Funny and witty responses

Funny and humorous and witty responses

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty had a minister named Dongfang Shuo, who was smart, fluent in speech, and loved to tell jokes.

As soon as Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty came to the throne, he issued an edict, asking all counties and counties to recommend people with good conduct and knowledge. At that time, thousands of people applied. Most of these people wrote letters to the emperor to discuss national affairs and show off their talents. Many of them suggested that the emperor would look down on them, and the people who made suggestions were not admitted.

Dongfang Shuo’s letter was half-joking and half-serious. He talked about how he was knowledgeable and intelligent, tall, with good features, brave and flexible, upright and trustworthy. Finally, he said: "People like me , He really should be the emperor's minister." Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty saw that this petition was unusual and interesting, so he asked him to wait for the imperial edict. Although Dongfang Shuo was left in Chang'an, his salary was very small and he could not see the emperor.

After some time, Dongfang Shuo came up with an idea to make the emperor pay attention to him. At that time, there were a group of dwarfs in the palace who were raising horses for the emperor. Dongfang Shuo lied to them and said: "The emperor said that you people can't farm, govern the country, and fight. You are of no use to the country. I'm going to kill you all." The dwarfs were so frightened that they cried. When asked what to do, Dongfang Shuo taught them: "If the emperor comes, you can kowtow and beg for mercy and everything will be fine." Soon, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty passed by the stables, and the dwarfs all cried and knelt down in front of Emperor Wu's car and kowtowed repeatedly. Emperor Wu felt strange and asked: "What are you doing?" The cowards replied: "Dongfang Shuo said you want to kill us all, please forgive me."

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty knew that it was Dongfang Shuo who did it. He called him over and asked, "Why do you want to scare the dwarf?" Dongfang Shuo said, "The dwarf is only more than 3 feet tall and has a bag of grain and 240 yuan every month. I, Dongfang Shuo, am over 9 feet long and only have a bag of grain and 240 yuan." Money. The dwarfs will die of hunger, but I will starve to death. If the emperor thinks that I am not good enough, just let me go home and don’t leave me here to eat for free."

Emperor Wu laughed and asked. He is waiting for the imperial edict to be sent to Jinmamen. The status of the golden horse gate of the imperial edict was higher than that of the public car of the imperial edict, so he gradually became able to get closer to the emperor.

On one occasion during a festival, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty ordered that meat be rewarded to the officials and entourage around him, but the official who carried out the order and was in charge of dividing the meat did not come. Dongfang Shuo said to his colleagues: "It's a festival today, so I should go back early. Please forgive me for taking the lead." Then he pulled out his sword, cut a piece of meat and left.

Da Guancheng found out and reported it to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. The next day, Dongfang Shuo came into the palace, and Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty scolded him: "Yesterday, why did you cut off a piece of meat without waiting for the official to come and divide the meat?"

Dongfang Shuo quickly took off his hat and knelt on the ground. Please forgive me.

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty said: "Get up and blame yourself."

Dongfang Shuo got up and said pretentiously like an endorsement: "Dongfang Shuo, come here! Dongfang Shuo, come here. ! How rude you are when you accept a reward without waiting for an order! You draw your sword and cut the flesh, how heroic you are! You only cut a small piece, how honest you are! How caring you are when you return it to your wife! ”

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty couldn't help laughing and said, "I asked you to blame yourself, but you praised yourself instead!" Not only did he not be punished. Instead, he was rewarded with a load of wine and 100 catties of meat to take back to his wife.

For the accusations from superiors, it is not to use strong words to make excuses, but to respond tactfully and rationally. This is actually tolerance. Don't show off your courage for a moment, be patient, and protect yourself first in order to develop.

Humorous and witty