Is there anything that can make people laugh about "internal injuries"?

I just made up some jokes to make you happy.

1. A woman was brainwashed by the salesman of a brand of skin cream while shopping in the mall and said, "Replenish water, rejuvenate skin and wrinkle; After using it, you will soon be young 10 years old. The woman said impatiently, "My daughter 13 years old!" The salesman paused and immediately said, "Oh, she is not suitable for use." The woman said grumpily, "what I want to say is that she won't believe it." Will I trust her mother? "

One day, my father took the initiative to call his daughter from other places and said, "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." His daughter smiled and said, "Actually, you don't have to tell me-because it's always sunny here." Excuse me, this beautiful girl: Does your father know that it will be sunny when you are well?

3. It's time for Tomb-Sweeping Day to visit the grave. A tired man said weakly to a grave, "Dad, how comfortable it is for you to lie down and not work all day!" " Why don't you get up and let's change! "(Laughing with tears)

4. Man: "You went behind my back to see a male net friend yesterday. Do you want to do both? " Woman: "You always buy me something at a discount. Don't you allow my love to be discounted?"

When I was a child, I heard a joke told by the breeder of the production team:

It is said that once upon a time there was a rich man named Gou who raised two sons, both twins. One is dog skin, and the other is dog autumn.

When the two children reached school age, the wealthy family sent their two sons to a private school in the village. Although they are twins, the two children are different, slightly ugly and slightly handsome. Even if the academic performance is poor, the situation will be worse.

One day, Mr. Wang taught everyone to recite the three-character classics. Whoever recites it first will go home for dinner, and those who can't recite it will stay and continue. The clever hook was the first one to recite it without much effort, skipping home, and other students from school came out one after another. The dog skin is left alone, and I can't recite it anyway. Mr. Wang sat at the door with the dog skin in his arms, which made him cry, but Mr. Wang still wouldn't let him go.

When Gou Qiu came home, his mother had cooked the meal and asked Gou Pi why she didn't come back. After Gou Qiu told his mother what happened, his mother got angry and said, What should I do if the child is hungry in cold weather? Tell Gou Qiu to go to school and ask your husband to put Gou Pi back for dinner! Just say I said it.

Gou Qiu trotted all the way to school. Seeing Mr. Gou still standing outside the door, he said to Mr. Gou, "Sir, my mother told you to let Gou Pi go." Mr. Wang is pitiful, but he can listen (fart), but he is furious. He said, at an early age, he abused the teacher. What are you talking about? He raised his fist to fight, but he was afraid of breaking the child. He was very angry and bit the dog. Gou was in pain and cried to his mother.

Mom quit, and dragged the hook to school, pointing to Teacher Wang and asking, Teacher Wang is so unreasonable. Not only did he not let go of the dog skin, but why did he bite the hook?

Hey! That's an interesting name.

1. What humble words have you said to keep each other?

Me: OK, OK, beer bottle changer, beer bottle changer!

At the gate of the kindergarten, many people are picking up children. A man picked up three boys. They look alike. Everyone asks: Are your three grandchildren triplets?

The man shook his head and said, one is my grandson and the other is my son.

Everyone asked: What about the rest?

The man cried: it's my brother.

It turns out that when I read martial arts novels, I couldn't figure out how the sects in the novels got their money.

Today, I went to Huashan to play, only to know that it was by collecting tickets!

4. At a party in college, a male classmate said to a female comrade: You are the most beautiful at the birthday party!

The female classmate proudly replied: thank you, I also took great pains!

Male student: Why, all the students who came to attend were carefully selected by you?

5. My ex-girlfriend called and sold me insurance. I said the company bought it for me, and I don't need it. So, she recommended me an accident insurance. This can even protect against lightning, she said. Think about it. You've taken many vows before. Think about it!

6. The ex-girlfriend called: Is it convenient to talk?

I glanced at my girlfriend next to me and said, alas, I haven't eaten yet.

The other party said, I'll call back when it's convenient for you.

I smiled. It was already 8 o'clock when I cooked the meal.

After hanging up the phone, my girlfriend asked me whose phone number was, and I said, ex-girlfriend's!

