Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - What do you mean by servant?

What do you mean by servant?

Question 1: What does the official say that he almost didn't laugh? This shows from the side what we should carry forward the glorious tradition of the Red Army's Long March.

Everyone couldn't help laughing at the joke.

Question 2: What kind of performance did officials and people of various countries have when the donkey was publicly tried? Why do they react differently? In "The Buried Donkey": He is a kind, honest, caring, poor, hardworking and responsible person; But he also knows how to use tricks.

Bao Donkey, Unit 5, Volume II, Grade Four, Beijing Normal University. It is said that with wisdom, the thief who stole five donkeys from Liu was caught.

Original story:

In the Song Dynasty, there was a poor man named Liu Wu. He has a donkey. He used it to transport dry wood and charcoal and earn money to support his family. This donkey is the only property in Liu Wu, so Liu Wu regards it as a treasure. He not only fed the donkey a shiny coat, but also made a beautiful halter for the donkey himself. Because of his careful care, no matter who sees the donkey, they should praise it: "This is simply a four-legged baby!" " "

One day, Liu Wu came to a small town with a donkey and charcoal. He tied the donkey to a tree outside the town gate and carried it on his back.

Bought a bag of charcoal to sell. He was surprised when he came back from selling charcoal. The donkey is still tied to the tree. The saddle on the donkey's back is the same saddle, and the bridle on the donkey's mouth is also a beautiful bridle made by myself, but the donkey is a thin donkey! What's going on here? Did my donkey become so disgusting in such a short time? Liu Wu panicked and ran around looking for it, but his donkey was still missing. Liu Wu was angry and hated, thought about it, and took the thin donkey to court, but he didn't know who the defendant should be, and finally decided to sue the thin donkey.

Bao Gong came to the court and began to hear the case. When it was Liu Wu's turn, he took the thin donkey to court and said, "Lord Bao, I don't know where this beast came from. How dare you pretend!" The donkey bowed his head and said nothing. Bao Gong understood the situation, frowned and thought for a moment, slapped the gavel and shouted, "Dynasty, Mahan! Point the gun at the donkey! Don't give it food, don't give it drink! Close for three days! I'll review it then! "

The chiefs hardly laughed. Of course, the people standing next to the "judge" and the people standing in the lobby below are afraid to laugh. The officials had to obey. They put the thin and ugly donkey in an empty cage. At the same time, the news spread in all directions and people were very surprised. This is really an unheard-of mystery. On the third day, he was ordered to appear in court again. This time, not only dozens of people attended the hearing, but hundreds of people wanted to watch the excitement.

Bao Tangsheng, he ordered the officials to bring the donkey immediately. The donkey's mouth sagged and his head drooped. It looks pathetic. Bao Gong clapped his hands and shouted, "Hey, police! Hit this impostor's ass forty times, and you have to hit it hard! "

"Yes!" The officials answered in unison, and they picked up the board and hit the donkey.

Ten times, twenty times, thirty times, forty times, the donkey jumped up and shouted. Finally, Bao Gong ordered:

"Let it go now, and go wherever you want."

The thin donkey didn't eat or drink for three days and was hit by forty boards. She's had enough of the fright. So he flew out of the court, ran so fast, and suddenly disappeared.

Bao Gong immediately ordered a servant and Liu Wuyi to follow him and see what happened.

Liu Wu went with the officers, and many people watched with them. They walked fifteen miles and saw the donkey run into a family in a grange, and people followed. Of course, they found the good donkey stolen by Liu Wu there and caught the sly thief.

Question 3: What does the heartless stick mean? Fire and water sticks are used in yamen to prevent Wei from being killed. Its length is about Qi Mei, the bottom of the stick is red, and the other parts are black. It is said that the bottom of the fire and water stick of the government office is covered with a flat iron (but it has not been confirmed), which means that the fire and water stick cannot tolerate affair.

In the old days, yamen officials used wooden sticks with black top and red bottom and slightly flat top and bottom. The eighth chapter of the Water Margin: "Z Dong Chao Xueba {took water and fire sticks, and even made the room take Lin Chong and put it on the road." Chapter 45, Volume 3 of Li Zicheng by Yao: "Officials go to the countryside to arrest people, and they bring fire labels, summonses, waist knives, fire and water sticks, chains and handcuffs, like wolves."

