English version of humorous celebrity stories

My First and My Last When Gee was thirty-five, he bought a *** all plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. Gee had a friend. His name was Mark. One day Gee offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've traveled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a *** all one, so I'll go." They went up, and Gee flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, Gee, thank you very much for those o trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. With the last time George was 35 he bought a small plane and started learning to fly. Soon, he was able to fly a variety of aerobatics very skillfully. George has a friend named Mark. One day, George took the initiative to invite Mark to take a ride in the sky on his plane. Mark thought to himself, "I have flown on large passenger planes several times, but I have never flown on a small plane. I might as well give it a try." After taking off, George flew for half an hour, doing various things in the air. Flying stunts. Then they landed. Mark was happy to be back on the ground safely. He said to his friend in a trembling voice: "George, thank you very much for letting me take two flights in a small plane." George was very surprised and asked: "Two flights?" "Yes, my first time. And the last time." Mark replied.

First Flight Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own *** all phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or o he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, " Look at those people down there. They look as *** all as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground." Mr. Johnson's first flight Having never flown before, he had read many reports about aviation accidents. So when a friend invited him to fly in his little plane one day, Mr. Johnson was too worried to accept. But Mr. Johnson was finally convinced and boarded the plane, thanks to repeated assurances from friends that flying was safe. His friend started the engine and began taxiing down the runway. Mr. Johnson heard that the most dangerous parts of flying were takeoff and landing, so he was so scared that he closed his eyes tightly. After a minute or two, he opened his eyes and looked out the window, and then said to his friend: "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," replied his friend. , “We’re still on the ground.

” A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favorite. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered his room. The *** ell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and His right hand bleeding! Nail or fly? An old gentleman with failing eyesight checked into a hotel room. He had a bottle of wine in each hand and he mistakenly thought it was a nail. When the bottle was hanging upside down, it fell and broke, and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress found out what happened, she felt sympathy for him and decided to do him a favor. So, when he went for a walk in the roof garden the next morning, she hammered a nail into the spot where the fly had stopped. Here, the old man returned to the room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of that incident. He looked up at the wall and saw that the fly had stopped there again! He approached lightly and slapped it with all his strength. Hearing a loud shout, the kind-hearted waitress rushed into the room. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched, and his right hand was bleeding.

I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest. "I will take care of the rest. A conductor on the car had just given the signal to start the train. At this time, he saw a very beautiful girl standing on the platform next to an open carriage door, with another beautiful girl in the carriage. say. "Hurry, miss!" he shouted, "please close the door." "Oh, I haven't kissed my sister good-bye yet," she replied. "Please close the door," the conductor said, "I'll take care of the rest." Chaude and Cold A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he plained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C." "Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city." A customer at the Hot and Cold Montreal cafeteria turned on the bathroom faucet and was scalded by the water. . "It's disgusting," he complained. "The faucet marked C is boiling water." "But, sir, C stands for Chaude - French for 'hot'. If you live in Montreal you need to know that. "Wait," the customer growled, "the other faucet is also marked with a C." "Of course," the manager said, "after all, Montreal is a bilingual city." /wenku.baidu/view/6b5902aad1f34693daef3eb2 I know a cold water joke, which we read in English, but I can’t remember the full text. A child visited his grandfather’s house. When he was eating, he always found that the dishes were not clean, so he asked his grandfather what he used to wash them. Yes, grandfather said cold water. The child didn't pay attention, but later he still couldn't wash it clean, so he asked again, and his grandfather said that it was washed with cold water. After that, he threw the plate to his dog - the dog's name was cold water. "The Four Killers Without Prefixes". Starring Mark Wahlberg. A long time ago in the 1990s.