Can you help me find some funny jokes?

A patient with liver disease was secretly drinking in the ward and was found by a beautiful female nurse. The female nurse scolded: "Little darling!" "

The patient excitedly replied, "Little baby!"

Are you depressed? If you are depressed, please take a wooden stick tied with a rope and stand on the roof and swing hard. If someone asks you what you are doing. Just say, "Nothing, I have a seizure!"

Yesterday, someone asked me if the mayor of Nanjing was called Jiangqiao, and I said no.

He said that when I was crossing the river by train in Nanjing, I saw a billboard saying: Welcome to Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge!

One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible. .....

A prisoner of war got a disease and his left hand was cut off. He asked the enemy to send his left hand back to his motherland. The other party was very moved and did the same. Soon, his right hand was also cut off, and he once again requested that his right hand be sent back to the motherland for approval. Later, his left leg was amputated, but when he asked to send it back to his motherland, he was rejected. The prisoner of war asked, "Why can you do it twice before, but not this time?" The other party said solemnly, "We suspect that you escaped in stages."

A brother went to the toilet and ended up in the ladies' room by mistake. When I went in, I found there was no urinal. It doesn't feel right Fortunately, there is no one in the ladies' room. He walked out casually. When I opened the door, I met a mm who came in. Mm had a face-to-face with him, blushed, lowered her head, and turned to drill in the men's room.

One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was particularly sultry. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it It happened that the conductor was asking, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket! " "

The leaders of China Mobile Department went back to the place where they cut in line to visit their old friends. As soon as he got off the bus, he checked into a guest house in the town. After bumping down all the way, the leader was sweating and wanted to take a hot bath. The guest house has limited conditions and only one public bathhouse.

The leader came to the door of the bathhouse and was stopped by a waiter: "Sir, if you want to take a bath, please pay the installation fee of 15 yuan first. We will install a sprinkler for you. "

Leadership immediately one leng, thought this hostel how so kill people! However, because of his status, the leader did not attack. He just wanted to go in after paying the money, but he was stopped by the waiter: "Sir, I'm sorry, for the convenience of management, each nozzle has a number." Please pay 10 yuan number selection fee first, and the number selection is for your use only. "

This ... the tour guide was a little angry, but he paid the money and chose "8". The waiter added, "You chose a lucky number. According to the regulations, you have to pay a special number surcharge of 8 yuan." Damn it! "The leader suppressed the fire and said," Then I'll change it to No.4 ... No.4 is a lucky number, so there is no need to pay any special number surcharge, right? "

The waiter said, "No.4 is an ordinary number. Of course, there is no need to pay a special surcharge, but you have to pay a change fee of 5 yuan. "

The leader shook his head helplessly, thinking how simple the folk customs were in those days, but I didn't expect to make so many excuses to make money now. It's really downhill! After paying the money, the leader asked with more confidence, "Can I go in and take a bath now?"

The waiter smiled and said, "Sure, sure, please." The leader stared his one eye and went in. The waiter suddenly added, "I'm sorry, I have to tell you: since the No.4 shower nozzle is only for you, you have to pay 50 yuan and 70 cents a month whether you come to take a shower or not." And every time you take a shower, you have to pay the price of 6 yuan every 30 minutes.

In addition, the monthly payment time is before the 20 th. If you don't pay it after the deadline, you will have to pay a certain late fee ... "

"That's enough, that's enough, I won't wash it!" The leader turned his head in anger and wanted to leave. The waiter asked, "Are you sure you don't want to wash it?

The leader said with an expression: "Yes! I will never take a bath here again! "

The waiter smiled and said, "If you don't use the No.4 nozzle any more, you will have to pay 80 cents for 9 yuan. Only in this way can you ... never have to pay us any more. " The leader was furious and quarreled with the waiter. After a while, the manager of the hostel heard the news. As soon as the leader saw the manager coming, he shouted to complain. After knowing what happened, the manager smiled and said to the leader, "I'm sorry, sir, maybe you don't know that the bathing industry here is monopolized." It's a good thing you didn't soak in the pool, otherwise you will be charged for roaming. "