Humorous sentences or something

I don't know if it's the kind you want to write to you: don't panic when you meet a dog on the road, but fight it bravely. There will be at most three results: first, you win, you are better than the dog; Second, if you lose, you are even worse than a dog; Third, you are even. You are like a dog.

A bean fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called "pig encourages (chocolate) beans".

The community director came to the community guard to inspect the work. He asked the doorman, "Did you register the entry personnel today?" The old man said, "My duty is to guard the gate and not to lose it. I don't care about people. "

Late at night, the Boeing 737 pilot went home and knocked at the door. The wife asked: Who? The pilot said humorously: 737 requesting landing! Suddenly a man in the room shouted: Roger that, 777 will take off immediately to make room for you!

If a drop of water falls from the sky, it is a tear I miss you; If two drops of water fall from the sky, it is that I love you and am ecstatic; If there are countless water drops in the sky, it is … stop dreaming, it's raining!

If there are no flowers, spring will be lonely, if there is no passion, the four seasons will be mediocre, if there is no me, you will lose someone who cares about you the most! Without you, the rabbit will ask, "Who should I compete with?" Make a girl happy.

Do you know why we are destined? We knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. It was autumn, and you ran with me in the wind, leaving your teeth marks on me. This has become an eternal story. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.

Once I asked my mother what her previous occupation was. Mom simply solved another problem, "Where am I from?" Her answer: "I have sold children before. You are too cute to sell. Keep it for yourself. . . "

If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea and you were boiling water, would you soak me? If I am a car and you are a driver, will you drive (marry) me? If you are money and I am a passbook, I will definitely marry you.

You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world to find you, only to find out after trying to find you: mom! Our wings are on the same side!

I suddenly had a stomachache at work and ran to the toilet. I just took off my pants and farted. I found that I didn't bring any toilet paper, so I had to put on my pants and run out to get the paper. Then a buddy in the pit next door said, "This quality is really awesome. I have to fart in the toilet. " . . "

Yao Ming, a freshman in Shanghai Jiaotong University 1 1 Class, skipped class today and went to the United States to watch the rocket game in ................................................................................................................................... .

Mom came home from work hungry, and rummaged through the refrigerator with nothing to eat, only a box of tuna sushi, a box of bacon sushi, a smoked turkey leg, a bag of small wonton, a box of spicy cold noodles, a box of Thousand Island Sauce salad, a bag of salted peanuts, a bag of braised pork with plum vegetables and some Harbin sausages. I didn't even have a bag of instant noodles after turning it over for a long time, which made me angry.

How many dreams are destroyed by the cruelty of reality, and how many dreams are destroyed by the knock on the door of express delivery ... The reporter interviewed migrant workers: If war breaks out in China, are you willing to go to the front? Migrant workers: Is there any household registration restriction on the front line? Is rural hukou ok? Do people registered in Beijing and Shanghai give priority to the battlefield? Do you need a temporary residence permit? Do you need a work permit and health certificate? Is it necessary to have a tax payment certificate for more than one year? Also, is it the same price to sacrifice everyone's money? When actually making a phone call, are there even and odd numbers? Should I shake the number before charging? How long does it take to get on this number

A foreign driver asked the traffic police for directions in Maoming. Maoming traffic police replied: "If you drive to the left, it means 5,000 Wuchuan, and if you drive to the right, it means 6,000 Luchuan. If you drive a little further, there will be no road. If Mei Lu keeps walking, she will cut her neck in Zhanjiang! The driver was so scared that I didn't want to leave. Traffic Police: You killed Maoming in your department, and the driver almost peed his pants, begging: Boss, can I turn around and go back? Traffic police: If you turn it over, you will die. You will die.

Finally, I can't help but announce it. Actually, I won100000 in the lottery yesterday. Maybe other people will use this money to buy a car and a house, but I don't have that material. I just want to use this money to cure my paranoia.

One day on the bus, a beautiful woman in front got on the bus and said to the driver, "Master, I don't have any money with me today. Can I kiss you as a coin? " The driver said yes, and the beauty kissed the driver and sat in the back. Another woman can see clearly in the back. After getting on the bus, she held down the driver's crazy kiss and looked up and said, "I have no money either." If I kiss you so much, I'll coin it! " The driver shouted with fear. "The one in front of you is my wife!"

