Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The short story "Gu Yan" is my career, and I am willing to marry you all my life. "
The short story "Gu Yan" is my career, and I am willing to marry you all my life. "
As we all know, Shen Ding and bare have been at odds, and it must be blood shed when they met.
There are two reasons for disharmony. One is bare, in a high position, and the most taboo is Shen Ding, a conceited person. The other is that Shen Ding hates his wife, so he shouldn't be ashamed.
Since Shiran ascended the throne, the harem has been like a ghost. When other emperors were Shi Ran's age, all the children under his knees could go to imperial academy to read and write. He is in a bad mood.
However, the courtiers were very anxious, and the ministers' suggestions were rejected by Xiao Ran, on the grounds that the first emperor had a new mourning and there was no happiness in the palace for three years.
National mourning is a big event, and it is really inappropriate to be happy, so this matter has been shelved.
But it took three years for the emperor to make a decision, but on the eve of entering the palace, he was robbed by Shen Ding, a son of a bitch.
General Shen couldn't grab anyone, but he grabbed the one sitting on the top of the dragon chair.
The emperor is very affectionate, but she can't stand, but how can a dirty person sit in the position of the mother of this country and trip over the courtiers?
If you take away your wife's hatred and don't report it to your husband, you will be naked and take office at once. As soon as the imperial edict came out, the courtiers were afraid of the hundreds of thousands of troops commanded by Shen Ding. This team did not eat imperial grain and was not controlled by the imperial court, so courtiers rose up and attacked it, saying, "I hope the emperor will think twice."
Bare, the emperor was really wronged, but this matter can not be directly forgotten, so he was rewarded with a board and fined for half a year.
The people who admire this line are not ordinary people, but Xiang Ming, who has served bleak since childhood. Xiangming grew up with infinite strength and broken iron.
Everyone thought that with their relationship, the board would be a broken bone and could not afford to lie down for a long time.
Fangfei has gone, dusk is approaching, red clouds are coming in the evening, and the east wind is proud. The cooing partridge stopped on the green tree and stared at the moving shadow on the Zhu wall as if to make a hole.
Shen Dingzheng, who should have broken bones and tendons, sneaked over the palace wall by moonlight, with a vigorous posture and no injury.
Xiang Ming, who kept vigil at the door of the bedroom, glanced at Shen Ding who secretly climbed the wall but entered the bedroom aboveboard. He spat in his heart and said, "Man put on airs."
Shen Ding can naturally see what Xiang Ming is thinking, just as he said bitterly at the beginning: "Chinese cabbage was arched by pigs." Shen has been holding grudges until now.
Shen Ding walked behind bare, corners of the mouth a pick, A Cheng narrowed up and down, his lips touching his ring, his chin between his neck.
Xiao Ran, who was reading a newspaper, was hurt by his stubble, and the heat between his ears soared into the sky. Naked, suddenly feel hot and dry, jade fat neck don't know is hot, or a little red.
Reluctantly stop the sign, put his face in his hands and push him back, twisting his neck to let him squeeze in again: "Shen San, you are stuck."
After being pushed away, Shen Ding quit. He hurried to the dragon couch, kicked his high boots, and fell back: "Today, I got your reward board. My ass hurts, my arm hurts, and my heart hurts more." As he spoke, he turned around and buried his head in the jade pillow. The voice in the pillow was obviously wronged.
Looking at Shen Dingzhi gas, bare, can't help but want to laugh.
"Xiang Ming." Reluctantly shouted at the door and said to Shen Ding, "Let's avenge you."
"Master." At the moment when he was called in, Xiangming's heart trembled, and his right eye couldn't control himself, as if he had expected something, and then sure enough. The next moment, he heard Xiao Ran say, "You hurt Third Master, so you will be fined one year's salary to supply Third Master." Is it okay? "
That sentence was like a bolt from the blue. It is too late for people to hide under the hood. No matter how good the quality is, Rao should swear silently: fuck it!
He has worked hard on that board, and he can really guarantee that it will never go bad. The most serious thing must be the color of carrots. Now even he says that the master has let him fool around, but he really has no position and will die like this.
Can he say no? Can you refuse? !
