What is your first reaction when your child does something wrong? Li Meijin: This is more effective than beating.

Many parents don’t realize that your first reaction when your child makes a mistake may affect the child’s life.

I have seen this news: A 9-year-old boy broke the school glass and was worried about being punished by his parents. He left a 30-word suicide note and committed suicide by jumping from the 17th floor.

Many people feel distressed after seeing this news. What is the reason that makes a child use his life to hold up a piece of glass? Before the child committed suicide, he struggled internally for two days. He did not dare to tell his family that he had broken a piece of glass.

Many people say that children nowadays lack education on frustration and are too "glass-hearted".

In fact, it is not the case. It is precisely because he knows what he will endure after making a mistake, which can be traced back to his parents' actions every time he makes a mistake.

A friend of mine still can’t let go. She said that her parents were very strict with her when she was a child. Once, she failed in her math test again. When she got home, many relatives were there that day. After her mother found out her score, she slapped her twice on the butt. She said she still can’t forget her mother’s dissatisfied expression on her that day.

After listening to her story, I also said that she was too glass-hearted, but she said, you don’t know, after that time I didn’t dare to see my relatives, I always felt that they were all laughing. Me, I feel very stupid, my mother dislikes me so much.

Did you see it? When your child does something wrong, what are your first words? How many of them are emotional and blindly venting emotions? The children are scolded, but instead of being taught, they cause harm.

"What's going on!" "Can you save me some trouble?" ----- Don't ask about the ins and outs.

"You can't do such a simple thing well! Why are you so stupid!" ------ Negation, insult.

"I told you before that you were disobedient, now it's over." ------ Sarcastic.

What’s more, if they don’t agree with each other, they will slap them in the face. The children don’t know what is wrong, how can they correct it? You will only make mistakes again and again, which also violates the original intention of education.

Li Meijin, a professor at Renmin University of China and a parenting expert, was once asked by parents how to criticize their children when they make mistakes. She said never to hit them. As soon as you hit them, they will know that this is the worst result. In the future, children will think that if they make mistakes, they will be beaten in the worst case! Don't scold, either. Insulting a child will have no effect other than hurting the child's self-esteem.

Professor Li Meijin later taught everyone a trick: just look at him, your eyes are the most intimidating, look at him for at least a minute.

When a child does something wrong, most children can realize that they will feel guilty and self-blame. At this time, as long as you give him a look, he will know the seriousness of the problem. Especially outside, in public places, you just have to look at him.

Do not hit or scold at this time. Children all have self-esteem. Hitting and scolding will only offset the guilt in the child's heart. At this time, he will make excuses for himself, shirk responsibility, and even become rebellious, unconvinced, and even build a defensive wall against his parents in his heart.

When a child makes a mistake, you must let the child know that no matter what the circumstances, his parents' love for him will not change, and he will always be on his side. If there is a problem, you can shoulder it together and be with him. face.

When a child makes a mistake, parents must first calmly point out his mistake objectively. Many children may not be mature mentally and have poor self-control. At this time, you may feel troublesome, but you must also Control your emotions, discuss matters based on the facts, and don't make mistakes from the past.

When facing a child who knowingly commits a crime, we need to be more patient and provide intensive training. We must take the trouble to show him the correct approach, let him understand what he should do, and supervise him.

Children often make mistakes and are helpless. If you scold him or yell at him, he may be in a state of panic and fear. At this time, you can have empathy and give him a hug. , may be more effective than scolding.

There is a Korean show "The Return of Superman". In one episode, after the father got up, he found oatmeal all over the floor, and his three-year-old daughter was sitting in the pile of oatmeal, holding the oatmeal. The sight of feeding my one-year-old brother is maddening and dangerous.

But the father calmly asked his daughter, "What happened?" Later I found out that when my daughter saw that her brother was hungry, she wanted to imitate adults and make some cereal to feed her brother, but the cereal was placed too high, so she Spread.

After hearing this, the father did not reprimand his daughter, but praised his daughter for knowing how to take care of her younger brother. And told her that in the future she would have to ask an adult for help.

If the father yelled at this time, the daughter would definitely tremble and be very sad, wondering why she was criticized for doing good things.

My sister’s nephew is usually very well-behaved, but whenever the children come to visit, he will cause trouble. At first, my sister yelled at him, but she found that the more she yelled at him, the more he kept causing trouble. . Until his sister held him in her arms, she later discovered that he was just trying to attract her attention, fearing that other children would share his mother's love.

After finding out the reason, my sister specially invited more children to play at home. Every time, she would make some cakes to entertain the children, and let her nephew be responsible for distributing them so that he could learn to share.

Some children especially like to scribble and draw on walls, sofas, and various objects. This is when the child reaches a sensitive period for painting, and parents need to prepare them for their children. Drawing board, brush, paper, tell him where to draw instead of criticizing him for spending all the time, you may kill the child's nature.

When a child makes a mistake, the most important thing is to make him realize the consequences of his actions and take responsibility. At this time, you have to stand with your child, but not to condone it, but to help him analyze right and wrong.

For example, if a bowl is broken, you should tell him to clean up the broken pieces immediately and wrap them up to avoid injuries. If you hit a classmate, you should apologize specifically. If you litter, you should tell him that doing so will damage the public environment, and take him to see how hard the sanitation workers are. Don’t think that if your children are young, you can ignore them and ignore them. Responsible education needs to start from an early age.

Therefore, when children make mistakes, we must treat them correctly and allow them to make mistakes. As the saying goes, no one can make mistakes without being a sage. When we discipline our children, we should not be too harsh. Harshness may be able to cultivate an outstanding child, but it will destroy the warmest family affection in the world and cause changes in the child's personality.