Find jokes, the more the better! !

Stones and rice cakes fight, stones fly and kick rice cakes into the sea.

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who decided to join the army for life, so they made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting. ————————————— rice cakes! ! ! 1. There is a little wolf. Oh, he was born a vegetarian instead of meat. His parents are very worried. As a result, my parents were very pleased to see the little wolf chasing the rabbit one day. Then the little wolf grabbed the rabbit and said, give me the carrot! ……

Divers have a high degree of difficulty. He rolled over for a week, then somersaulted for a week and a half, and then somersaulted for a month.

There is a man climbing a rock. When he was about to climb to the top of the mountain, a wolf tried to burn the rope with a burning candle. The man said a word and the wolf blew out the candle. The man said, Happy England!

4. Once upon a time, there was a village by the sea. The villagers made a living by fishing. . .

So many years have passed ~ ~ ~

Suddenly one day, a strange fish came to the sea. The villagers who specialize in fishing at sea have already eaten several people. . . This strange fish has six eyes and can fly, so the villagers call it "six-eyed flying fish"

Seeing the six-eyed flying fish killing people unscrupulously, and no one can cure them, the villagers are very worried. What should we do at this rate ~ ~ ~

At this moment, a young man came to the village. His name is very special. Love says he can kill the six-eyed flying fish. . .

The villagers are very disdainful. . But the next day, love really came back with the body of the strange fish. . .

The villagers were shocked and asked Ai, "How did you do it?"

Love said, "Love really needs courage to face the flying fish with six eyes."

5. Once upon a time, there was a hide-and-seek club whose president had not been found …

6. A rabbit is fishing in the pond, but he hasn't caught it for a long time. .....

The next day, the little rabbit went fishing in the pond again, but he still didn't catch a fish all day. ......

On the third day, the little rabbit insisted on fishing in the pond, but still found nothing. .......

The fourth day, the rabbit went fishing in the pond. A fish jumped out of the water and growled at the rabbit, "If you use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!" " "

Seven ... After half a day's homework, I turned on the radio conveniently, and a gentle voice came out: "... if the skin color pays off and the fluff on my face is tender and soft, it means that it is very healthy ..."

When I heard this, I couldn't help touching my face, looking in the mirror and smiling again. It looked healthy and lovely.

At this moment, I heard the announcer say, "All right, listeners, this time our lecture on pig raising is here ..."

8. In a primary school, two students are quarreling. A said, "You ... you call again, and I can call someone!" "

B said, "You ... you fight! I don't believe this ... "

Then A really went to make a phone call, and when he came back, he put a malicious sentence: "You will know how to die in 30 minutes!" "

B was too nervous at this time, but there was nothing he could do. After 30 minutes, the school broadcast: "A classmate of B, you have a visitor, please go to the academic affairs office." Although I'm scared, I think I'm in the academic affairs office and I should be fine. So he went to the academic affairs office, and a blond boy came up and said, "Are you B?"

B: "I'm ..."

"Sorry for waiting, this is 10 Hawaiian pizza with chicken, 5300 yuan."

9. A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.

Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.

He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted, "Surprise!" "(surprise)

10. Rene Liu's courtship to Jay Chou was rejected, and Rene Liu asked Jay Chou why. Jay Chou said, milk tea, I like music and beautiful women.

1 1.- Hello, please call a car. I am at the intersection of XX, wearing a short black skirt. ...

-Okay, where to?

-Uh ... to the knee. ...

12. A butterfly has a broken wing, but it is still flying. Why?

Because it is strong-willed

13. A person was transfused in the hospital, and when he lost, he began to laugh wildly.

Others asked him what he was laughing at.

He said, "I smiled a little." . . "

14. A little girl called the radio station and ordered a song for her mother.

Moderator: Why do you want to order songs for mom and dad?

Little girl: Mom works hard every day and can't have a good rest on Sundays. She needs to find me various exercise books.

The host was very moved and said that she was very sensible and a good boy of her mother.

So I asked what song I wanted.

Little girl: Why do women have to embarrass women?

15. Party A, Party B and Party C went out together, and Party A caught a cold. ...

Everyone sleeps in a bed at night, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night … A took a big sniffle, and B and C were covered with A crystals.

