Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The original text of Fan Jinzhong! ! ! Urgent! ! ! ! ! !

The original text of Fan Jinzhong! ! ! Urgent! ! ! ! ! !

Fan came home from school, and his mother and wife were very happy. While he was cooking, his father-in-law Hu Jin came in with a pair of large intestine and a bottle of wine in his hand. Jin Fan bowed to him and sat down. Hu Butcher said, "It's really unlucky for my daughter to marry a poor man like you. I don't know how tired I am these years. " Now I don't know what virtue I have accumulated, so I brought you "xianggong", so I brought you wine to congratulate you. "Jin Wei Fan repeatedly asked Hunjia to cook intestines, make hot wine and sit under a thatched shed. Mother-in-law is cooking under the kitchen. Butcher Hu also said to his son-in-law: "Since you have been rewarded by the" xianggong ",you must set up a proper system for everything. For example, in my work, I am all respectable people and your long-term relatives. How dare you pretend to be big in front of us If these farm workers and dung pickers at home are just ordinary people, if you bow to him as an equal, it is against the school rules and a disgrace to my face. You are a rotten, honest and useless person, so I have to teach you these words so as not to make people laugh. " Jin Fan said, "What my father-in-law learned." Butcher Hu went on to say, "My mother also comes here to sit and eat. The old man eats small dishes every day, and it makes him sad to think about it. My daughter also eats some. I haven't eaten lard two or three times in the past ten years since I entered your house! Poor thing! Poor thing! "After that, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law came to sit and eat. In the middle of the night, butcher Hu was drunk. There are two mothers and sons here. I really appreciate it. The butcher put on his clothes and began to starve. The next day, Jin Fan should go to worship his neighbors. Wei also made an appointment with a group of friends in the same case to interact with each other. Because it was the year after the provincial examination, I held several meetings. Unconsciously, at the end of June, these co-defendants let Fan enter the provincial examination. When I had no money to buy a ticket, I went to consult my father-in-law. As a result, the butcher slapped me in the face and scolded me: "Don't waste time! You just think you won a "xianggong", and then "the frog wants to eat swan meat"! I've heard people say that even Yong, the prime minister of China, is not your article, but the master gave it to you because he saw that you were old and didn't care. Now I have a crush on the master! These masters of Chinese studies are all satellites in the sky! Don't you see that the gentlemen of the Zhang family in the city are all rich in furniture and rich in every way? Like you, you should take a piss and look at yourself! No, no, no, just like a swan! Take this heart as soon as possible, find you a museum in our work next year, and find a few taels of silver to support your old lady and your wife every year. You asked me to borrow money for the trip. If you can't make money by killing a pig in one day, I'll throw all my money into the water with you and call my home Northwest Wind! "

A meal was sandwiched between seven and eight, and Jin Fan couldn't find the door. When I came back from my husband's resignation, I thought to myself, "Master said it's time for me. Since ancient times, there have been no jurors out of court. If I don't go in to test him, how can I be willing? " After consulting several co-defendants, I went to the city for an examination without telling my father-in-law. Out of the field, even if you go home. This family has been hungry for two or three days. Butcher Hu found out and scolded again. On the day the list was published, there was no rice for breakfast at home. My mother told Jin Fan, "I have a hen that lays eggs. You should quickly collect it and sell it. Buy a few liters of rice to cook porridge. I am so hungry that I can't see. " Jin Fan quickly hugged the chicken and walked out the door. After less than two hours, I only heard gongs and drums and three horses galloping in the future. The three men got off the horse, tied the horse to the thatched shed and shouted, "Please ask Master Fan to come out quickly. Congratulations to high school! " Mom didn't know what it was, so she was scared to hide in the house. As soon as I heard this, I dared to stick my head out and say, "Please sit down, the child has just gone out." The reporter said, "It turned out to be an old lady." Everyone gathered around for money. Noisy, a few horses reported two or three, people crowded a room, and the thatched shed was all underground. The neighbors are all here, crowding to see. The old lady had no choice but to go to find her son with her neighbors. Neighbors went to collect it, but they couldn't find it in a field; I went directly to the eastern end of Jidong, where I saw Jin Fan holding a chicken and a straw label in his hand, looking around for someone to buy it. The neighbor said, "Fan Xianggong, come back quickly! Congratulations on winning the prize, and the good news reporter crowded a room. " Fan4 jin4 just pretended not to hear and walked on with his head down. Neighbors will snatch the chicken from him when they see that he ignores it. Jin Fan said, "Why did you take my chicken? Don't buy it. " The neighbor said, "You won the lottery. Tell your family to send the newspaper. " Jin Fan said, "Gao Lin, you know I have no food today. I want to sell this chicken to save my life. Why are you confusing me with this? I am not stubborn to you. Go home by yourself, and