Do you have the latest jokes to share with me?

1, Lao Wang asked Xiao Li why his eyes were swollen.

Xiao Li said: when I was wearing pants this morning, a button fell off. I couldn't sew, so I ran to the next door to find a lady to sew it for me.

God, she must have thought you had gone too far and punched you!

No, that's not true! She was very kind, so she took out her needle and thread and sewed it on the spot. I stood and sewed for her, but just as she finished sewing, her husband came in!

A very manly man married a beautiful wife. After the wedding,

The man said to the bride, "There are three chapters in our agreement: I can go home whenever I want, so don't argue with me." .

Unless otherwise notified, every meal should be rich. I can go hunting, fishing, eating and playing cards with my old friends at any time. You don't have to limit the time.

That's all. Do you have anything to add? "

"Very well," replied the bride.

"I just add that whether you are here or not, I have sex at 9 o'clock every night."

3. A Guang is on a business trip for a week. Before going home, he asked the apartment manager, "Has anyone come to see my wife, especially a strange man?"

Librarian: "No, only a newspaper delivery man came the day before yesterday."

A Guang was relieved: "It seems that I worry too much."

The administrator added, "but he hasn't come down yet!" " "

A-guang: "XO...XO * &；; ^…"

A man went to see his family doctor. He asked, "doctor, I'm getting married, but it's the first time for my girlfriend and me." Can you tell us what to do? The doctor watched the man grow up, and was a little uncomfortable when he heard this question. He looked outside and said, "Look over there, have you seen two dogs in the park?" "See what they are doing? Just go home and do it. " Two months later, when they met again, the doctor asked, "How was sex? The man replied, "it's fine, but it's really cold to do it in the park, and people will peek." "

The mobile phone rang too frequently in the classroom, and the rogue teacher got angry: "The tiger doesn't show the mountain dew, so treat me as Hello kitty, right?"

The students rejoiced and praised: "The teacher is so good that even Hello kitty knows!"

A boy was unconvinced: "I have seen what I saw online."

The teacher's fighting spirit was aroused: "Look, do you want to compete with me?"

The boy is really not afraid: "Huang Feihong has no feet. Do you think I am a crayon Shinchan? "

Teacher: "Carlos doesn't score. Do you think I am Fan Zhiyi? "

Boy: "Jay Chou doesn't sing. Do you think I crossed the road and nearly two? "

Teacher: "Hey, hey, do you know who is near the second crossing?"

The students looked at each other.

Teacher: "I know Jay Chou, but I also know that he is Lickitung. And this sentence, take it: Jay Chou doesn't shave his head. Do you think I am Pan Meichen? "

The students looked at each other again: Who is Pan Meichen?

"Go back and ask your parents! Don't think that you only know singers, "The teacher won. "You can't eat to death, but you should lose. Turn off the phone! "

6. At the beginning of the school roll call, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll look at the student number, so you can report your own names and get to know each other, okay?"

"No.0065438 +0!"

"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"

"My dad." "What does your father do?"

"Open a pig farm!"

"No.002!"

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No.003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No.004!"

"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No.005!"

"Report to the teacher, * * Niang!" "How do you call names? ! "

"no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill.

006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."

"Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ! "

"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has been a little shaken.

"No.007!"

"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "

"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."

"Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.

"No.008!"

"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ! "

"I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "

"Interesting, interesting." The teacher is about to cry.

"No.009!"

"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!"

"no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher felt dizzy.

"0 10! "

"Teacher, my last name is Gao."

"My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."

"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate."

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." …………

The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "The teacher spurted blood and fell to the ground.

7. Tang Priest: The poor donor's egg hurts. Do you feel itchy? If it itches, please go one step further. I'm going to spend the night here and then leave. Amitabha!

Goblin: Ah! Really? Then come on!

In battle .............

Tang Priest: Holy shit! A bottomless pit! Wukong, bring your stick, damn it, it's too deep!

8. As the saying goes: "Two orioles sing green willows, I don't know what to say; A line of egrets went to the sky, and I don't know what to stop. " Our country's constitution clearly stipulates: "One night, the husband and wife will be grateful for a hundred days, and there will be elevators above the seventh floor". What's more, it is the midsummer of June+February in 5438, which is the season for girls to hide meat ... You must know this, since you know it, you can't take it out of context, even the weather forecast is not allowed! ! ! Besides, you didn't run the Bank of China. Diego Diego Maradona is married, so what's the use of holding food stamps? This is really an unstable record. A few days ago, the National People's Congress just held a meeting and solemnly announced: "China does not engage in a multi-party system. It can subsidize sows at hand, levy taxes on rice, and farmers have a little field with three fists." What a wonderful thing! I'm confused by people like you. It is not so much failure as success. Therefore, Confucius said: "An upright person is upright, a pig sews a small anus, and an uncle is not afraid of gossip and pees against the wind." . I told you these profound truths, and I don't think you will understand them for a while. I know you will say that you know four ways to write back words, but don't forget that computers currently use binary principles. At present, the most important thing for China is to distinguish those contradictions that belong to the enemy and ourselves. I would rather love 3000 by mistake than let go of one! ! Looking from a distance, fluttering and swaying, sharing weal and woe in the river. Some people say it's a gourd, others say it's a gourd, and they bet by the river that two monks are taking a bath! ! ! ! You don't understand these simple truths. Wash and sleep quickly. So: "it's not terrible to be terminally ill, but it's best to laugh and boil cream"! Rogues know martial arts and no one can stop them! ! ! ! ! I am too lazy to argue with you. The moon will still rise in the south tomorrow morning.

9. A friend went on a business trip and checked into a hotel. He is alone at night. Lonely, you know. Then he wandered around the hotel yard. After a while, he was a little tired, and he was going back to his room. When he went to the lobby, he saw two beautiful women checking in. According to him, they are both in their mid-twenties. My buddy is so talented that he followed others upstairs, then secretly wrote down their room numbers and went back to his room. After more than an hour, at about 1 1, my buddy called two beautiful women's rooms and said, "Hello, madam, what can I do for you?" Unexpectedly, the other person was silent for about ten seconds, and then said, OK, let's look at two. My buddy was so happy that he went up immediately. When he entered the room, the beauty asked, "Why are you alone?" My buddy replied professionally that there are three people here. One asked for leave today, and the other found a job, leaving me. The two beauties said ok. Then, have sex, have sex. ......................................................................................................................................................................

10, a young man asked an old man, "What secret do you use to stick your wife's clothes?" The old man said disapprovingly, "It's very simple. Every time she disobeys, I take off her pants and spank her! " "Hearing this, the young man sighed sadly:" I have tried this method, but every time I take off her pants, I am not angry! " "