She glared at me: annoying and teasing me, it must be your mother!

7. I always go to restaurants to eat. Every time I go, the waiter shouts, Boss, please come in.

I always thought it was because I had money. Until yesterday, I heard the restaurant owner say at a meeting: the handsome one is called the pretty girl, the ordinary one is called the pretty girl, and the ugly one is called the boss.

After the operation, Bill received the bill from the hospital. To his surprise, the fee paid to the anesthesiologist reached $900.

So he called the doctor: Is there a mistake? Can this knock people out? It's too expensive!

"It's not expensive at all." The doctor replied that fainting is free, and 900 dollars is the cost of waking you up.

9. I am poor at math, which may be due to heredity. Once I got 58 points in the exam, and my dad encouraged me to say, Come on, I'm five points short of passing.

10, Q: What heartless methods did your parents use to stop you from puppy love?

A: I was given this face.

1 1. When dating men and women, the woman first said that I usually have a bad temper and often lose my temper for no reason. Can you stand it?

The man thought for a long time and said, can you stand the beating?

12. My wife is a foodie. When she went out to socialize, chopsticks never stopped. A colleague secretly asked me: is it cool to sit next to your wife when you eat? Picking vegetables is like an electric fan!

13, a boy confessed to a girl: Looking back 500 times in the past life brought us an encounter in this life. We were not together in our last life, but we are destined to be together in this life.

The girl said weakly: I saw you 500 times in my last life and I didn't like you. Do you think you still have a chance in your life?

14, drinking coffee alone at Starbucks in the afternoon. Suddenly a little boy ran over and asked, Sister, are you here on a blind date? I said no, and then he said to a handsome guy outside: Uncle, come in quickly, don't worry, it's not her!

Many years ago, I met a beautiful girl when I was shopping.

I got up the courage to strike up a conversation: Beauty, will you like me?

Don't!

Then I will teach you!

Later, he became my wife.

16, a buddy ate moon cakes and had diarrhea. That year, I had dinner with him out of curiosity.

I saw him take out the moon cake, tear off the desiccant beautifully, sprinkle it on the moon cake, bite it down and say to me later: Don't you eat the moon cake with seasoning?

17, cold war with girlfriend. I wanted to make up, but she ignored me. I transferred her Alipay account to 520 yuan this morning, and then to 13 14 yuan.

Later, she sent a message: If you mean it, don't say a word twice.

I was scared enough on the spot: 520 13 14, how much would that cost!

18, I took my wife to a buffet, and I felt ok. This is very affordable. My wife has been eating and left the restaurant two hours later. She whispered, honey, I can still go after the buffet. I feel cheated. ...

Today, I asked my brother: What do you think of me? Tell the truth! He thought about it and replied, it's sunny!

I proudly said, I told you! I'm not ugly ...

He said: it's just a little dazzling!

20. Someone downstairs honked the car horn and shouted: Whose car is going to stop? It's in the way!

I opened the curtain and said, what are you yelling at? Stop there and touch it if you dare.

Then I saw the man smash the car glass with a fire extinguisher, and then I saw another man fight with him.

1、

I went to a company for an interview the day before yesterday.

Interviewer: "Your resume says that you are quick in mental arithmetic. Is it true? " ? "

Me: "Of course it's true!"

Interviewer: "Let me ask you, what is 13 times 19?"

I blurted out, "45!"

Interviewer: "This is far from it."

Me: "Just say it quickly!"

interviewer ....

2、

When the baby sleeps, he talks in his sleep: "Little bitch, you can't run away!" "

Dad said to his mother seriously, "Look at you, what messy programs you usually show your baby!" " "

Mom gave Dad a white look: "You don't know anything! What he said is' lamb, you can't run away', it's pleasant goat. "

3、

When I was fifteen, I felt lonely at my bedside on a boring night.

Just two puffs, my dad pushed the door and came in. I habitually sent one to my dad. Dad took it, and no one spoke. Time passes slowly at the fingertips of father and son.

Dad vomited a non-standard smoke turn, and then simply said, "Be patient when I hit you later, and don't disturb the neighbors."

