Classic Quotations: Beautiful women don't fart.

My sister-in-law asked me to visit her three-year-old nephew after work. She and her brother went out to work and I bought a pack of snacks. My nephew was watching cartoons while eating, and suddenly he wanted to fart, but he couldn't help it. . . Nephew: Auntie, did you fart? I pointed to the dog sleeping on the sofa and said that it let it go. Beautiful women don't fart As soon as the words stopped, the dog jumped on me and bit me. . .

My buddy went out to work for half a year, and when he came back, he bought a house and a car, which was generous. I asked him how he could earn so much money. He asked me to work in KFC. So I saw hope and went to work in KFC for almost half a year. What's more, I can't afford a car or an electric car. As a good friend, did he lie to me ...

One day, I had lunch in the canteen. The TV in the canteen is playing the Qing Palace drama. When I wanted to wipe my mouth after dinner, I found that I had run out of paper towels. I stood up and asked, "Who has paper?" This is a long and soft eunuch voice on TV: the emperor has a purpose!

Yesterday, I dreamed of my ex, and I woke up feeling terrible. Think of the dribs and drabs before, tears can't stop flowing, and my heart is inexplicably uncomfortable! Pick up the phone and dial that familiar number! She answered the phone: it's been so long since we broke up. Why did you call me? I said: I dreamed of you last night! She: You don't still like me, do you? Me: I dreamed of you last night and woke up crying. You are eating shit. I advise you to hit me if you don't listen, which makes me cry!

Today, the son of the aunt next door told me a joke! He said that he had a dog before, and later he named it Stop, calling it "Stop" and "Stop" every time. . It didn't take long for the dog to go crazy. . I was completely laughed at. .

I like to bully my female deskmate at school. My female deskmate: If you are jealous again, I will tell the teacher. Me: Whatever! Then the female deskmate raised her hand. The teacher said: OK! Then come up and do this problem!

Man: I like you! W: Why? What about practice? Man: I'm serious. I like you! Woman: Don't be ridiculous. There is no scenery in familiar places. We are too familiar to spark. M: I'm serious. I love you! The woman looked at him silently. Man: Marry me! Woman: Shit, why did you say it now? I have been waiting for you long. Go and buy a diamond ring!

The younger brother said, "The courage of the sun is really small!" My brother said, "How can I see it?" The younger brother said, "because it dares to come out during the day!" " "

I went out to eat shabu-shabu with my parents yesterday. My mother put a potato in my bowl and I took a bite. She asked me if I was ripe. I said it well. Then, my mother gently said to my father, honey, it's ripe. Eat quickly.

Long-distance love, the boy said that I would come back in 8 1 day, so he bought 8 1 kinds of snacks for his girlfriend and said, you eat one every day, and I will come back after eating. Later, in order to surprise the girls, the boys came back on the third day. The girl cried and said, you didn't lie to me. I just finished eating and you came back …

Blind date, my parents go with me, and the girl goes with her mother. . . The girl is beautiful, and so is her mother. Dad said, "This is my son." My mother came over and said, "Do you want one person?" Dad casually replied, "that's great." . . "It's cold, Dad. Please put on more clothes. . .

Classic quotations of humorous praise for beautiful women

1, the first guy who knows that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow?

When money spoke up, all the truths were silent.

I have thought about the words "I am especially hard-working", and I have achieved the first four words. .......

People like you can only live two episodes in one drama.

I don't even want a basin of spilled water.

6. I woke up in the morning thinking that I had grown taller overnight, only to find that the quilt was covered horizontally. ......

7. Never quarrel with your parents, because if you win, you will only be scolded, and if you win, you will only be beaten.

8. I caught a QQ drift bottle today, and I caught one. And I collapsed! One more bottle.

9. I drew a coffin in which you were lying with her. It's very kind of me to let you die together.

10, God wanted to listen to music and took Leslie Cheung away. God wanted to watch the dance and took MJ away. God wanted to use the iphone5 and took Jobs.

1 1, no matter how big the official is, no matter how much money, the prince still dragged it in.

