Begging for jokes in a bad mood.

Give me a reward. Thank you. 1. The baby-sitter has a very loud voice. The host told me that all the people who came here tonight are people of status, so be sure to keep your voice down. After dinner, the host and guests played cards. After cleaning up, the little babysitter wanted to go to bed early, so she whispered to the host's ear, "Then I'll sleep first."

2. it's against the law to have a girl without hitting on her. Get laid when you see a girl, and do justice for heaven. The chest is high, the more you touch it, the more coquettish it is. Small waist and thin, with stunts. Small and endless. Your ass is up, and you have to finish it.

3. The young couple have sex for one night. After that, my husband went to the bathroom to clean and wipe carefully, and my wife asked why it took so long. Husband said: the sniper rifle needs to be maintained after being used up, and my brother's name is Shunliu ...

4. The man chased the bus until he got home and didn't catch it. When he came back, he told his wife that he missed the bus, but he also exercised and earned 1 yuan money. At that time, his wife was angry and said that you were stupid to chase a taxi and earn at least a starting price.

5. The unit organized a physical examination, and the nurse said that the leader's heart rate had been abnormal, so she asked the chief doctor to recheck it.

6. Have dinner with an upper middle class family. My husband is interested in stock trading at home, saying that he has "fried well" in the past two or three months. The son-in-law works in the financial sector and modestly calls himself "making some bubble money". The mother-in-law firmly says, "The more bubbles, the better!"

7. I always had a crush on her when I was studying, but I didn't have the courage to confess, let alone touch her. After graduation, she was married, and my husband and I were classmates. That afternoon, she was nursing her baby, and I made a good excuse. I walked up to her, put my hands on her Mimi, and then told her doll, call uncle, don't shout, don't eat!

8. What is a spoiler? A friend surnamed Luo made it even better. He changed his MSN name to "Dumbledore is dead" and then kept going online and offline. So everyone-including the unfortunate people who don't want to be spoiled at all-sadly looked at the MSN prompt window on the screen and repeatedly prompted that "your friend Dumbledore is dead" has been online ... "< P > 9. Today, I was driving on a toll road. The car broke down near a toll booth. I had to wait in the smoking car, crying and watching other cars whizzing by. Until a patrolman came and helped me push the car over the toll booth. The woman in the toll booth told me that she sympathized with me, but she still charged me 3 yuan.

1. Mrs. Mary went to court for running a red light. The judge stared at her and asked, Mrs. Mary? Yes You used to be a teacher in West Side Primary School? Yes, how do you know? The judge smiled. I was your student. Mrs. Mary smiled and relaxed. The judge went on to say, I waited for this day for more than 2 years, and now I punish you for copying it 1 times. "I made a mistake running a red light, and I won't make it again."

1. A person often gets into trouble because of drinking.

A friend advised him, "You shouldn't drink too much wine. Look at the cloth at the mouth of the jar, it often rots first. You drink less in the future! "

The man replied, "But meat in distiller's grains is the least perishable!"

2. A friend bought many gifts for people in a circle in Beijing. One of them was a funny notebook, bound with the words "Sunflower Collection".

Today, we had dinner together, divided the presents and left our notebooks in the hotel when we left.

The hotel waiter chased you out and called you to wait. The last friend went back to meet him. The waiter shouted, Sir, you forgot your sunflower collection.

3. Xiao Su went to the station to see someone off and spat, which happened to be caught by an old lady wearing a red armband: "Spit everywhere, fine 1 yuan!"

Xiao Su quickly asked, "It was only 2 yuan a few days ago!"

The old lady tore off the ticket and said, "Now the ticket has become a lottery ticket. Look at the number printed on this ticket. Every Tuesday, the prize is won in 1 yuan! You must put away the list! Remember to redeem the prize. "

4. A woman took a bus with her child in her arms. The child was crying badly. No matter how to coax her, a person sitting next to her said angrily, "Alas, this child can really cry. Why don't you just give him whatever he wants?"

The child's mother replied, "But he wants your funny hat."