Xiangming, holding a stick he picked up from nowhere, silently squatted at the door of the bedroom, raised his hand and wiped his eyes, drawing a circle sadly. At this moment, he just wants to scream at the sky, which is unfair! God is unfair!
two
Shen Ding turned around on the sofa and looked at Xiao Ran who was already sitting on the sofa. He took the royal quilt apart, held it on his chest and snorted: "You will definitely supply him again, but you can't bear to punish him." As soon as I turned and rode on it, I put it on the tip of my nose and sniffed it carefully: "The quilt smells good. Why didn't I smell it before? "
Reluctantly, I can't help but sigh: "Did you have time to smell on this dragon couch before?"
Shen Dinggang sat up straight and put the quilt down casually: "I've come to see you on business. Wang, an old fox, came to my house during the day to fan the flames and asked me to help him turn against you. "
This old fox privately asked me to punish you severely. Today, it was his head that made me think twice during the day, but he did all the good things by himself. "Bare, with a snort of cold, really want to play with them in the palm of your hand, and then turned to look at Shen Ding:" He promised you something good, he dare to find your head. "
Bare, white cheeks are a little red, and there are one or two inconspicuous sweat on the tip of the nose. Shen Ding looked at bare like this, trying to crush people to death in her arms.
It's June day, and it's not the season of hot summer and ice. Now I can only comfort myself: calm, naturally cool.
"The old fox told me not to stand still and not to be blindly satisfied with the status quo. He wants to give me the general of the world and be the general of the world. " I don't know where Shen Ding got a folding fan and gave it to the bleak fan. With the blessing of the breeze, it is much cooler in an instant.
Wang smiled and said, "I just want to keep your soldiers for myself and return them to the generals in the world." If this title is awarded, your soldiers will eat the imperial salary. At that time, it will not be your soldier, but become his king's soldier. "Wang Xiang is really resourceful, and the good chess player can't help but be amazed. "
"Since he tried his best to tie himself up, let's push the boat with the current and don't stop." Shen Ding stayed, leaned forward to help bare take off his high boots and put them neatly aside, in sharp contrast to what he casually kicked down.
After Shen Ding helped to take off his boots, he reached up uneasily and grabbed his restless hand: "I'll take off my clothes myself."
Xiangming outside looked at the light spot in the crack of the door disappearing, sighed and left consciously.
In Yin Shi, after a charming night, the two of them still didn't wake up. They rang the door of the dormitory hall, only to hear Xiao Ran's sleepy voice with a little hoarse: "Come in."
Xiangming pushed the door and went in, and Shen Ding, who slept badly under the imperial quilt, became angry.
Posture, hypocrisy, sweet mouth.
"It's time for your lordship to go to court." Although I think so in my heart, the surface is still the goodness and self-smile of the Lord. After all, the two of them are helpless.
The pillow is empty and the person next to it has been lifted. Shen Ding turned over without opening his eyes: "I hit your board yesterday, and I can't get out of bed today. Go and see for yourself what moths are left of the king. " Say and never make any noise, only a symmetrical breathing between the nose.
The master and servant walked out of the bedroom in tandem, and when their footsteps stopped, Xiangming bowed his head and ran in: "Why did you stop?"
"We grew up together. Look at what you're thinking and I'll know. I can't have a second thought this morning. "
"It is the subordinate who overstepped his authority." [hung his head, but he just couldn't understand why he had never been exposed to snow and was rejected by Shen Ding.
Above the high hall, naked, sitting alone, everyone bowed their heads, and Xiangming stood by his side, naked without castration, doing everything by himself.
"I have a book to start." Bare eyes, and sure enough, today is about to debut.
"Go ahead."
"Shen Ding men have hundreds of thousands of troops. In the long run, he will certainly raise a tiger next time. I suggest choosing a few more military commanders to contain Shen Ding. " The man spoke these words generously and fairly, and Bell almost believed them.
Adam Wang never let people down: "I am on loan."
Bare haven't said anything, the king spoke again. Nothing to say, bare, can only stand in the high hall and look at them.
"I thought that General Shen paid for his country and did not ask for anything in return. His soldiers have always been divided into books. If the emperor rashly adds military commanders, he will hurt General Shen's heart and fear that he will cause chaos. " The king was playing loudly with a water board in his hand.
Bare, watching a good play in the audience, I don't know who wrote it, and Wang and others. It's a pity that they don't go to Xinghua Building to perform picture books.
If Wang is impolite, who would have thought that Shen would rebel? This is not only to provoke the relationship between them, but also to paste enough paper in this court. After all, the relationship between the two people has been on thin ice, and now it is still so confusing. When Shen Dingzhu and Wang are really rebellious, how many people can be with them? That's a good abacus.
