Women don't go back to their husbands' homes during the New Year. Men: Go back to their homes and find their mothers. It's fair. What's left after fairness?

What two words do couples fear most?

fair.

Because once everything is fair, two people have less feelings and involvement.

A reader once wrote that she and her husband had made an arrangement, one to see the children off in the morning and the other to pick them up at night. Two people think this is the fairest, and no one will suffer.

on one occasion, a woman had a high fever in the morning, which had reached the point where she could not move. She asked the man to send the child. Then the man said, "Are you dead? If you're not dead, deliver it yourself. It's only fair. If you are sick, I will help you, and there is no way to be fair. "

Reading Claire Mcfall's The Ferry Man, there is a point that love exists because of necessity.

I need you, so that you can appear by my side. If a man only tells you fairness when you need it most, but not feelings, then this marriage is too cool thin.

Every Spring Festival, many couples will quarrel about who to go back to for the Spring Festival. I go back to my husband's house for the New Year every year, and then I go back to my mother's house for the New Year on the second day of junior high school. My husband and I have almost never quarreled over this matter.

There are three reasons:

China people's "tradition" of celebrating the New Year.

My daughter's family is not welcome to go home for the New Year. Almost all married daughters go back to their parents' homes for the New Year on the second day. If it is the first day of the lunar new year, there will be a lot of bad public opinion around.

Even if you don't care about your own family, people around you will speculate and even say, "Where there is a daughter who goes back to her parents' house for the New Year, she will stay at your husband's house when she is married. Going back to my family for the New Year is not afraid of my sister-in-law, and my brother-in-law is not happy. "

Because of this "tradition", my parents don't want me to go back to my parents' home for the Spring Festival either. In their minds, it is normal for my daughter to go back to her parents' home on the second day of the lunar new year.

in that case, of course, I don't need to upset my family. I have to run back to my parents' home for the New Year.

and I can't go back to my parents' home for the New Year, which corresponds to the "tradition", that is, on my husband's side, all my sons, daughters-in-law and children need to go back to their hometown for the New Year. They will worship their ancestors, put up Spring Festival couplets together, have dinner together, and team up to pay a New Year call together.

If I refuse to go home with my husband for the Spring Festival, he will become the focus of their big family's discussion: "Are you having a conflict with your daughter-in-law and getting divorced?" How timid you are when your daughter-in-law doesn't go home with you during the Chinese New Year. "

My mother's family doesn't want me to go home for the New Year, but my husband's family urgently needs me to go home for the New Year. In this case, of course I will choose to go back to my husband's family for the New Year, and then I will go back to my mother's family in the second day of junior high school.

out of mutual needs.

He needs me to go home with him for the Spring Festival and give his parents a definition of reunion. And I also need him to come back to my mother's house with me to realize the definition of reunion in my parents' minds.

Every year when I go home for the New Year with my husband, I try to be as amiable as possible, respect his parents, be friendly to his brothers and sisters, and be full of joy to his nieces and nephews. I did this out of love for him, but also out of my need for him.

I treat his family well so that he can treat my family well.

after all, on the second day of junior high school, he went back to my parents' house with me, and my parents were not happy if he went there with anger.

I made a scene at his house and he made a scene at mine. Originally, the Chinese New Year was a festive day, but it made both families unhappy.

Neither of us is stupid, so we reached some kind of tacit understanding for the harmony of the two families. During the Chinese New Year, I went home with him and gave him and his parents enough dignity. When I return to my mother's house in the second day of junior high school, he will give me and my parents enough dignity.

When my husband comes back to my home for the New Year, he will help my parents pinch jiaozi, and he will also play with the children at home. Even after dinner, he will take the initiative to wash the dishes.

Because of this mutual need, we have been married for seven years, and we have never quarreled about who to go back to for the Spring Festival.

The two families need the opportunity of Chinese New Year to connect their feelings.

why did I write this article today?

It originated from a quarrel between a friend of mine and her husband during the New Year. A woman doesn't want to go back to her husband's house for the New Year. She gives many reasons, because she can't get along well with her mother-in-law, and she can't get the corresponding respect when she goes back to her husband's house. She said: "As long as I go back to his home for the New Year, I feel like an outsider. Since they treat me as an outsider, why should I go back to his house for the New Year? "

Because she doesn't want to go back to her husband's home for the New Year, and the man is eager to go back to his home for the New Year. Because his son doesn't go home for the New Year, his parents will be laughed at. The two men quarreled from the time they bought the train tickets to the next year.

