Humorous stories heard by ten-year-olds

Xiaoming's father asked Xiaoming to buy him cigarettes and gave him 3 yuan money. Before Xiaoming came to the supermarket, he saw his classmate Xiaohua singing: "Get up ... Get up ... Get up//"Xiaoming wanted to learn and gave him one yuan. study Later, Xiao Ming left and left. Seeing an old woman singing: "Zhuzhu is my hometown, Zhuzhu is my hometown", Xiao Ming wants to learn. So I gave my grandmother a dollar and learned. Xiao Ming walked and saw a young man singing, "The little Japanese devil is gone. . The Japanese are gone. . "Xiao Ming wants to learn it again. Gave him a yuan to learn. When he got home, his father asked him, "Where are the cigarettes?" "Learn songs!" "What songs have you learned? Kneel down first! " "Get up .. get up ... get up. . ""Don't you kneel? Get out! " Dad said, "Zhuzhu is my hometown." . Column is my hometown! ""Well, if you don't, I will, "my father said." The japs are gone. . The Japanese are gone. . ! "There are three brothers' names that have caused trouble. The eldest is called age, the second is called culture, and the third is called joke. Parents are old, and their legs and feet are inconvenient. Three brothers go up the mountain to cut firewood. When they came back from chopping wood, the neighbor saw the father of the three brothers and asked, "What's the matter? "Father:" I am old and have no culture at all, but I have a short joke. "The woman who bought fruit finished her working meal at noon yesterday, and a female colleague and I went to buy fruit. That female colleague is 89 years old. She is beautiful and hasn't talked about friends yet. When we walked to the fruit stand, we wanted to eat litchi, so we picked it. There are two kinds of litchi, one is tied together with a small rope, which looks beautiful, but the price is more expensive; There is another one that doesn't look good, but it's cheaper, but it tastes the same. " Aunt, how did you buy this litchi? ""Come on, five dollars here and four dollars and five dollars there. " "Ok, give me two kilos of four yuan and five yuan." "You'd better buy five yuan a kilogram, but one yuan is still two kilograms short." "Aunt, give me two kilograms of four and a half." "Don't you want five yuan a catty?" "Why have you already bought 5 yuan?" "Because it looks better." "The taste is different!" "That you find a wife is to look at the face or see * * * first? "Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke? Boy A:No. Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please. Boy A naturally held out two fingers and took them to ............. [Scene 2] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy b: no teacher: no? Well, French fries, please. Boy B carefully holds French fries because he heard of A Teacher: Don't you touch some ketchup? B accidentally got too much, and immediately played it with two fingers ―― Teacher: No? The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Calling parents .................... [Scene 3] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy c: no teacher: no? All right, French fries. Because of the first two examples, the boy C carefully finished the French fries with sweat. Teacher: Aren't you going to bring roots back to your classmates? Boy C picks up French fries and puts them in his ear. ............... [Scene 4] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy D:No. Teacher: Fine. Have a French fries. The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket. The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster. The boy was so busy that he took the French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the floor. He stepped on it. .................................................................................................................................................. Boy: No. Teacher: Good. Have a French fries. The boy just took French fries. The teacher said, don't invite me to dinner? The boy was so busy that he handed the French fries in his hand, and then took out his lighter ..................................................................................................................................... [Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy: No. Teacher: Good. Have a French fries. The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket. The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster. The boy has sweated his palms and bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster! Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth. The boy took out the French fries from his pocket: Come on, it's still there, the fire hasn't lit yet ... [Act VII] Teacher: Do you smoke or not? Teacher: You really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries. Boy: It's natural to take away the French fries and eat them clean. Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like? Boy: [Get carried away] Greater China. . . . . Scene n: Teacher: French fries! Boy: thank you, no need. I'll give you a website: xxhh Bunny jumps into the bakery and asks, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "Boss:" Oh, sorry, not that much. " "I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left in frustration. