Provide some bad jokes. If they are funny, I will give you more + points~

1: Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.

The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions.

Squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!

Then the man grilled the squid...

2: I once suffered from schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.

3: An international student was taking a driver’s license test in the United States. The road sign in front of him told him to turn left. He was not sure and asked the examiner:

“Turn left?”

Answer : "right"

So...died..

4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor. He bled a lot and turned into red bean; he kept bleeding pus. , turned into soybeans again; the wounds became scarred, and finally turned into black beans.

5: Xiao Ming had his hair cut, and when he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying~ he flew up...

6: There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked...

7: Little One day the penguin asked his grandma, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, daddy, am I a penguin?" Yes, you are a penguin, what’s wrong?” “But, why do I feel so cold?”

8: A pair of corns fell in love...

So they decided to get married. …

On the wedding day…

One corn couldn’t find another corn…

This corn asked the popcorn next to him: Have you seen our home? Is there any corn?

Popcorn: My dear, she is wearing a wedding dress...

9: In music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven

Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: "Do you know music?"

Xiao Hua: "Yes"

Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"< /p>

Xiaohua: "Piano."

10: Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead people, and what are the living people called?

A: Call for help!

11: Question: What are you afraid of with cloth and paper?

Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of nothing.

Reason: Don’t be afraid of ten thousand (cloth), just be afraid of something unexpected (paper).

12: One day, my mother-in-law was riding in a car...

Halfway through the ride, my mother-in-law didn’t know the road...

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: This is where?

Driver: This is my butt...

13: An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, but it turned into a tea egg; an egg went for a swim in the Songhua River, and it turned out It turned into a preserved egg; an egg ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu (stewed) egg; an egg was homeless and turned into a pheasant egg; an egg accidentally fell down on the road , fell to the ground and turned into a missile; an egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; an egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; an egg got sick and turned into a villain ; An egg got married and turned into a bastard; an egg ran to swim in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb; an egg ran into flowers and turned into a heroine; an egg rode a horse, Holding a knife, it turns out that he is Dao Ma Dan; one of the eggs is female and looks ugly, so he turns into a dinosaur egg; one of the eggs is male, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, so he turns into a dinosaur egg. A bastard; an egg...

14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? Eagle's quick answer: Yes! Moderator: Give an example! The eagle was in tears: That year, when I was asleep, the cat climbed up the tree...and then there were owls...

15: Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. A said: I want to win the jackpot. Buy all the toilets within a 50-mile radius and eat enough every day! B said: You are too vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day!

16: why the chicken cross the street

Answer to get another side

17: A: What is that person doing?

B: He is shaking.

A: Why is he trembling?

B: He is cold.

A: Oh, it turns out that you won’t be cold if you tremble.

A:...

18: There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend. They were walking on the street. The weather was very hot. Mr. Banana took off his clothes. After that, his My girlfriend fell down...

19: A sausage was locked in the refrigerator

I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other sausage next to me, which gave me some comfort. , said: "Look at you frozen like this, your whole body is covered with ice!" As a result, the root said: "I'm sorry, I am a popsicle."

20: Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball. After playing for a long time, he said: I am so tired. I feel like my whole body has softened...

21: This diver’s movements were very difficult. He made a turn. A three-week body flip followed by a front somersault, a three-and-a-half-week body flip followed by a back somersault for one month.

22: MM got lost looking for college. Met a gentle professor.

MM: Excuse me, how can I get to the university?

Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.

23: The director and the section chief were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't do it... The section chief was dismissed soon after. The director said at the meeting: You can't even take on such big things, so what's the use of you?

24: Miss: It’s hard to do business now!

Boss: Why?

Miss: "Bird flu..."

25: A woman trembled when she encountered a robber: "I am from XX school. I just graduated and haven't found a job. Really?" No money..."

After hearing this, the robber cried bitterly, "Sister, I am also from XX school. Take your student ID card. The one who robbed you in front of you is from XX school. Don't worry, Allah will never Rob your own people!”

27: A blind beggar was begging on the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk man came over and felt sorry for him, so he threw a hundred yuan to him.