Women are determined not to go home with men for the New Year, and men seem to be desperate. He said to the woman, "If you don't come back to my husband's house for the New Year with me, I won't visit your mother's house again. You think my parents don't exist, and I think your parents are dead. In the New Year, let's go back to each family and find each mother. This is fair. "

The man chose to go back to his home on his first birthday, and left the woman alone in other places. He told the woman that he would not come back until he started work. In the future, neither of them should go back to their home for the New Year.

This girl cried to me, whether she wanted a divorce or not, and whether such a marriage was unnecessary.

But what can divorce change? Can you guarantee that you will get along well with your second married in-laws? Can you guarantee that your second married husband will accept that you will not go back to your husband's house for the New Year?

Not all of us are papi sauce, and not all of us can get married for many years without meeting our in-laws. For some people, marriage is really just a matter of two people, but for most people, marriage is a matter of two families. On a traditional festival like Chinese New Year, both your parents and his parents need you to go home and reunite in harmony.

If so, he needs you to go back to his mother-in-law's house, and you need him to go back to your mother's house. You need each other, so you might as well accommodate and understand each other.

at this time, a woman will say, what if her mother-in-law treats her badly when she goes back? Can we just swallow it?

of course not.

actually, the third reason why my husband and I went back to my husband's house for the new year is to keep in touch with each other. Usually, we are very busy at work, and we don't fight back several times a year. It's not bad to get along with our in-laws during the New Year.

if she treats you badly, she tells you to work and boss you around. Then you know that she is such a person, and you know that this kind of mother-in-law is not worth getting along with. My mother-in-law and I used to have a run-in in this respect.

Actually, everyone is testing each other's bottom line. When she finds that some of your bottom lines are untouchable, she will hide. After all, she is also looking forward to your coming home for the New Year.

But if your in-laws don't want you to go home with men for the New Year, and you are considerate of men, men not only don't protect you, but also don't know how to be grateful. Then, as men say, it's fair to go home and find each mother.

But between husband and wife, what I fear most is this kind of fairness.

because of this fairness, it means that each other begins to gradually withdraw from each other's lives.

And this is the crux of the end of many marriages. When there is a problem in marriage, all we think about is how to stay away from it, not how to solve it.

When dealing with this matter, men only care about themselves, regardless of their wives. Either you come home with me, or you don't, I won't go home with you.

instead of solving the problem, he pushed it away in revenge.

When problems arise, once he makes such a reaction, he will push the marriage to a Jedi. Marriage has become a matter for both of them, and the feelings of the two families are completely separated from them. Coupled with some radical remarks, it is natural for women to want a divorce.

actually, do men really want a divorce? Not really.

But this way, it is easy for women to get divorced. In marriage, many men can't handle family conflicts at all. Because they didn't think they should run a marriage from beginning to end.

Women don't want to go back to their in-laws for the Spring Festival. Have men thought about what it is for? Have you ever thought about her from her point of view?

What a man should do most is to find out the real reason why a woman doesn't want to go back to her husband's house for the New Year. If the contradiction is completely irreconcilable, it is not bad to go back to each family and find each mother. However, the premise is that this kind of suggestion is made in a friendly way to safeguard your small family.

Just like papi sauce and her husband, they recognize each other that this kind of family's non-participation will not affect their feelings.

if you make such a suggestion, it's for revenge, in order to completely cut off this involvement between the two families. A woman is no longer the daughter-in-law of your parents, and you are no longer the son-in-law of her parents.

Then this suggestion is negative, and it is made in the direction of divorce.

as for women, in fact, as long as we get married, we have to face these troubles. We also need to learn how to manage marriage. No one can guarantee that he will get a good hand in the next game.

I have been married for seven years, and my deepest feeling about marriage is that playing hardball will only make two people more painful. We can't live our lives according to our own wishes in marriage, and we can't find absolute fairness in marriage.

on the occasion of the new year, we should understand each other instead of quarreling one after another. Really, sometimes, we can think from each other's point of view, which is the greatest maintenance of marriage.