don't forget that I sell chickens. " When the neighbor saw that he didn't believe him, he made a sudden snatch and grabbed the chicken, slapped it on the ground and pulled it back. The recorder saw it and said, "Well, the nouveau riche is back." Just as he was about to hug him and talk, Jin Fan came into the room in three or two steps, only to see that the newspaper post in the middle had been hung up, which read: "Good news for your master Jin Fan High School. He won the first place in the seventh Asian regional exam in Guangdong. The Beijing News Lian Deng Huang Jia. " Jin Fan didn't read it. He looked at it again and again. He clapped his hands and smiled. "ah! All right! I won! " As he spoke, he fell back, gritted his teeth and was unconscious. The old lady panicked and poured several mouthfuls of boiling water. He got up, clapped his hands and laughed. "ah! All right! I won! " He broke free with a smile and flew out of the door, scaring reporters and neighbors. I walked out of the gate not far, but I kicked into the pond. When I earned it, my hair was loose, my hands were yellow and I was dripping with water. They kept pulling him, patting and laughing until they went to gather. Everyone stared at each other with eyes wide open. "So the new rich are ecstatic." The old lady cried, "how can there be such retribution! If you win the prize, you will get this stupid disease! This is crazy, when will it get better? " Humanitarian khufu: "It's fine to go out in the morning. How did you get such a disease! But what should I do? " Neighbors advised, "Don't panic, old lady. We'll send two people to follow Master Fan now. Everyone here takes some eggs, wine and rice at home and waits for the old men in the newspaper to make a business decision. " At present, some neighbors brought eggs, some brought white wine, some carried a bucket of rice, and some caught two chickens. The lady cried, so she cleaned up under the kitchen and took it under the hut. The neighbor moved some tables and stools, and asked the reporter to sit down for a drink and discuss what to do if he was crazy. A man in the newspaper said, "I have an idea. I don't know if I can do it? " They asked, "What is this idea?" The humanitarian said, "Does Master Fan have anyone he fears most on weekdays? Because he was so happy, his phlegm rushed up and he lost his mind. Now all he needs is that the person he is afraid of hits him in the mouth and says,' All these recordings are lies, but you didn't win.' He was surprised and spat out his phlegm. He understood. All the neighbors clapped their hands and said, "What a good idea! What Master Fan is afraid of is nothing more than Grandpa Hu in the meat case. All right! Go find khufu. I don't think he knows yet. He sells meat in the supermarket. " Another humanitarian said, "Let him know that it is better to sell meat in the distribution center; He has been gathering at Dongtou to meet pigs since the fifth watch, and has not returned yet. Go and see him quickly. Suddenly, a man flew to meet him. On the way, he suddenly saw Butcher Hu. Later, he cooked soup and came to congratulate him with seven or eight pounds of meat and four or five thousand yuan. "。 I met the old lady when I entered the door, and the old lady cried and told her. Butcher hu wondered, "isn't this a blessing? "Outsiders are clamoring for Mr. Hu to speak. Butcher Hu gave the meat and money to his daughter and came out. So they consulted with him. Nuts: "Although he is my son-in-law, he is now a master and a star in the sky. The stars in the sky cannot be beaten! I heard Zhai Gong say: If you hit the stars in the sky, Yan Xihui will hit a hundred iron bars with them and send them to eighteen levels of hell, and they will never turn over. I dare not do such a thing! " A mean neighbor said, "Stop it! Dad Hu, you kill pigs for a living every day. White knife goes in, red knife goes out, and the prince doesn't know how to get the judge to write a thousand iron bars on your book. What does it matter even if there are one hundred sticks? I'm afraid I can't work out this account after I finish hitting the iron bar. Maybe you saved your son-in-law's illness, and the prince made great contributions and lifted you from hell to the seventeenth floor. "The humanity of newspapers:" Don't just tell jokes. Dad Hu, this has to be like this. Nothing you can do can stop it. You must change your mind. " The butcher was crushed by the crowd, so he had to drink two bowls of wine, be brave, carefully put these things away, show his usual ferocious appearance, roll up greasy sleeves and go to the collection. Five or six neighbors followed. The old lady rushed out and shouted, "in-laws, you can only scare him, not hurt him!" "The neighbors said," Naturally, there is no need to give orders. " Say, go straight ahead. When I came to the party, I saw Jin Fan standing at the door of a temple. His hair was loose, his face was covered with mud, and one of his shoes ran away. He clapped his hands and shouted, "Bingo! Bingo! " Butcher Hu came up to him like a devil and said, "Damn beast! What did you win? " Just one mouth. People and neighbors couldn't help laughing when they saw this scene. After all, I don't want butcher Hu to be afraid, even though he got the nerve to hit him. His hand was shaking long ago, and he dared not hit it again. Fan Jin was stunned by this mouth and fainted to the ground. All the neighbors came forward together, wiped his chest, hit his vest, danced for a long time, and gradually gasped, their eyes bright and not crazy. They got up by themselves and sat on the surgeon's bench at the gate of the temple. Butcher Hu stood by, unaware that his hand would ache faintly; When you look at