Why are more and more people afraid to take the initiative to love?

01

I was shopping with my cousin Xiaomei some time ago. She said, Sister, I recently met a great boy. He has grown up with me in terms of aesthetics. We are easy to talk to and very comfortable to get along with. We both like to drink milk tea, and he also likes spicy food...

Listen to her detailing things about the boy. I said, why don’t you develop it quickly?

"Sister, forget it, it feels quite suitable, but I won't take the initiative to fight for it. Just let it go."

It sounds like the same thing at first, but Thinking about it carefully, there seems to be something wrong.

Why do some girls obviously like it but don’t take the initiative to express it?

“Afraid that you won’t cherish her if she takes the initiative; afraid that others will say it’s not good for her to take the initiative; afraid that people around you will object to your being together; afraid that you will be shy and embarrassed; afraid that if you refuse, you won’t know how to get along with her in the future; maybe even There are other hidden reasons, I am afraid that I am not good enough for you, or she is waiting for you to come to her..."

I find that many people around me are less and less afraid to take the initiative to love. .

Maybe you feel that taking the initiative to express love is a very shameless thing.

Give your trump cards and weaknesses to the other party. If he treats you like a jewel, it is naturally good. If you abandon it, it will be like worn out shoes. That's another unnecessary journey through fire and water, so why bother?

Or you have been hurt in your relationship and are unwilling to take the initiative to give.

02

Some netizens shared his story.

He is 30 years old this year. Since breaking up with his ex, he has been single for three years.

When he was with his ex, he changed a lot by giving it wholeheartedly. I learned to play the guitar, cook, and swim for the girl... I cared about her far more than I cared about myself.

He once ate instant noodles for a week in a row just to give her a bracelet on her birthday; no matter how busy or tired she was, as long as she needed him, he would appear in front of her immediately; she was the one who always looked after him when he was taking a shower. To dry hands back and forth messages to girls.

However, in the end, the girl broke up with her because of "incompatible personalities".

After the breakup, he was in the shadow of broken love for a long time, constantly reviewing, did he not do well enough? I also tried my best to save this relationship.

But she was very decisive and blocked all his contact information after the breakup. But less than a month after breaking up, she got a new boyfriend.

"After all, we still haven't climbed over that mountain, and they haven't been able to hear our story."

From then on, he didn't want to believe in feelings anymore. "Once bitten by a snake, I will be afraid of well ropes for ten years." The dull pain. Even if a suitable partner appears, he will not carefully weigh whether the other person is worth his efforts. Reason takes up most of the emotion.

I used to be very devoted to my feelings, but now I can’t do it no matter what.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to take the initiative to fall in love with others.

Some people say that people rush into love like moths to a flame, only to be burned all over by the fire of love and almost die, so they dare not fall in love easily.

I read a very sad saying: The people you meet in the future will probably be people who have other people in their hearts.

Yes, probably everyone has that kind of person in their heart. He occupies your entire youth. He is your regret, your unwillingness is him, and your memories are also him.

Although you later met someone who seemed more suitable, you became more and more timid and did not dare to take the initiative to give so much love.

Really, if you once liked someone regardless of everything, it is really difficult to like someone else again.

03

Gu Cheng wrote in "Avoid":

You don't want to plant flowers, you say, "I don't want to see them wither a little bit." Yes, to avoid the end, you avoid the beginning.

It may be easy to start a relationship, but it is difficult to maintain a relationship.

Many relationships start with "Hello" and end with "Hello".

The reason why Xiaomei is unwilling to take the initiative may have something to do with her ex-boyfriend.

We met at a customer appreciation event. The boy is the owner of a start-up company. He has a good family background, so the date must be in a high-end restaurant and the movie in a box theater.

Send gifts with logos from time to time.

At first, Xiaomei felt as happy as Cinderella meeting the prince. She devoted herself wholeheartedly to this relationship. Because her material resources were limited, she expressed her love in her own way. For example, I helped him clean up his room after get off work, knitted scarves for him, he socialized a lot, had a bad stomach, and cooked different kinds of porridge every day...

But later, I felt more and more that something was wrong with this relationship, such as the boy giving him gifts. Ask her to post on Moments.

She originally thought that love was a matter between two people, but he didn't think so.

He will secretly calculate whether you are loved more (passive gain) or love others (active giving).

Such feelings are all-encompassing and full of quantifiable concrete objects.

For example, if you go on vacation, you express love, but when you come back from vacation, you have to make up for it twice as much, otherwise, you don’t love someone.

Intimacy changes from love to compatibility, from emotional impulse to rational decision-making. Everyone is waiting, everyone is gaming, and no one dares to take the initiative.

After all, today’s marriage partners are more about choosing “good” ones than “loving” ones.

After all, Xiaomei is not the right person for him.

"Maybe you came too unexpectedly, so you left very fast."

There are so many people in this world, thank you for giving me this joy.

After she fell out of love, she was extremely sad and even suspected that she was not worthy of being loved.

However, a relationship that requires you to work hard to maintain is definitely not a good state.

Maybe it’s not that she doesn’t want to take the initiative, but she just doesn’t dare.

She also wants to love bravely,

She also wants to "be with the same person forever."

She also wants to be loved by someone. Make a firm choice instead of repeatedly weighing the pros and cons.

Because the more you desire love, the more vulnerable you are to being hurt by love.

"I also had a deer bump into me, but now I'm fine, it killed me."

Fortunately, I have no love and no fear of mountains and seas.

04

There is a question on Zhihu: "Why do more and more people dare not take the initiative in relationships?"

Gao Zan's answer is :

“Most people who are not proactive are actually not confident enough and dare not express their needs and emotions clearly. They always have various worries about causing burden and trouble to others. , Worry that you are too boring, worry that the other person will not give you the feedback you expect. You are not confident enough, and you have too clear expectations and imaginations about others."

Edgar Allan Poe wrote "Anna" more than 200 years ago. "Belle Leigh" tells us that the admiration relationship at that time began with childhood sweethearts and finally passed away in life.

But now, I think too much about love. Many people long for love but are unwilling to give.

Men are considering gains and losses, while women are constantly comparing. They don’t take the initiative, refuse, or take responsibility. They divide when they want. They weigh the pros and cons rationally. If they don’t see the result, they give up love decisively and only love themselves.

In the love between the little prince and Rose in "The Little Prince", Rose does not take the initiative in the relationship, does not express love, and deliberately speaks cruel words. If necessary, use thorns to scare away the little prince.

Rose looks arrogant. She stays when she likes her and leaves when she hates her. Any more words are forced.

In fact, she is hiding her care for the other person.

Who has not been hurt in relationships?

Who has never heard of saying something that doesn’t count?

Who hasn’t experienced the embarrassment of the other party’s promises turning into a joke in the end?

Who has not fallen in love with a few wrong people, and the scars in his heart have healed, and then he has become tougher, and slowly understood what kind of person is the right person.

Do you still remember that line in "Big Fish and Begonia"?

"In this short life, we will all lose it eventually. You might as well be bolder, love someone, climb a mountain, and chase a dream."

I hope you can also take the initiative and Take the first step bravely to run towards and embrace the love and happiness that could be yours.

Don’t hesitate and wait, don’t be afraid, and always maintain the ability to dare to love.

After all, some people will never miss it again.

The one you love is separated by mountains and seas, and all mountains and seas can be leveled.

I hope you will meet someone soon who can make you love with all your heart, and love you with all your heart.