Who has an interesting joke? Ask more, ask more, thank you ~ ~

There is a female classmate. While waiting in line in the canteen, a boy in the back line coughed twice. She took out her mobile phone and said, hey, who added me to qq?

2, check the dormitory hygiene is a very strange thing, it deprived of the meaning of each item:

There can be no garbage in the trash can, nothing on the hook, nothing on the table, and no one lying on the bed!

I have just been assigned to a new school, giving my students music lessons for the first time. I will prepare my mood first and sing new songs and songs I want to learn. The students have applauded. They said loudly: Great! We have never heard such a vivid and persistent duck call.

At the morning meeting, the dean shouted with a megaphone: which classmate in your class locked his bike at the entrance of the canteen with a tricycle that delivered food, untie it quickly! What do you want for lunch? !

In the history class, the teacher asked everyone to memorize the date of birth and death of the characters and make a spot check in the next class.

As a result, some students were very dissatisfied: what is the use of remembering the year of birth and death, and it is useless to recite it.

The teacher's words made the students silent: "If the science is developed in the future, you can travel to ancient times, at least you can rely on this to calculate the fortune of big officials. This is also a skill."

Young Song is going to propose to his girlfriend. In order to create a romantic atmosphere, he tied a diamond ring worth 50 thousand yuan on the balloon, ready to let the balloon fly to his girlfriend with the diamond ring.

Unexpectedly, the balloon flew directly out of the gate and flew farther and farther. Song organized personnel to track the balloon and call the police, but eventually the balloon disappeared. ...

I just ate a very delicious meat steamed stuffed bun.

Although I really want to bite that piece of meat, I still have to resist eating the surrounding skin first.

When I only ate a little skin in my hand, my hand trembled and the meat rolled. ...

3. The laboratory often stinks. One day I was doing an experiment, and suddenly a stench came to my face. I got angry and shouted, "Who used hydrogen sulfide?"

A sister next to her blushed and whispered, "Brother, I just put a P"

4. Driving in rainy days, braking at a red light, and failing to stop the rear-end collision due to slippery road, dial 1 10 quickly.

The police arrived soon, skidded and caught up with the car.

Pol.ice got off the bus and said, "Deal with yours first!" "

5. Going to a restaurant with a buddy, the buddy shamelessly compared the middle finger of his right hand and said to the waitress, "Give me a toothpick."

Who knows that the waitress is not to be outdone, and the left and right hands show the middle finger: "Wait for me for two minutes."

"This bread is like this. Do you still have it? Stop eating and feed the birds! "

"Birds can only be fed to woodpeckers."

There is a strange person who sucks human blood. He can suck a mouthful of blood through his mouth, hands and arms.

Later, it even developed to lie on the table and suck blood.

Results After investigation, I finally found this person's gingivitis. . . . . .

On the way home after the blind date, the woman said that she still didn't want to develop because she thought I was a little unmanly.

"All right, but thank you for walking home with me." I said, closing the door.

4. An explorer got lost in the forest, wandered for two days, and finally met a man. He said happily, "Thank God, I've been lost for two days, and I finally met someone today."

The man said, "Friend, what's there to be happy about? I have been lost for seven days. "

5, male, weighing about 220 kg, married, fat and urinating, with prostate.

I often go to the toilet five or six times every night. After a long time, the unit will send it to a famous enterprise (night).

But my wife asked me to get a haircut, saying that my hair was too long to look good. My son said beside him, "Leave it alone."

I praised my son: "I have my own opinions, and I will do whatever your mother says."

The son added, "It's no better than it is now. It looks like this. Don't waste money. "

2. The son asked inexplicably, "What is a means of transportation?"

I explained: "It is a tool that allows you to get there from here, such as the bus you sometimes take from home to kindergarten."

The son suddenly realized, "there are bicycles, electricity, cars and, well, shoes." . . "

3, the baby is two months old, and the wife has just finished feeding and is lying down to play.

The wife asked the baby: Baby, is mom the most beautiful?

The baby smiled and ... threw up.

4. A child player: Grandpa Bi, do you know why people call you "Lao Bi"?

Lao Bi: I don't know!

Child player: Because your eyes are always closed! Liu Bei's eyes open: the stock trading operation is steady, with a large institutional background, good at selecting individual stocks, and often half positions. Because of the frequent reserve of funds, it is famous for its "reserve" and "selection" of selecting individual stocks to obtain income.

2. Cao Cao: Always be optimistic about the stock market, regardless of the bulls and bears, Man Cang all the year round, nicknamed Aman, which is a nickname that Man Cang has lost all the year round.

3. Zhuge Liang: Zuozhuang's "Qishan Shares" failed, and the goods of "Qishan Liuchu" were unclear, resulting in serious losses.

4. Guan Yu: stock critic, Guan Yu, language observer, watching the market and commenting. Because Scraping Bone to Treat Poison is quite famous, Guan Yu and Hua Tuo have a stock review program "Hanging Shares and Chatting" on TV.

5. Zhang Fei: It means "soaring". Its focus is on investing in heavy stocks, and the income is considerable. The word "one virtue" means that stock trading is easy to make money, and money is "easy to get".

6. Sima Yi: I think about capturing dark horse shares every day. This is called "thinking about horses". It is said that Zhuge Liang has a software called "Watching Cattle and Raising Horses", which is used to catch dark horses in bull market. He was overjoyed and said, "You can use this method, but I can't!"

After buying it, I found that there was no tutorial, so I couldn't use it. It made me laugh.

7. Tao Qian: Pay attention to ST shares and restructuring shares; I am very experienced in applying for new shares in the primary market, and the winning rate is extremely high. I have the reputation of "Tao Qian" and "Taogong Group".

8. Ma Chao and Ma Dai: Both are short-term experts. One is to copy the bottom whenever there is an opportunity, hence the name "horse copy"; One is a master of loan, known as "horse loan".

9. Zhang Liao: This person is a stock market myth, known as "rising". He is a super short-term player, and usually he can go up as soon as he buys it. Moreover, he has been in an invincible position in the stock market for more than 30 years, which shows his great kung fu.