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have one hundred steamed buns? "Boss:" Sorry, I haven't. "I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left in frustration again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have one hundred steamed buns? "The boss said happily," Yes, yes, we have one hundred steamed buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll buy two! ""There is a little white rabbit running happily in the forest. On the way, it met a giraffe that was winding. The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe, Giraffe, why did you do something to hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! " Giraffe looked at the smoke and the white rabbit, so she threw the smoke behind her and ran with the white rabbit in the forest. Later, they met an elephant ready to take cocaine. The white rabbit said to the elephant, "elephant, elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "Elephants look at cocaine and white rabbits, throw cocaine behind them and run in the forest with white rabbits and giraffes. Later, they met a lion who was going to fight * * * *. The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why did you do something to hurt yourself?" "Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! " The lion looked at the syringe and the rabbit, threw the syringe behind him and rushed to beat the rabbit hard. The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "Why did you hit the rabbit?" It is so kind, it cares about our health and makes us close to nature. "The lion said angrily," this * * * rabbit drags me around in the forest like a * * * *. "On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river and went home without catching anything. The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home. On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit: If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will trample you to death! To test the strength of the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first. Before the first forest, the United States * * *, they spent a whole half-day meeting to make a battle plan, strictly divided the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed and the rabbit ran away. Then it was Hong Kong's turn. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars lined up outside the forest. The leader shouted with his horn, "Rabbit, rabbit, you are surrounded, come out and surrender ..." Half a day passed and nothing happened. Flying Tigers went into the forest to search again, but the mission failed! Finally, China * * *, only four, played mahjong all day. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Five minutes later, he heard the screams of animals in the forest. China came out laughing and smoking, dragging a black bear behind him. The bear was dying and said, "Stop playing, I'm a rabbit ..." The little white rabbit left very grievance. The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat." Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger. After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter. Please believe it." ".When this day came, the tiger found his partner-the wolf. "It is wrong of you to do so. It's hard for me. "Then he wiped the ash off the table." Do you think this will work? "You can say, tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found the fat one, and you said you wanted the thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. Reasonable and powerful. " The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart. The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." Tutu said, "So, do you want to be fat or thin?" Hearing this, the wolf's heart sank and he became happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B. He added, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tutu asked, "So, do you like plump or slim?" The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat." Bears and rabbits shit in the forest. After that, the bear asked the rabbit, "Have you lost your hair?" The rabbit said, "I can't drop it ~" so the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped it. A rabbit molested a wolf (the rabbit was very strong) and ran away. The wolf chased him angrily. Seeing that the wolf was about to catch up, the rabbit sat down under a tree, put on sunglasses, read the newspaper and pretended that nothing had happened. At this time, the wolf came and saw the rabbit sitting under the tree. He asked, "Did you see a rabbit running past?" The rabbit replied, "Did the rabbit tease the wolf?" The wolf shouted, "No way! It's in the newspaper so soon! ! ! "One day, a little white rabbit came to a shop and asked the boss," Boss, do you have any carrots? " The boss shook his head: "No."The little white rabbit went away with a whoosh. The next day, the little white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?" The boss shook his head angrily: "I didn't surf the Internet at home this afternoon 1 and was bitten by a mosquito. I was instantly red and swollen. Because I am in a hurry, I want to wipe some toilet water after coming out of the toilet. As a result, when I went to the toilet, the red envelope became particularly itchy. Then I went to get toilet water like the wind, unscrewed the bottle cap and drank two times, and suddenly I was stupid there. " . . Recently, the exam is coming. I reviewed my lessons at home, and I laid a draft paper in front of me to prepare calculus. However, after the paper and pen were ready, I began to be in a daze. I just came to my senses and found myself drawing a lot of "abstract" paintings on paper, which was quite a master. After living for more than ten years, I found myself a "talent" who accompanied my grandmother to get a passport three times. There were too many people on the bus at that time, and it was too crowded. I dragged my grandmother to the car. Because there were many people at the station at that time, I kept pulling her away from the station for more than ten meters before stopping. I turned around and saw that it was not my grandmother, but the old lady who was out of breath by me. Then I looked at my grandmother and chased me out of breath. I was still very angry and said, "Why didn't you say so earlier?" In retrospect, I can't blame the old lady. I can hardly breathe. . . I like eggplant. One day, my mother asked me to buy two eggplants, only two. I ended up selling eggplant. I guess it was a fresh day and everyone was fine. When I was excited, I picked out all of them, about a dozen, and piled them up in a small pile. When there were not so many, I took out two and asked my boss to weigh them for me. My boss glared at me. I had a brainwave, shouted "I picked it for others" and looked at the boss with an angry face. . . . Source drifter original: //piaobozhe/read.php? Tid=8 12 The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" Boss: "Sorry, I still don't have it." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll take two! "" "There is a little white rabbit running happily in the forest. On the way, it met a giraffe that was winding. The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe, Giraffe, why did you do something to hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "The giraffe looked at the smoke and the white rabbit, threw the smoke behind her and ran in the forest with the white rabbit. Later, they met an elephant ready to take cocaine. The white rabbit said to the elephant, "elephant, elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?" "Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! " The elephant looked at the cocaine and the white rabbit, so he threw the cocaine behind him and ran in the forest with the white rabbit and giraffe. Later, they met a lion who was going to fight. The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why did you do something to hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "The lion looked at the syringe and the rabbit, threw the syringe behind him and rushed to hit the rabbit hard. The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "Why did you hit the rabbit?" "It is so kind. It cares about our health and makes us close to nature." The lion said angrily, "This * * * rabbit drags me around the forest like * * * * every time he takes * * *." On the first day, the white rabbit went fishing by the river and went home without catching anything. The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home. On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit: If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will trample you to death! To test the strength of the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first. Before the first forest, the United States * * *, they spent a whole half-day meeting to make a battle plan, strictly divided the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed and the rabbit ran away. Then it was Hong Kong's turn. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars lined up outside the forest. The leader shouted with his horn, "Rabbit, Rabbit, you are surrounded, come out and surrender ..." Half a day passed, but nothing happened. Flying Tigers went into the forest to search again, but the mission failed! Finally, China * * *, only four, played mahjong all day. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Five minutes later, he heard the screams of animals in the forest. China came out laughing and smoking, dragging a black bear behind him. The bear was dying and said, "Stop playing, I'm a rabbit ..." The little white rabbit left very aggrieved. The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat." Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger. After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter. Please believe it." . When this day came, the tiger found his partner, the wolf. "It is wrong for you to do so. This is very difficult for me. " Then he wiped the dust off the table: "Do you think this will work?" You can say, Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found the fat one, and you said you wanted the thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. It is both reasonable and powerful. "The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart. The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." "Tu Tu said," So, do you want to be fat or thin? " Hearing this, the wolf's heart sank and he became happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B, and he said, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tu Tu asked, "So, do you prefer plump or slim? "The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers." Shit, I told you not to wear a hat. "Bears and rabbits shit in the forest. After that, the bear asked the rabbit, "have you lost your hair?" "The rabbit said," I can't drop it ~ "So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped it. A rabbit molested a wolf (the rabbit was very strong) and ran away. The wolf chased him angrily. Seeing that the wolf was about to catch up, the rabbit sat down under a tree, put on sunglasses, read the newspaper and pretended that nothing had happened. At this moment, the wolf came and saw the rabbit sitting under the tree. He asked, "Did you see a rabbit running past?"! The rabbit replied, "Did the rabbit harass the wolf?" "The wolf shouted," no way! It's in the newspaper so soon! ! ! One day, a little white rabbit came to a shop and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots?" "The boss shook his head:"No.. "The little white rabbit whooshed away after hearing this. The next day, the little white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "boss, do you have any carrots?" "The boss shook his head angrily." No, "said the little white rabbit, and left with a whoosh. On the third day, the white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?" The boss shouted angrily, "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "After listening to the little white rabbit whoosh once went away. The fourth day, the little white rabbit came to this shop again and asked timidly, "boss, do you have pliers?" "The boss said,"No.. "The white rabbit then asked," Do you have any carrots? "I don't know how many days later, a little black rabbit came to this shop and asked the boss," Boss, do you have any carrots? " The boss shook his head angrily. "No." The little black rabbit ran