Tell your wife a joke. The expression pack is cute.

One day Xiao Ming went to play and met a cat on the road. Why did Xiaoming die? Do you know rats?

The haggard patient told the doctor that the wild dog outside my window barked all night, and I was going crazy!

The doctor prescribed him sleeping pills.

A week later, the patient came again, looking more tired than last time.

The doctor asked: Are sleeping pills ineffective?

The patient said listlessly, I don't know. I can't catch up with those dogs. Is there any other way?

"If you have rabies, what is the first thing to do?"

"I want paper and pens."

"Write a will?"

"no! List the people I want to bite. " An ancient poem entitled "Sleeping in Spring" by Lu You requires students to dictate. The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following: "Wo Chun" | "I'm stupid" | I have no education, and I hate being at the bottom. I have a low IQ, and it sounds like water from a distance. If you want to ask me who I am, I can easily find Chun Lv. | A big donkey. The shore is green, | I am a donkey, the shore is green, | I am a donkey, and the shore is dark green. I am an ass who attends classes all day. The teacher is teaching how much four times four equals, but Meng Xiao is not in class! The teacher said angrily, "I ask you, what is four times four?" Meng Xiao replied, "I ... I don't know." "Go home and ask your parents!" The teacher severely criticized Meng Xiao. After school, Meng Xiao went home and asked his mother (Otto's mother), "Mom, what is four times four?" Mom didn't hear me and said, "Make a bowl of rice." Meng Xiao then asked his father (Otto's father), "Dad, what is four times four?" Dad just woke up and said, "It's so comfortable!" Meng Xiao didn't ask his younger brother, who just answered the phone and said, "You make me angry!" "The next day, Meng Xiao went to school. The teacher asked this question yesterday, and Meng Xiao said, "Make a bowl of rice. The teacher hit him with a pointer, and Meng Xiao said, "How comfortable! The teacher dragged him outside to stand as punishment. Meng Xiao said, "You make me angry! "One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted," Good morning, teacher! " The teacher said angrily, "Why is it called good morning?" What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher! The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?" The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" " The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! "The students shouted," Good morning, good afternoon and good evening, teacher! "The teacher said," Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. " Teacher: "The weather is fine today." Student: "The weather is terrible today." Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere." Student: "There are clouds everywhere." Teacher: "The road is crowded with people." Student: "There is no one on the road." Teacher: "Young." Student: "Old." Teacher: "Stand." Student: "Lie down" Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road." Student: "There is an old man lying on the road." Teacher: "I found a dollar." Student: "I lost a dollar." Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher." Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar." Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "Teacher:" Wrong. " Student: "Correct." Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " Teacher: "I was wrong." Student: "We are right." Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "Teacher:" You are so stupid. " Student: "We are very smart." Teacher: "Stop!" Student: "Go on!" Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! " Student: "Go on now! Say it! " Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop! Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "Teacher:" You listen to the teacher! " Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "Teacher:" All students have to listen to the teacher! " "Student:" Teachers should listen to students! " "Teacher:" Now you stop practicing! " Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "Teacher:" Are you endless? " Student: "We finish what we started!" " Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! " Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! " . . . . . . The teacher walked out of the classroom with a handout. Colleagues were on a business trip, and local colleagues were hospitable. They hosted a banquet in characteristic hotel's private room that night. After sitting down, a dozen men and women have been chatting, and only one person is ordering. After ordering, I asked everyone's opinion: "The food is ready. Is there anything else to add? " In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the young lady to quote the name of the dish she ordered. So a buddy in Beijing said, "Miss, report it." Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened. "Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent. Miss face flushed, still nothing happened. "What? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent. A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, please report one by one, ah." The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?" "poof!" A female colleague just took a long sip of tea and sprayed it all on the person in front. A dozen people laughed, and the young lady was at a loss. It's time to serve Let's have a mixed face lift first. A large plate of thin face was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces. Miss didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. That buddy is also deliberately teasing, pretending to be unhappy and asking the young lady: "What should I do?" The young lady said calmly, "Whatever you want." "What do you say?" "What do you want to do?" "What do you usually do here?" "Why don't I help you?" "Very good." I saw the young lady quickly pour several dishes of ingredients and sauces on the rapier, holding chopsticks in one hand and spoons in the other, and stirring them with several brushes. Then he said to his buddy, "Sir, you can eat." The buddy stared at the plate for a long time without saying anything, and another colleague said "thank you" to the lady for him. The main course is served-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth so much that he grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously. Click is a bite, and he eats and drinks. The young lady looked at it and said, "Sir, this should be dipped." The elder brothers looked puzzled at the young lady and then at the local colleagues. A local colleague said, "Let's dip it in." Dude then stood up with a leg of lamb, click is a bite. The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?" "ah? No. ""Then please sit down and eat. " The buddy sat down and muttered, looking at everyone, lost. Carefully hold the leg of lamb to your mouth and take a careful bite. The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this." Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "How to eat standing and sitting?" ! ? "The tables are full and the leaders are coming. The house was full of greetings. The lady next to the party is very beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous. Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" " Miss hurried forward and pointed: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, a total of seven!" "Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say," Pour the tea! " Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7." Someone asked, "What are you counting?" Miss hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog." "Everyone was very angry and shouted," Call your manager! "When the manager came in, he hung his hand, smiled and asked," What do you want to tell me? "The leader said," Don't ask more questions. Go and check the age of this young lady. The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders. Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds. After 30 days of drinking, a dish came up: "Stewed tortoise!" Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone dialed the king with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" " The leader looked at the turtle's crazy shaking head and was unhappy. He didn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he didn't want to go against everyone's good wishes. He tasted the soup with a spoon and said, "Good, good! Please feel free. " Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger. After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?" The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!" The leader was happy not to hear the words of "bad luck". He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!" For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?" The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?" Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow. A 70-year-old aunt is driving a car and carrying three old people who are also aunts slowly along the provincial road. The traffic stopped her and said, "Aunt, you drive so slowly, which affects the traffic." The aunt who was driving said, "Didn't that sign say 20?" Traffic * * said, "That's Highway 20!" The aunt driving said, "Oh! Oh! Which highway is that, not the speed limit! " Traffic * * said, "Yes, hey, why are the other three aunts behind you so ugly?" The aunt who was driving replied, "We just drove from Highway 245!" Teacher: "Most of your compositions are white." Student: "Teacher, I wrote it in the vernacular." The teacher said to a student who had just woken up from sleep, "I deliberately gave lectures loudly, but you deliberately slept." "I sleep on purpose, and you make noise on purpose." The students answered.