Please give me some funny jokes. Don’t be too vulgar. Thank you.

Look at the following:

"Please let me go, I'm a lot older, the meat is sour, and it doesn't taste good." Damn, Old Man Zhang< /p>

Standing in the corner, there is no way forward and no way out. The two fierce ghosts are approaching step by step.

"Is the meat sour?" The male ghost grabbed Old Man Zhang's hand and bit off a piece of meat so hard that Old Man Zhang screamed.

The ghost chewed and chewed, spitting out Old Man Zhang's meat, "Damn it, it's so sour, so unpalatable, old man, I'm counting on your fortune, get out!"

Old man Zhang received amnesty and kowtowed dozens of times on the ground. It would be better to lose a piece of meat than to lose his life. He was about to leave.

Another female ghost screamed "Stop!"

The male ghost was a little strange, "Why keep this old thing? The meat is sour and not delicious."< /p>

The female ghost lay in the male ghost’s ear and said: “I want to eat something sour”

The male ghost was even more surprised, “Why?”

The female ghost He poked the male ghost's head with his finger and said shyly

"You bad guy, I am, I am, I am pregnant!"

2 He is a kind zombie, but Sealed by a mage, he can only be resurrected by a woman's kiss.

Thousands of years have passed since then.

Today, people found him in a coffin in an ancient tomb, and they studied his body with great interest.

A girl bent over and looked at his face carefully, and suddenly kissed him quickly on the mouth. The seal was released, and he came back to life.

Ignoring the panicked people, he went straight to the girl and said to her:

"Thank you, beautiful girl, your romantic kiss released thousands of pounds from my body." The seal of the year, although I don’t know your name, I will use my love to protect you forever.”

The frightened girl waved her hands crazily, "I don't want it, I don't want it!".

The zombie was surprised, "You can't accept me? Then why did you kiss me just now?"

The girl blushed and said:

"I just want to I wonder if the zombie has bad breath and accidentally touches your mouth...".

3 The mobile phone rang, which was particularly harsh in this silent night. "Who will call at this time?" Xiaoyan, who had just finished the night shift, took out her mobile phone from her bag,

"Hey, who is it?", no one answered, a sound like a chainsaw came from the phone, "Who is it! Talk!", Xiaoyan continued to ask, but still no one answered, the sound of a chainsaw sounded Still, "If you don't talk, I'll hang up!" Xiaoyan got a little angry,

"There are still two days!" A terrifying roar suddenly came from the phone! Her ears were buzzing from the shock, and the street lights were flashing. It took Xiaoyan a long time to regain consciousness. When she listened to the phone again, she found that the other party had hung up. When she saw the caller's number, it was "5124444", "5124444" "Isn't it just "I want you to die to death"?

Xiaoyan tried to call, but the line was always busy. Xiaoyan put away her phone and hurried home.

After yesterday’s experience, today’s road seems to have become dark and scary. It was still in the same place last night. The phone rang again. I looked down and saw, “5124444”, the same number from yesterday. .

Xiaoyan's face turned pale and her hands began to tremble. She answered the phone and whispered

"Hello...", the sound of the chainsaw was still there,

< p>"Hey..." Xiaoyan was very scared.

"One more day!", the sudden roar on the phone.

"Ah", Xiaoyan screamed, threw the phone away, and ran home with a bang.

Half a month passed, and Xiaoyan, who was lying on the hospital bed, saw the morning report broadcasting this news:

"A group of criminal suspects obtained the victim's information through the Internet and other means. Mobile phone number and home address, and then use a public magnetic card phone with the number "5124444" to make terrorist calls to the victim, forcing the victim to throw away the phone in panic. Their targets are all young women, without exception. According to their account , using this method, he illegally obtained 16 mobile phones in a month..."

He was a famous flower picker, and countless women from good families were raped and killed by him.

He was born with yin and yang eyes, and he could see a large group of ghosts following him, all of which were the women he killed. However, he was not worried at all. Anyway, ghosts were nothing, and they could scold him. He hated him, but couldn't hurt him at all. He was happy to see these ghosts trying to choke his neck, bite his flesh, pull out his intestines, and dig out his heart. In the end, they could only crawl in and out of his body in vain. Laughed.

This time he fell in love with the eldest daughter of the Zhao family again.

Unexpectedly, this time it was a trap designed by those so-called righteous people in the world. He ran away desperately in front, followed closely by a large group of ghosts, and behind him were those knights with strong martial arts skills. Chase closely.

He got into a Confucius temple, which was dedicated to Confucius. There were two rows of clay sculptures that looked like scholars standing on the altar next to him. He rolled on the ground several times and then grabbed the He smeared a handful of mud and incense ash on his face thickly, then jumped onto the altar, kicked down a clay statue of a scholar, and stood there, motionless, holding his breath and concentrating.

The knights rushed into the temple.

"Where is the thief?"

"I didn't see it"

"He must be hiding somewhere"

" Search for me"

A group of people were rummaging around in the temple, but no one noticed the clay sculptures of scholars on the altar. The female ghosts who wanted revenge were looking at them and stomping their feet, trying their best to find those statues. The knight shouted in front of him, pointing at the flower-picking thief pretending to be a clay sculpture on the altar.

The flower picker secretly rejoiced, "Wow, haha, you female ghosts, scream and dance as much as you can. None of those idiots have yin and yang eyes or ears. Who can see or hear you screaming?" What, what to do, huh, after I escape today, I will hire a Taoist priest to collect you all."

The knights found nothing in the temple, and the female ghosts seemed to have no plan. Yu Shi, seeing the knights about to leave, the female ghosts gathered in a circle, discussing something in a low voice.

The flower picker was wondering what tricks these female ghosts were planning to play when he saw the female ghosts floating in front of him, standing in a row, and smiling sweetly at him.