4、

Me: "Mom, why did you buy so many potatoes?"

My mother: "Eat, have you forgotten that when you were a child, you competed with pigs for potatoes?"

I was shocked and stopped my mother quickly. My face is gone.

Me: "I can't say this."

My mother proudly said, "What are you afraid of? Have you forgotten? You won! "

5、

I met my junior high school political teacher in the supermarket. She picked out yogurt in front of the freezer and didn't see me.

I walked up to her enthusiastically, because I forgot her name, and I pretended to be surprised and shouted, "Alas? Political teacher! "

She looked up at me, adjusted her glasses and said with special surprise, "Ah, if it isn't a student!" " "

6、

I left my relatives early in the morning and went into my little cousin's room, just to see him lose a LOL.

"Pupils,no."

"Well, it's hard to qualify for the diamond tournament. I failed for the fourth time. "

MD, this can't be done. I want to strike first.

"How about this final exam?"

"I did well in the exam, but my girlfriend didn't do well."

"…"

"Brother, why are you crying?"

7、

My girlfriend and I have been dating for more than two years, and she has never let me touch her. On this day, I was very angry and asked, "When shall I let her touch me?"

My girlfriend shyly lowered her head: "I'll let you touch it when I get married."

"When are you getting married?" ?

She looked up: "Get married when you are pregnant."

. . . .

8、

While waiting in line, a sister cut in line and an elder sister got angry: Why did you cut in line? !

Sister said: because I have no quality.

My sister slapped her with a big mouth, and my sister covered her face and said, why did you slap me? ! !

My sister replied, because I was ill.

9、

Aunt: "Nurse, can you stop shaking your hands?"

The nurse picked her mouth and smiled: "You shook like this in the canteen, remember?"

10、

Playing mahjong with colleagues won more than 200, and a female colleague lost the bet.

I teased her: "Look on the bright side, just pay the tuition."

She kept a straight face and said nothing.

At this time, my wife called and I was answering the phone. My female colleague suddenly shouted at my mobile phone: "Sister-in-law, your husband won more than 8,000 yuan! Go home and let him give you half! "

1 A new barber shop was opened, and the advertisement was issued: 50 cents for a haircut! Xiao Li went in for a haircut and asked how much it was. The barber replied: "50" Xiao Li: "Didn't you cut it at fifty cents?" Barber: "Yes, but I cut more than one pair of scissors, didn't I?"

My wife bought a big-screen mobile phone online, which doesn't work well. Yesterday, she complained to me: "It's so beautiful, it's useless!" Me: "You mean me?" Wife: "Of course not, you are neither good-looking nor useful!" " "

I am anxious to see all my peers in the village get married. I also had an opportunity in college, and I blamed myself for not knowing how to cherish it. If I had been brave, I would have cheated a girl back and sold it, so that I could have money to marry a wife ... I regret it!

Teacher: "In foreign countries, you can't judge a person by his appearance. Be polite to those who are ugly!" " "Xiao Ming:" Teacher, we have always been very polite to you! ""teacher: "get out!"

A man has two feet on both sides, so he and his best friend ask Ji Man, "How can I choose between these two girls?" Iron buddy: "If it is Fan Bingbing or Li Bingbing, it may be difficult to choose. You said that the two women you were looking for, Sister Furong and Sister Feng, had no choice! You are dead! "

6 Several middle-aged people are chatting together. A: "When people reach middle age, what I can't stand most is my wife's nagging!" B: "When people reach middle age, what I can't stand most is that my wife tells me every night: I want a husband!" "C:" What are you doing? You didn't put up with it until middle age, and I didn't put up with it until I got married! "

Air conditioning is being installed in the classroom in summer. This course happens to be a physics class. The physics teacher talked about free fall. The master who installed the air conditioner hung outside with a rope to install the external machine. At this time, the physics teacher asked us, "If the master's rope is broken, what is his landing speed?" We are on the fifth floor, and I can see the black line on the face of the air-conditioner master!

