The joke of mental illness series.

1) The doctor in the mental hospital is going to talk to a mental patient who is about to leave the hospital to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: smash all the windows in your hospital with stones.

When the doctor heard about it, he found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue the treatment. After a few months, the doctor felt that the patient seemed to be able to leave the hospital and decided to talk to him again.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: Get a job.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Making money.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Save money.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Marry a wife.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: The bridal chamber.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her clothes.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her pants.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her underwear.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take out the rubber band in your underwear, make a slingshot and find some stones to smash all the windows in your hospital.

2) Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one will take him to the hospital at once."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Great, Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning." "Come on, send him here quickly!" A gentleman was silent for a moment: "So … I don't have a toilet?"

3) In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see it was an empty fish tank? "

4) There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live.

One day, the dean was there. In order to see the recovery of the patients, he thought of a way and said to these patients:

You all come and say, draw a door on the wall and say, "Today, whoever opens this door can go home."

As soon as psychopaths heard this, they flocked around the painted door. The dean was very disappointed. At this time, he found a patient still sitting in the original position, feeling ok. He stepped forward and asked, "Why don't you open the door?"

He looked at what the dean said and made the dean laugh and cry.

The patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here."

5) Mental patients in hospitals often have a good impression on doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor. ...

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid the deterioration of his condition)

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you. ...

In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. )

Female patient: Dr. Lan, you mean you don't love me anymore?

Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm … hmm … hmm …

Female patient: Nothing … I love Dr. Chen …

6) the end of curiosity

The new nurse in the mental hospital, this woman is new. She saw a patient in the hospital walking around an ancient well and said, "13, 13,13 ...". The little nurse was very strange. Even after several days of continuous observation, she couldn't figure out what "13" meant. She always wanted to go forward and ask the truth, but she was afraid of the patient's attack and never dared. One day, the little nurse finally lost her curiosity, walked slowly to the patient and looked into the well with her probe. Suddenly, the patient hugged the nurse's leg, lifted her up, threw her into the well, and then ran to the well, saying, "14, 14 ..."

You should treat your eyes first.

A patient went to see a doctor and said, "I have a stomachache." Can you give me some medicine? "

"What did you eat today?" The doctor asked.

"carrion pie." The man said.

The doctor said to give him eye drops. The patient asked strangely, "I have a stomachache." How can I drop eye drops? "

"You should cure your eyes first. If you can see clearly, will you still eat carrion pie? " The doctor explained.

8) Plug puller

Interviewing the director of a mental hospital, how to make sure that the patient has been cured and can be discharged.

The dean said, it's very simple. Fill the bathtub with water, put a spoon next to it, and ask to empty the bathtub.

The reporter said: Oh! I see. Normal people can use spoons.

The dean said: No, normal people will unplug the bathtub.