away after hearing this. The next day, the little black rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "boss, do you have any carrots?" "The boss is very angry:" No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! " The little black rabbit ran away after hearing this. On the third day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly, "boss, do you have pliers?" The boss said angrily, "No." The little black rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?" "The boss was angry, grabbed the little black rabbit, took out a small hammer and knocked out the little black rabbit's teeth. The fourth day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked vaguely, "boss, do you have carrot juice?" Giraffe said, "Little Rabbit, I hope you know how good it is to have a long neck." No matter what I eat delicious, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. "The rabbit looked at him blankly." Also, in summer, rabbits, cold water slowly flows through my long neck, which is delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? "The rabbit said slowly," Have you ever vomited? "One day, a kangaroo was driving on a country road and suddenly saw a small white rabbit lying on the road, with ears and body almost lying on the ground, as if listening to something ... So ... the kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously," Little white rabbit, what are you listening to? " "A big truck passed here half an hour ago ..." "Wow ... amazing! .. how do you know? .. ""Fuck him! My neck and legs are broken like this ... "The ant was walking in the forest and suddenly met an elephant. The ant quickly got into the soil and stretched out a leg. The little white rabbit was curious and asked, What are you doing? The ant whispered to it: shh ... don't make any noise, watch me trip ... One day, the rabbit was writing in front of a cave, and a wolf came up and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper." "The wolf asked," what's the topic? The rabbit replied, "I'm writing about how rabbits eat wolves." . "The wolf said with a smile that he didn't believe it. The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave, and the rabbit continued to write in front of the cave. Then another fox came over and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper." "The fox asked," what's the topic? The rabbit replied, "How does the rabbit eat the fox?" "The fox laughed and said he didn't believe it. The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave. After a while, the rabbit went out of the cave alone and continued to write his paper. At this time, in the cave, a lion is sitting on a pile of bones and picking his teeth, while reading the rabbit's paper: the ability of an animal depends not on its strength, but on who is its boss behind the scenes! In a mental hospital, one day the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the white rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted it, and said, "Chase me". The dean sighed. The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " The director fell to the ground and fainted ... the little white rabbit and the big bear squatted under the tree and shit. Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You can tell when it's dirty. That's disgusting! The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Isn't it? Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped it for himself. The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a pot. An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes. The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true. The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true. The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again. The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again. The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches! The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into * * * * * ... Three little white rabbits picked a mushroom, and the two big ones asked the little ones to get some wild vegetables to eat together. The youngest said I wouldn't go, so you ate my mushrooms. The two big ones said no, and the little white rabbit went ~ ~ ~ Half a year passed, and the big one said no. I ate another big one first and then waited ~ ~ A year passed, and neither of the two big ones came back. Don't wait for us to eat. I know you want to eat my mushrooms. An ant saw an elephant on the road. The ant got into the soil with only one leg exposed. Little Nutbrown hare saw it and asked, "Why are your legs exposed?" The ant said, "Shh! Don't make a sound, I'll trip him! "The next day, the rabbit saw the whole nest of ants waiting in line in a hurry and asked why. The ant replied, "Yesterday, an elephant was tripped by one of our brothers and was seriously injured. Let's go and donate blood to that ya. "Not long after, the rabbit saw a large number of ants coming back and asked what was going on. An ant said, "Oh, only one of them has the same blood type as that elephant. Let him bleed there is enough. On the third day, the rabbit came to the ant and asked, "Are you still alive?" The ant said helplessly, "I carried it back." It's so heavy that my waist is bent. It's too hard to fall! ""When an elephant is sick, it should sue ants. The court ruled that ants tripped over elephants for malicious injury and imprisoned them for 6 months. The ant refuses to accept, "the crime of personal injury is imprisoned for up to 2 months. Why did you sentence me to half a year? " Judge: "The crime of personal injury is sentenced to February, and tripping an elephant is a crime of racial discrimination, plus 4 months." So the ant filed a complaint with the High Court: "We are equal to elephants, how can we' discriminate'? Please ask the High Court to make a clear judgment, return us to innocence, and sue the judge for framing. "