The computer level 2 exam will be held the next day. I said to my sister in class, "Sister, there will be an exam tomorrow. Don't forget to incense it. Please pray for God's blessing! " Sister Shen replied, "Who is in charge of the computer?"

9 A: "I heard that your daughter-in-law gave you a book yesterday and you hit her?" B: "Yes, she sent me a book about protracted war, which is obviously ironic!" "

10 wife: "Husband, I want to buy a new mobile phone!" Husband: "Don't you have a mobile phone? Buy a hammer! " "Three days later, the courier arrived and my wife took a new mobile phone. Husband: "Who told you to buy it? "Wife:" You said, Hammer brand mobile phone! " "

1 1 A student: "Teacher, I like math and I like accounting. What can I do in the future? " Teacher: "You can be an accountant in the future!" " "Student B:" Teacher, I like tinkering with gadgets and assembling gadgets. what can I do? "Teacher:" You can be a scientist in the future! "Student C:" Teacher, I can't take care of myself. Even I will be poured water. What can I do? " Teacher: "Shit, you can be a leader!" " "

2 1 customer: "The car you sold me has abnormal brakes and doesn't even have steering assistance. The tires are so thin! " Dealer: "Sir, you bought an electric bicycle, not a car!" " "

1, the car accident flew seven meters unscathed, all because there was a big schoolbag at the back. The first time I found reading useful, it was really knowledge that changed my destiny!

2. The night rush hour was blocked on the viaduct, and watching the meter keep jumping, I told the taxi driver that I should get off here. The driver turned down the volume of the radio and looked back at me seriously: "You chose your own way. You must finish it. "

A diner in a restaurant is drinking tomato soup. Suddenly, he found a fly in the bowl. He called the waiter and asked how to solve it. The waiter sarcastically said, why are you so stingy? The fly is so small, how much soup can it drink from you!

I am a taxi driver. I was driving normally and was stopped by the traffic police.

I am angry with the traffic police. I didn't drink, didn't run a red light, and didn't hit anyone. Why did you stop me?

The traffic police calmly said, "I'll take a taxi!"

5. Mouse: I am in love with bats now, and my children will live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cat. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

When the traffic police saw a driver pushing a car in the street, he hurried over and asked with concern, "Sir, can I help you?" Is there a problem or is there no gasoline? "

"Oh, no, just seeing you, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to bring my driver's license."

7. Those hurdles that can't be crossed are not just because of short legs!

8. When I was pursuing Happyness, I was afraid that I would not be at home, so I was always at home.

9. I love you, which is pure fiction. If there are similarities, it is purely coincidental.

10, the most perfect play I played was pretending to understand in class.

1 1. When I arrived at my new unit, I suddenly found that everyone else had a background, and I only had a back.

12, I wanted to take this final exam to turn over, but I didn't expect it to stick to the pot.

13, line up, a sister cuts in line, and a big sister is angry: Why did you cut in line?

Sister said: because I have no quality.

My sister slapped her in the face, and my sister covered her face and said, why did you hit me?

My sister replied, because I was ill.

14, when people are unlucky, drinking water will clog their teeth. Water is even more unlucky, even if you drink it, you are still trapped between your teeth.

15, the current holiday, summer vacation and winter vacation are the same, winter vacation is the same as National Day, National Day is the same as May Day, May Day is the same as weekend, and weekend is the same as no weekend. In a word, a holiday is like farting.

16, ugly people do more mischief, this sentence is true, because it is called coquetry to look good and unreasonable.

17, I realized today that the quickest way to refuse street hawking is not "thank you, I don't need it", but "I am your colleague."

18, the strangest thing in the world is that my mother took my father's salary card, but told me to be smart and not to give it to my future wife.

20. Mom: Why do you always somersault?

Son: I just finished taking medicine. I forgot to shake the bottle before drinking the medicine, and now I am shaking it.

1, sister-in-law is 6 years old. Today, my mother-in-law asked her: What have you learned? Sister-in-law's mouth just moved, but she didn't speak. She grabbed the stewed abalone and continued to eat. Father-in-law frowns: Why ignore people? Sister-in-law said impatiently, I know the story of crow and fox. As soon as I speak, you should eat all the abalone!

