20 19 1020 "Ten Commandments of Being a Man" Note 2

2. Don't be too honest, for you are afraid that there is nothing you can do if you encounter difficulties.

? Master Chen was honest and cautious all his life, abiding by the law and being conscientious. He has always believed in the principle of "Everything is Dont Ask For Help", and there is nothing to ask for. There is no other social relationship except his wife and children.

Don't promise others easily, lest it become an inevitable mistake?

Generally speaking, there are two kinds of promises: one is a conscious promise, which clearly answers the person and agrees with the person's request; One is an unconscious promise, that is, you didn't promise originally, but in the eyes of others, you have promised. ? In fact, it is easy to make passive commitments in social interaction. Napoleon once said: "I never make promises easily, because promises will become inevitable mistakes."

It is the unconscious promise of the old people that reassures the young people. ? After a while, the pursuer rushed to the tree and asked the old man, "Did you see a young man running out of here?" ? Who knows that the old man once vowed never to tell lies again in his life, so he casually replied, "Yes." ? The pursuer asked again, "Where did he go?" ? The old man casually pointed at the tree. The young man was finally dragged down from the tree and cut off his hands. ? Of course, the young man cursed the old man for breaking his promise and betraying him.

Some people can't help asking: "What should I do if I have to agree to my friend's request in front of my friend, but it's actually impossible?" ? Masayoshi Digawa, a Japanese entertainment scientist, told us: "After listening to other people's statements and asking for help, we might as well shake our heads gently instead of strongly refusing."

Entertainment is the ladder of success, and gift-giving is also an art? In ancient times, a farmer wanted to ask an official to do something. The official was suddenly unhappy when he saw that he was empty-handed. He only said "it's difficult" coldly and fell asleep. The next day, a shrewd businessman also went to the official for help. Before the official spoke, the businessman took out a gold bracelet from his pocket. The official's eyes lit up and he did a "difficult" thing. The farmer asked the businessman why he could do "difficult" things, and the businessman just laughed.

It's human nature for people to reciprocate with courtesy, and it's no exception when asking for help. ? Giving gifts is a form of expressing one's mind. There are not many ceremonies, and the meaning is spiritual; Politeness is not important, just love. Both sides should not focus on the material value of the gift itself, but should regard what they receive as a kind of affection and a heavy meaning. Gifts are a symbol of friendship, and returning peaches is a long-standing custom in China. It is necessary for friends to bring back some local specialties, or celebrate New Year's Day happily and personally, and give some congratulations to show their friendship. This is sincere emotional communication, a gift from the heart, and the materialization of feelings.

5, impulse is not pragmatic, and appropriate compromise is rational.

? "Compromise" is sometimes considered as a "surrender" act of submission and weakness. In fact, "compromise" is a very pragmatic and flexible jungle wisdom. In the jungle of human nature, all smart people know how to accept or make compromises to others at the right time. After all, people live by reason rather than spirit. ? There are many ways to solve the struggle in life, "compromise" is one of them. ? "Compromise" is an understanding reached by two or more parties under certain conditions. It is not the best way to solve the problem, but it is the best way before there is a better way, because it has many benefits.

Because compromise can maintain their minimum "existence". Compromise is often conditional. If you are weak, offering to compromise may cost you a lot, but you can get "existence". Existence is the root of everything, because without existence, there will be no tomorrow and no future. Perhaps this conditional compromise is unfair to you and makes you feel humiliated, but it is worthwhile to exchange humiliation for existence and hope.

? However, compromise depends on the situation.

First, it depends on your big goal, that is, don't waste resources on useless struggles, compromise if you can, and give up fighting if you can't compromise. But if we strive for a big goal, we must never compromise easily.

Second, it depends on the conditions of "compromise". Pride means pride. If you want a lining, you have to ask for a lining, but you don't have to let the other side no way back. This is not for moral justice, but to avoid forcing the tiger to hurt people. There are interests to consider; What's more, unless you kill each other, his power will always exist. If you are a weak person who proposes compromise and have the determination to burn everything, I believe the other party will accept your terms.