Question 4: What do ancient women mean by riding wooden donkeys? Details. Riding a wooden donkey is a torture used in ancient times to punish women who colluded with adulterers to murder their husbands. According to the Romance of Twenty-four Histories, riding a donkey in the late Ming Dynasty is like this: first, erect a wooden pillar on a piece of wood, hang the woman on the top of the wooden pillar, make the wooden pillar poke into Yin Road, and then let it go, so that the woman's body falls down until the wooden pillar "pierces her nose and mouth, and the Japanese side is dead". This criminal law fully embodies the cruel destruction of human nature by feudal autocratic society.

Question 5: The origin of prisons can be traced back to ancient times. Prison is the threshold or cave for primitive people to domesticate wild animals. After the clan society, it was used to imprison prisoners and drive them away from work. After the country came into being, as a part of the state machine, prisons also came into being.

At first, there was no such name as "prison", but it was called "stepping down" in the Xia Dynasty (now Yuxian County, Henan Province), which was the name of the prison and was generally called "Yi Tu". The prison in Shang Dynasty was called □ (Ewing) Li (now northeast of tangyin county, Henan Province), also called (Yu Yin), which was a word that appeared in Oracle Bone Inscriptions, meaning "prison". During the Zhou Dynasty, it was also called "Luan" or "Prison" (Zero Rain).

Prisoners in Zhou Dynasty prisons should work under supervision. If they can turn over a new leaf, they will be released after three years of felony, two years of moderate crime and one year of misdemeanor. But he can't be treated as a civilian for three years after his release.

By the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, the scale of the prison had expanded a lot, and the name of the prison at this time had also changed, called "Yong". In the Qin dynasty, because of the strict laws and the increase of criminals, there were many more prisons than before, and basically there were prisons in counties. At the same time, in order to meet the needs, the Qin Prison Law has detailed regulations on prison management.

Prisons have been called "prisons" since the Han Dynasty. By the Han Dynasty, there were more and more prisons, besides Tingwei prison, there were also prisons set up by officials of various circles. There are many other names of prisons at this time, such as Inner Palace, Living Room, Security Palace and Invitation Room. Local counties also have their own prisons. At that time, there were more than 2,000 prisons in China. The prison system in the Northern and Southern Dynasties basically inherited the system of the Han Dynasty, but in addition to prisons, the Northern Dynasties also dug up land to build prisons, which were called dungeons.

Speaking of the prisons in ancient yamen, people may immediately think of Hong Tong prison in Su San Qi Jie. This is one of the best preserved ancient prisons today. Hongtong County Prison is located in the right corner of the entrance of the county government, which is mainly convenient for interrogating prisoners at any time. There is a screen wall in the prison gate, and there is only one side of the passage, in order to prevent prisoners from escaping. As soon as I entered the prison gate, there were four right-angle aisles and five doors in succession, followed by an "alley" more than one meter wide. On both sides of the "Hutong" are two rows of low-rise prisons, which are used to hold ordinary miscellaneous criminals; At the southern end of the "Hutong", turn right to the east, and the Inner Prison is there, which is dedicated to holding recidivists who are sentenced to death. The inner prison is quadrangular, with ordinary prisons in the east, west and south, and two windowless cave prisons in the north. This is a women's prison for female prisoners awaiting execution. It is said that the famous prostitute Su San was once held here. From Hongtong County Prison, we can learn about the architecture and setting of ancient prisons.

Prison, called "prison" by the ancients, as its name implies, is a place where prisoners are held. As an important part of yamen, in addition to prisons set up by judicial organs, local yamen at all levels, especially state (including government and county) yamen, also have prisons.