12, I really want to write Baidu on the test paper every time, and you will know that I am angry with the marking teacher.

13, a science student named names: You are simply the solution set of X+24! It took me a long time to realize that the answer is positive infinity of 2. ...

14, a girl like you can't get married, even if she gets married, she is still getting married.

15, school, although you got my body, you can't get my heart.

Is my face oily? Reflecting light, I can't see clearly.

17. When I was a child, I liked to play hide and seek. When others hide, I will go home for dinner.

18, three apples changed the world: one killed Eve, one smashed Newton and one was bitten by Jobs.

19, I have absolutely no feeling after drinking a catty of white wine, because I have already drunk half a catty.

20. I will still look for you in my next life, because you are the stupidest except me.

2 1, once in a while, a silent life will feel great, and a silent life will be miserable.

22. Don't hang yourself on a tree, try to die on several trees several times-completely!

23, on impulse, the crisis of later generations!

24, the early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

25. Argue with MM about whether whales are fish. Finally, I said that the Japanese also brought a personal message, and she agreed that whales are not fish.

26. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women on the campus of Beihou University will live forever.

28. Can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? ! So be realistic.

29. I am not afraid that the enemy is like a tiger, but I am afraid that my teammates are like pigs!

30. Summer is just not good. When you are poor, you don't even have to drink the northwest wind.

3 1, I am not a casual person, I am not a casual person.

32. Life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch. Is it to resist pain, not to resist or to suffer!

33. In bed, practice is the only criterion to test kung fu.

34. I don't know whose daughter-in-law is in my bed, and my daughter-in-law doesn't know whose bed she is!

35. Beijing University of Science and Technology cheated me for four years, so I plan to cheat the society with the knowledge taught by Beijing University of Science and Technology for life!

36. The dinosaur said: Don't worry if you encounter abnormal conditions; Meet the beast and enjoy it slowly.

37. When did you get together and watch the fun?

Yesterday, Tiehua smiled at me and asked me to count sheep at night, one sheep, two sheep and three sheep.

39. When you grow up, marry Tang Yan to be your husband. Play if you can. If you can't play, eat him.

40. Break the wife tenure system, implement the aunt shareholding system, introduce the miss contest system, and promote the lover contract system.

4 1, I am not in the Jianghu, but there are legends about me in the Jianghu.

I am in the Jianghu, but there is no legend of me in the Jianghu.

42. The rice is in the pot and I am in bed.

Come on, MM, let's go and become butterflies.

44. If you love her, please do painless abortion for her!

45, the effect of contraception: unsuccessful, adult.

46. It is forbidden to urinate and defecate here, and the tools will be confiscated.

47, reading cramps, Si Wen is like a urine collapse!

48. Buddha said that color is empty, and empty is color! I want to be free tonight.

49. Many female stars are not popular because they don't open their legs.

50. Men cheat, and their IQ is second only to Einstein!

15 1. If you can't tell your tutor clearly, confuse him!

52. If I have a pair of eyes that can shed tears, it is worthwhile for me to suffer in my life.

53. All unforgettable love is the moment when the soul is free in bed!

54, the sky is falling, you hold, I hold!

55. My ID card is fake. Don't believe that I am a liar.

56. Be a secretary if you have something to do!

57. Kill the birdman, and I am an angel!

Live well, because we will die for a long time! ! !

59. When we are listening to a sermon in church, it is impolite to keep quiet and disturb others to sleep.

60. Provide on-site service at night. (epitaph)

6 1, people are not smart and bald like others! !

62. The garden can't be closed in spring, so I lead an almond out of the wall.

63. Women are tools to make human beings, and men are human beings who use tools.

64. Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience? ! !

65. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

66. As long as the hoe dances well, what corner can't be dug down?

67. Most people only do three things in their life: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied.

68. Some people say that if you have children, you won't have dysmenorrhea. Then come to one!

69, to mix in the rivers and lakes, it is best to be single! !

70. It's a manhole plug and a manhole socket!

7 1, don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

72. I am the most honest person. Never lie. Except this sentence.

73. Don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of having a brain is that you must have a brain.

Don't wash it, but for the mud, this broken car would have fallen apart a long time ago.

