Super funny mobile text messages

1. A soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

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2. It’s been a long time since I received your message, and I feel very sad

When I think about death, I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over a building with a parachute

I hung myself with noodles. But Du Mo is dead

Just treat me to a meal to last me to death

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3. If you feel sad, please call me! If you want to talk about love, please press 1, if you want to talk about work, please press 2, if you want to talk about life, please press 3, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press 5, if you want to ask me to eat, please say so, if you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

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4. The giraffe married Monkey and Giraffe filed for divorce a year later: I don’t want to live this kind of life anymore! The monkey was furious: Just leave! Who has ever seen someone climb a tree to get a kiss?

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5. Fish said: "I open my eyes all the time so that I can't bear to leave you." Water said, "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up properly." Guo said, "It's almost fucking ripe now." So stubborn. ”

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6. It’s time to eat. ? Please receive text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Ya La Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

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7. You have grown up, and there are some things you should know: the sky is used to make wind and rain; the earth is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are; you are Used to stew vermicelli.

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8. If you don’t bring the paper number but don’t worry, the train will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

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9. Money can buy a house but not At home, you can buy marriage but not love. You can buy clocks but not time. Money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me your money and let me bear the pain alone!

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10. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! Alas, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

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11. For you 12 Zodiac sign, I wish you are as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, as naughty as a monkey, as beautiful as a chicken, and as loyal as a dog. Like a pig!

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12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the poop of the gibbon. The gibbon gently and carefully cleaned it and they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. The chimpanzee said with emotion: Ape dung! It’s all ape dung!

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13. The lion and the bear were in the tree respectively A month later, the lion discovered that the tree next to his stool was stronger than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes of life - lion excrement is better than bear excrement!

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14. Think of one in your mind For numbers, add 52.8 to it, multiply it by 5, then subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your mind. The answer is very romantic!

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15. You keep playing loud in the office Shit, my colleagues couldn’t help but ask you if you could keep silent. Then I saw you sitting there shaking and shaking, and asked you what you were doing. You replied that I had set it to vibrate!

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16. Dear God, please bless Those friends who don’t call me, don’t send me text messages, and don’t miss me: May the Lord drop their cell phones in the toilet, Amen!

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17. Legend has it that you are ruthless. You were lying across four seats in the theater. When someone asked you to get up, you just grunted and didn't move. The security guard came and said: My friend is so cruel, which street are you on? You gritted your teeth and said, "I fell down from the aisle upstairs!"

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18. Thinking of you Thinking of you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water and look at you all day long - are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

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< p>19. Dear user, at this time we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the cause of Palestinian national liberation. For this reason, the Palestinian autonomous government has decided to award you the lofty title: Ben Shaleba in the name of the entire Arab world. base!

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20. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being so stupid that they have no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying so that they can see ghosts in daylight.

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21. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. I care about you as much as I care about you. I care about you, little boy. I’m going to make you dizzy!

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22 , Have you heard of it? Five hundred times of looking back in the past life are only exchanged for one brush with each other in this life. For close friends like you and me, it seems that we didn’t do anything in our previous lives except to look back!

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23. Yes Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend it in a remote mountainous area. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 yuan of candied haws, they cried. The farmer came to find them. A picture of 7 yuan.

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< p>24. A portrait of your life: Learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten - Zhu Ziqing; be brilliant at the age of twenty - Zhu Shimao; find a job at the age of thirty - Zhu establishes a career; hire a servant at the age of forty - Zhu Get a servant; learn to play basketball at the age of fifty - pig shooting!

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25 , A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said: "I love you." The little girl said: "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said: "Of course you can, we are not the same." Two years old! ”

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26. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, did you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

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27. One day, I say to you that you It's a pig. It's weird for you to say: I'm a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally one day you couldn't help but declare loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

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28. Most popular during the Iraq War Three words: peace, war. Found, connect these three English words and read them aloud three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery.

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29. People

It can fall in love,

not special;

Cows

can eat green grass,

not special;

The pig

can press the phone,

it is special;

But it still presses!

What a miraculous pig!

Wow! Still laughing!

What a cool pig!