Who has the original poem "Autopsy"

Self-analysis

Xu zhimo

I am an active person; Every time my body moves, my mind seems to jump with it. The poem I wrote,

No matter how "boring" they are, many of them will be remembered during the trip. I like moving, I like watching moving things, I like it.

Lively people, love the water, love birds in the air and fields and rivers that have been pulled out of the window. The stars are shining and there are dew on the grass.

The thrill, the swaying of flowers in the breeze, the change of clouds and sky during a thunderstorm, and the turbulent waves in the sea are all touching.

I'm interested in the scene. It is a sport, no matter what its essence is, it is my interest and inspiration. If you move, you will rush at me.

Breathe and join my life.

It's changed a lot recently. First, my own limbs are not as flexible as before; My heart feels the same way.

I don't know if it's age or something. The phenomenon of exercise can no longer give me happiness and inspiration. Earlier, I looked at Yang.

The aftermath of the flickering fire seemed to see the gap in the fairy palace-what an absurd and beautiful illusion that I couldn't help but flash in my mind.

A flash; It's different now. Sunshine is just sunshine, and wave is just wave. No matter how splendid the scenery is, it will shine again.

Don't melt my dull mind. My thoughts, if they happen occasionally, are like vines on rocks, sticking to dry roughness.

The stone surface is extremely difficult to climb; Dark in color and strong in figure.

I don't know why this change is so abrupt and profound.

I didn't know that I was actually a flowing spring before people, but now there are water drops and flashes; Now this spring, I like it.

It is still there, as if it were a stone slab without gaps. I don't have as strong interest as before, and every time I

When I want to talk, I feel that the weight of the stone can't be lifted or pushed away, and the result can only be complacency.

Mo! "Don't think about anything, don't think about anything"; "You don't have to talk, you have nothing.

Yao hit the floor, "

I often feel that my dull heart has such a feeling of half ridicule and half condolence.

Having said that, I have never suffered any excessively serious stab wounds in my thoughts and experiences. My situation has been going well, and now

It's different now, just smoother. So why is there such a change? For example, I went to Europe a few years ago.

Mentality: ah! At that time, I was not a wild deer with hairy horns. What color doesn't stimulate my vision, what fragrance?

Won't this smell stimulate my sense of smell? I remember how lively and interested I was when I wrote my travel notes in Italy.

Full-bodied, seeing and hearing all kinds of feelings all the way, which is not vivid in my pen, trying to fill a table.

Now! What about now? It took more than a month to go back and forth to the south this time. During this time, what I saw and heard.

There should be many. Before I leave, why not be complacent and have a chance to feast on the scenery of the West Lake and the plum blossoms in Deng Wei?

Xiang-mention one or two things that best suit my spleen and stomach. Many friends also expect me to collect some during this leisure holiday.

Jiangnan is very funny. When you come back, you should at least bring back one or two fresh poems and give them to your friends who live in the polluted air in Beijing.

Friends, some sober pastimes. But in fact, I not only stared at those big eyes in middle school, but also watched them close again in the morning.

When I lost my eyes, I lost my sight. A bald pen followed me to the seaside and then came back with me, just like in a cave.

Stalagmites, there is no news of shaking at all; I have just returned to Beijing for more than ten days. No matter how my friends urge me,

No matter how my conscience blames me, my pen tip still can't drop any ink. I tried to think, I tried to write,

But still in vain! What is terrible is the sudden numbness of this thought. Completely dead? I was thinking about it myself.

That's the situation now. Maybe this is important. I stayed in Beijing for a few days, and an unprecedented bloody case happened. I was thinking when the May 30th Incident happened.

In the mountains of Italy, jasmine flowers are woven into baskets to play. In the mountains, I can only see the exchange of stars and fireflies, with flowers and mountains.

The warm and vulgar atmosphere can't be blown out. It was not until I arrived in London in July that I noticed the bleak scenery in China, waiting for me to come back.

