Respect is very important in communication.

Let's see how to make the person you love fall in love with you. The third keyword is "respect".

This is the most important key word for the long-term love between two people. And I found one of the most powerful insights in the text of this book about respect.

To tell the truth, when I first read this book, I saw all kinds of skills in love for the first time. In fact, I have a question in my heart: Is this a book about PUA?

The so-called PUA, the full name of which is Pick-up Artist, should be literally translated as "strike up a conversation artist", but in fact, the so-called PUA training classes are all teaching people to attract the opposite sex with false means and routines and fascinate the opposite sex. Even many PUA training courses will publicly claim that they are teaching you the technology of "hunting" the opposite sex. The essence of PUA is an emotional fraud. Nowadays, on the Internet, PUA has become a completely derogatory term. So when I read the tricks in this book about how to make others fall in love with you, I can't help but be worried.

I didn't feel completely relieved until I saw the author emphasize how important it is for both sides to respect each other in a love.

Because in those so-called PUA technologies, there is a very critical step called "self-esteem destruction". People who "hunt" the opposite sex. After the previous sweet talk and obedience, he will find an opportunity to suddenly change his face, make unreasonable accusations against the target, accuse the other party of deceiving himself and disrespecting himself, and use this process to occupy the commanding heights of the relationship. If the other person is willing to lower his self-esteem in order to save the relationship, he will step into a designed trap and be controlled emotionally.

You will find that there is a key premise here. PUA will take advantage of people's false psychology: only by lowering their self-esteem can they please each other.

Now on the internet, you can see many views about love, and some extreme views. Although they are different in appearance, and some of them are completely opposite, there is actually a common premise behind these ideas. They all think that love is a zero-sum game of self-esteem.

For example, "Female Virtue" is similar to "PUA", which caters to traditional male chauvinism and constantly suppresses women's self-esteem. On the other hand, there is an extreme female view that men are big pig's hooves, and their sisters stand up and step on these smelly men.

The two views seem to be tit for tat, but in fact they both made the same mistake. They all think that if men and women want to gain more self-esteem in love, they must exchange their dignity. In their view, one of the two parties in love must be inferior.

But is this really the case? Is it possible for two people in a relationship to maintain high self-esteem at the same time?

This is the most powerful part of how to make the person you love fall in love with you. Behind all the skills in this book is the fact that two people can maintain a high degree of self-esteem and enjoy love and intimacy together.

So what exactly should we do? The book says that the most important thing is that you should learn to give each other a "self-esteem massage".

How to do this self-esteem massage? Self-esteem massage has four steps:

The first step is to let the other person know that you have been quickly attracted by his magic;

Step two, in the process of your conversation, you must let the other side feel your true understanding and recognition;

The third step is to constantly modify your identity in your daily life. The right people are revealing themselves to you more and more, and you should throw implicit praise in return from time to time. In this process, you can joke in private and use other techniques to make him feel unique.

Step four, when the right person feels that you have fully understood how unique he is, you can throw out the most sincere compliment.

You might say, oh, you've been talking for a long time. It turns out that self-esteem massage is flattery. No, skilled self-esteem massage is not blind praise, not those common cliches. Self-esteem massage is a bit like a real massage. You have to find the right acupoints. When massaging the other person's self-esteem, the most important point is the ideal self-image in the other person's eyes.

You need to investigate and understand the self-positioning of the right person, explore how he sees himself, and then support this self-image.

Good love must be protecting the ideal self-image of the right person.

The author gives an example in the book. Her brother Larry married Regina, a wife many years older than himself. The author didn't understand it at first, but once she invited her brother and sister-in-law to her home, she understood why Larry loved her so much.

Larry is an excellent cook, so the author invited Larry to cook, and Regina and I helped him. When Larry was cutting mushrooms, the author heard Regina praise him: "honey, you are great. You can cut mushrooms so perfectly." You see, every shredded mushroom is so uniform and refreshing. 」

At first, the author thought Regina was joking, but when she looked back at Regina, she found that she was sincerely praising Larry. At this moment, the author understands that Larry, as a chef, must attach great importance to his knife work. So Regina's compliment really supports Larry's ideal self-image. No wonder Larry loves Regina so much.