Do you have any funny jokes?

1 One day, Confucius came to Lao Tzu and said: "I have something to discuss with you, old man: I am originally from Shandong and you are from Shanxi. But unexpectedly, an envoy from Korea came yesterday , insisting that I entrust you with a letter, saying that we are Koreans, and they want to give us Korean nationality. Do you want us to?"

I was also extremely surprised and busy. Question: "What reason do they have for thinking that we are Koreans?"

Confucius said: "The reason is that our nicknames are very close to those of the Koreans: your name is Laozi, and my name is Confucius. And they are called Bangzi."

2 Taiwanese businessmen doing business in mainland China,

Since their families are all in Taiwan,

they like to have sex every night. place.

One day he was unfortunately caught by the police.

His Taiwan Compatriot ID card was stamped with the characters "sexual insect".

He was very unhappy,

so he spent some money through connections,

to get rid of this indecent term.

A week later,

His friend told him that it was done.

He thought, as long as you have money, is there anything you can't do in mainland China?

After receiving the Taiwan Compatriot Certificate, he opened it excitedly and saw that

there were three big characters stamped inside:

Not a pornographic insect.

Later, through more powerful people, he wanted to get rid of the words

not a worm

,

because he I think these three words are still indecent,

So this matter must be resolved this time.

Because he will return to Taiwan next month...

His friends also assured him again and again,

There will be no problem,

It’s just that etiquette is absolutely essential.

Another week later,

His friend came to him and said to him: This time it was really done!

He quickly took the Taiwan Compatriot Certificate and took a look.

It read:

African Fire Worm

3. A and B C and three people travel together, and A catches a cold...

At night, everyone sleeps in the same bed, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night...A sneezed hard,

B and C's whole face was covered with A's crystals.

B and C: You will inform us next time...

Half an hour later,

A: Pay attention...

B After hearing this, B quickly got into the quilt,

and made sure there was no connection with the outside world...

As a result, A farted.

4. I once went to a high school teacher’s house with some classmates

to see him.

He was an old man. Before he left,

We left some fruits for the teacher,

But the teacher grabbed the monitor’s laptop bag tightly and said:

“Look, let’s see what else I bring. …

Just leave it at the door.”

5. Accompanying a friend to take a taxi to meet an online friend,

When we are about to arrive,

The friend pointed to an extremely ugly girl not far away and said to the driver:

"Did you see that woman?"

"Yes, over there. Stop?"

"No, kill her!"

One day, a classmate walked over to Zhongguancun and asked,

p>

"Do you want a hard drive? It's cheap."

A classmate took it over and looked at it and said, "How hard is it?"

7 A classmate, his computer automatically turns on every morning

(Probably because he rushed away instantly when the phone call came in the dormitory in the morning).

As a result, the old man took a charm and stuck it on the computer. .

On the 8th night, one person fell asleep in the four-person dormitory.

There were three other people discussing how to confess their feelings to a girl for the first time.

The discussion was lively.

The sleeping one woke up:

Don’t say anything, let’s go to sleep...

School has just started on September 9,

A new English teacher came,

He asked us to answer questions in English in the future.

Then he started to call the roll: NO.1.

He shouted.

No. 1 of our class stood up,

shouted: Here! The teacher said:

Please in English! ( Please answer in English)

My classmate scratched his head,

After holding it in for a long time, he answered:

Guide~~~ (pronounce the second pronunciation)

10. Dialogue between students admitted to a university in Beijing and alumni:

Are you from Yunnan?

"YES"

"Wow...it's so far..."

..........

"Has Yunnan been liberated?"

"No, we all carry guns in class"

"You can speak Chinese~!"

"I just learned it on the train when I came here" .

"Do you live in a cave dwelling?"

"No, we live in a tree"

" Is Yunnan in Kunming? "

"Well, Yunnan is the capital of Kunming. "

"Where are your many pigtails?"

"For the sake of going up. The university had to cut it off!"

"Do you still eat raw meat?"

"Our boss invented flint wood to make fire, and we eat barbecue,"

"Are you from Yunnan?"

"Yes."

"That's great. Next time I travel to Lhasa, I will stay at your house."

"hellip; hellip; no problem, but my home is a little far from Lhasa."

"Then how do you come to school?"

"Riding a donkey to Beijing After the plane ride.

"

"It must have taken a long time to arrive, right?

"Once you're used to it, just leave half a year in advance!"

"hellip; hellip; hellip; hellip; hellip ;... They were riding camels and donkeys.

Then there is no college entrance examination in Yunnan. The exams are archery competitions.