2. I was playing with my mobile phone in bed, and suddenly my hand loosened and my mobile phone dropped. Fortunately, I reacted quickly and rolled aside. It's good. I was not hit by a mobile phone. The mobile phone lay quietly on the pillow, and I lay quietly on the ground. ...

3. Go to the park with your wife and son! Lotus leaves and lotus flowers in the park lake are really beautiful! My wife pinched a lotus leaf and put it on her head. When the son saw it, he pinched a big lotus leaf and put it on her head. It was nothing at first, but when I was walking, my son suddenly called me: Dad! Why not pinch a big lotus leaf and put it on? You must look better in it!

4. Brother: "Oh, whose dogs are these? Come to our garden? " Brother: "I don't know whose big dog is, but whose puppy is." "Come on, whose dog is it?" "This puppy belongs to the big dog."

On today's subway, almost all subway people are playing mobile phones, either playing games, ordering TV dramas or chatting happily. Only I didn't play with a girl sitting next to me. At this time, the girl next to me said, "You also have a dead cell phone, so you can't turn it on?"

6. Going out with my husband, I saw a grilled squid stall far away. I said, "honey, I want to eat squid when I see it." What should I do? " Before I finished, my husband immediately ran to set up a stall. When he was still moved by his kindness, he ran back to me and said, "Well, I let the squid roaster move away!" " "

7. Going for a haircut, the barber shop brother has been nagging since the moment I entered the door: "Handsome guy has a haircut, please sit here, do you need a membership card? Our store recently engaged in activities, charging 1000 to send 800, and giving him a 20% discount for dyeing and perm. " I gritted my teeth and interrupted him: "To make a long story short, thank you!"

Because I don't eat coriander, my mother-in-law never puts coriander in cooking. Many years later, when I went back to my mother's house, my mother liked to put some coriander in the fried meat. I told her that I don't eat coriander, and my mother was stunned: "What's it to me?"

9. The unit selects the post pacesetter and the worst employee, for fear of being recognized, by secret ballot. I print it out directly and show off my cleverness everywhere. As a result, the leader exclaimed "Hey? There is also a printed one this year, which is quite smart. " Then everyone looked at me in unison. ...

10, one day I quarreled with my wife, and her wife left home in a rage. Daughter: Dad, aren't you going after my mother? Me: adults talk, children don't interrupt, I'm not going! Daughter: Then I call my grandma! Then the daughter picked up her mobile phone and called her grandmother, saying, Grandma, lock the door quickly, and my mother will come to your house for dinner again! I ..... Is this my own daughter?

One night, the host suddenly wanted to drink, so he gave the boy a copper coin and asked him to buy him a piece of pig liver.

The boss is from Shanxi. When the boy saw it, the master told him to buy a bamboo pole and gave him a copper coin, which was useless! The boy happily went to the night market to buy bamboo poles for his boss.

You don't need a copper coin to buy bamboo poles, but there are many left. Seeing a pig's ear beside him, the boy bought a pig's ear with the remaining money, wrapped it in paper and put it in his pocket.

The boy came to the shop with a long bamboo pole on his shoulder. The bamboo pole was too long to enter the door, so the boy put it outside.

As soon as the boy entered the door, the boss saw that there was no pig liver in the boy's hand and asked, "Where is the pig liver?" ? The boy said, "sir, the bamboo pole is too long to put in." Just at the door. " . The master was puzzled when he heard it. How can this pig liver still be at the door? Just walk to the door and have a look. The boss saw a bamboo pole at the door and immediately understood what was going on.

The boss immediately said angrily to the boy, "I want you to buy pork liver and you buy bamboo poles." Where are your ears? " ?

Hearing this, the boy said, alas, I bought a pig's ear, and the old man knew it. He immediately cried and said, "Sir, the ear is in his pocket."

Very funny jokes to share with you:

1, beauty shopkeeper: "housewives on holiday, see who washes who washes, including those who wash their hair, face and bath, and don't wash anything ..."

Xiao Pang: "Hey, what would you wash if I came to you?"

Beauty shop owner: "Wash vegetables!"