After coming, the imaginary excitement turned into a passing cloud, and the only visible trace was the colored ink on the yellow walls of the city.

"cry"

This time is different. The fact of the Holocaust is not only found in the city where I live, but I sometimes feel that it is my own spirit.

The tragic scene in the house. Not only were the lives of young people taken away, but my own thoughts seemed to be dealt a fatal blow.

Bibi is a broken limb in front of the State Council, and can no longer be vivid and coherent. But this deep pain is nameless to me,

Can't fully explain. It is one thing that the tragedy of this incident causes indignation and sadness, but at the same time we also know that.

In this fundamentally abnormal society, any grotesque situation is possible. Killing innocent people is not the best thing in these years.

Constant phenomenon. Since the civil war, no village has ever given a raped woman in a war-torn area.

Sex, slaughtered flesh and blood, sacrifice of life and property? This is nothing more than adding a more concentrated group on the unjust and unified ground.

Clearly complain. Besides, which nation's liberation history can not be re-stained by the cavity blood of Mars? The beginning of the Russian revolution

In front of the curtain is the bloody scene of the Winter Palace twenty years ago. As long as we have the foresight and courage to realize our ideal revolution,

This time, the blood of the lamb will not be painted in vain. So my personal boredom is not entirely the emotional effect caused by this tragedy.

It is my nature to love peace. In the air of hatred, suspicion and killing, my nerves often have an unspeakable feeling.

Forms of oppression. I remember that on the day of Feng Zhi War the year before last, it was a mass of black paint, and every night when it was deeper, I held it alone.

My skull fell on the desk in agony, as if the depression of the whole era hung over my head-until I wrote down the word "poison"

After the unformed curse poem, the tension in my heart gradually eased. The same thing happened this time; Just feel

Boring means feeling bored. Feelings broke when they first came, and what they wrote was stupid. The result is that the body is uncomfortable, like wax oil.

With a touch of sadness all over my body, day after day, I fall into a deeper situation of sitting alone and tightening my skull here.

Posture, the bright moonlight outside the window, is clearly mocking my inner embarrassment!

No, I have to investigate further. I can't hold this bureau responsible for my sudden idea. I have to go by myself.

Find the bottom of life.

There are usually several reasons that affect our mental activities. The temptation of real life will take away what we need in our hearts.

Necessary leisure accumulates into a kind of oppression. When some strong desires are not satisfied, we will feel mentally bored.

Anxiety and disappointment are a major reason for subverting inner balance; More violent species can paralyze our spiritual wisdom and drown it.

Our reasons. But these are not as good as my source of illness; Because I am very lucky in real life, I

In my latent consciousness, I dare say that there should be no repressed desire at work.

But in fact, on the other hand, there is another situation that will hinder or reduce your thinking activities. We know Shu

Clothes, health and happiness are the goals of life, so we infer that the starting point of our pain is to see those goals.

Not yet. We often hear people say, "If I live a carefree life like someone, I can certainly do things well."

Now the whole day's spirit is spent on trivial troubles. "We also heard that" I can't do things because of my poor health, if.

Then, the soul comes ... "We often imagine the realm of happiness, and we think," As long as there is a Mr Right in front of us.

Then I must work hard. What can't I do? "But no, in fact, comfort, health and happiness are not necessarily.

It is a condition that helps or rewards spiritual life, and sometimes it has the opposite effect. In society, we look down on the rich.

People who are proud of the world, athletes with over-developed muscles are also here; As for the happiness that young people fantasize about, I dare say

If you really wait for tea to add fragrance, you can't read anything, let alone anything more learned or artistic.

Work hard.

So is the satisfaction of life the root of my illness?

"In the old days," said a friend who knew me very well, "it was because of your unbalanced life, not because of you.

If you can't satisfy your desire, your libido will be sublimated, and you will borrow literature as a result.

Vent physical depression (don't you often say that it is an unexpected thing for you to engage in literature? This situation is easy for you.

