A long English joke story

We have seen many humorous jokes. Have you ever seen English jokes? Below I have compiled some long English joke stories for you. Come and have a look with me.

A classic long English joke story

My husband will be back soon.

When a married man visited his "girlfriend", she asked him to shave off his beard.

"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I'd rather see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife likes my beard. I can't shave it off. She will kill me!"! ! "

"Oh, please?" My girlfriend asked again, her voice was very small. ...

"Oh, really, I can't," he replied ... "My wife loves this beard! ! "

When his girlfriend asked him again, he sighed and finally gave in. That night, James climbed into bed while his wife was asleep.

The wife woke up, touched his face and replied, "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be back soon!" "

My husband will be back soon.

A married man visited him? At that time, his girlfriend asked him to shave off his beard.

? Oh, James, I like your beard, but I prefer to see your handsome face. ?

James replied? My wife likes my beard, so I can't shave it off, or she will kill me. ?

? Oh, I beg you. The girlfriend said in a low sexy voice again.

? However, I can't. He replied? My wife likes this beard. ?

At the repeated request of his girlfriend, he finally gave in. In the evening, while his wife was sleeping, James climbed into bed.

The wife vaguely touched his face and said, Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be back soon. ?

Be careful of your wishes.

A couple who have been married for 25 years are celebrating their 60th birthday.

During the celebration, a fairy appeared. She said that because they have been such a loving couple for 25 years, she would give each of them a wish.

My wife wants to travel around the world. The fairy waved, and boom! She has a ticket in her hand.

Next, it's the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I want a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and boom! He is ninety years old.

Make a careful wish

A couple who have been married for 25 years are celebrating their 60th birthday. They were born on the same day.

A fairy appeared at the celebration. She said that because they were a loving couple who had been married for 25 years, she gave each of them a wish.

My wife wants to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand. ? Boom! ? A ticket appeared in her hand.

Next it's the husband's turn to make a wish. He hesitated for a moment and said shyly, then I want a woman 30 years younger than me to tell a long English joke story. ?

The fairy picked up her wand. ? Boom! ? He is 90 years old.

Just received message: new virus warning

If you receive an email with the subject of "Bad Times", delete it immediately without reading it. This is by far the most dangerous email virus.

It will rewrite your hard drive. Not only that, it will also disturb any disk that is close to your computer. It will recalibrate the cool setting of your refrigerator so that all your ice cream melts and milk condenses. It will degauss the magnetic stripes on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, destroy the tracking on your video recorder, and scratch any CD you try to play with subspace field harmonics.

It will give your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. When guests come, it will drink all your beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table.

When you are late for work, it will hide your car keys and interfere with your car radio, so that you can only hear static noise in traffic jams.

Adversity will make you fall in love with a stubborn pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will change your shampoo to Nai r, change your Nair to Rogaine, and date your current boyfriend/girlfriend behind your back, and put their hotel dating expenses on your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother. Even if she dies, it doesn't matter. This is the power of adversity. It will cross the grave and defile what we value most.

Recession will bring you dutch elm disease. It will tilt the toilet seat, plug in the hair dryer and dangerously approach a bathtub full of water. It will unscrupulously remove the illegal labels from your mattress and pillow, and then refill your skim milk with whole milk. It is insidious and subtle. It looks dangerous and terrible. This is also a very interesting lavender.

This is a warning of a new computer virus.

If you receive a letter with the subject. Bad luck? Delete the email immediately and never read it. This is by far the most dangerous mail virus.

It will rewrite your hard disk, and not only that, it will also damage any disk near your computer. Reset the refrigeration degree of your refrigerator, melt all the delicious ice cream and spoil the milk. It will also invalidate all the magnetic stripes of your credit card, change your password for withdrawing money from ATM, and the image data on the video recorder will become messy. It also uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD you want to listen to.

It will also tell your old lover your new phone number, inject antifreeze into your fish tank and it will drink all your beer. Then, when someone comes to the door, it will leave its smelly socks on the coffee table.