Since Wang wanted to tie his own cocoon, he pushed the boat with the current and helped him smooth it out: "If he dares to rob my concubine, how dare he!" Say that finish, he patted the dragon chair with his hand.
When the son of heaven was angry, the ministers were frightened and knelt down and said, "Your Majesty, calm down-"
"Every day will only make me think twice and calm me down. I am the king of a country and can make a general ride on my neck and get sick. Ladies and gentlemen, I am tired. " It took only one sentence from generosity and anger to sigh. I covered my forehead with my hand to hide my cowardice.
The king got out of the hospital, heart way, really so timid, a few words will burst its banks.
In the high hall, Xiao Ran buried his face in his hands and said, Heart, I should be alert to my painting book, and I can hardly learn from myself.
"The emperor is the king of a country, and everything needs to be based on the people's country. You must not be impulsive. " Wang's remonstrance is actually a gesture of putting the overall situation first.
"I am tired. Let's retreat. " Bare, ignoring Wang's suggestion, sighed wearily, stood up and reached for Fu Ming.
Bare and Xiangming retreated to the meeting hall to wait for the king.
Neiming stood next to Xiao Ran in the discussion hall. Xiao Ran sat down and asked Xiangming, "How was the performance?"
"The master's performance is really accurate, incisive, realistic and unique ..." Xinyu was interrupted by Xiao Ran: "Don't give me the name of the dish, the old fox will come in later."
The door was pushed open, and it was not Wang but Shen Ding who came in.
Bare, looking up at Shen Ding, those eye-catching eyes really want to hook Shen Ding's soul away.
Bare, questioning: "Why are you here?"
Shen Ding strode to Xiao Ran's side and sat down: "That old fox must be stirring everyone up against you now, and he won't come over now. I miss you, come and see you. "
"I have begun to look forward to the day when the wind blows away the haze and the light stands in front of the king. How should I appear in front of him? " Shen Ding toyed with his bare, green and lustrous right hand. If this hand is at night, ...
He suddenly thought of his own game, which was absolutely unexpected. He waved and put his bare ears in front of him and said two words.
"This is ... this is too destructive. What can I do if I am angry with him? " It's really Shen Ding's way is so unique that he is overwhelmed.
"Being angry with him is not the purpose." Then the wind changed: "I am angry with him."
I didn't hear a whisper, but listened to the conversation behind them in a daze and felt like a wooden fool now, unable to understand anything.
Fortunately, he hasn't been fooled for long. Wang can't wait.
three
On that day, Wang went to Shen Dingfu's house to borrow soldiers from him, but he only had a waist tag he found in his study when he left the palace, and he could only order 3,000 people. He lent the 3,000 yuan to Wang and said, "I will definitely show up at the critical moment."
When Wang got this brand and this sentence, he had confidence in an instant. He began to scold Shen Ding naked: "Bah, why can he stay on this throne safely?" This is not the world that you and I protect for him. He wants to scold you in court today. You have been his anchor for so many years. What about the woman who robbed him? "
Shen Ding just smiled and said nothing.
Three years of virtue, the turn of autumn and winter, eventful autumn, and sudden storms, the ministers of the DPRK are divided into two extremes. One end wants to oppose this peaceful and prosperous time, and the other end strongly opposes it.
The negotiations between the two sides were fruitless. With a waist tag in his hand, the king surrounded the golden hall with huge soup, and all the ones on the left were taken down.
"Wang, the emperor treats you well."
"Don't forget who gave you your place today."
"……"
The voice of opposition is endless, but I feel that I have become the king of yellow robes but I don't listen to any advice.
"All the soldiers obeyed orders and went to Xiao Ran's bedroom with me. When I wear a yellow robe, you are all my ministers. " Wang Fuyuan raised the waist tag above his head. He stood in the hall and shouted to three thousand people.
In the bedroom, Xiangming looked at two people still playing on the sofa and couldn't help raising his forehead. Enemy at the Gates, and this idea. That's really a big heart. Although this is a suspense ending, they should at least keep respect.
Footsteps from far to near, Xiang Ming had to disturb the two of them who were frolicking: "Master, they are coming, are you two going to ..."
The two of them reluctantly separated, bare and tidy up their own appearance, while Shen Ding still maintained the posture of Meng Lang.
Xiang Ming lowered the curtain and isolated Shen Ding from the inside. I can't help but feel that the way of playing is terrible. It was really the idea of people like Shen Ding.