Form an illusory hope in your mind, because your writing has been praised by some people, and you feel that you are quite creative.

And the ability to think independently. But you're just blaming yourself. You really don't have any superhuman talent.

Most of your thoughts are caused by vanity, and your previous achievements are only the result of sublimation. So now, when your life changes,

When you settle down emotionally, you will find that the source of your writing has shrunk or even dried up; And you don't want to

Admit the reality of this situation, and you can't help but feel deeply if you want to look outside your body for the reasons of dry and embarrassing thoughts.

It is so boring. You are just angry with yourself and don't want to admit who you are. No, you don't have three heads and six heads.

Arm!

"You are not really interested in literature and art, and you are not really enthusiastic about learning. You have no higher aspirations, except.

For a reasonable life, you only deserve to be a normal person and enjoy the' happiness' forged by life; In business,

There is no place for you in the field of literary and artistic creation and learning. You really don't have that ability. If you don't believe me, just ask yourself.

Is there an invisible' thrust' in your heart that bothers you all day and all night, forcing you, supervising you and letting you go?

All life in the world is just looking at the unpredictable creative realm to take risks? Yes, the most obvious key is invisibility.

The Impulse, without it, there would be no science, no literature, no art, no.

There are all creations that transcend utilitarianism and practicality. Do you know how many there are abroad (of course, there are also domestic ones, maybe not so many)

Driven by this invisible thrust, people become a kind of abnormal animal with ecstasy in real life, and real life is not just a place where people live.

Some vanity can never touch their minds, and even the sleep and diet that sustain life have lost their importance. they

All hearts are only focused on the special direction indicated by their invisible thrust. No wonder some people say genius.

Is crazy; In Paris and London, don't we meet such weirdos everywhere? If the other person is an artist, he is bored.

Only how can he fully express his ideal form; The accuracy of a line, the adjustment of a certain color, before he will

It is more important, more urgent and more demanding than the life and death of his biological parents and the life and death of the country. We know that professional scholars

Some people dig graves all their lives, some study the physiology of mosquitoes, and some observe the movement of a star for hundreds of millions of years from thousands of miles away. They will never ask.

Whether the society understands their labor force is the road of vanity; They are pushed by an invisible thrust.

The devil is doomed.

"This is about literary creation. Ask yourself if this is the case. You may have experienced some "inspiration",

That may be true, but don't mistake the moment for eternity and the illusion for reality. As for thinking and real learning

In other words, there must be a thrust behind it, the direction may be different, and the nature remains the same. To learn, you must be curious.

You have to have a natural and enthusiastic attitude to do the work of seeking knowledge. The preparation of a real thinker, in addition to strong rationality, must also have a.

Belief in primitive movement; Belief or seeking faith is the starting point of all thoughts: extreme skepticism is just expectation.

An effort to reposition faith. Since ancient times, there has never been a thinker who is not religious. In it, everyone according to their own tendency.

Yes, all life and rational problems are real; Keywords the existence of God, good and evil, ontological problems, cognitive problems,

In their view, the question of freedom of will is a striking phenomenon, which needs a reasonable answer-higher than mountains,

The flow of water, the sweetness of love is more real, more real and more sensational. A little bit in their hearts, always in their imagination.

One or more problems are flying around, just like moths are to flames: sacrificing themselves to carry out the secret of the center of the flame,

This is their common determination.

"This tragic situation, are you afraid? I don't say that there is no shadow of thought in your heart; But they

I'm afraid it's just a virtual shadow, like a cloud shadow on the water. When the cloud passes through the shadow, it disappears, instead of the slippery mark on the stone getting deeper and deeper.

"So, you can rest assured! Because the greatest personal tragedy is to imagine an empty realm to lie.

Deceive yourself; When you can't cheat to the end, you have to endure the great pain of' disillusionment'. It's better to be earlier than that.

It is inevitable to recognize your own depth and not to carry unnecessary burdens on your shoulders and crush yourself.