When you are late, it will hide your car keys, interfere with the sound system in your car, and let you enjoy the static sound of rustling in traffic jams.

? Bad luck? I will also change your shampoo into a depilatory cream, and then change your depilatory cream into a hair tonic. I will always meet your current lover behind your back and pay for their hotel romance with your Visa credit card.

It will seduce your grandmother, whether she is alive or not. All these show the influence of this email and ruin everything inside and outside the tomb.

This email will give you dutch elm disease. It will never put your ass on the toilet seat. It will also plug the hair dryer into the socket next to the bathtub filled with water. It will arbitrarily tamper with the ban on pillows and mattresses and replace skim milk with whole milk. It is hidden in the dark, full of its danger and terror, but its lavender is quite interesting.

One day, when Sue was cleaning the bed, she found a small box. Out of curiosity, she opened the box and found three eggs and10,000 dollars. She was a little skeptical and confronted her husband who had been married for 20 years.

"Oh, that," said Frank. "Every time I lie to you, I put an egg in this box." Sue is a little unhappy about this, but she thinks that the three extramarital affairs in the past 20 years are not so bad.

"But what about 1 ten thousand dollars?"

"Every time I get a dozen, I sell them."

One day, while his wife Sue was making the bed, she found a small box. Out of curiosity, she opened the box carefully and found three eggs and a $65,438+00,000 bill inside. She began to feel a little puzzled and uneasy about her husband who had been together for more than 20 years.

? Oh, here's the thing. Husband Frank explained that every time I do something unfaithful to you, I will put an egg in this box. ? Sue is not very happy about this, but on second thought, the husband who has been cheating for more than 20 years has only cheated three times, which is not too bad to think about.

? What about the other 10000 dollars?

? Whenever I get enough eggs for a dozen, I sell them for money. ?

A man sitting in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He lowered his height and found a woman below. He dropped a little more and shouted, "excuse me, can you help?" I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am. "

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon about 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 4 1 degree north latitude and 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. "

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," the woman replied. "How do you know?"

"Well," replied the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I don't know how to understand you. The fact is that I'm still lost. Frankly speaking, you can't help so far. "

The woman below replied, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how do you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. Due to a lot of hot air, you have risen to your present position. You made a promise, but you don't know how to keep it. You still expect someone below you to solve your problem. The fact is that you are in exactly the same situation as before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault! "

A man found himself lost in a hot air balloon. He's coming down. There's a woman down there. He dropped a little more and shouted, "excuse me, can you do me a favor?" I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago, but now I don't know where I am. ?

The woman answers below. You are in a hot air balloon, about thirty feet above the ground. You are between 40-4 1 degree north latitude and 59-60 degrees west longitude. ?

? You must be an engineering designer. People in balloons tell long English jokes, stories and jokes.

? Am I? The woman replied. ? how do you know

? Is that so? The man on the balloon said? Everything you told me is technically correct, but I can't understand your point of view. The fact is that I'm still lost. Frankly speaking, you haven't helped me much so far.

?

The woman below replied,? You must work in management. ?

? Am I? The man on the balloon replied? How did you know?

? Yeah, right? The woman said,? You never know where you are or where you are going. Your rise is due to a lot of hot air. You don't know how to keep your promise to others, and you expect the following people to solve your problems. The truth is, before we met, we were all on the same side, but now, somehow, it's my fault. ?

Interesting long English joke story

Four surgeons are having a coffee break and discussing their work.

The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate." Everything in them is numbered. "

"I think the librarian is the easiest," said the second. "When you open them, all their organs are arranged in alphabetical order of 1."

The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians." Their organs are color coded. "

"You are all wrong," said the fourth. "Lawyers are the easiest. They are heartless, spineless and gutless, and their heads and assets are interchangeable. "

Four doctors discussed their work during a coffee break.

The first one said,? I think it is easiest to operate on accountants because their organs are numbered. ?

? I think the librarian is the easiest to joke about judicial English. ? The second one said,? Their organs are arranged alphabetically. ?

The third doctor said? I like operating on electricians. Their organs are color coded.