After walking for a while, the drunk man turned around and happened to see the blind man facing the sun to distinguish the authenticity of the hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk man came over and took back the money and said: "You fucking don't want to live anymore, how dare you lie to me!"

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said: "Brother, I'm so sorry. I am here to look at it for a friend who is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am mute.

"

"Oh, that's it," so the drunk man threw down the money and staggered away...

28: Bird flu-all "heavenly flu" Trouble caused by "shit"!!!

There are two types of people who are extremely likely to get bird flu - 1. "animals"; 2. people who are "worse than animals"...

< p>31: When we broke up, she gave me a kiss, and the feeling was as real as the People’s Daily...

32: I just saw something similar to a news scroll bar at the top of my senior sister’s computer screen , the above text goes by very fast

I wonder: Is this the lyrics?

Sister: Yes!

Senior sister: How come it’s so fast? Fast? I didn’t even see it clearly!

Sister: Jay Chou!

Wife: I would only marry you if I stepped on shit.

Husband: I was so blind that I stepped on shit to marry you.

Shit: I am so unlucky! I was stepped on by both of you... .

34: College Entrance Examination Chemistry Question: A and B can transform into each other, B can produce C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in the air, D has the smell of rotten eggs, ask A, B, C, What are D?

My answer: A is chicken, B is raw egg, C is cooked egg, and D is of course rotten egg!

35: Rubber, tiger skin, Which one is the worst, lion skin?

Answer: Eraser.

Because the eraser is bad.

36: Question: 3 heads and one foot. What is it?

Answer: 3 heads and one foot! ! ! 37: Why did the ant leave no traces in the sand? What about leaving only one line?

Answer: Because it was riding a bicycle!

The ant came home from the desert, but his family knew that he was back. Yes! Why!

Answer: Saw his bicycle parked downstairs...

38: One day a female drug addict was caught at the police station, and the police saw her She has a tattoo on her hand, so I asked her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on your hand. Is his name Xiaoliang... ah... is it? Tell me, tell me... is he taking drugs... tell me quickly.

I saw the female drug addict raising her head with angry eyes

Said to the police

This is hate...

41: An orangutan passed by the woods and accidentally picked up the feces of a gibbon.

The kind-hearted orangutan cleaned up the ape and told them apart.

Soon after, they fell in love, and others asked if you were How did they get together?

The orangutan replied: "It's ape dung (fate)."

42:: There was a fat man...

Jumping from a tall building...

The result became...

A dead fat man...

43: There was a duck named Xiao Huang. One day he was hit by a car while crossing the road and shouted: "Quah!" "From then on, it turned into a cucumber...

44: There is a penguin. His home is very far away from the polar bear's home. If you rely on walking, you have to walk for 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin came Staying at home was very boring, and he was about to go and play with the polar bears. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he realized that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door still had to be locked, so The penguin walked home again and locked the door. After locking the door, the penguin set out to find the polar bear again. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you." Got it! "After the polar bear opened the door, what do you think he said? "Let's go to your house to play~"

45: The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred? Bun? "Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many" "That's it." . . "The little white rabbit left dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "Boss: "I'm sorry, it's still not available." "That's it. . . "The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have a hundred buns!!" "The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I will buy two!"

46: Xiao Ming said: "Akang, let me ask you "A shark ate a mung bean, and it turned out that it "What did it become?" Akang said: "I don't know, what is the answer?" Xiao Ming said: "Hey! Hey! The answer is "mung bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are very stupid!"

47: The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution? Classmate’s answer: Make the lunch box blue.

48: There was a person who had a bad gastrointestinal condition. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor: "I eat whatever I want, I eat watermelon." Watermelon, eat cucumbers and pull cucumbers!” The doctor thought for a while and said to him: “I think you can only eat shit!”

49: On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: “ Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when flying so high? "The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars will 'flicker'!"

50: There is a polar bear and a penguin together. Play, the penguin pulled out the hair on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the hair on his body one by one and turned around. The head said to the penguin: "It's really cold!"

51: Q: What do African cannibal chiefs eat?

A: People!

Q: One day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be vegetarian. So what did he eat?