There are many kinds of prisons in Han Dynasty. According to Hanshu? Records of criminal law show that there were more than 2,000 prisons in the Han Dynasty, including more than 20 in the capital Chang 'an alone: Ruolu Prison, Zuoyou Prison, Bedroom Prison and so on. , specially holding senior officials and members of the royal family; There are special prisons for female prisoners; As well as Shanglin prison, Duchuan prison and Neiguan prison where officials and soldiers are held. In addition, there are Jingzhao Prison in Beijing and Chang 'an Prison in Chang 'an County, both of which belong to local prisons in Beijing. When Yin Shang, a famous brutal official in the Han Dynasty, was appointed as the magistrate of Chang 'an County, he built a dungeon called "Tiger Cave" in the prison, dug several feet deep, built walls on all sides, and covered the exit with big slabs. He once ordered village officials and neighbors in Chang 'an County to report local bullies and hooligans, and then arrested all these people, locked them in a den of several hundred people in turn and covered them with big stone slabs. A few days later, when I opened it, everyone inside died together, and hundreds of people died successively.

Since the Eastern Han Dynasty, the types of prison names have basically changed. Local counties have their own prisons, while the capital Luoyang has only two prisons, Tingwei Prison and Luoyang Prison. This prison system was also inherited by later generations. During the Sui and Tang Dynasties, Dali Prison was set up with Dali Temple as the judicial organ. In the Ming and Qing Dynasties, the Ministry of Punishment was the judicial organ, and the prison of the Ministry of Punishment was changed, and there were also clear regulations on the management of prisons. But in fact, prison forms and management confusion are widespread. For example, the laws of the Song Dynasty made strict provisions on the prison management system, but most local officials went their own way. At that time, there was a practice of "leaving the door" and "mailing", which should have been a temporary detention measure. However, government officials often ban all those innocent witnesses and related personnel and take the opportunity to extort money from them. If they don't meet the requirements of these officials, they won't be released, so prisons are often full ... >>

Question 6: Ask for help from a poem. This passage is a aria imitating the Beijing opera Sanjiadian.

The content of this passage is probably: at the gate of the community, I saw a woman in a wedding dress walking around and crying. Then he wants to know why she is like this. Is it because the husband is ugly (escaping marriage), or is he forced to get married or robbed?

The original words of the aria of the three stores are:

Come to the crossroads of the street

Let's pass by and listen to the beginning.

One is not a rogue and the other is not a thief.

Second, it wasn't the bad guys who stole the city.

Yang Lin and I will fight.

So he was sent to Dengzhou.

I can't bear to part with my grandfather's kindness.

I can't bear to be separated from the heads of officers.

It's hard for me to give up my neighbors and my good friends.

I can't lose my mind.

Mothers have children, heart to heart.

No matter where his son goes, his mother's thoughts will follow him.

It is difficult for children to worship when they miss their mother.

The mother wants her son to cry.

After watching the red sunset and the western hills.

Ask for help and vote for the store.

Question 7: What does it mean to send an iron donkey to a woman in ancient times? After the third examination and approval, all female prisoners sentenced to death will be stripped naked and examined, and then officials will tie the woman up and let her separate her legs and aim at the thick wood on the donkey's back. Then, nail the female prisoner's two thighs to the donkey to prevent her from struggling in negative pain. Then four big men carried the female prisoner on the "wooden donkey" and paraded the streets.

Question 8: Did you have to shoot an arrow in ancient times?

Prisoners sentenced to death in ancient times should be executed immediately, except for important criminals (such as criminals designated by the court) or extraordinary times (such as war). Generally, prisoners who are put on file by a department and sentenced to beheading after being reported to the court for approval should be held in prison and executed at a certain time.

The execution time of the death penalty is generally set in autumn from ancient times to Qing Dynasty.

There is a saying in Zuo Zhuan that "there are rewards in winter and summer, and there are penalties in autumn and winter"

The reason is that the vegetation withers in autumn, showing a cold air. At this time, the execution is in line with the cold force of heaven.

Historically, except for the Qin Dynasty, the death penalty could be executed throughout the year, and all other generations executed prisoners after the autumn, which was often called the "autumn decision" in ancient times. The specific month of implementation is slightly different from generation to generation.

During the Western Han Dynasty, it was stipulated that the death penalty could not be executed again from 10 to the early spring of the twelfth lunar month.

In the Ming Dynasty, the death penalty was stipulated to be executed after the autumnal equinox and before beginning of spring. If someone is executed after beginning of spring and before the autumnal equinox, there will be 80 people.