75, bald donkey, dare to rob the teacher with being original?

76. A woman said to a man, Come to my house and I'll give you something to eat.

77. I'd rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!

78. Today, a group of Japanese visited our school. To tell the truth, this is the first time I've seen a Japanese wearing clothes!

79. After studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten.

80. I thought this bird couldn't fly over the sea because it didn't have the courage to fly over the sea. It took me ten years to discover that it wasn't that bird couldn't fly across the sea, but the other side of the sea didn't wait. ......

Modern Beauty of Network Classic Quotations

Beauty fascinates men; A dissolute woman killed a man; Gentle women love men to death; Talented women hook men to death; The rich woman plays the dead; Official women kill men; A woman's duty is to kill men!

Today's women's standards:

1: Good woman: husband, lover; 2. Bad women: only lovers have no husbands; 3. Fallen woman: no lover, no husband, only men; 4. Lonely woman: the only husband.

Sigh woman:

Beautiful people don't go to the kitchen; Being able to go to the kitchen is not gentle; Gentle and indecisive; Not feminine with opinions; Spend money in a feminine way; Spending money indiscriminately is not fashionable; Fashion is not at ease; I can't watch!

To be a woman, you must be virtuous, smart, pure, delicate, gentle, elegant, shy, figure, temperament and delicate enough to be a good woman!

Female eight want to:

I want to surf the internet for free; Second, I want to be ten years younger; Third, if you want to go to work, you are not tired; Fourth, handsome guys should line up; Five thoughts are omnipotent; Sixth, think that the sea is not fat; Seven feel that clothes are not expensive; Eight thoughts on "innocent new women" five-one project;

Dedicated to a leader as a backer; It is easy to spend money next to the boss; Join a police officer to ensure safety; It is not difficult to play doctor; And then trick a handsome guy into stealing a statement.

Beauty sighed:

Talented people are ugly; Handsome people earn less money; Those who earn more money don't care about their families; The futility of taking care of the family; It is not romantic to be promising; Will be romantic and unreliable; Reliable is a loser!

Women remember:

Be sure to eat, drink and have a good sleep. Once I am exhausted, other women will get something for nothing. She will spend the money I saved, live in the house I bought, sleep with my husband, pick up my boyfriend and beat my baby! That's terrible!

Hard-working women know by looking at their hands, smart women look at their eyes, rich women look at their necks, enthusiastic women look at their mouths, and perfect women look at you.

Materialism:

No husband, no lover = waste; Husband without lover = plant; Husband and lover = characters; One husband, several lovers = pets; Can't tell husband and lover = monsters; No husband, only lover = animal.

People who don't appreciate me-ignorance; People who make me sad-fools; The person who let me slip away-idiot; People who like me-have a vision; People who make me happy-amazing; People who can be my husband and wife-happiness!

What is a modern beauty?

Demonizing measurements, white-collar income, cutting housework, daily happiness, lasting love, petty bourgeoisie, shopping madness, lover scale!

Beautiful women are gold, beautiful women are diamonds, smart women are treasures, and lovely women are famous paintings.

As a woman, we must strive to be the biggest treasure in the world, full of famous paintings of gold and diamonds.

Sleeping with beautiful women, infatuation; Sleeping with ugly women hurts the stomach; Sleeping with a young lady is too expensive; Sleep with colleagues and save tips; Sleeping with your lover is delicious; Sleeping with a fierce woman is not energetic; Sleeping with your wife is always boring!

What is a friend of the opposite sex? Classic quotations come from:

What to say and what not to say; What is a confidante? Don't say anything; What is a lover? Say nothing and do nothing; What is a wife? Too lazy to say or do.

As a woman, you must:

I can stand the lie, the perfunctory, the deception, and the promise. Finally, I covered my tears with laughter-I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!

Good women are mountains, dignified and generous; A good woman is water, tender; A good woman is a book full of wisdom; A good woman is a port, safe and reliable!

Women don't have to be beautiful, as long as someone loves them deeply; Women don't have to be too rich, just be happy; Women don't have to be too strong, just live a noble life!