A "wow" sound.

The female ghosts all took off their clothes.

A young knight shouted, "Master! Look! This clay figurine has a nosebleed!"

After a certain person died and went down, the hell kid led him to choose a cell. In the first room, a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water, all skinned and bruised, and they refused to enter until they died. The second room was no better. The people inside were all bitten head and feet by wild beasts. A refused again and went to the third room, where a group of people were drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspool. A thought it was acceptable and went in.

After a while, the little ghost came in and announced: "Everyone, please return to the handstand position when tea time is over."

(4) Complaints from three ghosts

One day They met God while shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped that they would go to heaven! God said helplessly that there are too many residents in heaven and it is already full. But now there is another name

Well! You tell me, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So, the first ghost started to say... I was a cleaner when I was alive. Very hard work! Busy from morning to night!

One day, I was cleaning the glass outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work at high altitudes where you're hanging outside! On the 30th floor!

Suddenly, my foot slipped and I fell! I thought, it's over! Dying! But my survival instinct makes me grab randomly

unconsciously! Fortunately, I caught a balcony railing on the 13th floor. I thought, there is hope! So I wanted to wait until I calmed down

and climb up!

Unexpectedly, someone suddenly grabbed my hand and I fell down again! I thought, now I'm really finished! However, my

death should not be decided. There was a tent underneath to catch me. I am glad that I must have accumulated good deeds in my previous life! I want to wait until I feel better before going down. Who would have thought that a refrigerator fell from above and killed me!

The second ghost said... I was a clerk during my lifetime. Everything is fine, I have a beautiful wife. The figure is great

! But it's just a bit watery. I have a mild heart condition. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife with disheveled hair and disheveled clothes. There must be a *husband.

So I searched all over the house, including the kitchen and the toilet, but couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing. I thought: *husband! So he took his hand away.

I thought, 13th floor! See if I can kill you!

When I saw the result, he was not dead! Caught by the tent! I was anxious, so I searched all over the house, entered the kitchen, and found that the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it down. Finally smashed him to death! I was so happy! Laughing endlessly. Who would have thought that laughing

would cause myocardial congestion and make me laugh to death!

The third ghost said... I was a little gangster when I was alive, but I didn't do anything bad! One day I went to a female friend's house! Just after finishing her work, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I also looked in the kitchen and the toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in the refrigerator! I just don’t understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator and he actually threw the refrigerator from the 13th floor!

I just threw myself and the refrigerator to death!

(5) Ghost in the toilet

Chu Yang went to the countryside to visit. When chatting with his relatives, his relatives told him that there was a ghost in the toilet here, but,

If you don’t accept things from ghosts, ghosts won’t hurt you. Maybe it was due to acclimatization, but at night, Chu Yangxiang's stomach hurt terribly. There was really nothing he could do, so Chu Yangxiang had no choice but to go to the toilet with fear. Chu Yangxiang just squatted down and heard a ghost's voice:

"Do you want red toilet paper or white toilet paper?"

Chu Yangxiang knew. Unable to accept ghost things, he replied: "I always use newspapers."

It seemed that Chu Yangxiang had dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again, but this time This time,

he was no longer afraid.

When the ghost saw Chu Yang looking back, he stretched out his hand and said:

"You want Youth Daily or Central Daily News?"

"I have always Use sports newspapers.”

At night, Chu Yangxiang went to the toilet for the third time.

"You want "Youth Sports" or "Central Sports"?" asked the ghost.

"...I...I just want to pee."

In the past, when making phone calls, the number was not pressed, but inserted with fingers. Enter a disc with a hole and use a dial.

Once upon a time...

Xiao Ming’s phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in...

< p>One day at 12 o'clock in the middle of the night, the phone rang, and Xiao Ming picked up the phone.

The other end of the phone said in a miserable voice: "Is this 444-4444? Can you call 119 for me? I'm so miserable!..."

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, don't come to me!"

That person: "I can only call 444-4444, I can't call others."

Xiao Ming was scared to death and quickly hung up the phone.

The number he could only call was 444-4444? Could it be a ghost? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming did not dare to answer it.

But the phone kept ringing.... Xiao Ming had to pick up the phone.

The man: "Is this 444-4444? Can you call 119 for me? I'm so miserable!

..... ...My finger got stuck in the phone dial!"

There was a taxi driver working in a taxi company. Late one night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; suddenly he saw a building in the desolate land in front of him, with dim lights on.

He was wondering when a building like this had been built here, when he saw a young lady on the roadside waving her hand to take his car home. The young lady got into the car, He closed the car door and started driving. After a while, he felt strange why the lady didn't speak. When he looked back in the mirror, there was no lady, only a doll. Sitting there, he was scared to death

He grabbed the doll and threw it out the window. After returning home, he became seriously ill for three months

...

...

...

...

...

After he recovered, he went back to the taxi He was going to work, but his colleague said to him: "You are so boring.

A beautiful lady came over and complained that she wanted to ride in your car last time, but she just threw the doll in, and you Just

closed the car door and drove away.

(10) On a dark and windy night, on the longest...scariest road...

The taxi driver drove by there...

A woman waved to get on the road...

Hmm... it was quite quiet along the way... of...

Until the woman spoke...

She said: "I'll give you an apple...it's delicious..."

The driver thought it was great... so he took it...

Then he took a bite...

The woman asked: "Is it delicious? "

The driver said: "It's delicious! "

The woman replied again: "I also liked eating apples when I was alive..."

Wow...&*$#@...When the driver heard this, he was frightened. I had to brake urgently and turned pale...

I saw the woman slowly tilting her head to the front and... said to the driver...

"...but I stopped liking it after giving birth! …