Xiaoli walked alone in a dark alley after a party with her friends. Suddenly a figure ran up to him and said, "Take out the money!" " "Xiaoli said timidly," money ... money is just ... eating ... invalid; Used waste ... exhausted. " The shadow smiled and said, "I know you have no money. If you have money, you can take a taxi. " "Then why are you scaring me!" "I don't want to scare you, you are still burping." Say that finish carrying a knife disappeared in the fifteenth moonlight.

Once I went to dinner with my husband, he checked out in advance. I don't know. After eating, he said to the boss, "I forgot to bring money." Let my wife wash the dishes for you! " "Say that finish and turn round and then walk, leaving me horrified at his back.

In history class, the teacher asked me, "Which emperor in China lived the longest?" I knew nothing about it when I was a student! Suddenly, I don't know where it came from: "Jade Emperor." The teacher was speechless!

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant to eat, and the couple at the next table were showing love. I saw the man just fed the woman a mouthful of rice. The woman asked, "Honey, who else have you fed besides me?" Be honest! The man thought for a moment, then said trembling, "Dog!" " "Instant rice spray!

I didn't see the driver wearing a Bluetooth headset when I took a taxi, so I picked him up all the way!

Female colleague, 140 kg. Dance slowly with the square dance aunts every night. Yesterday, I was dragged to see. Then someone asked me how I looked. I said: I think you dance like a little swan ... brand drum washing machine.

When I was a child, I went to the grocery store with my dad and saw a big pink Dongdong bag, which was so bright and attractive! "Dad, I want this!" "Stop it!" "I want this!" "no!" "I will! I want it! I want it! " Then many people saw a Xiong Haizi musician walking home with a big bag of sanitary napkins that day ... Can you imagine my depressed mood when I got home and opened the package excitedly, only to find that it was inedible? ...

My friend's breasts are very small! She told me that although my chest is small, every time my husband touches it seriously, I said, yes, he doesn't touch it seriously, and he can't touch it!

Take a taxi today! So that the driver didn't say a word, I wanted to ask him something, so I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, buddy." I didn't expect the driver's reaction to be "ahhh", and I was shocked at that time. After that, he suddenly slowed down and said, "I'm sorry, buddy." This is my first day driving a taxi. I have driven a hearse before. "

Every time I quarrel with my wife, she is scared by my loud voice. Today, it's like this again. After the quarrel, she came to hold my hand and said to me, "Husband, please don't do this in the future." You cried so loudly that the whole corridor heard you. "

Woman: Honey, let me ask you again. If your mother and I fall into the water, who will save us first? M: Why do you ask this question again? Do you love me? Woman: Love! Man: If you love me, you shouldn't ask such questions! Woman: Then I don't love you. Please answer. Man: You don't love me at all. Why don't I save my mother first?

I remember we didn't live in high school. They are all cheap houses rented in a small village nearby. Because it was too hot at night, a classmate slept on the ground at the door covered with a mat. When I woke up the next day, I was shocked. A dozen old hens raised by the landlord squatted beside him, and several others were on him. Another classmate lamented. Really the happiest person in the world. I slept a dozen chickens in one night!

A new girl from my colleague usually looks soft and weak, and even a bottle of water can be twisted by others. Today, I met a drunken molester and started to hide back and forth. This man is becoming more and more presumptuous. Just as I was about to save him, I saw her kick the man down with a roundhouse kick and said something that has made me a mess so far.

"Hey, I can't seem to install it in the future."

Not long after my daughter-in-law finished her driver's license test, she said to me, "I want to drive to my grandfather's house." I said, "We can only go by ourselves, but we can't take care of the children." As soon as the voice fell, my son shouted, "Dad, I'm not afraid of death. Let my mother take me. " This Xiong Haizi, what nonsense? ...

Don't give a dog a "haha" name. My neighbor has an old woman who keeps a husky. She thinks it starts with haha, so call it haha. Today, her dog got lost, and grandma was very worried. She looked everywhere in the community and called the dog's name everywhere, just hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. .....

When I was a child, I went to the zoo to see tigers and vowed to raise one when I grew up. After 20 years, my dream has finally come true. Anyway, it's time to cook for my wife.

Last year, I lost 20 pounds. Everyone asked me how I lost weight. I smiled and said, "This is all due to my girlfriend. She has been with me, and I can't eat anything.

I can only write so much before writing, and the content is too long to submit. I hope it will bring you happiness!