What kind of family education should tiger mom, wolf dad and Harvard mom be?

What kind of family education should tiger mom, wolf dad and Harvard mom be?

"Tiger Mom" and "Wolf Dad" just finished singing, and "Harvard Mom" came on stage again.

"Never watch TV or play computer games", "Don't choose your own extracurricular activities", "Unconditionally obey all your parents' requirements" and "Don't visit your classmates' homes". "Tiger Mom" and "Wolf Dad" use a series of strict family education to ask their children to work hard along the road they have chosen for them. According to media reports, their practices caused some parents to imitate them, but also made some parents call them "perverts".

Just when the discussion about them subsided a little, "Harvard Mom" appeared. In the book "Notes on Harvard Mother Education" written by Japanese mother Tomita, a laissez-faire family education method and a goal-oriented training method are put forward, that is, the authoritative parents in oriental family education are combined with equal exchanges in western style. This is another successful adopted son case that is envied by thousands of parents after "Tiger Mother" and "Wolf Dad", which has caused no less discussion than the "debate smoke" once aroused by "Tiger Mother" and "Wolf Dad".

The importance of family education is self-evident. It is the earliest form of education that a person comes into contact with, and it is also a kind of lifelong education, which is bound to play a vital role in the healthy growth of children. Every family's tutor mode is different. Which method is more feasible? Which method is more scientific?

Tough or loose? This is a problem.

In ancient society, parents had absolute authority over their children. There is a sentence in Zhu's Zhu: "All humble teenagers, big or small, must consult their parents." Parents have supreme rights and status, and children must obey their parents' strict discipline.

Nowadays, with the improvement of social legal system and social civilization and the arrival of the only child era, parents have begun to change their ideas. For many parents, children are the center of the family, and their education methods for children have gradually become accommodating and relaxed. However, when parents saw the success brought by strict parenting methods such as "tiger mother" and "wolf father", these parents were somewhat contradictory and shaken.

"I don't want to force the child, not to force. Nowadays, the social competition is so fierce. You let him develop, how can you compete with others in the future? " Ms. Tang from Ankang, Shaanxi Province is the mother of a child, aged 17. She said that she is very strict with her children's family education, and she has to take remedial classes during the holidays, even if she doesn't want to, she has to force him to go.

But the child's performance made her very worried: "English (forum) performance has never improved, and she has never taken the initiative to communicate with me." Severe whipping doesn't seem to drive children to achieve their set goals.

Sun Yunxiao, a researcher at China Youth Research Center, believes that "tiger mother" and "wolf father" education is a tyrannical and rude way of education, which is a manifestation of lack of awareness of democracy and equality and disrespect for children's rights. The "success" produced by this utilitarian pursuit can only be a success in the secular sense, which is not desirable.

"But on the other hand, children need strict discipline. The younger a child is, the more he needs to make rules and distinguish between right and wrong. I am opposed to stick education, but punishment is necessary. " Sun Yunxiao added that education without punishment is incomplete. The so-called punishment is to guide children to reflect on their mistakes in a gentle way when they have some deviations, sum up lessons and let them bear the consequences of their actions. "Being kind to children's mistakes is a very important educational method. Parents should believe that their children are good children, let them truly understand their mistakes, be not afraid of them, and correct them, so as to cultivate the character of taking responsibility. If you make a mistake, you can solve it by snoring. Children may never know where they are wrong. "

Authoritative democracy is the most scientific, and it is also necessary to teach students in accordance with their aptitude and vary from person to person.

"I have also tried to be a tiger mother and a wolf father, setting strict requirements and standards for my children and forcing her to complete them. But later, I found that she listened to the advice patiently by talking with her, asking for her advice, encouraging and praising her. So, I gave up the previous method, and we discussed each other and talked on an equal footing. " Luo, a teacher of China Youth Political College (Admissions Office), told the reporter.

Sun Yunxiao believes that authoritative and democratic education is the most scientific way of education. On the one hand, parents should set an example, be strict with themselves and establish authority and prestige, on the other hand, they should understand and respect their children and give them freedom. A good education is a free education for children. There is no contradiction between strict requirements for children and freedom. Authority is not despotism, and democracy is not doting.

"There is no contradiction between strict requirements and freedom for children. For example, you can't lie, bully others, and play online games too much. Children who are strict in these aspects are children with a sense of security. Under this premise, children are still free to play with their peers and choose their favorite interests to develop. This is tempering justice with mercy. " Sun Yunxiao said that it is a common idea that the core of moral and intellectual education before 10 is to distinguish right from wrong. When the child is 0 to 65,438+0 years old, love him unconditionally to make him feel safe and happy; 2 to 4 years old, dare to say no to children, let them distinguish right from wrong; From the age of 5 to 10, it is necessary to further develop good moral habits. This period is the foundation and the most important stage of life, and it is also the golden time to make rules; However, after the age of 10, we should respect children, talk to them on an equal footing, listen to their opinions and ideas, and convince them with reason instead of coercion. He said that according to the findings of family education research at home and abroad, the family with the highest success rate of children is an authoritative and democratic family, not an authoritarian family.

Sun Yunxiao added that children's healthy growth needs to be taught according to their gender and personality. Combining gender and personality is a more rational attitude.

Correct educational mentality, the definition of success is not unique.

One Weibo was widely forwarded by netizens on the Internet: "When I was a child, I often thought: When I grow up, which is better, Tsinghua or Peking University?" When I grew up, I discovered: I really think too much. "A joke just for fun reflects the idea that children have been instilled since childhood, and success is to go to a prestigious school. The goal set by parents for their children is to get into a good university and get good grades.

Ms. Tang's goal for her children is very clear, and she will be admitted to Tsinghua or Peking University. She said, "At the very least, we should focus on key universities."

Sun Yunxiao said that getting high marks in a prestigious school is only a success in the secular sense. He gave us three criteria for success: "First, development. Success is not a comparison, but a development and improvement on the original basis; The second is to choose the path that suits you. Genius is choosing the path that suits you. The third is harmony, that is, physical and mental harmony, harmony between people and between people and society. "