Joke (7)

? Interesting stories about Beijing officials

? After the imperial examination, Xiao Siren was awarded the title of Jishi Shu in imperial academy for his outstanding achievements in literature. According to the system of Qing Dynasty, Jishi Shu had to study in imperial academy for three years. After the expiration of the examination, he was awarded the title of "Leaving the Library" or "Leaving the Library".

? The person who scored the best in the exam was initially awarded the post of "editing" by Gil Jinshi, the post of "examining" by the top three Jinshi, and others were appointed as ministers or magistrates.

? Xiao Siren pointed to Hanlin, so he should be proud of it. He studied in Jishu Concert Hall and was deeply loved by teachers and peers. Under the guidance of teachers and predecessors, I learned more and experienced more, and quickly adapted to the official life.

? At that time, although the country suffered, it was still fashionable for scholars to indulge in debauchery. Poetry field reception singing and entertainment, from time to time.

? Gradually, Xiao Siren's humor is well known to everyone.

At a banquet, a Lu Hanlin asked Xiao Siren to tell a joke. Xiao Siren looked at him and said, "Then I'll tell a few stories about being afraid of my wife." When this word came out, everyone laughed. It turns out that Lu Hanlin is a wife-fearing advocate.

? Xiao Siren said, "Once upon a time there was a man who was afraid of his wife. One day, he angered his wife because of a little thing, and she tried to pinch his finger. He said,' Fortunately, there are no instruments of torture at home.' His wife asked him to borrow it from his neighbor's house. When he went out, he muttered something in a low voice. His wife called him back and asked sharply, "What did you just say?" He quickly replied,' I said it's best to buy a pair of torture devices at home in case of emergency. "

? Xiao Siren had just finished, and everyone laughed. Someone asked Lu Hanlin, "Are you so afraid of your wife?" Lu Hanlin's face flushed bright red.

Then Xiao Siren told another story: "Another man is afraid of his wife. Later, my wife got sick and died first. He saw the portrait of his wife hanging in front of the coffin. In order to understand the old grievances, he clenched his fist and wanted to make a few portraits. Just as I was about to punch, suddenly the breeze blew the portrait. The man was shocked and quickly drew back his hand and said,' Just kidding, I don't want anything! "Don't scare me!" "

? Then Xiao Siren told a third story: "Northerners call their bitter ancestors larks. It is clever, and all kinds of birds can't sing. There is an old man who likes larks very much. Specially hired a little servant to feed, and often played in the street with a birdcage. One hot day, he asked his little servant to help the lark bathe and told him, "Be careful. If a hair falls, I'll break your leg! Say that finish and go out.

His wife happened to be ordering the little servant to do something. The little servant said, "I dare not go. If the lark loses its hair, the master will break my leg. As soon as his wife heard this, she took the bird out of the cage, pulled out all its feathers and threw it into the cage.

? When the old man came back, he saw that the lark had become a naked bird and said angrily,' Who pulled this?' The little servant was afraid to speak, and his wife replied,' I pulled it out. "What are you going to do?" When the master heard this, he quickly smiled and said,' Well played, it's better than taking a bath! "

? Everyone laughed after listening to it. Only Lu Hanlin smiled wryly, and everyone thought his appearance was more interesting, but it took a while to disagree.

? Xiao Siren is very funny and good at telling jokes. The story also spread to the palace. Some eunuchs want to hear his jokes and only want him to enter the palace.

Once, when Xiao Siren left the palace, he was entangled by a little eunuch and asked him to tell a story. Xiao Siren even said something was wrong and was rejected by the eunuch. Xiao Siren had no choice but to tell jokes.

? Xiao Siren said, "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young widow who gave birth to a son. . . . . "Speaking of which, Xiao Siren looked at the eunuch and stopped talking. The eunuch is listening attentively. Seeing that he stopped talking, he quickly asked, "What's next? What about below? " Xiao Siren solemnly replied: "Below, below is gone!" The eunuch was very surprised and repeatedly asked, "How could it not be? How can there be none below? " Xiao Siren vaguely said to the eunuch, "It's gone. Do not believe that you feel it yourself. " Say that finish with your mouth to the eunuch crotch nunu mouth. The eunuch was puzzled and ran away. It took the eunuch a long time to realize that Xiao Siren was joking with himself.

? Once, Xiao Siren did a little thing in the palace and was caught by a eunuch in charge. The eunuch asked him to tell a joke to make him laugh and let him go. But there is one condition for jokes, that is, they can only be one word. This is obviously embarrassing him. However, when Xiao Siren opened his mouth, he said, "Bullshit!" The eunuch in charge was stunned and said, "How do you curse?" Xiao Siren said with a smile: "This is a joke!" The eunuch in charge asked, "How do you say this?" Xiao Siren explained: "The fart is on you, and it is on you if you don't let it go!" The eunuch in charge let him go with a smile.

? In the second year, Xiao Siren and a group of like-minded scholars formed a literary club, which met regularly to talk about the past and discuss the present.

At an astronomical society party, Xiao Siren suggested that everyone do riddles, which was unanimously agreed by all literary friends.

We agreed to do crossword puzzles first. A man made a riddle and said, "I have a bow with two arrows." I want to photograph the person next to me and see the face of the Bodhisattva. " Lu Hanlin answered first: "It is the word' Buddha'."

? Then Lu Hanlin came up with a riddle: "I want to ride a sheep. The sheep rode me, and the beast lied to me and sat on my head." Assistant minister Wang replied: "this is the word' righteousness'."

Assistant minister Wang's crossword puzzle is much more elegant: "look at the flowers, the red sun sinks in the west;" Shut up, don't see many talents; Relying on it, Dong Jun will go; I am bored and lazy, and I am lazy. " President Liu of the household administration department said: "It is the word' door'. "

? Master Liu made a riddle and said, "Two people in two places have two mouths, regardless of wealth." Someone answered' wall'. The man then came up with a riddle: "Point to the sky, point to the earth, point to the east and point to the west." Everyone was tongue-tied, and Xiao Siren said, "This is the word' ten'." Xiao Siren made a riddle: "Do one in the evening, one in the dream, two more, and you will die." Lu Hanlin said: "This is the word' Xi'."

? Everybody says crossword puzzles, crossword puzzles, you say a word. Someone said, "The whole family is surnamed Zhu, but they can sing straight. Finally, go to the rivers and lakes and make a house with people. " (canopy); Someone said: "There is a bright moon in the group, and the sky is high and the clouds are light. Two people are smiling and one person is silent. Standing in the south and facing the north, it seems sad, not sad, but happy. " (mirror); It happened that Xiao Siren had a riddle and said, "Two ends, two ends in the middle. Big at both ends and small at both ends. Broken at both ends, good at both ends. Two heads of light, two heads of grass. Stand at both ends and fall at both ends. " No one can solve it at the moment. Later, I learned that the answer turned out to be "two monks sleep at both ends." This' head' includes the upper' big head' and the lower' small head'.