People's jokes, friends, don't get lost, calm down and enjoy your ready-made blessings; Thought is not your job, literary creation.

This is not your focus, and independent career is not your focus! Born to resist the burden, dare not even think about it (which genius doesn't?

It's hell on earth! ) You are relaxed, which is a great event worthy of envy and congratulations! Forget it, friend! "

March 25th to April 1 day

(1) Fei Lengcui, translated into Florence.

② martyr, English "Marty" and "Marty".

③ Libido, translated as Libido, is a psychological term.

Xu zhimo-want to fly

If there is snow outside the window at this time-there is snow on the streets, walls and roofs. Under the eaves of Hutongkou, there is a policeman wearing a black hood, half asleep and half awake, watching snowflakes jumping and playing in mid-air ... If this night is extremely deep, deeper than the cave, it is not midnight indicated by the hour hand of the wall clock.

If I can have such a late night, its bottomless darkness will distort my black hair tube; There can be snow that can't be screened out of the window, which reduces the market rumors from near to far; Screen the wheels struggling on the dirt road; An uncompromising undercurrent in the skull of the sieve head ...

I want that depth, I want that peace. The nighthawk hides in the dense shade, and when the sky is still bright, it easily dares not open its eyes. I thought: I have to wait.

There is a little black in the blue sky. It's glaring at the sun, but it's not true. You cover your eyes with your hand and look through the gap between the two trees. It's black with rapids, but it's not a peach-hey, it's moving west again!

We had lunch and then went to the seaside. This is the southernmost tip of Cornwall, England, surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean on three sides. The squeak of lilies trembled evenly from our feet, waist-high and shoulder-high, over the head, high into the clouds, higher than the clouds. Ah! Can you imagine a sudden musical impact, like a bright Mao Mao rain, falling from the blue sky to the green floor? No, those raindrops are dancing feet and angels'. Larks also ate their meals and left their humble nests to work in high places. The work God gave them, the work he did for God. Look, there is one here, and there are two more over there! Flying at the zenith together, how happy and round little wings is, flying without hesitation-they know the sky. Sing together, how happy the little voice is, the little round beads spit out straight, the bright saliva, the crisp saliva-they praise the sky. You see, how high it flies, as big as a bean and as small as a sesame seed, and pieces of black thorns are shaking on the bottomless zenith-all this is out of sight and the shadow is gone! But the bright rain in Mao Mao still keeps falling. ...

Fly. "If its wings hang in the clouds in the sky ... those who endure the sky will not die;" That's not easy to see. There is a yellow mud outside the Dongguan Pavilion in our town, and there is a seven-story tower on the top of the hill, whose spire goes straight into the sky. This clock often rings in the courtyard of the bell tower. When the bell rings, it is often when the sun goes down. A bright red flower is stuck on the temple in the Western Hills to reflect the clouds on the Tashan Mountain. As soon as the bell rings, it goes around the top of the tower, rubs the top of the tower, and penetrates the top of the tower. There are two, sometimes three or four, five or six "hungry eagles" curled their claws and looked at the ground. Have they spread their big gray wings? That was my "Dapeng" when I was a child. Sometimes on a clear day, we can't see the petals of a cloud when we look up, and when we listen to the plaintive cries, we know that it is a hungry eagle foraging on the pagoda. This imaginary hero with bald head and round eyes for a long time, little wings's bones seemed to have feathers like a file with an iron brush on our backs, which shook and whizzed, and with a wave of his hand, he rushed out of the study door and dived into the white clouds with tortoise shell edges to play. Ah, fly! Not the flight of the short sparrow jumping on the branch; Not the bat that rushed out from behind the plaque in the hall in the dark to catch mosquitoes; It's not that soft tail, soft voice, flying around the eaves of a main room like a swallow. If you want to fly, you have to fly all over the sky. The wind can't stop clouds from flying. As soon as you jump over a mountain, the shadow covers the flight of 20 acres of paddy fields. When you are tired of flying at night, you will follow the wind and dream around the top of the tower ... I heard that hungry eagles can catch chickens!