? In short, "compromise" can change the status quo and turn the corner. This is a tactic and strategy. Politicians play this game best. Didn't you say that "politics is the art of compromise"?

chapter two

1, don't try to be brave, who knows the era is Jie Jun? Many people will fight with each other for so-called "face" and "dignity" or even for so-called "justice" and "fairness" when they encounter injustice. Some people will be defeated because of this, and some people will be badly hurt even if they win! Everyone can be brave; It takes a lot of patience to become a gold and an outstanding person. ?

China people have always advocated that "forbearance is the best" and "suffering is a blessing", which is a mysterious philosophy of life. As the saying goes, he who knows the times is a hero. The so-called Jie Jun not only refers to those heroes who gallop like no man's land and are invincible from the front, but also includes those who can grasp the current situation and be flexible.

The ancients said, "A little tolerance leads to great mischief." The spirit of perseverance and patience is the expression of a person's strong will, and it is also the application of a strategy for dealing with people. Especially in officialdom, there are few times when everything goes well. Learning to be patient and retreat tactfully can bring endless benefits. In interpersonal communication, if we can give up some petty interests, it will also help to shape a good self-image, gain the goodwill of others and win friendship and influence for ourselves. There are gains and losses in everything. If you want to take it, you must give it first. People of insight may wish to remember it and make good use of it, which will certainly bring them unexpected gains.

? 2, eat a loss in front of you, can you protect yourself for a hundred years?

The ancestors said that "heroes don't eat immediate losses", and we said that "heroes should eat immediate losses". ? Suppose a situation: you drive a car and collide with another car, and the other car is only slightly injured, or even not at all. You don't want to suffer, and you are ready to argue with the other car. However, four big men came down from another car, one by one with a straight face, and they were all around you to claim compensation. Seeing that the surrounding area is deserted and there is no public telephone, it is even more impossible for someone to lend you a helping hand. Excuse me, do you want to lose money?

A good horse should go back to the grass. Opportunity is much more important than ambition?

"A good horse doesn't eat grass back!" I don't know how many opportunities this sentence has lost. When faced with whether to look back, most people are impulsive, can't stand gossip, and can't lose face. Knowing that the grass is fresh and tender, they refused to go back and eat it, thinking it was "ambition". In fact, in the face of the level of not looking back, what you have to consider is not the problem of face and ambition, but the practical problem.

Officialdom politics, the world is cold, and human feelings are warm and cold. During the dynasty, everyone paid tribute and the guests were full. There is no electricity, the door is cold and nobody cares. Many people are eager to follow the trend, curry favor with the powerful, and specially choose "hot temples" to burn incense. However, the officialdom is unpredictable, and sometimes it is inevitable that there will be wrong bets and wrong bets. Originally, I thought that A Jun's influence was very hot, so I wanted to take refuge. Who knows that gentleman B came from behind and gradually replaced gentleman A, so he "jumped ship" and changed his home. Soon, Mr. B suddenly fell into a fiasco and the tree fell apart. At this time, it is not bad to go back to A Jun's house and stutter. This kind of thing is also common in officialdom.

In officialdom, there are no eternal enemies and no eternal friends. Only by clarifying right and wrong can we grasp the mystery of victory.

It's easy to conquer people from each other's weaknesses.

If a person loves to drink, starting from here will often get twice the result with half the effort. This is a weakness. Everyone has weaknesses. When dealing with people, we should start with the weaknesses of others, and the goal we want to achieve can be as easy as exploring the bag.

If you want to be brilliant in your life, you must be able to achieve your goals and yourself. Generally speaking, if we can grasp the weaknesses in each other's lives and then carry out in-depth storms, we can achieve what we want. Such a life, of course, will be a beautiful and brilliant life.

5, playing can exchange ideas, making people like it and worry-free?

chapter three

1, don't hurt others, understand that others have money.

When others are down and out, what they need most is understanding and help. If they don't hold grudges against you, you should understand them even if you don't help them, so that you don't have to hit people when they are down. ? Reservoir Dogs can be killed, but people don't have to fight with others to get along.

Everyone's values are different, and the principles of doing things may not satisfy everyone, so it is entirely possible for you to become Reservoir Dogs. Being a Reservoir Dogs is also a beating, and there is no other way but to endure it; As long as you can get ashore, you can still be as fierce as usual. When someone becomes Reservoir Dogs, you don't have to join this club unless you have a deep grudge with him and have to add a stick to annihilate him.