A: Eat a vegetable!

52: There were two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

One sausage shook, wow! It’s so cold~!

The other sausage said in surprise, Huh? How can you talk if you are a sausage?

53: One day,

there was a buck running faster and faster,

at the end,

it became High speed buck.

54: One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.

She announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together. .”

All the children ran to pick fruits.

When the gathering time came, all the children gathered.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples."

Teacher : "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are all great! Then Amin What about you?”

A Ming: “I was washing my shoes because I stepped on poop.”

55: The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up and said nothing. throat.

Teacher: Xiao Ming?

Teacher: Xiao Ming

Teacher: Xiao Ming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer? At least give it a squeak!

Xiao Ming: Zhi~

56: An elephant asked the camel: ‘Why does your breast grow on your back? ’

The camel said: ‘Stay away, I won’t talk to a thing with a penis on its face!

57: How to make the drink bigger?

Recite the Great Compassion Mantra

58: Xiao Ming: How many times today?

Xiaohua: It’s minus 3 degrees!

Xiao Ming: No wonder it’s so cold.

60: Once upon a time there was a bird.

He would pass by a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

there was One day there was a fire in the corn field,

All the corn turned into popcorn!!!

After the bird flew over...

I thought it was snowing and it was so cold...

61: There was a polar bear, because the snow was so dazzling that he had to wear sunglasses to see.

But he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling until his hands and feet were dirty before he found the sunglasses. After putting on my sunglasses and looking in the mirror, I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda.

62: The nature teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death?

No one answered.

The teacher asked again: Does no one know?

At this time, a classmate stood up and said: That is because the mind is naturally cool when it is calm.

63: Xiao Ming lost a leg in a car accident,

Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident,

Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident Xiao Ming lost his other leg.

Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog.

64: One day, A, B, and C went out to play together and walked on the road for a long time.

Later A said, it was so boring and I really wanted to play B.

Then C glanced at A and dragged B to the alley to beat him.

66: When will Taiwan want to be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

67: One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid kid?"

Dad said: "Silly Child, how can you be such a stupid boy?"

68: When Xiao Ming came home, the dog next door suddenly ran out and bit him. In anger, he picked up the bamboo and wanted to beat it.

When the dog owner saw Xiao Ming beating his dog, he was unhappy and said: "It depends on the owner when beating a dog, haven't you heard of it?"

At this time Xiao Ming said: OK! I will spank your dog while watching you.

69: Chongchong: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I’m useless.

Chongchong: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I’m so useless!

Chongchong: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless

70: How did the ants die after falling from the Himalayas?

p>

Answer: Starved to death. Because it is too light, it takes a long time to float down...

80: Why is the puppy getting smaller and smaller?

Answer: Because it goes further and further.

81: Once upon a time, there was a horse! It fell into the sea while running.

So, it turned into a "seahorse"!

Another horse friend of this horse went to find the horse that fell into the sea, but ended up falling into the river. Later, he became a "hippopotamus".

The third horse is a white horse. In order to find two missing friends, it came to the city with chaotic traffic.

It was run over by several cars in succession, causing several black stripes to appear on its body.

As a result, it turned into a "zebra"!

In order to find the companions of the first three, the fourth horse came to a factory one day and was transformed into an "iron horse".

But later, those horses still couldn't escape the fate of being eaten, and they were all turned into "sand horses". The ravages reached all the horses, and no one was spared. It became a horseless world...

Then, a group of people couldn't help but say after seeing this joke: "It's so cold."

Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone compiled it into a lesson. We called it "Marseille Lesson"!

82: Xiao Ming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank. Xiao Ming begged him for a few more days of grace.

The banker said: It must be paid back tomorrow, otherwise..., chop it up 2 fingers;

The day after tomorrow..., I’m cutting 4 fingers; the 3rd day...

Xiao Ming: Don’t you have to pay it back

It’s from the bank Person: NO, then you will become Tinker Bell.

83: A man met God one day

God suddenly became kind and planned to give the man a wish

God asked: Do you have any wish?< /p>

The man thought for a while and said: I heard that cats have 9 lives, so please give me 9 lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!< /p>

One day, the man was bored,

I wanted to just die, since I have 9 lives anyway

He just lay on the railroad tracks.

p>

As a result, a train passed by,

The man was still dead.

