Children's classic humorous stories

The story of 1+ 1 One day, the teacher asked Xiaoming, "What is 1+ 1?" Xiao Ming said, "I don't know!" " The teacher said, "Go home and ask your parents." Xiao Ming went home and asked his father who was looking at the stock. Xiao Ming said, "What is Dad 1+ 1?" "It's gone up." Xiao Ming asked his mother again. She was reading a book and said, "Clinton." Xiaoming went to ask grandpa again. Grandpa sang and said, "Forward! Forward! " Xiaoming went to ask his brother again. His brother was eating sorbet and said, "How cool!" "Xiao Ming asked his sister again. She was dating and said, "honey, let's go together!" "The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming," How much did you get from 1+ 1? " Xiao Ming said, "It's gone up!" The teacher said angrily, "Who told you!" Xiao Ming said, "Clinton!" The teacher said to Xiaoming, "Stand in the back!" Xiao Ming said, "Go ahead! Forward! " After class, the teacher asked Xiaoming, "How does it taste?" Xiao Ming said, "That's cool!" The teacher said, "Go to my office!" Xiao Ming said, "honey, let's go together!" " "1. Why is the mouse in the cartoon Tom and Jerry worse than the cat? A: This mouse must have eaten spinach. (Popeye's blood splashes three feet ...) Because this cartoon was written by a mouse. (The cat's blood splashes three feet ...) 2. Why do you say "the tiger is untouchable"? Answer: If you touch a tiger, it will throw people's hands to the ground, and when its tail is thrown, it hurts. The tiger's size is too big. Touching a tiger is uncivilized. There is a healthy atmosphere in the world ... 3. How to keep mosquitoes from biting us? A: please ask a nanny at the door. (Nanny's blood splashes three feet ...) Put some oil on your body, step on it and the mosquitoes will slip away. Put some glue on your body and mosquitoes will stick to it. If you play a lullaby, the mosquito will go to sleep and stop biting. 4. Why do crabs spit bubbles? Crabs are sweating from the heat. It's hungry and drooling. One day, a three-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl were playing together. The boy kissed the little girl, and the little girl said, "You are responsible for me." The boy said, "Don't be ridiculous, we are not children of one or two years old. Whether you play or not, I'm going home to eat milk. ""Mom, there is a poor old lady in the park. I want to help her. " "Xiao Xin is really caring!" "Then I will give it to her 10 yuan." Xiao Xin gave money to her mother 10 yuan. After a while, her mother came back from the old woman and gave Xiao Xin a sausage. "How to buy sausages? ""That old woman sells sausages! "Liu Dahua left his hometown in Sichuan and stayed thousands of miles away. With the help of fellow villagers, he found a job as a waiter in a small restaurant. His salary is not much, but because he is provided with food and shelter, he is not only enough, but also saves some money. Dahua's work is very complicated. He has everything from washing dishes, picking vegetables and serving food. At lunchtime, he was going out to deliver meals, and several units around him ordered lunch boxes in their stores, including a police station. Speaking of the police, Dahua always felt a little scared at first, because no matter his family or friends, he had told him about the scene in the police station: some policemen opened their mouths and scolded, raised their hands and beat people, and detained their families in public order at every turn, but Dahua sent a box lunch for a few days and found that this was not the case. Those policemen are very kind, and they just deal with some neighborhood disputes and fights every day. Dahua delivered food, and the police were very polite to him, even the director was no exception. Over time, Dahua is no longer afraid, but he still has some awe of a police officer Wu, because this police officer Wu is responsible for operating the computer. Dahua doesn't know computers, only TV. TV advertisements often say that if you go to a school to study computer, you can challenge the four-digit salary in the workplace. So in Dahua's eyes, people who engage in computers are great. Summer is here, the boss's son, who is studying in college, is back from other places. It is said that Dahua is a Sichuanese, because she has a crush on a Chengdu girl in her class and often runs around pestering him to study Sichuan life. Dahua picked out some interesting dialect slang and taught it to him. The young man learned with relish, and kept shouting that Chengdu was now speculating to coax the girl. As a thank you, the boss's son took Dahua to the Internet cafe after work and taught him to play computer. At first, Dahua stared at the computer and didn't even know where his hand was. After several visits, Dahua learned to chat. As long as nothing happens, he will go to the internet cafe alone to kill time. After learning to surf the internet, Dahua was no longer timid when he saw police officer Wu. When delivering meals to him, Dahua will also glance at the computer intentionally or unintentionally. There seems to be a police-related window on the computer screen. Every time officer Wu sees Dahua come in, he always pretends to operate it a few times. However, there is a penguin icon in the lower right corner of the screen. Dahua couldn't help laughing. It turns out that police officer Wu is also chatting online! One rainy noon, Dahua went to the police station to deliver meals as usual. Finally, he sent the lunch box to Wu's office. The rain outside suddenly became heavy. Officer Wu looked out of the door and said to Dahua, "It's raining too hard. Please stay here for a while. "Then I began to eat by myself. Dahua stared at the computer and wanted to sit down and talk. Officer Wu ate and asked, "Dahua, do you know anything about computers?" "I will surf the Internet. "Dahua smiled shyly." Can you go here? ""isn't this open? As far as you are concerned, this is a net specially designed by our public security bureau to catch fugitives. " "Can you catch fugitives online?" Dahua stare big eyes, a face of doubt, "how to catch? Officer Wu explained: "This is very simple. If you are a fugitive, just enter your name on it to find out your situation! " Dahua left the pie mouth, a little unbelievable. He took the opportunity to sit down and knocked down the words "Liu Dahua" on it ... Officer Wu strolled over with a lunch box and went over and said, "Let me see if there is any fugitive with the same name as you ... really? Liu Dahua, a native of Leshan, Sichuan, is a fugitive from a bicycle theft gang. Look at this photo, he looks like you ... director, director! "This day is the worst day in Liu Dahua ... we are not three years old! A five-year-old boy kissed a four-year-old girl, and the girl said to the boy, you will be responsible for me if you kiss me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not three years old! Old woman selling sausages "Mom, there is a poor old woman in the park, and I want to help her." "Xiao Xin is really caring!" "Then I will give it to her 10 yuan." Xiao Xin gave money to her mother 10 yuan. After a while, her mother came back from the old woman and gave Xiao Xin a sausage. "How to buy sausages? ""That old woman sells sausages! "