2. don't blindly follow others: if you want to be a real "person", you must first be a person who doesn't blindly follow others? A folk joke: A cruise ship is holding a multilateral international trade fair, and suddenly an accident happened and the cruise ship began to sink. The captain ordered the first mate to urgently arrange for negotiators from various countries to put on life jackets and leave the ship, but the first mate's persuasion was ineffective. The captain had to go out in person, and he soon let businessmen from all over the world abandon the ship. The first mate was surprised. The captain explained, "persuasion is actually very simple. I told the British that diving is a healthy sport; Tell Italians that it is forbidden not to do so; Tell the Germans that this is an order; Tell the French that it is fashionable to do that; Tell the Russians that this is a revolution; Tell the American that I have insured him; Tell China people that you see everyone is diving. "

This joke makes us laugh, and it is not difficult to think about the cultural differences of different countries, from which we can see that China people prefer to follow blindly. This joke may be exaggerated, but there are many examples in modern life in which China people like to follow blindly.

Lack of self-confidence and blind obedience to others often bring losses or injuries to themselves; If you want to achieve something in life and career, you must get rid of the bad habit of blindly following others, be good at thinking with your own mind and make life choices.

On the bright side, this habit is better than earning 1000 pounds.

Inferiority is the biggest obstacle to success in life. People with inferiority often fail? A young lady named Catherine, 25 years old, graduated from university, healthy and beautiful. She is virtuous in Wen Ya, well-off and well-dressed. People say that she has almost all the conditions for happiness and success. However, there is a defect, that is, she has low self-esteem and no social skills-so all the preconditions for her happiness and success are offset by this defect. ? Later, Catherine went to see a psychologist, who used psychoanalysis to find out the root of her inferiority complex. After a period of treatment, she gradually liberated herself, lightened her psychological burden, overcame the lack of social skills, and strode onto the road to success.

Inferiority has various manifestations. I often blush and can't speak. Dare not enter the ballroom, dare not show up in all public places. Dare not associate with strangers, dare not associate with people above themselves, for fear that others will look around. I dare not speak in public places. Even when I speak in the seminar of my team, workshop and undergraduate department, I feel scared, don't know how to put my hands and feet, and feel embarrassed. I touch my head, cough my throat, touch my tie and pull my clothes from time to time. I am always afraid that I will be laughed at if I say something wrong. I always feel that many people present are smarter than myself and dare not give full play to themselves. Women always like to cover up their true colors with a thick layer of pink lipstick. Always think that others are watching you, watching you. I always remember a flaw in myself, such as a mole on the bridge of my nose. I always worry about it and try to cover it up. Dare not associate with the opposite sex, always thinking about their own gender. ? All the phenomena of feeling inferior and embarrassed can be traced back to psychological reasons, because inferiority is a psychological feeling from beginning to end. ? There is a saying: there is no one in the world who does not feel inferior. No matter saints and sages, rich kings, poor peasants and poor people, peddlers and pawns, they are all full of inferiority in their childhood subconscious. But if you want to achieve great things, you must overcome your inferiority complex.

There are two reasons for inferiority complex. First, I felt "weak" when I was a child. Second, the society has an overly perfect pursuit tendency for men and women's physique and personality, which makes every boy and girl feel inferior. There are also some reasons that actually lead to inferiority, such as poor family, improper education, or depression, poor physical and mental health, or ignorance, which has not developed physically and mentally, and there are few conditions and opportunities to cultivate self-confidence, so that later on the road of life, I suffered too many setbacks and failures, felt small and helpless, and therefore doubted my own strength, resulting in inferiority.

The performance of inferiority is that you feel inferior to others, feel inferior, despise and doubt your own strength and ability.

5. Overcoming inferiority is overcoming yourself.

Overcoming inferiority is actually overcoming one who has lost self-confidence. ? The loss of self-confidence can usually be divided into two situations: one is the temporary loss of self-confidence mentioned above, and the other is the deep-rooted inferiority complex developed from childhood. If this sense of inferiority is not overcome, it is easy to cast a shadow over your life unconsciously. Inferiority is not insurmountable, I'm afraid you can't overcome it. On the other hand, in this world, many successful people succeed only after overcoming their inferiority complex.

For one thing, we may succeed.

? The second reason is that even if we don't succeed, just trying to turn negative into positive will make us look forward, not backward. Therefore, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts can stimulate your creativity and stimulate us to have no time and interest to worry about things that have passed and been completed. Here are some ways to overcome inferiority complex:

(1) Correctly understand the advantages and disadvantages of inferiority, improve self-confidence and overcome inferiority. ? Some people regard inferiority as an incurable disease with disadvantages and no benefits, so they feel pessimistic and desperate and give up on themselves. This is an incorrect understanding, which is not only bad for the future of people with inferiority complex, but will aggravate their inferiority complex.

(2) Evaluate yourself correctly. ? We should not only see our own shortcomings, but also objectively see our own strengths; In other words, we should not only see our own advantages, but also our own shortcomings. As the saying goes, "the upper level is not enough, and the lower level is more than enough." Everyone has shortcomings and deficiencies, as long as we can find ways to overcome them. This will enhance self-confidence, reduce psychological pressure, lose the burden and move forward lightly.

(3) express yourself correctly. ? People with low self-esteem might as well do more things within their power, grasp bigger things and try their best to succeed. After success, encourage yourself in time: "I have done what others can do!" " "When faced with a certain situation, I feel lack of confidence, and the self-suggestion of" throwing caution to the wind "can relax my psychological pressure, but can exert my potential and achieve success.

(4) Correctly compensate yourself.

In order to overcome inferiority, we can take two positive ways to compensate. One is to make up for it with diligence. Knowing that you can't catch up with others in some aspects, you should stop carrying ideological burdens, but work hard with the greatest determination and tenacious perseverance, pay more efforts and fight hard. The second is to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. Although some disabled people have great physical defects, they have lost the space for free activities and communication, and it seems that the space for development is extremely limited. But where there is a will, there is a way. Zhang Haidi, a paraplegic patient, is an obvious example. She has a strong passion for music, medicine and literature, and has made achievements in several aspects with ten times the perseverance of ordinary people.

(5) We should treat setbacks correctly. ? Everyone is bound to suffer setbacks and blows. But people's endurance is different. Extroverts forget later, and introverts easily fall into it. Then we should pay attention not to expect too much in everything, but to be good at self-satisfaction and contentment. Whether studying or working, don't set your goals too dead or too high, otherwise you will be easily frustrated.

In short, the methods should be as different as possible, and the most important thing is to be able to fully express yourself. In this way, your confidence in yourself will become stronger and stronger, and you will face life with a brand-new attitude.

No matter the size of psychological disorder, we always have an effective "prescription" to treat it. This "prescription" is to stop negative thoughts and recall more positive things.

? Having confidence in yourself is a way to add success to your life. If a person wants to achieve great things, he must first overcome his inferiority complex, build up confidence and face life fully and frankly.

chapter four

1. Hesitant people are not decisive, and the bad habit of procrastination will ruin a person's life? What is the biggest weakness in human nature that makes you fail? ? A report containing 2500 survey samples shows that indecision ranks first among the causes of failure. ? The opposite of determination is procrastination, which is the enemy that everyone must seriously conquer. ? A report analyzing hundreds of millionaires shows that each of them has the habit of making up his mind quickly and will take his time when he changes his mind. Without exception, people who fail to accumulate wealth are hesitant and hesitant. Even if you finally make up your mind, it will be procrastinating and procrastinating. They are not neat at all and are used to constant change.

Most people who have not accumulated wealth to meet their needs have a problem, that is, they are soft-hearted and easily influenced by others. They let newspapers, magazines and gossip think for themselves. Public opinion is the most worthless commodity in the world. Everyone has a laundry list of opinions to put on the recipients. If you make up your mind to be influenced by others, you will never get ahead in any line of work, and it is especially difficult to turn your desire into money.

If you let other people's opinions influence you, you have no desire of your own.

? The value of determination depends on the courage required to make up your mind. Important decisions that lay the foundation of civilization often have to bear the risk of life and death before you can make the final decision.