Fly. People used to be able to fly. Angels have wings and can fly. When we first came here, we also had wings and could fly. We flew in when we first arrived, and some flew in after we finished our work. They are enviable. But most people forget to fly. Some wings can't fly without long hair, some wings can't be pulled open, some feathers become shorter and jump around on the ground like pigeons, and some pawned money with a pair of wings on their backs, so we can't redeem it after it expires ... Really, we lost the ability to fly at an early age. But losing wings or using them badly is a terrible thing. Because I can't fly back, I squatted on the ground and stared at the sky that couldn't fly, watching others walk happily in Qingyun. How pathetic. Besides, wings are not better than shoes on feet. You can ask your mother for a pair if it is worn out. Wings don't work One hair is broken, and it can't be mended. In addition, it may not be possible to fly only by wings. If you don't care to raise your body high, you are too fat and your wings are weak. You can't take it anymore, and it's just as difficult, isn't it? A pair of little wings can't carry a fat belly. What a ridiculous situation! At that time, you will listen to people's loud greetings and say, friend, go home. When there is purple light on this day, you will hear their wings rustling in mid-air. Clouds in spring will jump over and grab their shoulders. Looking at the brightest place, Ran Ran, the light smoke will disappear from your sight, leaving only rain as bright as a lark-"You can't see it, but I hear your voice! Watch your wings, or it will be too late, my friend.

No one doesn't want to fly. He is always tired of crawling on this ground, nothing else. Get out of this circle! Get out of this circle! Go to the clouds, go to the clouds! What heart doesn't think so a thousand times all day? Fly to the sky to float, watch the earth roll in the sky, see the sea from the land, and look back at the land from the sea. See clearly in the air-this is the interest, authority and explanation of being a man. If the bag is too heavy to carry, throw it away. If possible, fly out of this circle, fly out of this circle!

When man first invented stone tools, he wanted to grow wings. Want to fly. Four portraits painted on the cave walls of primitive people have wings on their backs; He who drives wild animals with bows and arrows has wings on his shoulders. Little love god has a pair of pink wings. (2) (Icarus is the first hero in the history of human flight, the first sacrifice. Angels (an idealized person) are marked with wings to help them fly. There is also an evolution-look at the performance in western painting. At first, it was like a pair of delicate flags, sticking to the angel's back like a butterfly, which seemed real and not smart. Gradually, the wings grow up, the position is fixed, and the feathers are full. The angel in the picture really has wings. For the first time, human beings realized the concept of wings and understood the meaning of flight. Get rid of the immortal soul of Lars and come back to be reborn. The greatest mission of mankind is to make wings; The greatest success is flying! The ultimate ideal, endless imagination, from man to god! Poetry is born on the wing; Philosophy hovers in the air. Flying: Above everything, covering everything, sweeping everything, breathing everything.

Try to go to the top of that mountain. If you can't reach this mountain, you must find your burial place in this abyss! "This humanoid bird will try his first flight one day, shock the world, praise all the works and give him eternal glory in his habitat." Ah, Da Vinci!

But fly? Since Laszlo, has it been human's job to make wings or bind them? This wing, bearing the weight of civilization, can still fly? They all flew here, but can they all fly back? Clamping, marking, fixing,-

Will this humanoid bird try to fly for the first time one day? ……

At the same time, the darkness in the sky is approaching above my head, forming a bird-shaped machine. Suddenly, a ball of light went straight to the bet, boron exploded, shattered my fantasy in flying, and added several piles of broken clouds to the sky.

-

You disappeared without a trace, but I still heard your shrill cry.

(2) narrowly escaped Lars, now translated as Icarus, the son of Dallos, a legendary craftsman in ancient Greece. Their father and son made wings with beeswax and feathers and flew in the air. Because Icarus flew too high, the sun melted the beeswax, causing him to fall into the sea and die.