The Tang Dynasty also stipulated that those who were not executed between the autumnal equinox and beginning of spring would be sentenced to one year's imprisonment.

There are also certain restrictions on the specific implementation date.

For example, the Tang Dynasty stipulated that the death penalty should not be executed on the big memorial day, the second anniversary of the Qi Dynasty, the new moon, the full moon, the first quarter moon, the third and twenty-fourth solar terms, holidays and rainy days.

In the Ming Dynasty, there were days when punishment was forbidden, that is, the first day, the eighth day, the fourteenth day, the fifteenth day, the eighteenth day, the twenty-third day, the twenty-fourth, the twenty-eighth, the twenty-ninth day and the thirtieth day of each month, plus twenty-four solar terms, rainy days, sunny days, big festivals and leap months. Besides, there are only a handful of days in a year when the death penalty can be executed.

On the day when it can be executed, the specific execution time is also stipulated.

If the execution must wait until noon during the day, if the execution must wait until dawn at night, this is the practice of past dynasties.

Like other executions, the place of beheading is usually in the city.

Most of them are from the Spring and Autumn Period. Anyone who cuts off the head of a prince or a scholar-bureaucrat is just outside the palace gate.

For example, the Five Dynasties Gate in Bianjing (now Kaifeng) in the Northern Song Dynasty.

Wumen in Beijing during the Ming and Qing Dynasties; Anyone who beheads ordinary death row inmates will do so in the market.

For a city, the execution place is sometimes fixed and sometimes not fixed. In the Qing Dynasty, people were killed in Beijing, usually in food markets. According to legend, in the Qing Dynasty, people in Suzhou were often executed in busy streets at dawn. When the citizens knew that they were going to kill people in this street, they all paid the executioner in advance. If anyone fails to pay or underpays the education fee, the executioner is going to execute in front of his shop, and the family will feel very unlucky.

Since the Spring and Autumn Period, it has been stipulated that beheading must be carried out by supervisors.

The adjudicator may be the official who initially tried the case, or another official appointed by the court or the superior.

Before the specified time, the prison officer took the prisoner out of the prison and took him to the execution ground, and the way of detention was also stipulated.

According to the regulations of Chen Shi in the Southern and Northern Dynasties, the condemned man will be executed. When escorting, you should take an exposed car (the car can't be covered, now it's called a convertible Geng), wear three instruments (that is, neck instrument, hand instrument and foot instrument), and add a pot hand. When they arrive at the execution ground, they will be taken away and executed as soon as possible.

In ancient times, it was also stipulated that the names and major crimes of prisoners should be written on mobile phones, which made people clear at a glance. This rule existed in the Zhou Dynasty, and it is called "Ming Gui" 4, which has been in use ever since. In the Ming and Qing Dynasties, a wooden board with the prisoner's name and crime was always inserted behind the prisoner, commonly known as the "desperate card", which had the same effect as "winning numbers".

After the prisoner was taken to the execution ground, it was stipulated that the prisoner should be given a meal. At this time, the prisoner is not allowed to gag and block his ears, and the prisoner's family should be allowed to say goodbye to him. Prison officials should personally observe the interviews with prisoners' families and judge whether the prisoners are true or false, so as to "identify themselves", otherwise mistakes will easily occur.

Torture in China can be divided into three types: death penalty, punishment and torture.

The death penalty can be divided into 18 kinds: death penalty, dismemberment, beheading, waist cutting, skinning, branding, cooking, gut pumping, laparotomy, shooting, drowning, strangulation, poisoning, burning, nailing the skull, burying alive, cannibalism and others!

Among all these death sentences, the most attractive and technical one is the year of death. First of all, it should be noted that year-end or similar year-end methods have existed in China since ancient times. After the Southern Song Dynasty, Emperor Liu Yu was abolished. Ming Di's eldest son, 472.

Acceded to the throne, reigned for five years, was arrogant and violent, did not kill anyone for a day, and was unhappy. He was killed by Xiao Daocheng and died at the age of fifteen. ) I used to chop people myself. However, as a formal means of death penalty, it is generally believed that it was in the Five Dynasties >