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 carriages.

84: A guy went to the hospital for examination and did many tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I discovered that you have potential homosexual tendencies! ! And it’s hard to cure!

This guy said: Oh my God! What about the good news?

The doctor said shyly: I found you quite cute

85: A hunter went hunting with a hunting dog, and he wandered in the woods for a whole day without finding any prey.

It was getting dark, but he was unwilling to keep riding in the woods.

The horse suddenly said: 'You don't even let me rest, you want to exhaust me to death! ? '

The hunter was startled when he heard it. He immediately rolled off his horse, took the hunting dog and ran away. When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath, the dog patted his chest and said to him: 'Scared' It kills me, horses can actually talk! '

So the hunter was frightened to death on the spot

86: Who among the wolf, tiger and lion will be eliminated when playing the game? Wolf

Because: Momotaro (eliminated) Wolf)

87: One day A picked up a mirror and looked in the mirror and said: The people here look familiar

B said: Really? Let me take a look (continue) Passing the mirror), me! You don’t recognize me anymore?

88: Tomato A and Tomato B go shopping.

B asked A: Where are we going?

A does not answer.

B asked again: Where are we going?

A still doesn’t answer.

B asked again.

Tomato A turned to Tomato B and said: Aren’t we from tomatoes? Why do we talk?

89: Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat

One day

The white cat fell into the water

The black cat rescued it

The white cat said something to the black cat

``Q: What is this sentence?

.

.

.

.

.

.

. p>

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

"Meow"

90: A: "Do you know what I did in the Internet cafe last night?"

B: "In What are you doing?"

A: "Go online;"

B: "."

91: Two flies went to eat.

The younger one asked the older one: Brother, why do we eat shit every day?

The older one said: Don’t say such disgusting things while eating! !

92: In a Thatched Boat

Lu Su: "Can you really borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming?"

Zhuge Liang: "Believe me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried..."

Zhuge Liang: "No need."

Lu Su: "But, don't you think the ship Is it getting hotter?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a bit awkward to say so...Is there something wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yeah, I'm worried about the enemy's shooting. It's a rocket..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Zijing￣￣Can you swim￣￣￣

Lu Su: -I--no--can--

93: A monkey has to put peanuts into his butt before taking them out to eat.

The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches.

< p>As a result, the peach core couldn't be pulled out, and the monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.

94: The hospital has 100 external channels to prevent patients from escaping, but two mentally ill patients still want to escape from the hospital. Yu Yehei worked hard

to climb over the wall and reached the 30th wall.

“Are you tired? " ,

"Not tired. "So the two continued to turn outwards.

At the 60th wall,

"Are you tired? ”

“Not tired.

"So the two continued to turn outwards,

to the 99th wall,

"Are you tired? ”

“Tired”

“Okay, let’s turn back”

96: Xiaoluo: Dad, why do we have humps?

Camel Dad: Because there is no water in the desert, humps can store water!

Little Luo: Dad, why do we have long hair?

Camel Dad: Because the wind and sand are strong in the desert, we must rely on it to block the wind and sand so we can see!

Little Luo: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?

Camel Dad: Because the desert is full of sand, so we can stand firmly!

Little Luo: Dad, the last question, what are we doing at the zoo? < /p>

97: The hen was hatching eggs, and an egg came out of its butt

Hen: “What are you doing? "

Egg: "Your fart smells so bad..."

98: There is a person named "Du Ziteng"

Ask when the teacher calls the roll

"Where's Du Ziteng? "

The classmate said: "He has a stomachache. ”

99: My girlfriend invited me to watch a movie at her house. After arriving at her house,

She wrote the word ‘movie’ on the wall with a pen.< /p>

The two of us sat on the toilet and watched

100: One morning, a certain officer, who was known for his strictness, asked the soldiers in the morning training: "Are you cold? "

The soldier replied: "It's not cold! "

The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you trembling? "

The soldier replied: "It's freezing! ”