? You are all wrong? , the fourth said,? Lawyers are the easiest. They are heartless, and their brains can be replaced by money. ?

Lawyer: You said you were about 35 feet away from the scene of the accident? How far can you see?

Witness 1: Well, when I woke up in the morning, I saw the sun. They told me it was about 93 million miles away from me.

Lawyer: You said you were about 35 feet from the scene of the accident. How far can you see?

Witness: Let's just say that I got up this morning and saw the sun. I was told it was 93 million miles away.

An American lawyer 1 had just finished a guest lecture at an Italian law school when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "In your country, can a person really fall on the sidewalk and sue the landowner for a lot of money?"

Knowing that this was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started a quick conversation in Italian. When they stopped, American lawyers asked them if they wanted to go to the United States to practice law.

"No,no." One person answers. "We wanted to go to America and fell on the sidewalk."

An American lawyer had just finished his guest lecture at an Italian law school when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, It is said that in your country, if a person falls on the sidewalk, he will sue the owner of the land and demand a large sum of money. Is it true?/You don't say.

Knowing that this was true, the Italian lawyer turned to his colleague and started a quick conversation in Italian. When they stopped, American lawyers asked them if they wanted to go to the United States to do legal work.

? No, no. One person replied,? We were going to America and fell on the sidewalk. ?

Lengthy English jokes and stories

A new police officer and an experienced partner went out in a patrol car for the first time. A phone call came in and told them to disperse some of the people we were wandering. The policeman drove into the street and saw a small group of people standing at the corner.

The newcomer rolled down the window and said, "Let's leave the corner, guys." A few glances, but no one moved, so he shouted again, "let's get out of that corner ... now!" " The group was threatened and began to leave, casting puzzled eyes in his direction.

The young policeman was proud of his first official action. He turned to his partner and asked, "How did I do?" "Good," the experienced policeman said with a smile, "especially because this is a bus stop!"

A new policeman and an old policeman went out to patrol in a police car for the first time. They were ordered to evacuate a group of idlers, so they drove into the street and saw a group of people standing at the intersection.

The new policeman rolled down his window: attention, everyone. Get out of here ? People looked at him a few times and ignored him. He cried: Get out of here, now! ? No one knew what had happened, but they left under his threat.

The new policeman was satisfied with the result of his first official duty and said to the old policeman, How did I do? You are doing very well. The old policeman smiled and said,? Especially at bus stops. ?

A friend of mine is giving an English class to an adult class. They just came to live in America recently.

After putting quite a few daily necessities on the table, he asked different members of the class to give him rulers, books, pens and so on. The class went very smoothly, and the students seemed to be very interested and serious about what they were doing, until my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the key."

The man looked surprised and a little at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student didn't hear clearly, so he repeated it. "Give me the key." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then he put his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

A friend of mine is giving an English class to an adult student. They are all people who have just arrived in America recently.

After putting many daily necessities on a table, he asked the whole class to choose a ruler, a book, a pen and so on for him. The class is going well, and the students seem to be very interested and serious about what they are doing. Later, it was an Italian student's turn. My friend said, Give me the key.

The man looked very surprised and a little at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought he didn't hear it clearly and repeated it:? Give me the keys. ? The Italian student shrugged his shoulders. Then he put his arm around the teacher's neck and kissed him twice on both cheeks.

3. An old lady who was deaf and thought everything was too expensive walked into a shop and asked the clerk, "How much are these things?"

Seven dollars, madam. It's very cheap.

The lady said, "It's too expensive. Give me 14 yuan."

I didn't say seventeen dollars, but seven dollars.

"It's still too expensive," the old lady replied. "Give me five dollars."

An old lady is deaf and always thinks things are too expensive. She walks into a shop. She asked the clerk:? How much is this thing?

? Seven dollars, madam. It's very cheap. ?

The old lady said:? It's too expensive, about fourteen dollars. ?

The clerk said quickly, I didn't say seventeen, it was seven. ?

? Still too expensive? The old lady said:? I bought it for five dollars. ?