Animal jokes

jokes about animals

1. Dogs and pigs play together. Dog: "How much is one plus one?" Pig: "two!" " Dog: "Wow! You are so smart! " Pig: "of course, you think I'm a pig's head!" "

2. On festivals, fireflies are lighting effects engineers, flying in the air together. One of them doesn't shine, and the other one asks him curiously, "Brother! Why don't you shine? " The non-luminous firefly said, "Hey! Don't mention it, the electricity price has been raised again, and the electricity bill was owed last month! "

3. "The temperature at the poles is getting higher and higher. Penguin and polar bear have left their own territory. Finally, they meet at the equator. Penguin said, Brother Xiong, although the greenhouse effect makes us not have to keep out the cold, this environment has made my family almost extinct. The polar bear said, "Sister Penguin, don't be sad. Although we will disappear first, human beings will pay for what they have done."

4. The kitten was fishing by the river, and was accidentally caught by a shallow crab. When the crab saw something bad, it ran away. The kitten continued to fish, and caught a shrimp in a short while. The kitten saw it and said, "Xiaoya, you are so thin in the blink of an eye, and the weight loss effect is good."

5. A rooster fell in love with a hen, so he decided to invite the hen to dinner. The hen readily agreed and dressed up and was invited to attend. After the meal, the waiter asked the rooster to pay, and the rooster said, "It pays the bill today." The hen froze and said, "Didn't you invite me to dinner?" The rooster said, "haven't you heard that the iron rooster is penniless?" I am the iron cock. "

6. Shortly after their wedding, the puppy and kitten went to court to sue for divorce. The elephant judge asked them why. The puppy said, "The kitten doesn't come home every night. I suspect it has cheating behavior!" The kitten is full of grievances and says, "I'm just chasing mice." Dog: "Look, it admits!" "

7. Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and the children will live in the air from now on, so I'm not afraid of your cats. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, See, she is pregnant with my child!

8. The mouse opened a storage company and soon found that the goods were lost every day, so he invited a cat detective to investigate and soon found out that the mouse was inside job!

9. Toad fell in love with the swan, but he was afraid that the swan would dislike his ugliness, so he begged his cousin frog to date the swan instead of himself. As a result, the frog and the swan got married!

1. A snake in the jungle likes to swallow the sparrow's nest in one gulp when it goes around the trunk to eat it. Other snakes feel very strange and ask why it wants to eat Nestle. Only this snake gives the other snakes a white look: "Didn't you listen to humans?" Then I closed my eyes as if it were memorable, slowly breathed out a sigh and sighed, "Nestle coffee is delicious!" "

11. There is a young mosquito in the air. The spider saw it and said, "Handsome boy, come to my house and have a rest." Mosquito said, "Do you have anything interesting there?" The spider said, "Yes, I opened an Internet cafe. Please come online!" " After hearing this, the mosquito plunged into the past.

12. Don't play with rabbits, be careful to get pink eye, don't play with spiders, stay idle on the Internet all day, don't play with pandas, wear sunglasses and God knows whether he is a good person or not, and don't play with Cang rope and chirp silently all day.

13. Animal's words: zebra: I have eaten grass all my life, but I didn't expect to take pictures on the roads of the city. Earthworms: I have been working underground for a long time, and there are more and more ways. Moth: I believe that my direction is bright. Python: I am too old to learn the right way. Owl: When catching mice in the dark and windy night!

14. A chicken laughed at the ugly duck, and the duck said unhappily, "I'm not as knowledgeable as the slutty chicken dang." The chicken said dismissively, "You are no better. You are just a duck who eats soft rice!" "

15. Dr. Giraffe was in charge of the diagnosis and treatment of ants' illness. After a long time, the giraffe failed to find the blood vessels of ants, but finally found the blood vessels, but the ants' thighs were broken. The family members of ants refused to let them, and the court ruled that the giraffe should not only compensate the ants, but also attach the legs of ants until death. From this, the truth of "whose hand is the deer's death" is revealed.

16. A large group of beautiful women came to Wolf Castle, vying to marry Big Wolf. Hong Tailang beat Big Wolf with a pan: "You are a pervert, attracting bees and butterflies everywhere." Grey Wolf wronged: "Wife, I didn't." Many beautiful women sing: "If you get married, you will marry Grey Wolf. Such a man is an example." "Who wrote this song, I will come to you ..."

