Tell a joke and get high marks.

1, dating my girlfriend, I saw someone in front who looked like my girlfriend, so I went up and patted her ass. She slapped me as soon as she turned her head. Then someone patted me on the shoulder ... My girlfriend slapped me as soon as I turned my head.

2, military training standing posture, legs are very sour, instructors let everyone think of beautiful things. After a while, the person next to me said: I am hard!

3. Go to a friend's house to play. It happened that my friend's wife was breastfeeding, and it happened that the child refused to breastfeed. So he joked to the child: Eat quickly, or uncle will eat. 55555, I dare not see them.

4. At school, the school was a bungalow. When school started in September, many new students came. One day, a freshman seemed to be the class representative of a pile of homework and asked me, "Where is the math office?" "Next to the men's room." The math office is really next to the men's room, but on the left. The man went to the right side of the men's room and shouted "Report" at the door. There was a "no entry" voice from inside!

5. I got drunk one day and peed. Open the zipper in front of the urinal, hold down JJ, and then solve it smoothly. However. . I feel my crotch getting wetter and wetter. . . When I opened my eyes and looked down carefully, I found that I had just held each other's thumb. . . . . Silence. .

6. I remember going to college at that time and living separately from my boyfriend. I usually keep in touch with my mobile phone every day. One day, I called his cell phone and stopped. I happened to go downstairs to the grocery store and charged him 20 yuan. Unexpectedly, just back to the dormitory, my boyfriend's phone came. He said: haha, I didn't expect there to be such an XB person in the world, charging the phone bill to my mobile phone ... I immediately hung three black lines on my head. ...

7, drunk, dizzy to go home, go home and throw up soon. The next morning, my wife said: eat and drink when you eat out, and don't go home to report what you ate.

8. In Grade Three, our history teacher is called Wen Jian. There was an emperor Wen Jian in the Ming Dynasty. One day in ancient history, a history teacher came into the classroom and said "class". The students below shouted "Long live my emperor" in unison (planned in advance, of course). Tough, the history teacher calmly replied: "Everyone loves youth ~ stand up." Orz~ sorry ~ ~ the whole class is still standing at this time. ....

9. In the first aid class in the university, the professor gave a demonstration while talking: Professor: Press the chest with both hands, not too hard, just press 2~3cm, it is easy to crush the patient's ribs with too much force! Professor: Let's look at the demonstration (press your hand hard). Click! The model's ribs are broken. Sorry to say, class is over ~

10, go to my boyfriend's house for the night, take a shower, and use it when you see a bar of soap. I feel very strange when I use it. After washing, my boyfriend kissed me. I smelled something wrong and asked, "You didn't bathe Frye with soap, did you?"

1 1. My wife looked at the photo of my little nephew not long after he was born and smiled and said,' Look, there is a penis'. As a result, my little nephew coldly threw him the word' rogue'.

12, last night with my wife * *, she was lying on the table, in progress, only to see her hand touch the table twice, and even picked up a walnut and began to bite. I broke down and said, honey, we only do it once a week. Can you be professional?

13, I suddenly received a phone call that day: "Guess who I am? Guess there is a gift! " I guessed all possible people, and they were wrong. Later, I got angry and asked, "Who are you? Don't say I'm dead! " As a result, the man said, "I am a courier, and you have a package ..." I vomited blood at that time.

14, advice when least heeded! 1. If you are a man, please don't have a dog. If you have a dog, don't have a dog that can jump into bed. If your dog can jump on the bed, you shouldn't sleep naked. If you really like sleeping naked, don't keep a dog with sausage. 5, a lesson from the past ~ ~ ~, mopper should remember!

15, is this your own photo? It's beautiful. It saved me a lot of money. I don't have to eat this year.

16, I passed a street that day and found that there were princesa stations all over the street. One of them greeted me warmly: "Handsome boy, come and play ~" I shouted at her gruffly: "I like men!" So she didn't bother to look at me again and left without looking back. Actually, I'm telling the truth. I do like men. I was wearing a sun hat, sunglasses and jeans that day. I am taller. I cut off my long hair because it is too hot in summer. More importantly, it seems that I have to get breast enhancement. ...

17, I went to dinner with my colleagues after work today. We ordered a plate of scrambled eggs with Chili peppers and found a hair in it. Then my colleague picked up his hair with chopsticks and shouted, boss ~ ~ What do you think this is? When the boss saw it, he shouted, Come on! Change a pair of chopsticks for this lady.

18, Fetion sent a short message to her boyfriend, and the result was sent to a well-connected fellow villager, which read, "Husband, don't worry, my aunt is here ..."

19, after going to physical education class in the morning, I was so hungry that I ran to the restaurant for dinner. There were so many people, it was too crowded and messy, so I shouted to my aunt who cooked rice, "Hurry up!" Aunt shouted to the cook inside, "Come into the house quickly! Beggars are impatient. "

20. Visiting the supermarket, I saw a cashier carefully counting a pile of coins. A child ran over and sang: There are a group of ducks passing by the bridge in front of the door. Come and count, 24678. . . . Then the cashier was very depressed and poured the half-counted coins back and counted them again. ....

2 1, when I was in the fifth and sixth grades of primary school, I watched TV at my cousin's house one night. Watch CCTV-6. When it comes to sex scenes, my aunt will change the channel with the remote control and say that children can't watch this. The younger brother grabbed the remote control and shouted, don't worry, CCTV won't turn it off.