The worst medicine in the world is regret medicine. Cherish the present, and you will have a bright tomorrow? There is a proverb in English: "Don't cry for spilled milk. If the past is irreparable, don't worry or feel sorry for it. "

Life is limited, but in a limited life, how much time is spent in the present, and how much time is spent figuring out what you are doing? In the long river of time, yesterday has passed and tomorrow has not yet arrived. Only today belongs to oneself and belongs to the "now" that has been fulfilled. But many times, people will spend their time thinking about the past, indulging in old things, old feelings and old things, regretting some mistakes in the past, or looking forward to future years. These are all useless and correct. Repentance, sadness and sigh for the past are really worthless. Doing so not only wastes your time, your emotions, but also wastes your energy and many precious things.

? Time is gone forever, no matter how guilty and regretful you are, what has happened is irreversible.

Guilt and regret are mainly formed in the following two ways: first, children's psychology, which is influenced by it in the early years and still exists in adulthood; The second is the self-generated guilt and self-blame after adults violate their own code of conduct. ?

(1) Children's psychological remains

Each of us expects to satisfy other people's desires and win their approval. Once we fail to do this, we often feel guilty and regret at first.

(2) Self-seeking remorse

? Since we know that guilt and regret are not good for our present situation, let's wipe them out of your heart from now on. ? Compared with the previous situation, this feeling of guilt and remorse is much more complicated.

Life is only a few decades, and the happy time left for us is already very short. Why do we dwell on past mistakes and pains?

3. Learn to be content, dare to give up, and don't be crazy about fame and fortune.

? As the saying goes: people leave their names, geese leave their voices. No one wants to live in obscurity all his life, which is the so-called everyone has his own interests. However, in the process of pursuing fame and fortune in life, I still want to advise you: be a person with less desire and more detachment. When you become famous, you will succeed. Don't blindfold yourself for fame and fortune.

Since ancient times, people with lofty ideals have regarded seeking fame, seeking officials and seeking profits as the three major goals of their life. It is a lifelong regret for the average person to achieve one of the three; If you can get what you want, you will be lucky. But from a dialectical point of view, if you take something, you have to give it up, and if you enter, you have to retreat. In other words, if you gain something, you will lose something, and any gain will pay a price. The question is whether the price paid is worth it. For the benefit of public utilities, for the benefit of the nation and the country, for the harmony of the family, and for the perfection of self-personality, it is worth paying, otherwise, the more you pay, the worse it will be.

There is nothing wrong with seeking a name. The key is not to stare. In that case, it is bound to go to the road of fishing for fame, deceiving the world and stealing fame. ? Sometimes, a good name is put on your head, not sold, not fished, not stolen. What about this?

Indeed, we should seize life, because life is beautiful and full of beautiful things everywhere. Many times, we only realize this truth when we look back and suddenly realize that it will never appear again.

Being a man requires us to learn to fight for it, and we also need to learn to give up. If you feel too bitter, too tired, too tired, too busy and too complicated; If you have too many troubles and worries; If you lose the opportunity to show your true self; If you cannot get true love; If your life is shrouded in many fogs, please try to give up some burdens and drags.

Being the most beautiful person, being true to yourself and imitating others is tantamount to suicide.

? Everyone is the only one in this world. There will never be another you in this world. If you give up yourself, follow others and mistake others' characteristics for your own, you will not achieve great things. No matter good or bad, as long as you live yourself and play your own song in your own life orchestra, it is the success of life.

The problem of maintaining one's true colors is "as old as human history." James. Gordon? Dr. Kilkay pointed out, "This is a problem for all mankind." Many mental, neurological and psychological problems are often caused by their inability to maintain themselves.

What happens in the world is that you are not serious, you can't make up your mind, you don't have your own thoughts, and you do what others say and do. If you get serious, don't be afraid of other people's comments, and follow your own ideas. After things are successful, other people's comments will naturally calm down. There is such a story:

A young entrepreneur said at a seminar: If you give up your idea because you are afraid of opposition from others, then you lose yourself. To be a man and do things, we must take a clear stand and be independent. He further said that everyone's ideas will not be exactly the same, and we can't ask everyone to agree with themselves. So look at the goals and effects you want to achieve in this life, and don't care too much about some people's comments. Time will tell, and when you succeed, those discussions will naturally stop. As long as it is right, that is, what I should do, there is no success or failure. A person should have his own personality.