it yourself, slap on the back and you can't bend any more. I was annoyed and said, "Sure enough, the' Wenquxing' in the sky can't beat it. Now the Bodhisattva is in charge." Think about it, the pain is worse, and I quickly asked the doctor for a plaster. Jin Fan looked at the crowd and said, "Why am I sitting here?" He added, "I have been in a daze for half a day, just like in a dream." The neighbor said, "Sir, congratulations to high school. At this moment, some people aroused the phlegm with joy and just spit out a few mouthfuls of phlegm. It doesn't matter. Please go home and send the tape recorder. " Jin Fan said, "Yes. I still remember that I was the seventh in my class. " Jin Fan wiped her hair and asked the doctor to borrow a basin of water to wash her face. A neighbor found this shoe and helped him put it on. Seeing my father-in-law in front of me, I'm afraid I'll scold again. The butcher Hu stepped forward and said, "Dear husband, I didn't dare to be rash just now. It was your wife's idea. I'm here to advise you. " A neighbor said: "Mr. Hu just made a friendly mouth." Later, Mr. Fan will wash his face and wash half a basin of lard! " He added, "Dad, we can't kill pigs tomorrow." The butcher said nonsense, "I'm still killing pigs there!" With my good husband, I am afraid I can't be trusted for the rest of my life. Every time I often say that my good husband has a high degree of education and looks good, even the lords like Zhang Fu and Zhou Fu on the city head don't have such a decent appearance as my son-in-law. You don't know, I look at people with my eyes and you feel offended. Think about the year before last, my little girl grew up at home in her thirties, and how many rich people wanted to marry me. I feel my daughter is a little lucky. After all, she wants to marry an old man. Today is really good! " Talking and laughing. They all laughed. After watching Jin Fan wash his face, the doctor brought tea and went home together. Fan first left, followed by the butcher and neighbors. The butcher saw that the back of his son-in-law's clothes was wrinkled a lot, so he bowed his head and pulled him dozens of times. Arriving at the door, the butcher shouted, "The master has returned to the house!" " "When the old lady came out to meet her, she was glad that her son was not crazy. People asked for records, but the family gave them thousands of dollars from the butcher. Jin Fan paid tribute to his mother and thanked his father-in-law. The butcher repeatedly said uneasily, "A few dollars is not enough for you to reward others." Jin Fan thanked his neighbor again. No sooner had he sat down than he saw a decent housekeeper fly in with a red sticker in his hand: "Master Zhang has come to visit Master Fan in New China." Say that finish, the sedan chair arrived at the door. Hutu people quickly hid in their daughter's room and dared not come out. Neighbors parted ways. Jin Fan was greeted by Xiangshen Zhang, who got off the sedan chair and came in, wearing a gauze hat, a sunflower round neck, a gold belt and soap boots. He was born as a juren and served as a magistrate. His nickname is Jing Zhai, and he was admitted with Jin Fan. He kowtowed in the first room and sat down with both sides. The first thing to say is: "Mr. Shi is here and I have never been close to him." Jin Fan said, "I've heard a lot about this old gentleman, but I haven't had a chance to meet him." Xiangshen Zhang said, "I just saw the champion list. Your teacher, Tang Palace in Gaoyao County, is a protege of my ancestors. You and I are good brothers. " Jin Fan said, "It's a pity to be born late. But I am glad to leave the old man's house. " Xiangshen Zhang looked around the eyes and said, "Mr. Shi is really poor. "He took a piece of silver from home and said," I have no respect, but I have a gift of 52 taels. Mr. Shi can keep it. "In fact, I can't live in this China residence, so it's not convenient for me to visit it in the future. My brother has a vacant room, just on Dongmen Street, with three rooms. Although it is not spacious and clean, I will give it to Teacher Shi. If you move there, you will have to ask for advice sooner or later. " Jin Fan refused again and again, and Xiangshen Zhang was very anxious. He said: "you and I are happy in the world, just like our closest relatives;" If so, it is a stranger. " Jin Fan took the money and bowed his thanks. After a while, I bowed to say goodbye. Butcher Hu didn't dare to leave the room until he got into the sedan chair. Jin Fan gave the money to Hunjia and opened it. Although I packed two ingots, I called Butcher Hu in and handed them to him, saying, "I just won my father's heart and got 5 thousand." This is more than six taels of silver, and Dad took it. " The butcher held the silver tightly in his hand, stretched out his fist and said, "Take this. I went to congratulate you, but how can I take it back? " Jin Fan said: "I can see that I still have these two dollars here. If I run out, I will ask my father for it again. " The butcher quickly withdrew his fist, put it on his waist and said, "Since you are married to this old man Zhang, what are you worried about?" His family is richer than the emperor's! His family is my meat customer. If you have nothing to do for a year, you will need four or five pounds of meat. What's so surprising about silver! He turned to look at his daughter and said, "I brought the money this morning, but your damn brother, a victim of the plague, still refused." I said,' Uncle, it's not what it used to be. Someone will send him money, but I'm afraid he doesn't want it. Sure enough, today! Now I've taken the silver home and scolded this short-lived slave! "Said for a while, thanks, low head, smile Mimi.