Let us know next time ...

Half an hour later.

A: Attention. ...

B, C, Wen Wen quickly got into the quilt and made sure there was no contact with the outside world …

Then a fart.

16. A prince was cursed and could only say one sentence a year, but he liked a princess very much, so you were silent for five years. When you have saved enough, you come to the princess and say, "Please marry me!"

The princess said in surprise, "What?"

17. After retiring, a programmer decided to study calligraphy, bought excellent lake pens, rice paper and ink, dipped them in thick ink, and wrote on the paper in one go: Hello, world.

18. Once upon a time, there were two trash cans. They ran and ran for a long time. Then a trash can stopped and said, we are trash cans. Why are we running?

19. Xiaoming did something wrong. His mother told him to kneel in front of the Guanyin statue and confess, saying, If Guanyin forgives you, you can eat.

Five minutes later, Xiao Ming was sitting at the dinner table. His mother asked strangely, didn't I say that Guanyin forgave you before you could eat?

Xiao Ming said: Yes, I knelt there and said that Sister Guanyin was wrong. I want to eat. Then Sister Guanyin told me with her right hand, OK.

20. A woman bought breakfast with fake money. . .

The vendor was annoyed: "Elder sister, even if you give a fake, it is at least a seal. This one of you is actually a painting!" "

Take ten thousand steps back and forget about the painting. You can draw a set of ten or five, or you can draw a set of seven!

Let's make it seven dollars for seven dollars. At least draw a color. Actually, we use pencils!

Forget it, black and white is good, but you can't draw with toilet paper! The feel is too bad

Even toilet paper, cut the edge with scissors. This paper was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated.

Ok, I'll put up with the burr, but you can also tear a rectangle. This triangle is too hard to say. 1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!

2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?

4. A sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, and quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped the cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated!

5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city, but she didn't meet it for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead, where is the mother toilet?

6. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: It's over! Women's power is limited after all!

7. A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I didn't take off my pants!"

A foreign youth in China can't understand the difference between "iron" and "steel". One night he came home late and couldn't open the door, so he had to shout, landlady, will you open your steel door? I can't get in!

9. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

1 1. The old man confessed to his wife before he died: I once had an affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal! You can sleep now! Which of our children looks like you?

12. A white couple got married for many years and finally had a child, but it turned out to be dark. The husband blamed his wife and said, It's all your fault! You must turn off the light every time you go to bed.

13. The swimming coach is straight and loud. One day, he met a female student in the shopping mall and greeted him. He said loudly, you really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes.

14. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf!

The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

15. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then it was fired.

The second shot ... the third shot ... then the prisoner cried: eldest brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

16. After watching the black 100-meter run, an old lady said with tears, she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot.

Shoot, shoot without aiming, the children are too scared to stop the rope!

Mr. Huang loves the revolution and named his son "Jun" in memory of the Red Army.

One day, when I saw my son coming to class and the No.8 bus stop, I shouted to my son, Huang Jun, the No.8 bus is coming!

18, a bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer.

When the bear came to the mountain and met the tiger, he was so scared that he raised his sickle and hammer and hit him on the head.

The tiger said: I didn't see it. Are you a bear or party member!

Talking in your sleep is crazy.

1, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

2, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

4. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

6. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

7, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

8. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

9, junior high school art evening, answering session.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." Please raise your hand when I finish. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

10, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

1 1, at school

One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

12, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

13, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

14, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

15, my sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

16, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

17, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

18, go home on weekends when I go to school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

19, a leader of the Education Bureau checked the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

20. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

2 1. One day, on my way to school, my bicycle had a flat tire. I asked where it was inflated, and my classmate said, "There are abortions everywhere in the street!" "

22. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

23. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

24. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" "

25. At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted, "Keep your voice down, the tone is wrong." Suddenly I was speechless, and my face turned red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

26. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

27. Go to breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. Just as we were talking, the two students who ate stuffing when wasting came over and said, "Well, you can eat my foreskin in the future." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

28. Tell a true story. MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

29. A classmate from high school in my dormitory called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

30. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "