Complete works of foreign humorous jokes

1, received a business call from Singapore. The other person began to speak English, and later he became a native of China. It turns out that people speak Chinese very well. Finally, ask me your name when you hang up and send me a fax. I told him, "You're welcome. My name is Chen. "

After a while, the secretary said there was a fax for someone she didn't know. I took one look and almost fainted. The fax impressively write:

To: Miss Chen Erdong.

Subject: ...

2. Neighbor: Is there something wrong with the car?

Tommy: Yes, I bought a valve that saves 30% fuel, a carburetor that saves 40% fuel, and a set of spark plugs that save 50% fuel.

Neighbor: What was the result?

Tommy: Twenty kilometers later, the oil in the tank overflowed!

3. A newly married couple is getting off the train. The bride said to the groom, "honey, let others see that we have been married for a long time!" "

The groom said, "OK, you walk behind me with your suitcase!" " "

Many years later, Tom became an excellent major in the Marine Corps, and his family was full of strong military colors. One day, a friend went to his house for dinner. I saw "material supply office" written at the entrance of prestige, and "information exchange station" written at the entrance of living room. The son's bedroom door says "male soldier dormitory" and the daughter's bedroom door says "female soldier dormitory". My friend imagined that there must be a "headquarters" sign in the bedroom of Mr. and Mrs. Tom, but it said: "Recruit Training Center".

5. Come on.

There is a village to build a swimming pool, and the village head calls on everyone to donate more money for the swimming pool.

One day, the village head came to Uncle Sam's house and said to Uncle Sam, Uncle Sam, we are going to build a swimming pool in the village. You are an old villager, so you must do something.

Uncle Sam said: Yes, I have been looking forward to this swimming pool for many years. I will try my best. Village head, wait. Say that finish and went into the house. After a while, Uncle Sam took out a bucket of water and said to the village head, Come if the village head is not enough.

6. Reasons for theft

The supermarket owner pointed to the arrested thief and said to the police who came to investigate, "I caught him stealing chocolate from the supermarket shelf without paying." Everyone understands. "

The policeman asked the thief, "Why did you steal from the supermarket?"

The thief confidently replied, "I didn't steal it." The chocolate box said' 25% free'. I just opened the package and ate the free part. "

7. Pre-blocking mobilization

In the boxing venue of the London Olympic Games, in order to motivate athletes, a national coaching staff specially invited a senior government sports official to the venue to mobilize athletes before the game.

Senior officials heard from the coach that these are "boxing" athletes and will soon enter the competition. The official immediately gave a cadence speech, and finally he said, "... now I want you to rush out and rush into the meeting place and pack those paper boxes for me as soon as possible!" ”！ ! "

(Note: The word "boxing" in English means "boxing" and "boxing". )

8. A dutiful policeman

A driver was stopped by the police for speeding.

"Officer, I'm sorry. I'm in a hurry to attend a meeting and don't want to be late. " The driver is busy explaining.

"I can't help it. I am doing my duty. " The policeman tore off a ticket as he spoke, and then asked, "When will the meeting start?"

"3 o'clock."

The policeman looked at his watch and said seriously, "If you drive faster, you may catch up."

9. misunderstanding+misunderstanding

A tour group came to France. After living for a few days, a member angrily said that racial discrimination in China is very bad. Members of the group asked why. My buddy said, "When I go to breakfast every day, the waiter in the restaurant always says' fat pig' to me. How can this scold us! Every time I smile and say,' It's you!' "

The people in the group smiled and said, "That's not scolding you, it's greeting you good morning in French" Bonjour! " "

Dude, I'm sorry to find out why. I came to the restaurant the next day, saw the waiter and apologized. Before the waiter could speak, my buddy said, "Hello!"

Just listen to the waiter answer with a smile: "Shini".

(Note: The punch line of this joke: Because every time China's buddy answers "It's you", the waiter in the restaurant mistakenly thinks it's from China, saying it several times, and he remembers it. Therefore, when China's buddy greeted Bon jour in French, the waiter replied "Shini" humorously but naively. )

10, economist

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist and an architect are arguing about what God's real occupation is.

The philosopher said, "God is a philosopher first, because he created the principles of human life."

"ridiculous!" Biologists claim: "God created men, women and all species, so he is a biologist first."

"Wrong." The architect said, "God created heaven and earth before creating these things. Before that, there was only chaos and disorder. "

"So," said the economist who has been silent, "where do you think all this confusion and disorder came from?"

1 1, intern

The surgeon is showing a group of interns around the ward.

The surgeon pointed to a patient's X-ray and said, "Look, this patient is limping because his fibula and tibia are severely bent."

Then, he asked an intern, "What would you do if this happened?"

"Well," the intern thought for a moment and said, "I think I will be lame, too."

12, men, women, culture

An institution specializing in human behavior is doing an experiment on how people from different cultural backgrounds deal with the relationship between men and women. The organization randomly selected two men and one woman from France, Italy, Britain, Germany, Arabia and Japan, and sent them to a remote and uninhabited island for three months to see how their relationship would change. Three months later, when the researchers returned to the island, they found the following:

Italian: A man kidnapped a woman and fled, while another man tried to get revenge.

Englishman: Two men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the woman.

Arab: The two men have been arguing endlessly, but there is no result.

Japanese: Two people said that they sent a fax to Tokyo three months ago asking for instructions and are still waiting for a reply.

Germans: They made strict and detailed schedules and rules, and took turns visiting women.

French: Two men and women form a family of three and live happily together.

13, European interpretation of heaven and hell

European interpretation of heaven and hell;

Heaven: the police are British; The chef is Italian; The car mechanic is German; Lovers are all French; They are run by Swiss.

Hell's Land: The police are German; The chef is English; The car mechanic is French; Lovers are Swiss and managed by Italians.

14, lawyer's complaint

Lawyer: "Judge, I want to appeal my client's case again because I have found new evidence."

Judge: "What new evidence is it?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I found that my client still has 500 yuan money in his passbook.

zhl20 1702