A woman's sorrow:

Life belongs to the kitchen; Income comes from shopping malls; Bonuses are decorative; No property; The grade is the boss's; The body is a man's; Only freckles and wrinkles are their own.

Excerpts from the classic quotations of Beauty Cecilia Han.

Cecilia Han (198365438+1October 1 1) was born in gusu district, Suzhou City, Jiangsu Province. China actress, singer and film producer. In 2000, she won the gold medal in the Century Star National Film and Television Newcomer Selection Competition sponsored by Hong Kong Jiahe Film and Television Company, which opened a door for her success in the entertainment industry. In 2005, "A Life of Wrong Love", starring Cecilia Han, continuously set a number of firsts for CCTV, not only the ratings were the first, but also the number of 15 rounds was unprecedented for CCTV. Later, he starred in high-rated TV dramas such as Underground, No Circle in the Entertainment Circle, Code Thirteen, Dear Home, Falling in Love with You, Ip Man and Lady's House.

Cecilia Han's classic quotations:

Every flower can only bloom once, and every life can only burn once! Give yourself more time to think about human kindness!

When life falls into an unsolved problem, goodbye is the best answer.

There is always a blank in life. Turn it over if you can't finish it.

There are not so many things in this world, it depends on how you treat yourself. Love to go where there are many people, there will be more right and wrong; If you don't do this, nothing will move you.

I never felt fit for this circle, nor did I regard myself as a star. I was who I am ten years ago. If you like it, do it; if you don't like it, you don't like it. What must it be? If you give me a lot of extras, it will be hard for me to accept.

Any artist wants to broadcast the play better, but everyone has his luck. There are no hard and fast standards in this circle. Who is more beautiful than who, who can be popular, the right time, the right place and the right person, he bumped into it.

If you can't be Zhang Ziyi, you may not be unhappy. I won my career, but I can't afford to gamble on my life.

Men can't get used to it, and the more they get used to it, the more jerk they become; Women are favored, and the more they are favored, the more balls they have!

For a long time, I wanted to change my inherent image in the eyes of the audience. For an actor, what a jade girl, a lady, an unhappy girl ... when they become a symbol, they become a shackle. Thanks to Uncle Huang, Yingying is a long-awaited role in my heart. If I can do it, I will go all out.

Loneliness is an epidemic, but the cause lies in itself. Faith is already a luxury. How many people also feel the warmth of childhood, and how many people appreciate the feedback to their elders over the years.

Human feelings are warm and cold, which is also an ecology. The ecology of family ties is all submerged in the hypocrisy of reciprocity and strong business atmosphere. Family, no longer the core of most people's running, has become dispensable, either pretending to escape or simply ignoring it.

We should be compassionate, not laugh at those who are hungry and cold, but try our best to help them. We should think rationally, don't speculate on other people's lives whimsically, but set a false and inexplicable behavior.

When the green leaves are next to each other and rustling in the sun, all they see is sunshine and hope. This is youth. When you are in the branches, you don't care about the approach of autumn. However, in the end, you will find that youth is a fallen leaf caught in a diary.

Time is a constant parameter, according to which the curve of life fluctuates up and down, and each return to zero means the beginning of the next one.

Success is not bought casually. Laugh in front of others and work hard behind others!

Many people say: don't leave a blank for youth. So don't fool around, or you will have a lot of regrets when you think back to that time in the future! No matter whether you will encounter setbacks or not, think about these experiences of youth and you will face them with a smile!

Don't let the pain blind your eyes, don't let the pain cover your smile, don't let the pain take away your purity, and don't let the pain erase your beautiful memories.

When we harvest every touch, we are also conveying such fiery beliefs. When this emotion spreads, the flame will be more vigorous.

The aura of life is colorful and brilliant, which you can't see, compared with the lonely memories of fireworks.

When we were young, we must have said: I don't want you to be in charge! That's because we are used to being surrounded by strong fatherly love and maternal love, and never worry about losing or being abandoned. It was not until we lost our protection that we realized that the nagging and scolding of adults is the greatest care for us!

