.

The teacher asked him, "How can you turn the book to Chapter 8 when you talk about Chapter 7?"

Xiao Ming replied faintly: "I'll wait for you in front!" " "

The answer is very logical. Why did the teacher let Xiao Ming go out? . .

16, teacher: Xiao Ming, tell me where the school is!

Xiao Ming: The school is the place where you sign in for five days in a row and get the homework package!

Teacher: Get out!

17, Xiaoming: Teacher, I want to surf the Internet.

Teacher: Get out!

Xiaoming ran out of the classroom at lightning speed.

Teacher: Shit, that's easy to say. Come back here!

18, Teacher: How long does it take to steam one steamed bun and three steamed buns a minute?

Xiao Ming: Nine minutes?

Teacher: You are so stupid! Are steamed buns steamed one by one? !

Xiao Ming expressed dissatisfaction: Then let me ask you, how about eating one steamed bun and ten steamed buns a minute?

Teacher: Ten minutes! You think I'm as stupid as you!

Xiaoming: Eat ten steamed buns in ten minutes! Hang in there, you idiot!

Teacher: Yes. . . Get out.