17. The ant went to take a bath with the elephant. The elephant asked the ant if he wanted to find a bath. The ant said, "Look for it, I'll forget it. It costs as much. If you rub one for me, I'll rub it myself."

18. An unmarried male mouse was introduced by a matchmaker to a female mouse on a blind date. The male mouse knelt under the pomegranate skirt with a bunch of flowers and said, "Dear, please marry me." The mother mouse became angry and said angrily, "You are a big liar. All the songs in the street are that mice love rice. If I want to marry you, I will be blind."

19. The donkey met the dog and sighed: Now that it has developed, the donkey doesn't have to be pulled, but it is only slaughtered. Unlike you, I became a pet. The dog also sighed: Brother Donkey, you don't know, it's hard to be a dog. Every time the owner gives me the leftover rice, I know there is gutter oil when I smell it. If I don't eat it, the owner will fill me with toxic milk powder and say: shake it before drinking.

2. The rabbit said to the snail: Brother Wo, you are so happy that you are not in a hurry for the house. Snail: Brother Yue, I have been married to your sister-in-law for two years and have never lived together! Where are you? Are you seeing someone? I just saw that idiot reading short messages still waiting for you in that big tree. It's almost dried up. It's so spoony ...

21. A group of fireflies went out to play. Everyone found that one of them didn't shine, so they asked him what was wrong. The firefly scratched his head and said, sorry, I forgot to pay the electricity bill last month.

22. Butterfly and Piggy went to court to sue for divorce shortly after their wedding. The judge asked, "Why?" The butterfly said, "I don't like living with lazy pigs." The pig said, "I don't like living with butterflies who are philandering all day!" "

23. A cat ran away when it saw the mouse turn its head. Other cats laughed at it when they saw this scene. The cat said aggrieved that it didn't bite your ears. Look, my ears are gone.

24. When getting up in the morning, the little white rabbit said to the old cow who was working hard, "Good morning!" The old cow asked, "What are you talking about? Why can't I understand?" The little white rabbit sneered, "It's like casting pearls before swine!"

25. The rabbit proposed to the dog, and the dog said, "No!" The rabbit asked, "Why?" The dog said, "My mother said that pink eye is very contagious. Come to me when you are cured." The rabbit immediately ran home to drop eye drops.

26. Little Scorpion has been listless all day. His mother felt very strange when she saw it, so she asked him what was going on. Little Scorpion sighed and said, "Yesterday, I competed with little crab, but the result was no match." The scorpion mother was surprised and asked, "What's better than that?" Scorpion: "Guessing Boxing ..."

27. Crow: As a well-known hacker, I don't excuse myself: the Qing people are self-cleaning, and the black people are self-cleaning. Rabbit: My eyes are red from heaven, which warns me never to walk in the underworld!

28. When a fly marries, Mother says, Find a knowledgeable person, and you see others' cuttlefish is full of ink. Dad says, Find a skilled person, and you'll become a spider. Brother says, if you find a good job, you'll be a pilot at least. Sister says, Find a promising person, and the person who reads text messages is at least a media star, and text messages are sent to him.

29. "Mother mouse saw the mouse child playing with the cat, and she was so scared that she trembled all over. She quickly picked up the mouse child and took it back to the hole. The cat sat down in the hole and said," I finally caught someone who read my message, but my mother took it away. "

3. After lunch, the hen and the cow sat together and chatted. The hen said, "Human family planning makes us lay eggs desperately." Cow: "Oh, come on, so many people drink my milk every day, and no one calls me mom."

31. The sika deer said: Although you misdiagnosed my horn as a branch, thank you sincerely for massaging and tickling me, Dr. Forest! Woodpecker: Why do you always hang your teeth with my insect-catching skill?

32. The reporter wanted to know what penguins on the Antarctic were doing, so he investigated them one by one. The first penguin said: Eat, sleep and beat the balls. The second penguin said: Eat, sleep and beat the balls. The third penguin said: Eat, sleep and beat the balls. I've been asking a lot of questions, and I always answered. When I asked the last penguin, the penguin said: Eat, sleep. The reporter was very surprised and asked him why he didn't hit the balls. The penguin stared: I am the balls! ;