Put up a sign one kilometer away.

Write "Tsinghua" and put "Peking University" next to it. Then a person has three chances.

The first time I shot at Tsinghua University and the second time at Peking University, they both failed. Finally, just to be safe,

I shot at the nearest sign, which is this one School.

11 My roommate from a technical secondary school,

once drank together before the holiday.

Later, we drank too much.

When he arrived at the stairs on the third floor, he saw water on the corridor.

He suddenly got rid of the two brothers who were helping him.

He said:

"I want to swim." "Go to our dormitory"

Then he jumped forward,

jumped to the corridor and started breaststroke,

people around him collapsed! ! !

After swimming like this for four or five meters, he was finally pulled up.

After turning off the lights at 12,

The boys' dormitory collectively shouted "Incoming call! Incoming call!" ,

The call actually came 5 minutes later;

Then,

The boys’ dormitory collectively shouted

“Lights out later! Lights out later! !”

Then the lights were turned off at 11:50;

Finally, the boys’ dormitory shouted “Women! Women!”

13 The British "Daily Telegraph" reported on the 4th,

A South Wales man saw a "bright, stationary" UFO,

so he called " 999" to urgently report your findings to the police.

The British police released the call record on the 4th.

The content is as follows:

Police: "This is the South Wales Police. What emergency have you encountered?" ?"

"It's not really urgent. I just need to tell you,

There is a bright, stationary object on the other side of the mountain."

Police: "Okay."

Citizen: "If you have a few minutes to spare, maybe you could come and see what it is?

It's been there for at least half an hour, and now It's still there."

Police: "It's been there for half an hour. Is it on the mountain or in the sky?"

"It's in the sky." p>

Police: "I will send someone there to find out."

Citizen: "OK."

The call record includes the content of the call between the police and the headquarters after they rushed to the scene. .

Headquarters: "(Codename) Alpha-Zulu 20,

That object in the sky, has anyone checked it?"

Police officers present:

"Yes.

It is the moon.

Finished."

14 Everyone was talking about what they had seen on the train.

A brother said that he once took a train and sat in a soft sleeper.

After a while, the conductor came over and asked him to change cars.

He asked the conductor what What happened?

The conductor told him that government officials would come up in this car.

This car was occupied.

Everyone was filled with indignation and cursed the government for corruption.

The first brother said something shocking:

"These bastards,

don't even miss the train,

not only keep mistresses,

He even booked a train! ”

15 A man walked into a sex toy store,

and said in a super shy and trembling tone:

Please...please...ask...you guys

...are you...are you...no...are you...

Selling...massage...devices Device...?

Clerk: Yes!

Man: That... that... all kinds of...

Black... black...

Cocoa... to...

Spin... Spin... ...turn around...?

Clerk: Yes, what are you doing?

Man: Then...

Then...

Please...Excuse me

Do you want... Do you want...

How... what...

Turn it...

Turn it... it... off... off off... off?

A certain class in 16 high school taught about permutations and combinations, and worked in groups to solve problems.

The teacher called Lei: "How many people are in your group?"

Lei: "Twelve."

Teacher: "Okay, then you can do the math. ,

Twelve people line up,

You can’t stand at the head or the end of the line,

How many ways are there? ”

Lei immersed himself in calculation:

"Ah, there are twelve people,

I can't be at the head of the row... yes... I can't be at the end of the row..."

After a while,

Finally I was confused and made a mistake.

The teacher was angry and ordered Lei to stand.

He also asked Qibo: "How many people are in your group?".

Bo feared,

After a while,

Answer: "Three..."

17 The police caught a man stealing money at the beach The man who bought lobsters,

is ready to impose a fine and punishment according to the law...

Man: "What did you say? What law did I break? These two lobsters are my pets, and I brought them out. Take a walk!"

Police: "I'm so lazy to listen to your nonsense!"

Man: "It's true, sir! They love to swim in the sea, as long as I blow Whistle and you'll swim back!"

Police: "I want to take a look~"

So the man threw the two lobsters into the waves...

Police: "Okay, let me see how you can get your pet lobster back."

Man: "Huh? Lobster? What lobster?"

18 A man Because I had to rush to catch the boat, I drove as fast as possible to the dock.

When he drove to the dock, he saw that the boat had left the shore.

As soon as he locked the car door, he immediately jumped onto the boat at a speed of running a hundred meters. The whole movement was done in one go without any pause.

His actions frightened everyone on the ship. The captain said strangely: Sir...the ship hasn't docked yet...