SMS jokes about the New Year.

1. Ji Xiaolan was a college student in the Qing Dynasty. On one occasion, he went home to visit relatives during the Spring Festival, and a family of three brothers in the village asked him to write Spring Festival couplets. He wrote a pair of "earth-shattering, one of the best" Spring Festival couplets, and the horizontal comment was "acting first". This is a terrible mistake. He was accused of cheating the monarch in the name of "offending". When Emperor Qianlong learned of this incident, he immediately called Ji Xiaolan back to Beijing to ask. Ji Xiaolan replied, "I wrote Spring Festival couplets correctly! Isn't this boss selling firecrackers an "earth-shattering portal"? The second child is in charge of the fair fight. Isn't screaming all day one of the best families? The third is to sell roast chicken, isn't it' cut first and then play'? " The words were dry, and the dragon smiled.

At the end of the year, the husband's private savings for one year were discovered by his wife. The wife got angry and punched her husband's golden glasses.

3. Wife: "Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. What are you going to give my mother? " Husband: "Send some good cigarettes!" "Wife:" Are you crazy? It has been more than five years since my father died, and my mother doesn't smoke at all. Why did you give her cigarettes? "Husband:" Because every time I go to her place, she only invites me to tea. "

The company issued the year-end bonus two days ago. Unfortunately, I was away on a business trip, so I sent a text message to my colleague to accept it for me.

An American couple living in China are talking about festivals in China. The wife said, "Dear, we are going to celebrate the Spring Festival again. Twenty years ago, we celebrated Children's Day. Ten years later, we celebrated Youth Day. Ten years later, you will celebrate Father's Day and I will celebrate Mother's Day. Ten years later, we will celebrate the festival for the elderly ... so what festival shall we celebrate in ten years? " The husband replied, "Tomb-Sweeping Day."

6. I am new here. Just arrived at the company to work, and the Chinese New Year is coming soon. In our company, one person has six days off and several people take turns to rest.

7. As the New Year approaches, firecrackers are ringing. Guo Jing and Huang Rong went to Peach Blossom Island by boat. Huang Rong: "Dad, jing elder brother sent you a present." Huang: "this fool, don't you know that I hate yellow red tape?" Guo Jing: "Dad, this is melatonin!" " Huang: Oh! Just as I was about to reach for it, the old urchin who was suddenly trapped in Taohua Island jumped out, grabbed the gift and shouted, "No gifts this Spring Festival, only melatonin. Huang Laoxie, if you don't want it, just give it to me! "

8. A colleague charged the phone bill with the wrong phone number. Because charging 100 is a little painful, I called my buddy and asked if I could get it back.

9. The Spring Festival is so beautiful: flowers, wine, greetings, good memories and new love. Even if there is nothing, love is enough.

10. I received a text message on New Year's Day: "Today is beginning of spring, I wish you a happy family!" Who is this kid kidding? Beginning of spring, it's been several days. Bear said to Neng: If you are so poor, all four bear paws have been sold; The soldier said to Qiu, Brother, did you step on a mine? Why is your leg missing? The king said to the emperor: What are the advantages of being an emperor? Look, your hair is all white. Mouth to mouth: honey, you haven't said a word for so long; The fruit said to the naked man: Dude, you might as well be naked! Bibibe said: Why do couples divorce? The towel said to the coin: wearing a doctor hat is worth a hundred times; I said to the giant: the same area, but I have three rooms and two halls; Japan said to Yue: It's time to lose weight; I say to you: a new year, a new starting point, a new beginning; Blessing in my heart: Happy New Year. New Year