Can you tell me some jokes? Interestingly, I want to tell my friend her birthday tomorrow. There is no reward for everyone's help! ~! ~! ~! ~!

Once I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " "... for the first time in two years, I heard the boss laugh so loudly.

I went to buy watermelon that day, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ……

One of our colleagues, when going to take the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report to the meter, the examiner is normal! ……

Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What do you teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: "Too much urine and too much wine."

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. ...

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He's gone ..."

Another one, when we were in junior high school, we rang the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ……

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

In computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine and shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " "The whole class is stupefied.

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Even in high school, I went home with MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there are many seniors on the grill, I am afraid that the boss can't hear me, so I shouted, "Boss, five strings of bullwhip!" " "Then there was silence. After three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was very embarrassed ... the most embarrassing thing was that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail. "

Someone went to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted "aim at your side light!" " "One of my classmates whispered to me," Only his bladder grows on his face. "

Our unit has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off!

I met a girl who I had been longing for for for a long time and came out of the bathhouse. I wanted to be close. For a long time, I said, "Are there many men in your bath?"

A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he said, "Does your child eat human milk or yours now?" ……

When I bought rice in the canteen and saw the long-awaited tofu skin, I excitedly said to the waiter, "A potato skin!" " "... shocked the people around you.

That's a good donkey. Like the heart, the heart and the lungs. ...

Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the salesman, "A bag of potato chips!" " They said no. I said, "What store?" ... not even chips? ! "Say that finish turned and left. ...

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all died by caesarean section!" " " ……

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM in a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?" ……

When I was in college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. Call 1860 to ask about it. At that time, he was excited: "Excuse me, your mobile phone service …" From the hands-free phone, we even heard the telephone operator politely say: "Our mobile phone service …" The whole dormitory burst into laughter!

Yesterday, someone said that they would introduce me to a girlfriend. I want to ask, "Is it beautiful?" The result said, "Is it cheap?" . Sweat to death ...

Senior college student, late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister prevaricated for a long time, saying "sexy and sexual theory", which is too difficult to talk about. "The whole class is messed up. The original title of the professor is: on reason and perception. ...

One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!" " "

Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I stretched out four fingers and said "three mutton kebabs" to my boss. The boss was asked, "How many?" I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

Our general manager is surnamed Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

One of our colleagues is on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet administrator, "I'm here for dinner!" " "

I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays were so chaotic these days, I couldn't figure out the contents of the order, so I asked, "What are you?"

I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" ……

Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain is too hot. ...

My classmate Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: "The letter of dried cold rice noodles!"

A buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. Dude, say no politely. I said, that won't do. Once a year, you must take it. ...

In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. The word "Yun" in the lower part of the word "Yun" on the envelope has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and let out a cry, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.

Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said, "Radioactive elements are very dangerous. You humans must stay away from them!" " ! "

After going back to the dormitory after the evening self-study, Lu Yu followed her all day, always wanting to strike up a conversation, but she didn't have the courage to go forward. Until the fairy mm wanted to walk into the girls' building, she gritted her teeth and stepped forward and asked mm loudly, "Classmate, are you a woman?" Later ... later, I enjoyed the white eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!"

The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for turning against you in the future!" "

My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

When I first entered school, the whole class introduced themselves. A male student stepped onto the platform: "My name is You Yongzhi, and I'm from Beijing. I love playing chess! " Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The woman shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "I ... My name is Shakuyaku ... I like swimming ..."

Mr. Huang loves revolution. In memory of the Red Army, he named his son Jun. One day, he sent his son to class. When he saw the No.8 bus stop, he shouted to his son, "Run Huang Jun, the No.8 bus is coming!"

Head nurse: My perfume is gone! Help me find it!

People: What brand of perfume are you still using?

Master: Liushen, I only use that.

Everyone: awesome, I have never heard of it. What is it like?

Chef: Which one of you took the Liushen toilet water?

Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on 10 floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the ninth floor. Today, Xiao Wang called the personnel department to find him: "Is Xiao Wang there?" The colleague who answered the phone said, "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel." Xiao Wang: "Ah? ! When did this happen? Why don't I know? I haven't had time to see him off yet? " "It doesn't matter, you can go to the following to find him ..."