Everyone, led by Wang, came in droves. Why it came so easily is also thanks to Xiangming, who sent everyone away. At that time, the sleeping halls were side by side, making people unable to move.
I thought for a long time between acting and not acting, and finally decided to leave the last bit of my meager sensibilities. After all, if I am really angry, I will be annoyed.
Wang is 67 years old this year, and his steps are already faltering. But looking at his radiant face is really refreshing.
Bare, from beginning to end, did not turn to look at them, but looked at the case in hand intently, as if they were just a group of buffoons.
"Bare, your body is a vegetarian, Germany is not worthy. It is better to give way as soon as possible. " Wang was helped to the bare side, and was blocked by Xiangming, so he had to stop.
"oh? Xiang Wang is sitting here in this high hall for me now? " Bare, put down his box and turned to look at him with a smile.
What Wang saw in his eyes was his confidence, and he couldn't help shivering. Some of them are in a state of chaos, but bare is a crossbowmen that has no capital to compete with itself. The little panic that just happened disappeared without a trace: "You should have abdicated long ago."
Bare, with a snort of light, everyone in the room looked at him domineering.
Who knows that he really just chuckled, then pushed the jade seal on the table to the king and said, "Since you want it, I will give it to you."
The king looked at the green decree, and his eyes were full of greed. His eyes sparkled and he reached for the seal.
"Xi nian, why is it so noisy?" The sudden arrival of this sentence on the couch interrupted Wang's outstretched hand.
Cherish the years is a bare word.
Naked smile is even worse: "someone wants the dog's tail to continue marten, and I will watch it with your soldiers."
Shen Ding's soldiers are different from other soldiers. There is a Shen word on his soldier's armor and a small stink on his waist. The moral is not only to be able to fight, but also to read and write, so that both civil and military can rule the world.
"Are you? Let me see. " The curtain was pulled open by the people inside, revealing Shen Dinglai who was disheveled and extremely troubled. He was lying on his side with a jade pillow, his clothes loosely draped over his shoulders, showing his strong chest, and his eyes seemed to have just woken up.
Wang did not expect that what he said should appear like this!
I cann't believe he was played.
My throat is full of sweetness, and I am short of breath. An old blood gushes out and the green jade seal is defiled.
"King phase what's going on? How can I take my place if my health is broken? " Barely approached and patted him on the back soothingly.
"You, you-"haven't say that finish, full of blood.
"Prime Minister Wang, what's the matter with you?" Shen Ding adjusted her clothes at will and walked barefoot to several people.
Everyone looked at Wang, and he quickly took out his waist tag from his sleeve, trying to make the three thousand soldiers clear a way.
Shen Ding helped him personally instead of the person who helped him, and then said, "Is Prime Minister Wang crazy? You are a waist tag, and the tiger symbol can give orders. " Say first couldn't help laughing twice, and then bare didn't hold back the corners of the mouth and smoked.
Shen Ding took out a crouching tiger-shaped military emblem from his bare waist, and Shen Bing, who was still in imminent danger, instantly changed his posture.
"Boss, this performance is too tired. Please have a drink later. " He pushed the sword back into its sheath and continued, "You let your brothers go to war. Brother said nothing. You can't call Battalion 2 next time. The brothers didn't play well, and I was alone. "
"Leopard, what are you talking about?"
"Obviously, I played the best."
Shen Dingju hand interrupted: "You must eat wine. The main task now is to serve the king well. "
"Today, I failed, and I was teased by you and other yellow children. Because the old lady is not as good as others. If you want to kill people, you can do whatever you want. " Wang shook off Shen Ding's hand and walked to the table himself.
"Ha ha ha, Wang Xiang, you are not a winner, you are a loser, don't be silly if you can't use words." Shen Ding thinks it is ridiculous to apply the word "success or failure" to Wang.
Success is a close failure, but Wang shows no signs of success from beginning to end.
"If you can't use words, don't chew words. Don't let our military commanders see jokes. "
Another mouthful of blood gushed from the king's chest: "You, you-"Before he finished, he fell flat.
The joke is over, but bare, there is one thing that has not been settled with Shen Ding.
Bare, turned around and grabbed Shen Ding's ear. The people in the room are very smart, they didn't listen to indecent assault, and they crowded out without saying a long paragraph.
Seeing that everyone had left the bedroom, he said, "Who told you to steal the bride price?"
Shen Ding struggled to cover her ears and screamed, "Because my husband made a mistake and didn't report it in time, I hope my wife will be generous."
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