We always expect someone to make such a promise in their ear. However, we are selfish, and we accept all the love given by others. But to whom will you solemnly promise that Qian Qian will do it thousands of times for you?

Being a good person is the most basic requirement for each of us, and it seems to be the highest standard for people in today's degraded moral standards. For every artist or ordinary person, these compliments are actually what we should do.

In love, it's hard to say who pays more. If you only think about yourself, the other person will not really pay. Pay is mutual, maybe just one after another, so two people go through life hand in hand.

Our life needs encouragement, dreams and fairy tales.

Our generation is not just children soaked in honey, nor flowers in a greenhouse. We grow up in self-confidence, we also have lofty ideals, and we are more capable of shouldering heavy responsibilities.

Don't let him die, you can save the past, which will only leave empty memories and regrets.

To leave more history for future generations is to create more future for yourself!

Children are the same, they also need sincere and warm eyes, eyes that need affirmation and acceptance, eyes that need communication and equality!

Love is a long flowing water. Moistening things silently is the true expression.

There are many dreams, and brave attempts will make youth regret it! There are many lies, and confused investment will only leave more regrets!

Slow down and keep a good mood. On the way, we can still look at the scenery outside the window and hum our own songs.

No matter where the thread in the loving mother's hand and the clothes on her wayward boy float, the direction of home is in my heart!

The time for women to please themselves is over. The most important thing for girls to make themselves beautiful is to make themselves happy and confident!

Slowly learn to face the process of life calmly, including all the helpless parting. Since many things are beyond our control and we have to face them, we should learn to remember the processes that touched and warmed us.

Learn to be kind to yourself and have a positive and optimistic attitude. In fact, every day can be brand new!

Learn more knowledge when you have time and conditions. Everything has its value. Don't waste your youth because of fun and laziness!

Don't get tired of fashion, blindly following the trend will only make you lose yourself more. Always tell yourself: I know what I want!

As long as everyone gives a little love, in the cold winter, the heart is warm!

There is still a long way to go, and I don't want to get lost. Even if the heaven in my heart can't arrive on time, I will work hard all the way and bravely turn back when I want to.

Fashion is not only material, but also an inner attitude towards life and work. Want to catch up with the fashion, give yourself a mirror and see your true self. Dress up in front of the mirror and wear your true self!

Fashion is not only the label of fashion and personality for me, but also the attitude of bravely chasing the future and dreams!

Fashion trends are always one after another. Choose what suits you, enjoy the fun brought by fashion and feel the classics left by time. Enjoying life is the real fashion.

To love yourself, you can get the respect of others!

There are many difficult parts in life, and everyone has their own unattainable places and irreparable regrets. Learning how to control psychological balance, I think, is the greatest courage, which can make us run forward firmly and forcefully.

When we grow up, we have to face more responsibilities and pressures, understand tolerance and learn to understand.

What is lost is often beautiful. If you can get it back, you must work hard.

If one day, there is a guardian, you must show him what is beautiful!

This world can't live without love! The world is better because of your love!

How can you see a rainbow without experiencing wind and rain! There will always be new challenges and attempts in life. If I didn't experience them when I was young, I'm afraid I'll feel sorry when I look back when I am old!

Life is always full of brilliant flowers. At the next intersection, there will be love waiting!

I have never felt lonely, but I have always brought my love with me, and the fate written in my hand has not been realized so far. I have never felt far away, but my heart is closer than space. I see stars all over the sky, but I don't have time to make a wish. Calling for love in the center of the world, can heaven start again?

Everyone will never stop looking for true love in life, but what happens when we are alone? ! We are still strong, we are still optimistic about life, and we still believe that we will find a fairy-tale love of our own!

Attitude is very important because it is a preparation tool for doing anything. Don't envy other people's lifestyles, because you also have your own paradise. As long as you work hard, your beautiful garden will eventually be full of flowers and fragrance.

In many entertainment circles, this sentence always reminds me to be a hardworking and upright person. Maybe the road to struggle is long and hard, but people who love you will feel gratified and proud!