A few years ago, my cousin resigned and went back to his hometown to plant trees. Under the tree, he raises chickens, feeds sheep with leaves, and sells free-range eggs and goat milk. His life is thriving. My nephew in middle school suggested going to Zhejiang during the May Day holiday. Cousin patted his thigh excitedly: "Just right! The sun is shining in March ... "Sister-in-law glared at my cousin, and my cousin suddenly understood, and then said," It's just in time to herd sheep in March, so we can't go! "

3. After careful study, you will find that the generation after 70 s and 80 s, like us, are the generation that eats chicken legs. When I was young, my parents left us the best drumsticks. When we grow up, we eat chicken legs alone. Of course, we're not going anywhere. Later, children didn't like chicken legs when they ate chicken, so we ate them again.

4. The Song of Gaixia written by Xiang Yu, the overlord of the place of Xi Chu, is full of unparalleled heroism and affection:

Li Bashan ... Li Bashan ... There are two cows on the hillside of Li Bashan. The bull says I love you to the cow, the cow says you are ashamed, and the bull says I love you. Why are you ashamed? Because I really love you!

The company worked overtime and heard two female colleagues talking about private affairs. Xiaoyu: "I'm going to have a second child." Do you want it? "

Huanhuan: "My husband doesn't want to smoke and drink every day."

Xiao Yu: "Let him quit, and I will let my husband quit. My husband is psychologically unbalanced and asked me to quit cosmetics. He also said that I always closed my eyes when making out, and I couldn't give birth to a beautiful baby. When I said I closed my eyes, I meant I was distracted. Look at those singers, don't I close my eyes when I sing emotionally? "

I'm not happy to hear it.

Feicheng has beautiful scenery and many stories about sand ditches.

There is also a history of "playing it by ear".

There is a great sage in the sand ditch. It is best to tell a story, which is humorous and memorable.

Once upon a time, there was a poor scholar who married a rich girl from a neighboring village. Her mother-in-law looked down on the scholar from the beginning. The scholar's family is also a broken local rich man. In the generation of scholars, although not as glamorous as before, thin camels are bigger than sheep.

Literati usually write some sour poems, draw some landscapes, insects and fish, and sell them for a little money, but they can't make big money. Every time the episode of Sand Dog 38 ends, I always go to my mother-in-law's house for dinner. Because their daughter and mother-in-law can't say anything. After a long time, she was a little tired, but there was nothing she could do.

One day, at the third grade party, the scholar closed the stall early before lunch. Riding a donkey to my mother-in-law's house. Tie the donkey in the yard and have tea and chat with the old man. After noon, the sun will set in the west, and the kitchen will not hear the movement of cooking and the smell of pure meat cooking. When I went to the bathroom, I looked into the kitchen and saw my mother-in-law angry. I only asked my mother-in-law that if I had no meat or vegetables, I would kill the donkey I was riding first.

The mother-in-law looked up and asked the scholar, what are you riding at home? The scholar saw a rooster crowing and said that I was riding a rooster home.

This is the origin of playing it by ear. This machine is a chicken.

Although the story is a joke, it reflects a truth that improvisation can also solve problems. Mother-in-law had to bite the bullet and kill the rooster and entertain her son-in-law again.

Tell another joke and see if you laugh or not.

During the War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression period, in a battle, a homecoming regiment chased the Eighth Route Army, from outside the village to the village and then to the yard. When No.8 Road entered the house, it saw an empty urn and jumped in to hide. I don't want to put my shoes under the urn The homecoming regiment ran after the house and disappeared. They saw a pair of shoes under the urn and shouted, your brother-in-law, look where you are going. I knocked on the urn, too, and the eight roads inside had a brainwave. I came out of the urn with a smile and said, brother-in-law, I know it's you. I'm not running. Hearing this, the Home Returning Corps was angry and funny. In fact, they didn't know each other, so they had to pretend to know each other and let the Eighth Route Army escape.

These two stories, both told by Uncle Shi Zhe, have clear philosophies, and people can improvise and act according to circumstances to deal with emergencies.

Feicheng has beautiful scenery and many stories about sand ditches.